Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

When I Realized I’d Never Be Enough

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I’d like to think that after forty-two years of transversing this life, I wouldn’t give a hoot what people think of me. And for the most part, I typically don’t. I mean, I’m certainly not the young, flat-chested teen I used to be, trying my best to fit in with the kids at the cool table. Heck, I’m not even the harried woman I was in my thirties who replayed every single conversation, encounter, or confrontation for at least the next 48 hours, hoping I could change my reaction. Like that old cigarette ad used to say, I’ve come a long way, baby, but this week showed me I still had a ways to go.

I wonder, will I ever be enough? For others, or even, more importantly, for myself? I’m not sure.

The past year I felt I had finally entered into a more confident season of life. I counted myself as a seasoned professional, an asset to my coworkers, a dependable part of the team. Even though it still seemed shocking to me to have so many years under my belt, I finally felt like I could walk confidently in my role as a seasoned, experienced nurse. Yet as I’ve found myself waking into new roles and responsibilities this year, I’ve felt lacking. I’ve had moments where I thought, “I must look like a total moron!” And I’ve worried more in the past few weeks about my performance in one area than I have in two years of traveling to unknown and unfamiliar hospital settings across the country.

As I saw myself moving towards the specific ministry callings God was leading me into, I realized I was being distracted by the voices. You know the ones I’m talking about. The voices that always tell you what you are not.

You don’t know enough to do this.

You aren’t equipped for this.

You don’t have the ability to carry this out like it deserves.

The voices say, “you’re not enough.”

They tell little lies. That subsequently sound like they could be true.

They think you’re an idiot for what you said.

You sound so full of yourself!

You know they’re just humoring you, right?

I even found myself questioning my relationships with family. People that I am incredibly comfortable with, I suddenly began questioning my interactions with them. I didn’t think I was a good sister, or sensitive enough to the needs of others.

He hates you, probably.

Yeah, she’s not texting back because you made her mad.

It’s the same voices that make you feel like you don’t belong, like an outcast, like relationships aren’t for you.

The only place I felt like I was achieving my goals was in my own home, and the comfort of being a good wife and mother kept me steady. Yet I was struggling in my other life roles. I felt convicted of my over-the-top concerns, and I questioned if I was putting the desire to please man above the Lord. So, I told myself, “I am good enough for God.”

But y’all, that didn’t help much with the fact that I felt lacking in areas of life that deserved more of me. Or that I felt deserved more of me. Because we are all our own worst enemy, am I right?

This morning the Lord got honest with me, and you know how we all need that hard truth hammered home sometimes!

I felt like God said, “Brie, you are not enough. You’ll never be enough.”

Gosh, He was right. As good as I tried to be, I wasn’t Mary Poppins. I’d never be practically perfect in every way. I couldn’t measure up to my own expectations or even that of the world around me, and there was something freeing about admitting that. Saying to myself, “yep, you’ll never be enough.” You see, it was a relief because of what the Lord whispered next.

He said, “but Jesus. He is enough.”

I could not measure up, but through Him I could step up. I could step into all the things God has for me. Alone, I definitely wasn’t enough to fill the shoes He had laid down, but with Him I could still walk confidently, walk forward, walk in peace.

I’d never be enough, but Jesus? Well, He had already paid more than enough for me for all eternity.

The Pajama Lesson

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My nine year old got a few, new pairs of pajamas for Christmas. In fact, I asked people, when they inquired of me, to get them for her as a gift. Cause every kid loves clothes, right?! But seriously, she needed them, like, really bad needed them. So, boy, was I excited to see them rolling in at gift unwrapping time. One pair was especially adorable, and when she put them on they looked so cute I made one of those “ahhhh” sounds to emphasize my approval. She was grinning, too, so I assumed her stamp was given. She ran around all night, looking adorable in her striped, raccoon-icorn pj’s, but when bedtime came and she exited from the bathroom I was not prepared for her nighttime attire. There she was, smiling ear to ear, sporting her ratty, mismatched slumber wear. Do what?!

See, that’s why we had gotten her new pajamas, and I explained as much as I tucked her in the covers.

“These pajamas are super old,” I said. “I got you new ones so you don’t have to wear the same ones every night!”

Yes, she had worn them every night for as long as I could remember. They weren’t just her favorite; they were the only pair she’d wear. If she couldn’t find them, sometimes, it was a huge deal. She would search frantically for those ratty, worn-out pajamas. She did not think she could sleep without them.

“Why aren’t you wearing your new pajamas?” I asked.

She pulled at the thin, terry cloth fabric, covered in unicorns, and she answered, “cause they’re not comfy like these.”

She went on to explain in a variation of adjectives why her old ones were so stretchy, “bendy,” and easy to fall asleep in, and at that point I realized another reason she didn’t want to let them go.

Security.

See, for whatever reason, a year ago she began to fear going to sleep. Sure, a lot of children don’t like going to sleep, but my girl’s became a huge, irrational fear. She worried that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. Or she worried she wouldn’t stay asleep. It seems that at some point she woke up in the middle of the night, it was dark, and she got scared. And once the fear started, she couldn’t get past it to fall back asleep. She was immobilized from even going back to sleep, and after that she worried it would happen again. It didn’t matter that a year had gone by and she never had a problem again. She slept like a rock, but that didn’t mean as much in the face of fear.

