Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

God Calls Us to Be Uncomfortable

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I walked towards the door after depositing a goodby kiss on my husband’s lips, and I turned at his words.

“I’ll be praying for you,” he said.

I stood there smiling, wearing a long sleeved shirt with my church’s logo, so that I might be more easily identifiable, and I replied to him.

I said softly, “This is way outside my wheelhouse, you know?”

“I know,” he replied. “Be careful.”

And as I waved farewell, walking to our truck, a phrase came into my mind.

God calls us to be uncomfortable.

Those words seemed to adequately describe my feelings as I cranked my vehicle and set the GPS towards a hospital I had never been to before. You see, despite my nervousness over the upcoming visit, I felt a deep desire to move forward. It’s as if my spirit and flesh were at odds, but my spirit was successfully leading this venture.

The previous week I had seen something on Facebook asking for prayers for a woman. We see stuff like that all the time, am I right? We’re quick to comment, “praying,” even if nine times out of ten we forget to actually intercede at all for the aforementioned individual. We keep on scrolling, or a child calls our name. Maybe the phone rings, the doorbell chimes, or a captivating commercial comes on the TV. Regardless, for whatever reason, we fall short of our intentions to pray. But that’s not what happened here.

No, instead I felt an immediate connection with this unknown, not even pictured woman, and I was quick to not only type a commitment to pray, yet also begin praying in faith right that moment. I felt a keen kinship with this hospitalized lady, and I wrote out what my heart believed. I shared that I had received miraculous healing from the same condition, and that I was believing the same healing for her.

Later that night at church they prayed for her again, and I felt so strongly that I needed to go and pray with her. I wanted to bring this up with my pastor, but I also wanted to let the thought go. See, I can be introverted in a lot of ways. I am not good at speaking with people I’ve never met (except when I’m at my patient’s bedside), and I also have a tendency to worry if I’m coming off as a complete and total moron. So, there’s that.

I thought about it all night after the service, but I held myself back from sharing my desire with anyone. It’s like I mentioned before, the spirit versus flesh. The fact was I felt like God was telling me to go see this woman and lay hands on her in a prayer of healing. Just like had been done for me. But the human side of me wanted to crawl back into my comfortable hole. Or at least go sit on my couch reading a good book. It’s also the part that tells me I’m not really hearing from God.

As we drove home my husband said suddenly (and out of nowhere), “you know, if you feel like you need to go see that woman and pray with her, I’ll watch the kids.”

Bless him. And there it was. I answered back quietly, “I do.”

I thought, how hard can it be to pray for a woman in a coma? At least she won’t think I’m a weirdo. But what about her family?

I decided to take the first step and contact my pastor and his wife to see if they thought it was a good idea, and to check with the family to see if they minded some stranger, kind of odd, middle aged woman showing up to place hands on their loved one. No, that’s not weird (insert sigh).

God calls us to be uncomfortable, though. So many of us desire to be used by God, but then we say “well, except for that, Lord.” I’m reminded of the part in the Bible where some men wanted to follow Jesus, and He was like, well, come on! But one guy had to go bury his family member. Another had to go tell his loved ones goodbye. It’s like, all these guys had excuses, and we can be that way too. We want to serve the Lord, but we also want to remain comfortable. I mean, we’ll go on a week long mission trip to a third world country, but how many of us would sell everything and stay if God asked us to? We’d most likely come up with some reason why that wasn’t plausible and couldn’t possibly be the Lord’s will for our lives. I’m convinced that God has so much in mind for our lives and His kingdom, but we’re too busy to hear Him or too attached to our own little comfortable world to let go and let Him lead us into the unknown. I realized I couldn’t let that happen with this situation.

With their schedule and my work schedule, it took a couple of days, and by the time I was able to go see her she was awake and talking. That caused me some mild anxiety, I ain’t gonna lie. When I caught myself on the way there rehearsing what I might say I stopped myself immediately.

I prayed, “Lord, I know man makes many plans, but it’s your direction that prevails. I’m not gonna rehearse this. I just want you to speak through me and work through me to bless this lady.”

I did allow myself to look her up on Facebook, so at least I wouldn’t barge in on some other total stranger, and I felt light and charged as I headed for the elevator. I won’t go into all the details of our visit, but it was wonderful. It was emotional, spiritually charged, and simply amazing. We all were blessed by the experience, and I felt like the Lord impressed to me that healing had taken place.

As I got back in my truck for the long ride home a song came on the radio. The chorus repeated a section of scripture that I had spoken as I prayed for this new friend and sister in Christ. I had not planned to speak that scripture ahead of time, but as I prayed it came out. And as the same words emitted from my radio speaker, I smiled. I felt like that was God’s way of telling me I had spoken with His spirit in me, not just my desires.

I suppose the whole point of me sharing this part of my life is to impart that when we can step out of our box and do something uncomfortable that God is asking us to do, He will bless the obedience. And I think it doesn’t just bless the one who steps out, but others as well. I believe He has so much glory He can manifest through us, but we must be willing to boldly and unabashedly walk where He leads. I did something outside my wheelhouse today, but I feel so blessed by it all. Where God guides, His Spirit proceeds, and His majesty extends beyond what we could ever imagine.

A New Perspective For a New Year

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If I’ve learned anything this year it’s that my perspective of my situations have more of an impact than I realized. Even as you walk through the pouring rain, you can curse the sky that you don’t have an umbrella, or you can laugh as you jump in muddy puddles, being grateful you aren’t trudging through a season of drought. I discovered a new love for my career, and I realized the impact I can have on the lives of others through my work. Instead of focusing on the difficulties inherent in my vocation, I chose to highlight the opportunities to change the world one life at a time. Perhaps it sounds a little corny, but I stopped looking at the small nuisances of life in general. And instead I began looking at the bigger picture. I learned how to view life more regularly through a kingdom perspective. It changed everything.

This morning I read a verse in Psalms that really struck my spirit.

Psalm 143:10

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

The level ground part. That’s what struck me. How often in life do we all feel like we’re living an uphill battle? We struggle and strive to get ahead, to reach this place of fulfillment, and we often times feel as if we’re trying to paddle upstream. I think about the trout that swim up waterfalls to find their mate, and while it makes for fascinating television on the Discovery channel, I don’t think we are called the same as fish are. I don’t believe God has it for us to (always) swim upstream through life. I think He desires to place our feet on level ground.

Back to the whole “kingdom” mindset, I believe this is one practice that helps us remain on the straight path, incline excluded. I believe that as we focus on our life with a kingdom perspective, we won’t feel like we’re on a treadmill that keeps increasing the grade until we’re thrown off the back-end onto our butts. But how does one get a kingdom mindset?

Yes, there are many problems in this life that will be like a Mt. Everest we must climb, but there’s also the fact that we encounter mounds of sand that we see as insurmountable. The thing about sand is it’s here today, but gone tomorrow. The waves take it out to sea. If we can look at the sand castles and know they’re fleeting, we’re more able to focus on the lasting castles in God’s kingdom. What I mean is this. You can actually categorize things in your life into two categories.

