I have remained pretty silent on the subject of Josh Duggar other than a couple of Facebook statuses that I quickly deleted after it became apparent it would an online argument (something I actually loathe). It’s not that I don’t have opinions. I do. I’ve just been hesitant to share them. The subject matter of molestation is a sensitive topic, naturally, and rather than digging myself into a social media hole, I chose to remain silent.
I did blog about Bruce Jenner, though, and in this link to the article you’ll see how I defended unjust, cruel ridicule of him for his decisions. I didn’t like seeing people bearing the title of Christian speaking so vehemently about him. But it was easy to blog about that. Despite living in the Bible Belt, most of my friends and blog followers can agree that judging a person’s sin just isn’t right. So it was pretty easy to put that post out there.
Where it wasn’t easy was to compose one about the Duggars. After all, if I spoke anything other than disgust and anger towards them then I was obviously a supporter of molestation, or simply a Bible-thumping hypocrite. So honestly my fear of man drove me to my silence on the subject. That same fear may prevent those who agree with me from saying so, and that’s okay. I get it.
I remember when news broke about two weeks ago I became so upset. I was so frustrated with many of the comments and opinions I saw, to the point of getting off social media for a time. Then this morning I watched the recent interview with Jim Bob and Michelle on Fox, and once again my feelings returned.
Why am I taking this so personally, Lord? They’re strangers to me.
And it was at that moment I realized that it was a much deeper point that upset me so. It wasn’t about Josh Duggar, and the things he had done when he was a minor. It didn’t matter to me that he had placed his hand over the clothed breast of his sister rather than the penetrating act of rape like some were saying it was. It didn’t matter that he had come forward to confess to his parents, then later confessed to the Lord, and then, still later confessed to the world. It didn’t matter that he owned his sin as his own and that he was humbly asking for forgiveness not only from his family, his victims, God his Father, or even the media. Heck, it didn’t even matter that sealed records were illegally released (something people chose to ignore). I mean, all that mattered some, but it wasn’t what made me feel pain for them.
I was taking it personally because they were children of God just like me. They were a Christian family who loved Jesus, and when they fell it seems that a pack of wolves were eagerly awaiting to devour them whole. Indeed, the thing that had upset me from the beginning was the droves of people almost foaming at the mouth to see them fail. There were two huge falsehoods being branded to the whole affair, and that was what bothered me the most.
For one, there was an incorrect assumption out there that they were perfect. Because they held strong values, different from most of the world, because they homeschooled, dressed modestly, and bore the name of Christian it was assumed that they were without fault. Naturally, when it came to light that they were imperfect a persistent comment was jeered in their direction.
“I knew they were too perfect! I knew something had to be wrong with them!”
And it was at this point that a large majority jumped up in down in celebration. I’m not sure why, but for some reason when someone who appears to have it all together falls flat on their face we get really excited. It’s like it somehow makes us feel better about our own life. Well, it’s okay that I have issues, cause I mean, hey, look at that guy!
Why else do people gossip in a spirit of joy when the “perfect couple” gets a divorce, or the preacher’s son turns out to be a drug addict? Misery loves company. And nothing has shown a light on that sad fact for me more than the jubilant “I told you so’s” exclaimed by the masses when the Josh Duggar story broke.
It was a horrible thing to happen to any family, but it gained the attention and judgement it did from the public because they were a Christian family. It wasn’t because they were a reality TV family; it was because they were a Christian, reality TV family. Christians are supposed to be perfect, and therefore if we are discovered to be in sin everyone must send in the lynch mob immediately. But for siblings who touch their sister inappropriately and without consent and are not a proclaimed Christian, like Lena Dunham, well, it’s not really a big deal. I mean, she was just a kid, right?
Which brings me to point number two. We realize that people assume Christians must be perfect, so what’s something else about them? Number two: Christians can’t judge others. Sigh.