At the beginning of her bedtime scare, we initiated a more solid routine. We did pajamas right at the time of sleep, we brushed teeth, we said our prayers, she watched a little bit of soothing, nature documentary with her dad to settle for the night. Before we realized it, this bedtime routine became a required ritual. She felt it necessary to hit each step. If I fell asleep (on my work nights) before her without praying for her, she would wake me up to pray. We explained that my prayers didn’t hold any more weight than her own, but she persisted that I had to be the one to pray with her. She spoke the same words in her prayer every night. The script, as much as the act of prayer, gave her comfort. I realized, after a year of wearing these pajamas every, single night (we laundered them regularly) she had built them into her much-needed routine. She felt like she needed those exact pajamas to sleep well.

I recognized that we all had our own pair of safety pajamas. And when I say pajamas, I don’t just mean pajamas. I mean that we all have routines, comfort zones, and certain people or things that make us feel secure. The bad part is those items in our life have no more power than some unicorn sleeping pants, but we give them a place of power when we allow them to keep us from moving forward into something better, or into the future God has for us.

How many women stay with an abusive man who has convinced her she cannot do better in life? I once spoke with a prostitute who remained under the thumb of her pimp because she felt that was the best she could do in life. She didn’t believe she deserved better.

How many men stay in a relationship where they are belittled and beat down?

How many of us stay in a job we hate? I can remember saying “better is the devil you know than the one you don’t.” I get it.

How many of us hate where we live, but are afraid to move somewhere new?

What about your career? I dreamed of being an actress on Broadway, but I let someone in my life convince me it wasn’t realistic to pursue, that I needed to go find a “real” job. So now, I just sing show-tunes to my intubated patients.

Yes, it’s good that I’m a nurse, but what I’m saying is, how often do we miss out on the best life for us and our families because we’re afraid to change pajamas? You see what I mean? Sometimes it’s easier to stay stuck in a routine we don’t really love, and that routine becomes a crutch. In fact, it becomes an albatross, or a millstone around our neck. It holds us down from enjoying the new gift we’ve been given, and we miss out on the fact that the new stuff may fit us even better than we could have ever imagined.

Well, I will report that she’s still wearing those old, ratty pj’s. The new ones are sitting in her drawer, still, but I’m hopeful that we can show her the truth. The truth is, change is scary, but it also brings blessing. Allowing fear to keep us from stepping out into the new, it only hurts us in the long run. We all could use a reminder of that. So, here’s to a new year of new things, new changes, new courage, and new confidence. I hope we all can embrace the new.

One Thing Christians are Missing About Kanye West

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I know I wasn’t the only one shocked when Kanye West came out publicly declaring his newfound Christian faith, and if I’m brutally honest, upon first hearing the news I responded with a raised eyebrow. I mean, when someone has a prior reputation that doesn’t exactly mirror what the Bible teaches, you kinda wonder. When their life wasn’t previously known for being Christ-like, you have your doubts. But then I remembered I had a past too. If paparazzi had blasted photos of my prior escapades across the glossy pages of gossip mags, you wouldn’t put an iota of stock into any word I wrote here. My past would define me; not the God who had saved me. To the world, anyway.

I then realized the only difference between me and Kanye (other than he raps and I write) was our sphere of influence. And maybe that my past was more sordid. Regardless of who was the bigger sinner, our main distinction came in the fact that Mr. West was a huge celebrity, whereas I had 2,100 people subscribed to my email list. So, while everyone was questioning his conversion, no one had really noticed mine ten years ago.

The fact was, though, that I wasn’t alone in my initial doubt of Kanye finding Jesus. Most people were shocked and skeptical, but while we were busy questioning a man’s motives, he was busy proclaiming the gospel. And while we were carrying out God’s role alone of judgement, Kanye was letting his light shine, no matter the cost.

See, here’s what all the questioning Christians are missing. While we’re busying ourselves with condemning a man who only God can truly see, we’re missing out on the important business. Mr. West, though, is not. He seems to be the only one focused on Kingdom purposes concerning His salvation. The Christian world is questioning his sincerity, but Kanye is questioning his fellow man’s eternity.

I discovered a couple of years ago that we are all on the mission field, no matter who you are. As a nurse I’ve cried with a clinically depressed man after a failed suicide attempt, and I’ve also told a drug addict it’s not too late for her. I’ve set up a safe escape plan for a sex trafficked woman, and I’ve supported too many people to count through their grief. So while I’ve clinically saved physical lives in my job, I’ve also spiritually saved more than my fair share. I have been the only light of a Christ someone has known, and the first loving care they’ve experienced in years. I’ve cared for the homeless without disdain, for the HIV patient without judgement, and the criminal with as much compassion as I would any VIP. In fact, my only regret is that it took me so long to realize the ministry God was placing before me each and every day.