Does it impact your eternity? Yes or no. Those two answers, while simple in nature, can cut down on much of the stress we experience in life. And while I know life isn’t black and white, for the most part you can absolutely take an eternal perspective on most problems. I recently told a friend, “if you keep beating your head against the wall where you are, struggling to make things work, then perhaps God has something different in mind for you.”

This comes back to the fact that God doesn’t have for us to fight and fight to enjoy this life. As we follow His will, He places us on level ground. Things just seem more in line when you’re following what God has for you, and if you’re confused as to what that is, go back to seeing things through an eternal perspective.

Are you fighting tooth and nail to climb the corporate ladder, spending more time away from family than at home? Ask yourself why. If it’s to grow wealth you can’t take with you, then consider that relationships with your spouse and children might be more beneficial. People say all the time they’re working all that overtime for their family, but most of the time it’s really for vacations, more financial security, or stuff (sand).

Are you angry at someone for wronging you? How does what they did impact your eternity? Nothing can separate you from Christ. But your unforgiveness can make you feel distant from the Lord. It also negatively impacts the object of your anger.

We have a tendency in this world to place too much importance on things that in no way affect God’s kingdom, and that’s fine to a degree. I mean, I really like tacos, and I know those have little to do with Heaven (although I secretly believe they’ll be there). What I’m saying is, God wants us to enjoy this life and the things that bring us happiness, but the problem comes when we place too much importance on those things.

So often we’re on uneven ground in life because we’re chasing the world and its pleasures. So often we feel it’s an uphill climb because we’re being drawn towards the idols we’ve placed (replaced God with) on the mountaintop. God’s will for you will never lead you to embrace so tightly things that take your eyes off Him. His good spirit will lead us to even ground.

My goal for this year, just like the year before, is to shift my focus from the fleeting things of this world to His face. My goal is to release worries over the things that don’t matter, and to focus more on the things that do. It’s to seek His word so that He can lead me to level ground. No uphill battles here, unless God’s leading me there.

A Letter to the Woman Who Wants a Better Husband

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To Desperately Praying Wives Everywhere,

Marriage isn’t what you imagined it to be, huh? I get it.

I remember being a young woman, daydreaming about building a family with the perfect guy. Maybe you too imagined how the Christmas cards would look, matching red pajamas, and beaming babies. Or you pictured sitting at the large, mahogany dining table together, sweet smiles, grateful bellies, an aura of well-earned pride over the most tender potroast ever. Sitting in the den, cuddled on the couch together, the doting children at your feet, a blazing fire crackling.

You didn’t ever see yourself screaming as you set up the auto-timer on your camera, “I said look this way! Smile or so help me, God!”

As your hurriedly tell your honey goodnight, taking your turn to tuck in exhausted kids at the end of another monotonous day, you realize, life is nothing like romance novels.

“It’s your turn,” you grumble to your spouse, in reference to the sink full of stained Corelle (the only dishes the children don’t consistently break), the aftermath of being a short-order cook for picky eaters.

Did anyone even say, thank you?!

It’s hardly ever movie night. No, it’s crying over homework right up until bedtime. It’s envying your partner as he dozes off in his recliner.

He could sleep through a tsunami!

It’s picking up the same mess, waiting in the car line at the elementary school. It’s taking off work for another doctor appointment, or leaving early to make the soccer game. It’s packing lunches, scraping together a fast meal, and telling your husband, “not tonight, hon. I feel all bloated.”

All you know is, it’s nothing like you imagined at all. You wanted a regular date night. Not a peck on the cheek as you scurry past one another on a rushed Monday morning.

“Do you know where I put my keys, dear?!” He says.

Sometimes you feel like no one could find their own butt if you didn’t tell them where God put it!

The next thing you know you’re angry about towels in the floor and balled up socks under the couch.

Does anyone know there’s a thing called a laundry basket?!

You find yourself easily annoyed over tiny nuisances.

Like, why does he put all his crap on the mantle?! It’s not his personal junk table!

Why is it every time you go in the bathroom, the hand towel is on the floor?!

You end up feeling like you. Do. Everything. Like, if you didn’t hold this family together, the whole thing would spin out of control. You work, pick up the children, make supper, clean house, help with homework, give baths, read bedtime stories, say prayers. Then it starts all over again the next day!

Maybe if he could just carry his fair share of the load!

Your marriage becomes more like a competition, and you are certain you bear the heavier burden. You keep a scorecard instead of a prayer journal. You allow one bitter thought to lead into another. A mound of discontent forms, threatening to topple and crush you both.

You become short-tempered, easily perturbed, getting snippy before you can even stop yourself. He responds back with anger, and then the silent treatment ensues.

This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

So, I’m going to offer you some advice, my friend, something I learned through much trial and error. I’m going to tell you how to get a better husband.

Are you ready?

Wait for it…

The way to get a better husband is to become a better wife.

What?! I know what you’re thinking. He’s the one that needs to change, right? He needs to help more around the house, be a better listener, hang out with the kids more!

Well, this might be an unpopular opinion, but I think the best bet for a better marriage is to take the focus off what your partner is doing wrong, and instead focus on what you can do better. Your nagging and obvious discontent can change very little, but your persistent prayer can change a lot. I’ve found that the more I seek to serve my spouse, the more he serves me in return. You can change no man, but the Lord has softened more hearts than you can count. Seek the Lord often, and follow scripture for the kind of wife that pleases God. Everything we do in this life should be to His glory and service, and therefore my marriage is my ministry. I strive to show my spouse love like Jesus would do, and I’ve found that since I began this work, my marriage has been abundantly blessed.

My spouse serves me in love, and neither of us waste time on what the other isn’t doing. Our relationship is a partnership, but we don’t bother with keeping score. Instead of ensuring it’s an equal 50/50 relationship, we simply give 100% of ourselves to the marriage. It’s not a contest, it’s a team, and we don’t bother with whose turn it is to sprint. We just keep pace together.

I discovered that selfishness is the saboteur of marriage. When we focus on who we think is giving more (which is usually ourselves), we become blinded by lies from the enemy. Seeds of discontent are sown, we forgo forgiveness, and grace is a goner. But if we can let go of the things that aren’t important, instead focusing on the love we share, we can calmly and clearly see our spouse’s heart for us.

So, if you’re that desperately praying wife, beating your head against the wall for how to make your man be a better husband, perhaps the answer isn’t found in him. Perhaps it’s found in you. I know it’s found in Jesus.

Start today. Begin to see your marriage as a ministry to the Lord. Serve your spouse like you’re serving Jesus, and watch as the Lord begins to bless your life. Surrender your spouse to God, and you just do you. The Lord will sort out the rest. You’ll see.