I have a lot of opinions on this. First off, I hate the sin of judgement. I mean, I really, really dislike it when Christians judge people for their lifestyle. It gives Christianity a bad name, and it goes against what Jesus desires for us. But… this does not mean as Christians you are not responsible to speak out about what the Bible states is a sin. That’s actually hating sin, and heck, Jesus hates sin. And although a lot of the Christian population gets mixed up on what is righteous judgement versus what’s falsely basing a person’s worth on their sin rather than who they are in the Lord’s eyes, that’s just too big of a topic for today.
I won’t even try to lay it out for you when it’s okay to judge versus when it’s wrong. Since everyone seems so intent out there on quoting the scripture of “judge not” we’ll just go with that for now. Okay?
So let’s say we’re not supposed to judge. That’s the second falsehood about Christianity, but let’s just go with it cause it’s one of those favorite things people pull from the Bible. Even people who hate Christianity and think it’s a joke like to reference that scripture. “Hey, it’s your book, and it says you can’t judge. So you can’t!”
Well, shoot. How in the world do you get around this whole “I can’t judge people thing?!” No problem folks. It seems the solution is right before our very eyes. You can judge people; they just have to be Christians.
As a Christian you cannot judge someone for a lifestyle that goes against your core values. If you do then you are a fear-mongering, hateful, homophobic, hypocrite. This is pretty simple, guys, so try not to get lost. As a Christian, even simple disagreement with another’s lifestyle is wrong, wrong, wrong. Don’t do it. It will kill your witness.
Conversely, if you are a Christian I want you to be prepared. You will be made fun of, called names, watched like a hawk for any stumbling not in line with your value system, and you will be judged. In fact, it’s accepted. As a Christian you should know better according to public opinion, and any sin you commit will be placed under a magnifying glass and more stringent set of judgement than that of the secular world. That’s just how it is.
Here, I’ll try to spell it out for you. Judging Bruce Jenner for saying God made a mistake when he formed him as a man is bad. Don’t do it. You’ll be a judgmental hypocrite. But, you are allowed to judge the entire Duggar family based on the past sin of a fourteen year old member of the family. In fact, while you’re at it you should judge all homeschooling families with strong moral values under this same umbrella. We’re all alike, you know?
Look, I’m not saying I’m pro-molestation. I’m not saying I believe what Josh Duggar did to his sisters was right. Heck, he knew it was wrong which is why he went to his parents in tears. It was wrong! That’s not my point, and if you think putting Josh on trial is my purpose then you haven’t been paying attention.
For me, I decided not to judge either one. I have some opinions about the sins they committed, but as far as name-calling, I stayed out of that ugly affair.
Look, Josh is a sinner. The Duggars are sinners. Bruce Jenner is a sinner. I’m a sinner. And so are you. I serve a God who forgives my sin when I earnestly repent, and if we’re going to split hairs about it then maybe the unrepented sins are the ones we should be getting so fired up about.
But that’s not how this world works. I guess that’s what I got so upset about. Accepted sin is, well, accepted. Sin forgiven by God is placed on trial by man. You may judge someone if it’s the popular thing to do, but if it’s not, watch out! You’ll be no better than the molesters.
If we’re going to say “judge not” then let’s mean it for all, not just those we don’t want to be judged. Let’s all try to see things a little clearer through the eyes of Jesus. No matter who you’re talking about, to Him they are someone special. Someone He loves.
Again, I’m not making a post about my opinions on a transgender lifestyle any more than I’m making one in support of incest and molestation. Sin is sin, is sin. I just think we should start treating it that way. My sins aren’t any bigger just because I serve a big God. They’re just forgiven.
thank you for speaking out. As I watched the interview I saw a heartbroken mom and dad. Let’s face it, we are all broken and there is only one place where we all can be fixed-the Cross.