I guess the question is, how many of us are raising an eyebrow as Kanye talks about Christ, yet we don’t mention the Lord in public at all? How many of us are calling him a fake, but we can’t even call the people around us who need help a friend? How many of us are focused on watching to see if Kanye will fall, but we ourselves are slipping? How many of us look at him with skepticism, but meanwhile we remain silent for Jesus out of fear?

You know what? I have no idea if Kanye West is sincere in his faith. I have an idea, based on his countenance and things he’s said, but I don’t really know. You see, it’s not really my concern; that’s between him and God. But here’s what I do need to be concerned about. My. Own. Actions.

Do you want to know what Christians are missing about Kanye West?

His testimony.

He exists in the public eye. His fortune has been made far away from the church. He has a lot to lose, according to the world, and he knows it more than most. Even in his lyrics of his new album he mentions that his record won’t be bought because he’s singing about Jesus. A large number of his fanbase will fall away, and he doesn’t care. He’s focused on the ones who will stay, the ones who will listen, and the ones who will come to know Christ through his conversion.

Meanwhile, you have Sally, the every Sunday church-goer afraid to mention she’s a Christian at work. You have children of God who are saying nothing about their Father. They’re taking their blessing and holding it close, sharing it with no one. The sad part is most of these people are like me, out of the spotlight and public eye, with little to lose for proclaiming God’s goodness, yet they’re still choosing to go about their life like spreading the gospel doesn’t matter. Meanwhile Kanye is doing nothing but talking about God’s glory.

Do you want to know what Christians are really missing concerning Kanye West?

They are missing the harvest. Like the Bible tells us, the harvest is ready, ripe for the picking, but the workers are few. Y’all, we don’t have to be pastors to talk about Jesus. You can talk about Jesus as a nurse, stay-at-home mom, bank teller, or famous rapper! You don’t have to be at church or on a foreign mission field to lead people to Christ. You can do it at work, school, at a restaurant, or in the public spotlight. The very judgmental and unforgiving public spotlight.

So instead of wondering if Kanye is sincere, or betting on his “fall from grace,” let’s focus on how we can be more like him. Let’s throw caution to the wind, turn from the world, let go of the comfortable, step out into the unknown, led by faith, and tell people how good God is. Shout it from the rooftops. Since we’re not on TV and radio, shouting jubilantly might be necessary. Lol. What I’m saying is, let’s not look at what Kanye may not be doing and celebrate what he is doing. He’s testifying to how God changed his life. He’s telling everyone!

Really, the only thing we need to think about Kanye West is to let him serve as a reminder to us of this question. When is the last time we told someone (much less everyone) what God has done for us?

What God Would Say to the Woman Who’s Not Enough

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Most of us women, at one time or another, feel as if we’re not enough, like we’re lacking some fundamental trait that will magically transform us into the women we wish to be. Not a patient enough mother, or perhaps you’re a wife who suffers to serve. We desire to be that mighty woman of God, to get it right at least every now and again. A fight with our spouse, or a harsh, thoughtless word screamed in frustration at our children prove to us where we have fallen short once again. If only we could be the kind of friend our girlfriends need, or have the time and energy to volunteer at church. If only we could keep the kitchen clean, laundry basket empty, or keep up with our graying roots like other moms seem to do.

We see our Facebook friends dressing trendy, our Instagram idols redecorating their homes. The lady next door doesn’t have trash falling out of the backseat of her minivan, and the mom of four at church, her kids are always so well behaved! A condescending look at the grocery store, the well-intentioned yet hurtful advice from an older woman at church, and the thoughtless comment from your husband all cement the idea that you need to step it up. You need to change, improve, work on you!

Wash your face, wipe your eyes, and work on you! Make time for yourself, yet cherish time with your children, time that is fleeting, and that you’re constantly reminded passes too quickly. How does that work?!

You’ll miss this, they say, all while taking afternoon naps themselves that you can’t personally enjoy.

So you strive to do better. You endeavor to be a Proverbs 31 woman, even though you feel like a Prozac 24/7 kinda gal. If you feel depressed you must not be godly enough, so back to the drawing board for you. Watch your weight, exercise, pray, repeat. Count backwards from ten, take your vitamins, and drink more water. Go out with your girlfriends, read a book, take time for yourself. Stay attractive for your spouse, serve him in love, and give him the affection you yourself feel like you’re lacking. Be in the mood, even if you’re not. Meal prep, crockpot, freezer meals. Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, Hello Fresh. So much advice, yet so little time. I don’t know about you, but I just want to not be tired anymore, and to wake up without a sore neck and back. Also, why am I anxious about nothing at all?!

Being a woman is hard, but working to be the woman you think you should be is even harder. It’s not easy being everything for everyone, yet still feeling like you’re not enough. Not good enough, pretty enough, young enough, thin enough, strong enough, happy enough. You’re not everyone’s cup of tea, sure, but maybe you just want to be the cup you yourself could enjoy. You want to be the mother your children deserve, the wife your husband desires, and the woman God needs you to be. Why is it so hard?!

Well, take a breath and listen. This is what God would say to you today.