Signed,

A Passionately Praying Wife Whose Prayers Were Answered

The Lord Loves Chicken

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The Lord loves chicken, but more than that, He loves people. I was reminded once again how religion stifles that love and how we, as the church, can point out the sawdust in someone’s eye better than anyone. A recent story emerged in the media, and like the good, obedient children we are, we slurped up what the angry masses were serving.

How dare Chick-fil-A back down from their Godly principles and give in to the masses for the sake of money?!

If you missed the hoopla on social media, it seems the popular chicken chain stopped supporting Christian charities. Specifically, it had ceased support of two particular charities with a history of opposing same-sex marriages. So sayeth the media. Articles erupted detailing how the restaurant would no longer be donating to charities that stood in opposition to the LGBTQ community, and we all know how our favorite fast food joint had received flack in the recent past from the Left due to their support of “anti-gay charities.” Had Chick-fil-A finally caved?! Well, that seemed to be the religious sect’s stance. Even politicians came out of the woodwork with their opinions.

Never mind that people are dying of hunger or children as young as eight are being sex trafficked. Let’s focus our energy on fast food politics.

Personally, I first heard this announcement on a news channel in my patient’s hospital room over the weekend. Such an important news story, it seemed. When will we open our eyes to the division the media promotes?

My first thought (as a Southern, Christian Woman who loves Jesus), “oh, I get it. They want to show love without bias. Makes sense.”

Like, I never even thought, oh my gosh. I can’t believe they’re backing down from their convictions! The world is going to Hell in a hand basket!

No, I didn’t see this as a backing down move. I just saw it as a sign of love. I’m reminded of another unpopular opinion I hold as a Southern woman. As a Mississippi native, I am in favor of replacing the state flag of Mississippi. Forever it’s been the Confederate flag, and the majority of my peers from our state desire to hold on to it for reasons of “standing true to their Southern Heritage.” And while I’m all for pride in heritage, moreover I’m all for loving people. If something I “stand for” hurts a large group of people (such as the African American community) then I will lay down my pride in favor of love. Is that so crazy?!

But this post isn’t about flags, rather it’s about our innate ability to become offended about anything. It turns out it wasn’t even like the media made it sound. Chick-fil-A didn’t suddenly withdraw their financial support to appease protestors, but rather restructured their giving when the contractual obligation came due to renew. I mean, I’ve given to Christian radio stations in the past, but as God led me to different areas of giving, I’ve rerouted my funds to say the homeless and shelters for those who have been sex trafficked. Does that mean I no longer stand for Christian music? Of course not.

But even if it was a thing (and not just a media fabrication to cause division among the church), what would be so wrong with a Christian influencer within the community, such as Chick-fil-A deciding it wanted to remove itself from a controversy that made it appear judgmental and uncaring.

You might remember a story from around 2,000 years ago. It seems that this radical lover was causing quite a stir for his association with prostitutes and thieves. You might recall reading about it.

Matthew 9:10-13 (NIV)

10 While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

This was my first thought when I heard the story about Chick-fil-A. I didn’t assume they had laid down their guns out of fear or for monetary gain, but rather to break bread (and chicken nuggets, if you will) with everyone who would come to the table. Once there, you can’t help but notice the friendly staff, the faithful favor of God in the business, or that amazing sauce. After all, it’s at the table where Jesus gave of Himself to those around Him, and we as Christians will never be able to pass along His love if we’re making restrictions for the dining hall.

Jesus said, “come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

What He didn’t say was, ‘come to me, everybody, but only if you’ve read my laws and are abiding by them completely! Then we can talk.’

If that were the case, I don’t think any of us could come over for dinner. Just saying. You invite folks over; God will take care of the rest.

Listen, I’m all about the Bible. I’m all for calling a sin a sin, and I’m all about standing firm in my convictions. The problem that occurs is we get so caught up in “the law” and pointing out wrong from right that we neglect the awesomeness of grace. We forget that we’re all sinners, unworthy of the gift we’ve been given, but thankfully saved by His great grace. Yet instead of paying forward that mercy that was given us, we pull out the judge’s gavel.

Do y’all remember that parable Jesus told about the master who forgave the huge debt his worker owed him? If not, allow me to summarize. This dude’s debt was totally forgiven, wiped clean and let go. Awesome, right? Well, this same fella comes across a worker of his own who owes him some change, and instead of passing along the grace he was given, he demands repayment. So when the big boss finds out, he locks up the first fella for not forgiving as he was forgiven.

Do you see where this is going?

It’s all good to stand for what you believe, but if you throw stones to do it, what does that say about you? If you can’t open up your table to the folks who are the most hungry, what kind of servant are you?

Don’t let the enemy succeed in separating the children of God. Don’t fall into the trap of the religious Pharisees. Don’t condemn a man with sawdust in his eyes; you’re missing the plank in your own.

The Lord loves chicken, I’m certain He does, but more-so I know for a fact that He loves people. If what we’re doing doesn’t reflect that, then maybe it’s time to change the recipe.

Why Do We Celebrate Anxiety?

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“Girl, I am so busy! I’m about to lose my mind!”

We make a joke, make light of the situation, while in reality we just went into the bathroom and cried. Have you noticed yet that we’ve become a society who wears busyness like a badge of honor? It’s as if the fuller our plate here on earth, the greater our reward one day will be. But to me that represents a merit based system the world has created rather than the grace we’ve been gifted. We end up building who we are on what we do, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way.

A man who goes to his job sun-up til sundown, 6-7 days a week is a “good provider.” To be a good mother we are convinced we must reach a certain plateau. Our children must be pristinely groomed in the latest fashion, ready for a photo op at a moment’s notice. You need the right brands, the right house, and the right vehicle. Success is equated with the size of your pocket book, and your Christianity is based on Sunday attendance or how many ways you donate. And while I’ll be the first to admit those things do have their importance, we’ve convoluted our thinking to assume they’re the most important.

Young moms are bringing their babies to Sunday service not because they crave the presence of Jesus and His worshipping church, but rather because it’s expected. They dress their tots in matching, monogrammed outfits not for their own pleasure, but rather to appear like their life is as presentable as their children’s wardrobes. We lose sight of the ragged appearance of the Gospel, like our piety holds precedence over the bloody scene on Calvary. Not to say we don’t need reverence, but when you place it above the cross you’ve elevated man before His Savior.

We become what we do. It’s all a show. There’s a parade of what a perfect life should be, and everyone is in line to put on their costume for the day. Every day becomes the same, a repetition of being who we think we need to be, not who we were meant to be. In other words, we’re allowing the world to direct our steps, and we’re pushing the will of God into the closet with the gift bags and tissue paper we hold on to for a rainy day. Do you really think the Lord is grading our performance?