I agree with you too. I dont agree that they should pull the show because it is “reality’ TV and thats “reality”, people sin. He asked for his forgiveness,. Isnt that the point of REALITY tv so that we can watch these people and get into their lives, look at the Kardashions , you dont see them pulling their show because of Bruce. The point of those shows is to see into their lives and everyone has skeletons. Just saying. Thanks Brie love you.
Yeah Bruce didn’t molest anyone either did he!?!? You are saying that just because he asked for forgiveness he is magically cured??? But yet even after he asked for forgiveness he kept doing it. He is sick and should not be around any kids especially not his own!!!!!
HE WAS 14 – he was a KID himself. No one is saying that forgiveness mean “magically cured” – he went through therapy, counseling, hard work, etc. Why is it so far fetched to believe that KIDS cannot turn their life around at 14??
Maybe you need to get your facts straight he went to counseling and then did it again and again. Let someone do this to someone in your family or you and you wouldn’t be saying oh he is just a boy he didn’t know any better!!!!! His family is a joke!!!! They are taught not to do this and that but you sit there and say he some how didn’t know what he was doing was wrong!!!! Get out of here with that garbage!!!! Sick of dumb people treating this like he just told a lie or stole something!!! This is serious and all the help he got was from a sicko that is in prison for child porn!!!!!! Like I said he is sick!!!!
You said it yourself in this post about the counselor going to jail for child porn….. Does that not tell you Josh didn’t really get the help he needed???
Yet you say he got counseling and still kept doing it….he had a rotten counselor!!
I didn’t see anywhere where they said he didn’t know it was wrong… He did know, that is why he confessed to it and did try to get help.
So I am thinking you are the one that needs to get your facts straight…
Unless, Josh was your son. Then as a parent of a troubled person trying to do everything to HELP him. That’s what they did, what every parent would do. They sought help for him in multiple forms… you’re acting like they held his hand said talk to God and all is well. That’s not what happened. Look at this from all sides… I get it. To accept the situation is difficult, but if he were your child (and we all know teen years can be) would you want YOUR CHILD labeled for something? He turned from it. He owned up not just to those surrounding him but also to the world who condemned him. my son was molested by a 4 year old when he was 2. I don’t want her head on a stick, my heart broke for this innocent child who had been exposed to this and was molested herself by a family member. I don’t want her in jail I want her to know that she’s loved, that kind of behavior is unacceptable, but we love her…. she can no longer be unsupervised when playing around my child, but her problems and his were not taken lightly. We didn’t report her actions, instead we got to the source of her problem through love and the 23 year old who had been molesting her is now in jail. I’m not saying this is ok. All I’m saying is that if this were your child that molested another would you deem it necessary to do what you expect from the duggars?
The “sicko” in prison now was the police officer the family took Josh to, not the counselor.
Yes that SICKO was the one his dumbass parents took to for a “stern talking to” yeah who gives a damn if it was the “counselor” they supposable took him to or not.
BRIE, you are so talented
you always seem to find a way of saying what I am thinking when I can’t find the way to say it
I have been in funk all day. Now I realize why. You verbalized what I am feeling. Thank you so much.
I agree with you and since this has happened i said the same things.. and boy was i attacked.. i know all too well that kids do stupid things.. … i even had folks unfriend me on facebook because of my thoughts on the matter…
@Meltedflowers – I have had that happen to me as well for posting my own personal marital conflict story and encouraging others to honour their commitments as it would get better if they persevered and prioritized Christ. It hurts to get unfriended for standing up for what is right. I had to remind myself that the Bible says even family members will turn against you when you follow Christ (Matthew 10:35-38) and as much as I was hurt, I knew I honored God in my post and found reassurance in that.
Very well said!!!
Just the way I feel! I know as Michelle said this will work for their good (and the body of believes) and for His glory! I hurt with them, the word will never understand this kind of love and forgiveness till they ask.
Very well said!!! I totally agree and as a matter of fact I haven’t really read all about either matter bc the less I know the less likely I am to form an opinion. I try to stay out of these type conversations and just ask God to take care of them. Love your post!