Stop! Don’t work on you. Work on knowing me better. Stop striving to be the “mighty woman of God” you think you should be, and instead simply rest in who I have created you to be.

I don’t want you to be like her. I created you to be you. The things you see as flaws, I put those there. I thoughtfully formed your crooked nose and short legs. And even the flaws that the world has harshly placed upon you, I can work with those too. Don’t doubt what I can do.

The world will say you are not enough. Even my other children will tell you that is so. Satan will whisper lies so stealthy you will think they are truth, but I promise you this. You can only find my truth in my Word. If it’s not in the Bible, then it’s not for you to believe.

Stop seeking self-improvement, and instead seek my face. Spend time with me. Pour over my truths in scripture, and let that truth flood your soul. Allow it to take over your thoughts so that when lies from the enemy come, because they will, you can overpower them with who I say you are.

Stop working on being better, and start being better in me. Remember that my strength is in your weakness, that you have been made perfect in me, that I am in you, and you are in me. Together, there is no lack. There is always enough.

You are what I say you are, and you are enough. You can rest in my perfect peace, knowing the plans I have for you, plans for a wonderful future.

Stop fighting battles I have already won. Stop waging war on yourself. I take it personally. I created the stars in the sky, ones you cannot even see, ones that shine so fiercely they are blinding up close, but you are still my most precious creation. Just as you are. Stop trying to alter my design.

Stop planning to do better, and simply follow my path I have laid out for you. You cannot see it for your own anxieties of becoming lost. When you feel lost, go back to my map. Read the words there in red. They tell you the way.

Stop working on being a better you, and focus on residing in me. I am your safe place. I can block out the whispers that say you’re not enough. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to be a better you, except when you begin to think you alone hold the key to change. Only I can change hearts, and only in me will you find the completeness you desire. Stop trying to be everything, and rest in the fact that I already am. In me you have fullness of life. In me, you are already enough.

An Open Letter for the Disillusioned Christian,

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I recently received an email from someone who read one of my blog posts. I felt led to respond to this gentleman, but also to share my response with the world. I don’t think he’s alone in his feelings, so perhaps my response can help him, but also another one or two.

Comment: I just read your article, I believe the title was “You can pray to save your marriage but god won’t give you this,” dated August 9, 2017, I just have a few comments and questions. I was a Christian until god lead my wife of 18 years to have an affair with a man he introduced her to through church. We divorced shortly after in 2013.I was a Christian and faithful in teaching my kids about Jesus and the Bible and how to be good people in this world. Then god failed us. My family was not worth saving to him. I don’t know why and neither do my for kids which I got custody of 6 years ago. I have no answers for them now. 
Now I don’t teach them anything they must make their own decisions. God failed us so how do we continue to pray to the same god who abandoned us when we needed him most? The love of my life is gone, the kids have a terrible example of a mother, and a father that is not half the man he once was. Why did god do this?

There are many couples that I know, including my parents, married 65 years and both my brothers who are happily married for over 30 years. Why did god not protect my family like he has protected theirs? 

I am happy for you in that in the article you mention that you found your happy ever after but what about those of us god has forgotten? Why has he forsaken us?

I know this will probably never be seen or answered like hundreds of others I have sent over the years but I still have to try for some comfort in this world. God surely doesn’t hear my prayers anymore.

My reply:

Hi (name withheld for privacy),

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back in touch with you, but I would like to address some of your questions and concerns. I wonder if perhaps your view of God’s character might be a little skewed? Like, perhaps the hurt you’ve received from humans is being projected onto God? Let me explain. 

Immediately upon reading your email the first line grabbed me. You said, “God led my wife to another man that she met through the church.” First, I truly believe this WAS NOT God. God holds marriage in high regards. The marriage covenant represents His covenant with us, a fallen world. He loves us more than anything, and He wouldn’t want the covenant that is supposed to be an example of His commitment and unconditional love to us broken. I repeat, God will never lead ANYONE to cheat on or leave their spouse for another, especially for reasons of adultery. That goes against His character and view of the marriage covenant. 

Mark 10:9 NIV Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

God didn’t lead your wife to leave you. She made that decision all on her own without God’s approval. 

Next I noticed you said you had always tried to teach your children about God before and how to “be good people.”

The only reason is bring this up is because I want you to understand that God is not a works-based lover. In other words, He doesn’t count you worthy based on how good you are. We are all inherently sinners. It’s Jesus in us that makes us good. This means that no matter what, God loves you. He loves your children. He would have sent His son Jesus to die just for you. It’s not about goodness. It’s about love. You love God, you love others. The goodness will just naturally follow those two things. 

Ephesians 2:8 NIV For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

At one point you mentioned that God failed you and your family. At another, He had forgotten you. And yet again, He had forsaken you. Let’s start with scripture, which is the Word of God, 100% infallible, and we can count as Spirit-breathed truth. 

Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV  It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. 