God wants our love, and the world wants our distraction. If we get lost in becoming what we see on Instagram, we’ll miss who Jesus wants us to become. If we’re placing our importance on how many plates we can spin, we’ll forget who to cry out to when they fall. When our perfect world comes crashing down, we’ll be lost on how to pick up the pieces.

We worry, oh Lord, do we worry. We worry where our sustenance will come from. We place our trust in horses and chariots to win our wars, for its our savings account that saves us. It’s our insurance that ensures we’re taken care of. It’s our devotion to our clean homes, cleanly swept walkway, and community reputation that gives us our purpose. We shine our windows so the world can see the outward beauty we project, but the chimneys, those hidden, dark places are filthy with soot. Our hearts are corrupted, but our front yard is maintained. We can check the boxes of soccer mom and baseball dad, but meanwhile we’re sleeping in separate beds. We can throw the perfect holiday party, but our soul feels as dirty as the kitchen sink the day after. But at least our Christmas card looks professional.

We feed our satisfaction with shopping sprees and our worried mind with a bottle of wine, yet our souls are in torment; they are hungry. We’ve become a very anxious lot, and the craziest part is we assume that’s just how it’s supposed to be.

John 14:27 (NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

We’ve become a very anxious people, and the enemy will tell us that is to be celebrated, as if the fuller your plate, the fuller your cup, but the problem really becomes what that cup is overflowing. Is it Jesus? No! It’s bitterness, anger, and discontent. It’s worry, depression, and a sense of unfulfillment. We think the fastest rabbit wins the race, and that’s why you see people on their deathbed, at the finish line, weeping in regret. The fastest runner doesn’t win, but the one who can enjoy and learn from the journey. Who even remembers how to stop and smell the roses?

We make funny memes about how the Holiday Season has us freaking out, and we laugh and laugh. Meanwhile our hearts are hurting. We end up on the other side of January wondering where the joy went, why it can’t be like it was when we were a child.

Have you ever wondered why those MLM companies are so successful? It’s not just whatever product they’re pushing. It’s the dream they’re selling. A dream to not have to run so fast. A dream that you can slow down, off-load your daily to-do’s, and enjoy not having to worry about money! Money… that root of all evil, yet it’s only evil because of the focus we allow it. I’m guilty. We all just miss the fact that peace is here for the taking, but we have to lay down the things that don’t matter. What we’ve really become is a culture that places our importance on everything but the Kingdom of God right here, right now in our lives. Yes, Jesus come quick, I agree, but we forget that He is here right now, in our hearts, yet hidden by worldly distraction.

I wonder if we can change? I wonder if we can stop assuming a fast-paced anxiety is the best we’ll get this side of eternity, if we can understand that freedom has already been won when Jesus died for us? He didn’t give His life for us to be slaves to time, our workload, commitments, and routine. Indeed, He’s freed us from that sin that so easily entangles us.

Maybe we can step out in freedom by laying life down. Gain more by letting go of it all. Take an inventory of our full plate, and pick today to scrap off the pieces that aren’t giving us life. Jesus has given us life, but also an abundant life, a life free from anxiety. The Bible instructs us to “fear not” 365 times, one for every day of the year. We fear the things we cannot change, yet many of those same things we can change by letting them go. We can stop celebrating anxiety and instead cast it down.

Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Investing in the Future

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Today I was going through an app that allows me to see pictures I posted on social media from the time I had a smartphone, and as I was swiping left I came across a cherished photo. It was a black and white shot of my firstborn from six years ago, and I felt a bittersweet ache in my heart that got stuck as an emotional lump in my throat. As I gazed at the precious memory my eldest girl walked up.

Y’all, my child has gotten so tall, and when I saw her standing over my lounge chair poolside, in contrast to the tiny, chubby-cheeked babe on my phone, I was struck straight through the heart, as if an arrow representing the swift passage of time had pierced through to my marrow.

The most peculiar part, to me, was that I didn’t remain melancholy over how fast it all goes. Instead I felt a sense of contented joy, like everything was progressing as it should. I had zero regret for the things I should of/could of done, and though I wasn’t claiming a perfect parenting plan, I was pleased with our journey thus far. I didn’t feel so much like it was a cruel, fleeting season, but rather one I was savoring with vigor.

When I first became I mother I realized it was my greatest responsibility and most enjoyable tasking of life. I quickly discovered I wanted nothing more than to leave my nine to five and find a way to mother more. I was blessed at the time to find a position at my hospital where I could work less and be home more with little financial difference. Cause, come on, although a lot of men and/or women desire to see their children more, it doesn’t seem like it can always work out that way. I never took for granted the opportunity I had been afforded to spend time with my children while also working as a bedside nurse.

As life changed and seasons followed suit, I found circumstances altered, but my greatest goal never changed. Here’s what I didn’t want. I didn’t want other people raising my babies. They were my reward, and I didn’t want to hand that prize to another. But more than that, they were my legacy, my responsibility (which I took very seriously), and the ministry God had given me for this particular time of my life. I knew that my largest and most monumental heart desire was to be able to instill in my children the things I had been unaware of until adulthood. I wanted to raise them wholly aware of God’s hand in their life, and I desired to equip them with the wisdom of knowing they were not alone in the battles they faced. I needed them to see firsthand how joy-filled a life serving the Lord could be. I wanted them to have the opportunity to see things it had taken me forty years to discover.

This hefty, utmost knowledge I knew couldn’t be passed along in a thirty minute Sunday School lesson. It was something that must be instilled, but also modeled. It was something I had to walk out, showing them daily, and I wanted to be able to do it. As parents, my husband and I have made sacrifices to maintain our goals. We have downsized and let go of materialistic treasures, in favor of investing in what we consider our Heavenly Treasure. Our babies. To gain time with them we had to let go of the things that stole our time from them. I’m grateful we were given the desire and insight to make this work.

Not that I’ve obtained it yet, like, where I totally want to be, but I can look backwards and see improvement over time. Heck, a mere two-three years ago I was stuck in the hamster wheel too. I was running ragged, overbooking my schedule, over-extending myself, and sadly teaching my children that was normal. We were always going, rushing, and trying to fill commitments that weren’t necessary. Laundry was a chore, grocery shopping grueling, and the supper-time crunch exasperating. Why we call this normal, I’ll never know. I guess because it’s the way it’s always been, but with the addition of everyone critiquing our lives as we narrate them, or coveting how smoothly someone else’s story appears.

Thankfully, I can now proceed without regret, knowing I’m investing the most in what matters most. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on my children’s childhood. I have a ringside seat to their life. We homeschool largely in part because of our desire to not miss the majority of their life. I saw a story recently of schools possibly extending their hours. Can you imagine?!

We found an area of the country where we can work less but make a larger income, and on top of that we found a way to cut down our expenses. It was scary leaving our comfort zones, but totally worth it in the end. As the world gets faster and the focus convoluted, I see more people choosing to do things the way we are doing. Downsizing, minimalizing, and seeking opportunities to focus on family more. I’m thankful we realized it’s okay to step outside of the norm and pursue something different. Almost every day I see people voice their unhappiness with the pace of their life or with the lack of quality time with loved ones.