Please call Caitlyn Jenner by her correct name and pronouns. Please don’t compare one person, who made a personal decision that harmed no one, to a person who intentionally inflicted physical harm on several people.
One cannot change his DNA. Bruce Jenner will always be a man. No matter how he cosmetically alters his body.
I agree with what you are saying, we are all sinners and fall short of what God expects of us. But because the Duggars are Christians they will and are being punished. People in America don’t have consciences anymore, they just do what feels good to them and blame someone else for their mistakes. The Duggars have owed up to what Josh did and Josh and the family know that he did wrong, but he was a child. I am so sick for them and what they are having to go thru each day. But people praise Catilyn Jenner for finding him self and yes he will always be a man, doesn’t matter what he does to himself. But we think what he has done is wonderful because he has found is inner being. That’s just a bunch of crap, he needs to be reading the bible and he might figure out the way God intended for him to be.
All his parents did was send him to a guy that is now serving 56 years in prison for child porn for “counseling”. Yeah so sick of people comparing Catilyn Jenner to a freaking child molester!!!! What the hell does she have to do with anything!!! The Duggers are a flipping joke!!!
i have been reading these posts and Marie you seems to have a lot of anger regarding this that doesn’t seem justified. You are pretty harsh on a family that is struggling right now to work thru a bad situation.
Do we know all the details regarding the counseling? I’m pretty sure they had no idea who this guy really was.
We all risk that when going into counseling or even to church. We don’t really know who they are outside of their profession.
As far as the Duggers being a joke… They are not, they are just a family going thru a horrible time right now and I know they are not the first family nor will they be the last to have to go thru something like this. The only difference is they are on tv for the world to see. We should be praying that Josh gets the help he needs so it doesn’t happen again.
I also don’t think people are comparing the Caitlyn to Josh. They are comparing sins,why is ok for one person to sin but not the other.
Just saying…..
Well said !!! Thank You !
Glad to hear your commits. I feel a lot like you. Judge not lest yeah be judged. Be careful to cast the first stone. I hate gossip and hate people judging other people. The only one perfect is the Lord our God So just saying….
If they hadn’t put there lives on TV would we even have known about this. No. None of it. Not Bruce not the duggers, I know when I watch REALITY TV I’m looking for the bad and what I can judge next. That’s the point. If you don’t want your business told to the world don’t put it out there.. Just saying….
Not going to comment on which “side” I’m on, however I will say this: This issue with sexual immorality within families is very widespread. It affects so many people, from the past to the future. I am disappointed that they cancelled the show. TLC had an opportunity to help others by showing how a family “deals” with these issues. They could have showed how grace and forgiveness work. They could have given those who suffer the opportunity of hope, instead of simply shoving the issue under the rug. “Out of sight, out of mind?”
The main problem I see with the Duggers is this: Yes, they are a Christian family. Yes, Josh was a minor when he molested his sisters. Yes, he may have gotten help and prayed for forgiveness. But he has a sickness–it is a sickness that causes people to molest others. And it’s a sickness that can’t be fixed–in MY opinion. And statistics have shown time and time again that the vast majority of people who do it once become repeat offenders. (I know–I have spent my career dealing with people like this.) That is something that people are overlooking. He has children of his own. Can he be trusted not to molest them? It’s a legitimate question, people. Think about it. As for Bruce Jenner–God did not make a mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes. Bruce may WANT to be a woman but that was never God’s intent. And if he wants to identify as such, that’s his right but he should not bring God into it. And he is not heroic for choosing to have surgery and claiming to be a female. Heroism plays no part in it–in MY opinion. And no, I’m not judging anyone for their personal choices–Bruce or the Duggar parents. I’m just sharing my opinion on the subjects. And we are all entitled to our opinions.
Prayers for the Duggar girls. They are the ones who have to put their lives back together over and over again.
Wow! What a can of worms!