Joshua 1:9 ESV Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 28:20 ESV Teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

You describe with certainty that God has left your family, that He pulled His favor from you, that He abandoned you, and that He doesn’t even hear your prayers. I tell you the truth, my friend, and please listen closely:

That’s not true! This is a lie from Satan! It’s not flesh and blood we fight, but powers and principalities of darkness (Ephesians 6:12). Satan desires nothing more than to separate you from God. He used this terrible tragedy to do just that. The Word states that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:31-39). So see, Satan doesn’t really have any power. He can’t take God’s love from you! What he can do is trick you and blind you to that love. You have been blinded to believe God doesn’t love you anymore, or that He forgot your family. This simply isn’t true. The Bible says it’s not possible. I could continue to quote about thirty more scriptures where it states that, but I won’t bludgeon the point. Just know it’s repeated so many times because God knows we forget it and He really doesn’t want us to. 

Psalm 73:26 ESV My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

God doesn’t fail us. He is perfect (Matthew 5:48), and we can obtain perfection through Him, but He doesn’t expect perfection from us. Thank goodness! He does want our trust and love, though. In the Bible Peter got out of the fishing boat at sea when He saw Jesus walking on the water. He wanted to be like Jesus! He stepped out onto the water, but then he saw the waves and became frightened. He sank! Jesus asked him why He doubted (almost hypothetically), but then He embraced him and pulled him out of the water. Jesus knows we will have doubts. God knows we will trust the boat we’re in (our life, finances, secure relationships) more than we do the One who controls the waves and sea (Jesus), but He loves us still. Our flesh will fail us (meaning we will doubt God, as you’re doing now), but He will never fail you. 

He has not left you. He is there. You just can’t see Him for the waves. 

You mentioned that God felt your family wasn’t worth saving, and again I say that is a lie straight from hell. God did not make your wife leave. She did that on her own. God doesn’t create the problems or tragedies that befall us. He has only good things for us (Jeremiah 29:11). God will often times allow the bad things that others decide to do on their own free will to us, but that doesn’t mean He abandoned you. It means He has something better for you!! He allows bad things to happen, but always redeems and makes it better for you in the end!

Romans 8:28 ESV And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Even when we can’t see the good yet, He’s still working. It’s easy to forget that! God is omnipotent, unlimited, and can see from beginning to end. We cannot. Therefore we assume He’s not working. It’s ok. This is common. The wonderful thing is God is there with you waiting for you to embrace Him and fall into His loving arms (in spirit, through prayer). He loves you, He’s not mad, and He beckons you back to trusting Him. He didn’t make this happen, but He will strengthen you and bring you through it if you will believe He can. 

Lastly, you wondered why some relationships such as my own, or your parent’s, were happy relationships, but feel like God didn’t bless your marriage. Again, don’t mistake human error for God’s doing. God will bless every marriage covenant, but both partners must walk in that blessing. Your wife abandoned your covenant. Seeing that God grants us all free will, He couldn’t work with your wife’s decision to go. He can only work with the aftermath, and He will if you allow it and ask Him. 

Last thing…

Hebrews 13:6 ESV So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Seems like an odd scripture for me to share, I’ll bet. You might think “what can man do to me? Leave me and break up my family, for one!” And yes, that is true. But in this scripture the Lord wants you to see and understand that when it comes right down to it man (or woman) has no power in our lives. Only God has power over His people! So while people can cause us pain and harm, they cannot impact our lives forever and all eternity. If you believe Jesus died for your sins then you will live forever, and in Heaven you will have eternal peace and joy. No more tears! Now, that’s not to say you have to wait until Heaven to find happiness! God has happiness for us here on earth too. You just need to understand that your ultimate happiness and long lasting joy is found in God, not man (or woman). People will fail you, but God will never fail you. That is why your joy must be dependent on the Lord, not earthly relationships. 

The Word tells us that as we love the Lord God with all our heart (Luke 10:27) and delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). He wants you happy; you’re His child. So many scriptures describe how He clothes the flowers and feeds the birds. Don’t you realize how much more He loves you, His son. He will bring you new happiness, but He also wants your love. It’s a reciprocal relationship. I mean, He’ll love you abundantly regardless of if you love Him, but you will discover new happiness and a fuller life as you follow Him, from my experience. 

I am sorry this happened to your family, but never forget God’s love. I would encourage you to get to know Him more AND better through scripture. You say you don’t hear from God anymore, but I wonder if you’re really listening. It may be hard to hear Him over the lies that have tried to blind you to His heart for you. He loves you, He has happiness for you, and a lovely future for your family. 

Find trust again, for people and God, through Jesus. Find hope, through Him also. There you will find peace, and you will also find healing. 

I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to share my response to you via my blog. I truly believe many people are where you are, and these words can bless them. I’m essence, God has used you to bless others through this email to me. The wonderful thing is that even in our brokenness God can lift us up while using our healing to glorify His kingdom. I’m proud of you, and I’m proud that you are reaching out for answers. That shows you haven’t given up. And God certainly hasn’t given up on you!

Praying for you,

Brie

Why Being a Good Christian is Pointless

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I recently had a friend who was disappointed in herself for a mistake she made. I could totally understand her feelings as I’m my own worst enemy sometimes as well, but it also kind of bothered me how she almost seemed to condemn herself for her accidental and very human behavior. She was a newer Christian, and as I witnessed her distress over messing up, I realized she was experiencing what a lot of believers do, even seasoned ones. She was placing too much value on herself and her actions.