I guess I would just say to every discontented parent, “you can do it!” If you’re not happy with life, change it. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Don’t be worried about what other people think, and don’t be scared to fail. You will never know if your life can improve if you stay stuck in your rut. Break out.

Maybe you’re happy with the way things are. That’s wonderful! But if you’re not consider this post your call to duty. It’s time to invest in what’s important in life, and it’s the people you love. I took care of a patient once who was on his death bed. In pleasant conversation I had told his wife about my life, how I traveled in an RV with my family, homeschooling, working a little, and having fun a lot. She was intrigued and enamored, as most people are, but I’ll never forget her words.

“I wish we had done that.”

You see, they had wanted to travel as a family, but they had waited. They waited until things settled down. They waited until a certain season passed. They waited until Junior finished school. Then they waited until retirement. One month into traveling her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

“It’s too late now,” she had said.

Consider this your wake up call, your sign, if you will. Don’t wait another minute to follow your dreams and spend time doing what you love. You just think there’s no way out, but there’s always another way. It may involve sacrifice, and it might be frightening. People may try and talk you out of it, but I am encouraging you to try anyway. You will never know unless you take that step, and you’ll only regret what you didn’t do.

Here’s Your Sign

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I saw this sign outside of a public bathroom in the downtown Orlando area recently, and while I’m sure it’s commonplace in metro areas, it’s actually the first time I had seen this particular pictogram in person. I wasn’t the only one; my nine year old daughter also inquired of its meaning.

“What’s that mean, mom?” She asked, pointing to the half-dress, half-slack clad person.

I measured my words carefully and answered, “there are some people who may not be sure if they’re a girl or a boy. That’s a private bathroom just for them.”

And that was the end of it, for her anyway. I, on the other hand, have thought back on it a time or two. I felt like God was prompting me to speak on this sign, but I was hesitant. See, I have a lot of friends, from many different backgrounds, from all over the world, with varying beliefs, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt a friend. I believe in speaking truth, but I also believe in not causing pain.

But still, the nudge continued. So I asked myself, “is it possible for a Bible-believing follower of God to talk about the trans community without judgement, but in truth, with love, and in a way that conveys the Father Heart of God?”

Let me try.

Y’all, our world is changing, and it’s changing quickly, right before our eyes. Parents who try to shield their young children from homosexuality will find that difficult if they turn on their television at all, take their kids out in public, or even enroll them in school. You see, what was once taboo is now commonplace, and what might have been hidden merely twenty years ago, is now celebrated. The world is changing, and I think it’s possible to keep up with that without burying yourself in a time capsule underground.

I don’t claim to know everything. I can’t find my keys sometimes, much less the concrete answer to all of life’s dilemmas, but I do know where I go to try and figure it out. I go to God’s Word. There’s a whole lot in there, y’all, and it’s easy to pick out one scripture for our use at the moment without drawing from the truth of others. It’s like our Bible has become a Google search engine, and we enter in a single word, like one word is what makes a person who they are, and we aim that scripture at the issue. For example, you can easily find what the Bible says in regards to homosexuality, but you can utilize that verse without also carrying the commands like found in Corinthians to “do everything in love.” We can ignore the ones we don’t want to hear, like the one that says if you get divorced and remarry you’re guilty of adultery. Well, here I stand an adulterous woman.

When I looked at the depiction of half a woman and half a man, I didn’t feel anger. I didn’t feel righteous indignation as a Christian woman. Instead I felt sad. I felt sad for a human heart that wasn’t sure who to be. I felt sad that it has to be that way. I believe in the Bible where it says God knew us in our Mother’s womb, and that He knew us before we were even formed. In that belief I don’t think God would create specific physical parts but then place a different spirit within that same body. I just don’t. But then (I’m a nurse, after all) I’m reminded of babies that are born with both male and female sex organs. I’m reminded of babies born with deformities of all kinds. Would a loving God do that?!

No.

I think that’s the sin part. This world is far different from the one He created in the Garden of Eden. When sin entered the world, it changed everything. We brought on ourselves sickness, deformity, and sadness. Along came wickedness and people who hurt others. Mothers who don’t care if they neglect their children or harm them physically. Fathers who aren’t really fathers at all. Not like God intended them to be anyway. Fathers who wound their children physically, mentally emotionally, and who raise young men to continue their vicious, poisonous cycle. Sin brought us children who don’t know who they are, adults who can’t decide who they want to be, and people who change who they are hoping that becoming someone else will bring them love.

Love. That is what we are all lacking. When I can’t figure out how to approach a situation, even after reading God’s Word for guidance, I stick to love. The greatest command.

Love makes me cherish the young man who feels better dressing like a young woman. I certainly know that’s how God sees them. He isn’t standing on a cloud up high glaring in anger, posed to throw a lightening rod and holler, “I made you a boy!”

God sees the things we cannot see. God sees the heart of us all. He sees where we hurt, where we feel broken, and where we feel empty. After all, we are all cracked, vacant vessels eager for His love. Those of us (like myself) who have suffered with sexual immorality or alcoholism know all too well how feeling that need for something (love) can make us fill our vessel with whatever we can to feel better. Some fill it with food, becoming morbidly obese. Some fill it with drugs, ruining the lives of everyone close to us. Some will run through numerous relationships and marriages searching to cure the ache. Some will push people away, surrounding themselves with cats, and denying the need for human interaction at all. How about the wealthy man who builds his life on his pursuit of more? Is it not an idol in his life that actually breaks the Ten Commandments?

Here’s a thought. What if the divorced woman (me) is no different that the pedophile? Oh gosh, that can’t be right. What if the transsexual is no different than the girl who gets pregnant out of wedlock, the habitual liar, or the pastor’s wife who gossips at the lady’s meeting about so-and-so who’s not there?! Gulp.

“But Jesus said, ‘go, and sin no more,'” we say.

If only we could. It’s a sin issue, and this world is full of it. We are a broken people just struggling to feel like we’re worth something. The liar lies to make themselves sound better. The man leaves his wife to try and make himself feel happy again. The effeminate young man seeks a partner who will make him feel adored. We ink our skin (three tattoos here), we get plastic surgery (yep, guilty), and we dye our hair (got me again). We put on what makes us feel beautiful, maybe for the first time ever.

I’m not saying this is a sin, or this isn’t a sin; I’m saying it’s all sin. This world is chocked full of it. From the moment we get out of bed until we breathe our last breath, we’ll battle it. Every single person on this planet. It’s not just a sin issue, though. It’s an issue of lack. From the moment sin separated us from God we became lacking, and we’ve spent the last forever trying to make ourselves not feel that way. Thankfully, it’s not just sin that changed everything. Jesus came along, and He changed everything too! He’s that bridge to close the gap, and the best way to usher in His presence is to follow His greatest command He gave us. Love.