Listen, I’m all about allowing a relationship with Jesus to change your life. I know it certainly has mine. I’m a totally different person than I was a little over a decade ago. I no longer smoke two packs a day, drink like a fish, or cuss like a sailor, but I’m under no impression that my decision to no longer do these things grants me Heaven Points. It doesn’t make me a better Christian or more favored by the Lord. Falling deeper in love with Christ over time has transformed my life and how I go about it, but it’s not what gets me eternal life. And if you’re trying to be a good Christian for eternity sake, then you’re sadly mistaken. It’s pointless to be a good Christian to get to Heaven. Sorry, but it’s true.

The wonderful thing about Christianity is that the Lord is full of grace. I look back at some of the things I did in my past, and I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without His great grace. While I was still knee-deep in sin and denying Him, the Lord still loved me. When He died on the cross, it was for me, even with the foreknowledge of all the stupid crap I’d pull. He loved me anyway.

We say that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and therefore His love for us doesn’t change. It isn’t conditional or based on my performance. He isn’t an angry father who looks down in disdain at my missteps, and He doesn’t rank me in favor because of my performance. There isn’t a bank in Heaven where my good deeds add up to cancel out my bad ones. His blood covered me, redeemed me, and continues to do so!

So, in that case can I just run willy-nilly making mayhem and misery? Absolutely not! The Lord does expect a wisdom for behavior as I draw closer to Him, and I believe He blesses my life when I follow His precepts more closely. But He doesn’t cut me off when I drop an F-bomb or judge Sally for being a Lying McLiarson. I strive to speak life and truth because I’m grateful for how the Lord saved me, but I also understand that it’s not my ability to do that perfectly that seals my fate.

Because it comes down to this. It’s not about me! I can’t place the weight of my eternity on my own merit. I’ll fall short every time. Yes, I have the free will and choice to choose eternal life, but I don’t create my own doorway to Heaven. Jesus already laid down that bridge. If I try to base my Christian walk on how well I do, I’ll feel inadequate in every way, because according to human nature, I am. But God! His goodness within me helps steer me daily to be the best me I can be. So, I’m not a slave to sin, but I’m also not the savior of myself. I can’t place all my bets on my ability to be good enough. The battle for my soul has already been won.

I’m afraid a lot of people fall away from the Lord because religion teaches them that they must follow a certain set of rules to be good enough for God. You can’t do this, can’t do that, and if you do… ut oh! Yet the fact is, you’ll never be good enough. And if you try and place your salvation on your own thin shoulders, you’ll fall fast under the weight. Thankfully the yoke of the Lord is light, because He takes away the weight of sin. By trusting in Him, accepting His grace, and keeping your eyes focused on Him, you’ll find that you’re pretty good after all. His faithfulness draws you in and encourages and inspires you to lead a better, more productive, more loving life. But if you fall, and you most likely will, it won’t be up to your own strength to lift you from the mire.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

I don’t care if you’re the most apparently perfect Christian out there! If you tithe every week, never lie, and always wear “appropriate” attire to service on Sunday morning, it doesn’t matter like you may think. It’s not your ability to act like a good Christian, but rather your ability to be good in the fact that God’s grace saves. It saves all! Even the burly dudes with tats and a potty mouth. Even the chick with a short skirt and cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Even the depressed mom or anxious father. Even the divorced lady or the adulterous fella. God’s grace covers all sin, even the ones you think are especially horrible. Those who seek the Lord’s forgiveness will be forgiven. Let God deal with the sin that continues in their life. Let God deal with the sin that continues in your own. Let not man judge, but allow the Lord to speak truth to each in His perfect timing. Let us pray for one another, offer Godly counsel, and loving correction, but let us never forget that our goodness isn’t what sets up our salvation. Only Jesus can do that. You’ll never be “good” enough on your own, but through God’s power and strength, as we seek His face, we’re all good.

When I Realized the Truth About My Husband

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We’ve been married almost a decade, and I thought I knew everything there was to know. I certainly didn’t anticipate any secrets. Yeah, we’ve been through a lot of changes over the years, but nothing quite like the last nine months or so. Our lives have been altered drastically this year alone, and I found myself trying to make my way through the midst of one of those shifting sand situations right at the exact moment my husband sent me a text I wasn’t expecting.

Ok, let me rewind a minute and get this just right. Friday morning, I guess it was, I was driving down the dark highway on my way to work. I chugged coffee from an insulated thermos, hoping it would provide the fuel I needed to make it through the day. See, the prior day had been what you might call a challenge. No, let’s be honest. It was hard. It had been a bad day at work. It had been one of those exhausting, uncontrollable days you often have when you work hands on in healthcare. After a day like that it’s hard to go back and do it again. So I found I was trying to encourage myself about it, and naturally I was praying too.