I don’t want the first reaction people perceive of me as a Christian to be one where I start highlighting sin in their life. I want them to see the Father Heart of God, and then He can lead them to His truth. That’s what He did with me. It’s what He does with me still! People will never be filled of their empty places by throwing them a Book of the Law, but they will be filled by the Holy Spirit’s wondrous love. And as you fall deeper in love with the Father, the desire to follow His laws come.

Even then, we will not find our complete and total wholeness until Jesus comes back. We can get closer (I’m living proof), but we won’t find all that we lack until Heaven. It’s a sin issue, and we are a busted, broken bunch. Every one. Sin makes God angry. You bet your bottom it does, but He never decides to not love us, give up on us, or turn His back on us because of our sin. He loves His children, all His children, even the children who don’t love Him back. I think sometimes as Christians we think Jesus only died for those who accept His sacrifice, but in reality He died for all, or in His words, even the ones “who knew not” what they were doing.

The forgiveness of sin is for Jesus to give, not the church. He gives out the pardon, and we better be glad, because 9 out of 10 of us have sinned twenty times today and don’t even realize it. I’m thinking that when we see sin around us we shouldn’t be eager to point it out in pride, or turn our nose in disgust, but rather we should have a broken heart like the Father, offer love like He does, and pray that we all may become more aware of the sinful nature we each reside in every day.

So here’s your sign.

John 8:7 (NIV) When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

1 John 4:10 (NIV) This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

What Christian Celebrities Falling From Grace Tells Us

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By no doubt now you have heard, read, or seen news of the most recent Christian celebrity falling from their pedestal place that the rest of the Christian (and secular world alike) kept an eye on. John Crist wasn’t the first, and he certainly won’t be the last. Just a couple of months ago we saw two other celebrity Christians denouncing their faith and coming forth with doubts about their religion. Why is it the ones we are all watching are the ones who make the loudest thump when they fall? What do Christian celebrities falling from grace so easily and in such large numbers tell us?

Well, putting aside the obvious, that we are all sinners, without perfection, and none of us are immune to falling down or failing miserably, there’s more to it. Yes, it would be easy to chalk it up to the human condition. Even Paul saw himself as the worst of the worst, even while serving in chains for His Savior, but I think we need to understand there’s more at play here. This isn’t just about the fact that we all will fall at one time or another. There’s so much more.

You see, I think we are witnessing a well-played hand. I think we are privy to the strategic move of an age-old enemy. I mean, do you think it’s a coincidence that a huge celebrity like Kanye West comes out boldly on fire for Christ as of recently, and somehow in the midst of that wildfire a popular voice in the Christian entertainment world falls flat on his face in public shame?! I don’t believe in coincidence.

Check it out, guys. We are in a battle. You may forget it’s there because you can’t always see the enemy, but I’m telling you, it’s happening. We’re on the battlefield. If you’re a Christian, understand that you are under attack. If you’re an outspoken Christian, be aware that you have a bullseye on your back. Satan wishes nothing more than to see you fail. That’s truth. He seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.

He’s stealing husbands from the head of their families through pornography. He’s killing babies before they leave their mother’s womb. He’s destroying the witness of Christians and Christianity each and every day. He’s tempting us with sex outside of God’s plan for marriage, and he’s deceiving us with promises of wealth. When God does something amazing for the Kingdom through one of His children, be prepared for the devil to try and upset the victory. This is why when you see a celebrity come forward in their faith for Christ, you are also likely to see a Christian brother or sister fall even harder.

Y’all, I believe God is doing something amazing in our world! I believe a revival is coming, and I am seeing an awakening of more and more to not simply “religion,” but to the importance of a relationship with Jesus. Have you noticed the increased popularity of Christian films? There are more Christian movies now than ever before. And y’all? There are some seriously good actors and actresses in these films now. What about the music industry? Leaving Kanye totally out of it, have you seen how our Christian artists are breaking through to the secular world? Last week I heard Lauren Daigle played three separate times on a secular station at work. God is moving!

Country stars are praying on national television, teen heartthrobs are becoming outspoken young men in love with Jesus, and sullen rappers are suddenly grinning from ear to ear, unable to stop talking about God’s goodness. God is moving!

I would imagine this would make the devil’s black blood boil with envy. How could a perfect God forgive such horrible humans with a track record of sickly sin? How could He pour out His favor on those who had their backs turned for so long?! Y’all, Satan doesn’t understand God’s grace. He doesn’t understand that we may fall, but that the good Lord can lift us back up. All he knows is how to knock us down, and when He sees God pouring out favor, he’s going to pull out the red carpet of temptation to transgression. When God moves, the devil is going to try and counterattack.

People of this world will see Christians (especially those in the limelight) “fall from grace,” and they will build false assumptions about our faith. This is really where we take the hardest hit. Our best strategy for the faith is to stand firm, not judging our brothers and sisters who fall (nor sweeping under the rug the seriousness and travesty of their sin and its impact on others), but praying for them and those they hurt, while simultaneously putting on our own armor. You see, it’s not just the celebrity Christians under attack. We are all susceptible to his schemes. We are all a target for evil, and as we have the advantage of seeing attacks on those in the spotlight, we must be especially in tune to how we ourselves can fall.

God is moving. I cannot stress this enough. And as such, Satan will also be on the prowl, set to steal families, kill witnesses, and destroy relationships. We, as children of God, must stand together, stand firm, and be ready. What does another Christian celebrity’s fall tell you? It should shake you to be ever ready, ready for the trickery of the enemy, ready to stand firmly in what God instructs for your life and the life of your family.

Here’s the thing. You can never fall so far that Jesus can’t scoop you up and cover you in His grace, redeem you, and heal you. But falling is really painful. And it bruises your reputation as an ambassador of Christ. Our goal should be to honestly and purposefully shine the light of Jesus. Our reputation and family name is important, and we must be on guard for attacks on that heritage and royal priesthood. It’s easy to let our guard down, but I pray that we can all see the fall of others as a warning that there is nothing good within us, nothing at all, except Him. Jesus.

We are at war, and our General is on the move! He is raising up warriors for His cause. The wonderful thing is we know how this is going to end. Spoiler alert. We win! Jesus is victorious. But until that final day, let’s decide we won’t be prisoners of war. If anything, let our eyes be open to the spiritual battle all around us, and may we stand firm until He whispers, “well done my good and faithful servant.”

One Thing Christians are Missing About Kanye West

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I know I wasn’t the only one shocked when Kanye West came out publicly declaring his newfound Christian faith, and if I’m brutally honest, upon first hearing the news I responded with a raised eyebrow. I mean, when someone has a prior reputation that doesn’t exactly mirror what the Bible teaches, you kinda wonder. When their life wasn’t previously known for being Christ-like, you have your doubts. But then I remembered I had a past too. If paparazzi had blasted photos of my prior escapades across the glossy pages of gossip mags, you wouldn’t put an iota of stock into any word I wrote here. My past would define me; not the God who had saved me. To the world, anyway.

I then realized the only difference between me and Kanye (other than he raps and I write) was our sphere of influence. And maybe that my past was more sordid. Regardless of who was the bigger sinner, our main distinction came in the fact that Mr. West was a huge celebrity, whereas I had 2,100 people subscribed to my email list. So, while everyone was questioning his conversion, no one had really noticed mine ten years ago.

The fact was, though, that I wasn’t alone in my initial doubt of Kanye finding Jesus. Most people were shocked and skeptical, but while we were busy questioning a man’s motives, he was busy proclaiming the gospel. And while we were carrying out God’s role alone of judgement, Kanye was letting his light shine, no matter the cost.

See, here’s what all the questioning Christians are missing. While we’re busying ourselves with condemning a man who only God can truly see, we’re missing out on the important business. Mr. West, though, is not. He seems to be the only one focused on Kingdom purposes concerning His salvation. The Christian world is questioning his sincerity, but Kanye is questioning his fellow man’s eternity.

I discovered a couple of years ago that we are all on the mission field, no matter who you are. As a nurse I’ve cried with a clinically depressed man after a failed suicide attempt, and I’ve also told a drug addict it’s not too late for her. I’ve set up a safe escape plan for a sex trafficked woman, and I’ve supported too many people to count through their grief. So while I’ve clinically saved physical lives in my job, I’ve also spiritually saved more than my fair share. I have been the only light of a Christ someone has known, and the first loving care they’ve experienced in years. I’ve cared for the homeless without disdain, for the HIV patient without judgement, and the criminal with as much compassion as I would any VIP. In fact, my only regret is that it took me so long to realize the ministry God was placing before me each and every day.

I guess the question is, how many of us are raising an eyebrow as Kanye talks about Christ, yet we don’t mention the Lord in public at all? How many of us are calling him a fake, but we can’t even call the people around us who need help a friend? How many of us are focused on watching to see if Kanye will fall, but we ourselves are slipping? How many of us look at him with skepticism, but meanwhile we remain silent for Jesus out of fear?

You know what? I have no idea if Kanye West is sincere in his faith. I have an idea, based on his countenance and things he’s said, but I don’t really know. You see, it’s not really my concern; that’s between him and God. But here’s what I do need to be concerned about. My. Own. Actions.

Do you want to know what Christians are missing about Kanye West?

His testimony.

He exists in the public eye. His fortune has been made far away from the church. He has a lot to lose, according to the world, and he knows it more than most. Even in his lyrics of his new album he mentions that his record won’t be bought because he’s singing about Jesus. A large number of his fanbase will fall away, and he doesn’t care. He’s focused on the ones who will stay, the ones who will listen, and the ones who will come to know Christ through his conversion.

Meanwhile, you have Sally, the every Sunday church-goer afraid to mention she’s a Christian at work. You have children of God who are saying nothing about their Father. They’re taking their blessing and holding it close, sharing it with no one. The sad part is most of these people are like me, out of the spotlight and public eye, with little to lose for proclaiming God’s goodness, yet they’re still choosing to go about their life like spreading the gospel doesn’t matter. Meanwhile Kanye is doing nothing but talking about God’s glory.

Do you want to know what Christians are really missing concerning Kanye West?

They are missing the harvest. Like the Bible tells us, the harvest is ready, ripe for the picking, but the workers are few. Y’all, we don’t have to be pastors to talk about Jesus. You can talk about Jesus as a nurse, stay-at-home mom, bank teller, or famous rapper! You don’t have to be at church or on a foreign mission field to lead people to Christ. You can do it at work, school, at a restaurant, or in the public spotlight. The very judgmental and unforgiving public spotlight.

So instead of wondering if Kanye is sincere, or betting on his “fall from grace,” let’s focus on how we can be more like him. Let’s throw caution to the wind, turn from the world, let go of the comfortable, step out into the unknown, led by faith, and tell people how good God is. Shout it from the rooftops. Since we’re not on TV and radio, shouting jubilantly might be necessary. Lol. What I’m saying is, let’s not look at what Kanye may not be doing and celebrate what he is doing. He’s testifying to how God changed his life. He’s telling everyone!

Really, the only thing we need to think about Kanye West is to let him serve as a reminder to us of this question. When is the last time we told someone (much less everyone) what God has done for us?

Is Satan Stealing Our Marriages?

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This morning I sat outside sipping hot coffee while a cool (but not too cold breeze) stirred the air. My husband and children still slept, and per usual I had awoken a bit before them so I might enjoy some quiet time before our day began. We had made plans to go swimming at a natural spring, and I knew the task of packing up for a day away awaited me. There would be suits to track down, dry clothes to pack, and of course, food for the day. Feeding a family of five at a snack bar got pricey, so bringing our own grub was a must. I’d need cold drinks to keep everyone hydrated, and I wondered if we should blow up and haul our own innertube?

Another breeze blew over me, refreshing, nice, and the Hebrew word ruach entered my mind. Wind, breath, the very spirit of God, it blew on me and I felt peace, contentment, satisfaction. “I could sit here all day,” I whispered, and by the time my husband woke up I had decided to do just that. He was quick to agree, and just like that we dropped the well-intentioned plans we had made for the day.

Have you ever noticed how plans play out? Especially with small children? You spend a large amount of time creating fun ideas, creating the best environment for those ideas, and struggling to have them play out just as you envisioned. Which never happens. We’ve forgotten how to be still, and we’ve forgotten how to enjoy simple. And it’s just one more thing that the enemy is using to drive a wedge between a husband and wife.

How many expensive vacations end in exhaustion? An empty savings account, a stressed out mind, and the silent treatment. We’re a very mobile generation, always on the move, and we expect as much from our family as we do our internet provider.

Hurry up! Come on! Let’s go. We’re running out of time!

Wives are on edge, and husbands are at the end of their rope. You see, both are working very hard to create a picture perfect life, one that Instagram would be proud of.

“I’m making memories,” we proclaim.

But at what cost, I wonder?

Overtime. Husbands and wives both working full-time to support a family is commonplace, and while I’ll be the first to admit that this world today is crazy expensive, I’ll also be the first to confess that it isn’t as pricey as we create it. We are the ones who decide our homes must be a certain size. We need the fourth bedroom and downstairs half-bath. We gotta have more than one vehicle, and it needs to be something reliable. Minivan? Yuck. No thanks. A Suburban, please. We work to buy the stuff we don’t need, and as our square footage grows, so does our work week. Cha-Ching.

But one thing is for sure. We do it for our children. They need the absolute best. They need the dance class, drama camp, and tumbling too. All of the above, please. Sign us up!

I’ll volunteer to chaperone the field trip. Hubby can coach little league on the weekends. Games on Sunday? No problem.