As I thought about how challenging my previous shift had proven itself, I also began to think about my life surrounding it. As a Travel Nurse in my first week at a new assignment I was still learning a new, computer charting system, but also learning where they kept the saline flushes. In the middle of all that I remembered feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, and when I finally found the time for a lunch break I had retrieved a text within. It was from my husband who traveled on assignments with me, and kept busy homeschooling our children, among other things.

It read, “I️ just want you to know I️ love you so much. And I️ don’t say it much but I️ very much appreciate what you do for our family. Hope your day goes well and can’t wait to see you tonight. No response needed I️ know you’re busy, but you are loved and appreciated. 😘😘”

In the middle of me running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and trying not to appear like a chicken with my head cut off, he had sent this message.

Later he sent another. He was wondering if I needed any of my scrubs washed since he was doing a load of laundry?

Towards the end of my shift he sent another text. He was just wondering if tacos sounded good to me for supper? That’s what he was cooking.

I had worked a long day, but when I got home I was welcomed by a kiss, clean house, a fragrant candle from Target burning on the counter by the door, and the wonderful smell it created when mixed with the background aroma of freshly made tacos. We had munched those, watched a favorite, Netflix show, and he had rubbed my tired feet on his own accord.

So as I drove down the road on this dark, Friday morning thinking about work, thoughts of my husband overshadowed any trepidation I felt about the new job. And it was at this moment I felt the Lord speak to my heart the truth about my spouse.

He is your gift.

That’s all He spoke, but the revelation was enough. My husband was a lot of things. He was my best friend, he was my partner in parenting, and he was often times a voice of reason in my rambling thought-life. But he was also my gift, my gift from God, given to help improve my life here on earth. He wasn’t “the other child I raised,” like I sometimes heard woman say. He wasn’t just a roommate to pass time with on a daily basis, and he wasn’t simply the significant other I laughed with yet also fought with about bills and child-raising. He wasn’t my life-saving anchor, he wasn’t “The One,” and he wasn’t my reason for being. The sun didn’t rise and set in his lap, but neither was he just someone to help keep me from feeling alone. Instead, he was my gift. That was the truth of it. An all-knowing God had brought our paths together, again over the years, and he had placed us both into one another’s life as the helpmate, encourager, and inspirer the other needed. My husband was that gift I needed, especially after a long, tough day, and I was blessed to have him.

In life we don’t always encounter perfect situations. In fact, in this world we seldom do. But there’s one thing we can do. Instead of focusing on the less-than-perfect particulars of life, or the straight-up awful situations, we can weed through it all to see the gifts from God that are all around us. Many times that’s a spouse. For me, I know it is. In a tumultuous, changing life you can take your support system for granted. Or you can realize the truth that your person is a gift from the Lord, given to you to be the hands and feet of Jesus. In the middle of such a horrible day, I had no doubt the Holy Spirit had prompted my husband to reach out to me and serve me so selflessly. My gift had listened.

Come To the Table

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Come to the table.

We live in world of drive-thru, take-out, and fast-food. Fast, fast, fast. We stand up to eat more than we sit. We multitask, eat and run, eat on the fly. We do not come to the table. It simply takes too much time.

Come to the table.

Taste and see.

This was what the Lord was beckoning me to do this morning. Every fiber of the old me wanted to run, to rush to the next stop. We had one more leg in our trip to arrive at the RV park where we would be staying for my next travel nurse assignment. The control-freak, duck-in-a-row persona was ready to get there. She wanted to see the new surroundings, to ensure there wasn’t a problem, to map out the drive to work (a full three days ahead of time), and to get to the next step. That part of me wanted to hurry and be done, but my spirit said, be still.

Slow done. Relax. Take a breather. Enjoy yourself. That’s what the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart.

Come to the table. Dine with me.

That’s what my Father invited. To commune with me, to sit down together, purposefully, and to make that concrete decision to taste and see that the Lord is good. When I rushed and ran I missed those moments with Him. When I hurried here and there I couldn’t hear His voice. When I raced about frantically I allowed my to-do’s to distract me from His presence. I missed out on the banquet table. I missed a sit-down dinner with Dad in favor of busyness. Life had demands, always, but there was also the choice. The choice to sit.

Come to the table.

We had driven what was supposed to take four hours to our current stop, but that had actually taken seven hours with horrible traffic and bathroom breaks. We had setup our fifth wheel after dark, on a hilly, uneven site, with grumpy, hungry children. We had slept long and hard, but as I sat alone on the couch drinking coffee with the Lord this morning I felt like He was calling me to rest some more! It was so easy to get in the routine of rushing, to dive into distraction unaware, to stand up eating so you could move on to the next task, and in that hurried lifestyle you missed family dinner. You missed time with the Father. And in missing dinnertime you also missed the blessing. God speaks health, healing, and abundant blessing into the lives of His children, but we have to stop and partake to even receive.

Come to the table.

Today I accepted the call to be still, to rest, to wait, to taste and see. We extended our stay at the park we had stopped off at, we delayed our arrival to the next. We hung out together, we rode a golf cart, we enjoyed the beauty around us, we drank it in. We saw the gift of God through nature, time with one another, and simply slowing down enough to enjoy His goodness to us. Where stillness of heart resides, so too does peace.

Come to the table.