We pull an extra shift at work to purchase new uniforms, use that credit card for the nicer pair of cleats. Johnny says all the other kids are wearing the name-brand ones, and you don’t want him to feel left out or get bullied.

Homework. Oh my goodness, the homework those kids bring in the door. You yell too much, and then you feel guilty. You know your son is just tired from staying up late due to that extended basketball practice, and waking up early to drive across town to his exclusive private school.

Somewhere in between the late nights, running errands after practice, overtime at the office for next year’s Disney trip, and squeezing in a quick WalMart trip for another Reading Fair project, you manage to squeeze in a date night. You sit at a dark booth, both of you with your heads in your phone, and you wonder when life will slow down.

Was it always this hard?! They say it’s easier after the kids leave home, but then you think of all your parent’s friends who got divorced once empty nesters. Did they run out of stuff to talk about? You can certainly relate. I mean, what’s there to discuss once the conversation doesn’t center around the children, where they’re going and what achievement they just won? What happened to people staying in love forever? Maybe true love doesn’t exist anymore.

Or perhaps we’ve just changed our investment strategies. Maybe our focus isn’t on our marriages. I think we’re too overwhelmed to feed into that relationship. We’ve become complacent in our comfortable life as roommates, partners in parenting, and financial assistant roles. We assume our marriage will thrive without watering, with plans to feed into it later. There’s just no time!

I wonder if we create our overloaded schedules? Is it our boss insisting we work late, or are we the cause? We can’t face our spouse that we forgot how to talk to. We can’t face another conversation about the kids’ future. The stress and worry is too much, and overtime seems like a pleasant option.

I wonder if we create our debt? We need 3000 square feet! We need a trip to the coast! We need a closet so packed the doors won’t close, and a cupboard so full of processed food we can make on the fly! We need Maui, a newer cell phone, and of course, more toys. Toys to keep the children entertained, but also toys to keep each other happy. It fills the silence, you know.

We are so focused on raising the best children on the block. We are so focused on appearances. We are so focused on bigger, better, and more. We’ve gotten so good at being busy; we consider it a badge of honor. We’ve gotten so concerned with keeping up with what everyone else is doing. We’ve gotten so used to being stressed out that we think it’s normal. We medicate with wine, and we overindulge in our favorite vices. We’re too tired for sex, too exhausted to just sit and talk. We keep waiting for life to slow down, never understanding that we set the pace.

Husbands and wives become opponents instead of teammates. Marriage becomes a contest to see who contributes the most to the family unit. We become bitter, expecting our spouse to give us a reprieve, even though we ourselves have created our own chaos.

Parents forget that children don’t come first! Kids plot parents against one another, having learned early on that we allow it. We spend thousands of dollars a year on things our children don’t need, and we invest even more in a college fund to the most prestigious university. Never once do we invest in our relationship with our spouse.

But date night, you say. We have that!

Ahh, yes, the two hours alone, where you’re both too exhausted from work to do much more than lift a heavy fork to your silent mouth. That sounds lovely.

We have removed fathers from the head of the family, and we’ve replaced them with our darling child. They rule the roost. We even joke about it on Facebook. Isn’t it so cute how sassy my little diva is?!

We’ve placed our work above our families. We’ve given it to coaches and teachers to handle. Yet when something falls apart, our spouse will be the one we attack.

We’ve dropped going to church together on Sunday. It’s seriously the only day we can sleep in. Saturday is packed with extracurriculars. We’re too tired to pray together before bed, and we can’t seem to find the time to instruct our children with the Bible. They already have so much homework as it is!

But then we wonder why our children don’t respect us? We wonder why our spouse is so short-tempered.

What about our quiet time with God? Well, it’s been a while. We planned to do that today, but there was too much to do before we left the house. The house with the crazy, high mortgage, that we spend very little time in other than to sleep five hours a night.

We make excuses.

If only my husband would help out more around the house.

If only my wife would try to understand I have needs.

We’ll work this out tomorrow. I’m exhausted tonight.

One silent day leads to another, and leads to another. We find ourselves living together but feeling alone. We raise children together but exist in silence, an invisible space separating us. We make it so easy for Satan to destroy the foundation of marriage. He uses our busyness to keep us from communicating. He uses our selfishness to increase our anger. He uses our coveting and comparison to keep us working harder for more of what we don’t need. He uses our obsession with the educational excellence of our children to keep us away from time with one another. He uses our preoccupation with our cell phones, tablets, and social media accounts to keep us from making God’s Word a part of our everyday lives. He brings sin into our homes slowly, so slowly that we barely recognize it. We’re sure the movies we watch, books we read, or websites we visit in secret aren’t harming our relationships.

But I’m of the belief that we must take back our families from the enemy. We must claim our right to a happy, healthy relationship like God intended. We have to take back our time. We can’t become confused by what the world says is important. We can’t believe the lies the enemy tells us to focus on. We have to stop investing into the world and get back to investing in love. We can’t spend the majority of our life away from our families, but then wonder why they’re falling apart. We have to stop investing so much in the materialistic aspects of our home, yet neglecting the lasting flesh and blood that resides therein. We gotta stop keeping up with the Joneses and start keeping up with God’s will for our families.

God created marriage, and He didn’t just make it so we’d have someone to help us with the dishes. He didn’t create this covenant with arguments over who forgot to buy toilet paper in mind. He didn’t place us together to run ourselves ragged with busy schedules and overwhelming responsibilities. He created marriage to mirror His covenant with us, and on the day we finally become His bride, do you think He’ll be too busy running the angels to soccer practice to sit down at the banquet table with us? Do you think He’ll be too tired to talk or too overwhelmed by His day of miracles to hold us?

And here’s a thought. Our children are watching us. They are creating their idea of marriage based on our example. What type of husband are you modeling for your daughter’s future expectations? What kind of wife are you showing your son to build a life with? Do you know how Satan is stealing our marriages? Through us! We are eagerly breaking down the future foundation of marriage by our poor example, and our complacence and neglect is pushing our own spouse further and further away. It shouldn’t be so.

We have to take back our marriages before it’s too late. We have to reclaim our time so we can invest it where it is needed most. We have to take our eyes off other relationships and focus them in our own backyard. We have to let Dad lead the family. We have to stop competing. We have got to quit going and going! We have to be still! We have to sit quiet and let the ruach blow over our marriages. We’ll never feel it if we’re too busy striving for more. You have to be still to truly feel the wind blow. We have to stop handing the enemy our family on a golden platter. We have to take back what God has given us. We have to open our eyes to the gift of our spouse, just as God made them, and stop trying to make them into someone else. We have to take time to appreciate our partner. We have to trade in our badge of busy for the soothing silk of stillness. Only in simplicity can we truly see how blessed we are.

So I suppose the question is this. God has given us marriage. Will you make the pledge to take it back from the enemy today?