Is God inviting you to dinner, today?

Here It Is, Folks. The Most Important Part.

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There’s a big world out there. We forget that part. Somewhere between back-to-school clothes shopping, Girl’s Night Out, and getting your tag renewed we forget that. We get so caught up in our own spacious lawn that we miss the stretch of hills and valleys beyond it. Our thoughts get convoluted, our schedule gets overloaded, and our list of priorities rearranges. We lose sight of simple pleasures, become more and more easily frustrated, and fall behind the eight ball of mounting demands upon us. Welcome to The American Dream.

Today I was driving to visit some family. I was driving ten miles per hour over the posted speed limit when a car came up closely on my rear. She persisted there as we drove over curvy, hilly roads, but eventually passed me on a double yellow line. As she passed she made angry gestures and pretty sure she almost made this ole sailor blush when I read her lips. This came on the tail end of a stranger’s rude comments in Walmart over the behavior of children in general and how I should keep mine out of his way as he hurried through the store. The day reminded me how so many people rushed along oblivious to the blessings of life, angry over assumed injustices, and how self-absorbed most of society could be. We miss what’s really important in life.

There’s a great big world out there. It so happens to be a place where not everyone is concerned with name brands, manicures, and a perfectly maintained flower bed. Somewhere on a park bench sits a young mother worrying how she will feed herself and her son, where they’ll stay for the night, and if her estranged husband will find them. Across town a lady turns the plate of her Hello Fresh, snaps a picture with the perfect filter, and shares to Instagram her supper for all her followers to see.

There’s a great big world out there. It’s a place where some people will curse in rage at the slow car ahead of them, delaying their pursuit of froyo with friends. They pass quickly and blindly by the homeless man holding a cardboard sign that says, “Jesus loves.”

We get frustrated at slow internet connections, our son’s birthday cake not being just right, or too much laundry that has to be done. We get mad at nuisances we create. Too many clothes to put away because we over-shop, too much yard work because we went into debt for the house with a larger lawn, and an overloaded schedule that we ourselves generated. We worry about where we’ll have our eleven year old’s party and if the decorations will be enough. Everything in life has a theme, an overinflated, trumpeting celebration for the everyday mundane, complete with perfect pictures to prove it happened.

Each moment becomes framed, worrying what others may think, striving to make a good impression, working hard for applause. Life becomes a modeling shoot, focus is aimed at self, vision becomes tunnel-like. Your eyes unintentionally see only you and yours, and that whole, big world out there falls away. A selfish generation, set on success, yet only judging success by the standards of the carnal world. Sounds harsh, right? But I’m talking to myself as well.

You find yourself in a rat race, living each day just like the one before. You go to work to pay the credit card bills, or to save up for a Disney vacation you’ll need another week off to recover from. You never see your friend in need, and you’re too busy rushing to your next appointment to see the family member who needs a hand. Why are suicide rates soaring? Because no one sees the pain of others anymore. How sad.

We get too busy doing the things that don’t matter to see the things that do. Our priorities get out of whack. Our second grader needs all A’s so they can get into a good college, but will they grow up knowing they’re loved even if they get a C or a D instead? Will they feel the freedom to not go to college at all? Will our sons play every sport out there, but miss the lesson of helping out the little guy? Will our daughters wear the most popular, boutique clothing, but never understand that the girl in Walmart duds is really cool to be around?

Will our children expect a truckload of toys on Christmas and Easter, and never know that wonderful feeling you have inside when you give someone your last dollar? Will they understand you’re more than what you do for a living, how much money you make, or even the car you drive? Will they understand it’s how you love others that really matters?

Will we raise children who follow our pursuits for earthly riches, but realize one day they have invested nothing in their eternal life? Haha, it’s all jokes and eye rolls when people talk about Heaven, but who will laugh when everything turns to dust? When you’re old and alone on your death bed will it be that imperfect birthday cake from forty years before that crosses your mind? When you are gone will they say things like, “she always took the best selfies?” Will you be remembered for the cupcakes you took to your daughter’s school? Perhaps your memorial will read “she had really great hair” or “she got everywhere on time.” I hope mine doesn’t say “she always got pissed in traffic,” or “she was excellent at ignoring the needs of others.”

There’s a whole, big world out there. It’s a world where materialistic possessions are few and far between rather than so abundant we gripe on social media about having to dust them all. It’s a world where loving on your family means more than the perfect family photo. It’s a world where a party can just be getting together with people and sharing a good time rather than struggling to pick the perfect, unique theme, stressing over getting enough party favors, and creating the most Pinterest-perfect photo booth ever! It’s a world where people are loved just because they’re people not because they wear Matilda Jane, Under Armour, or real Converse. It’s a world where we teach our children by our actions rather than expecting Sunday School and their teacher to do it. We show them how to love because we love. We teach them how to give grace, love the unlovable, judge not, lend a hand to those in need, and never, I mean never, take a single moment for granted.

We live in a world where each moment is rushed in anticipation of the next great moment. In this we miss it all.

God has great things in store for us all, mighty plans to change the world and the hearts of those around us. We simply allow ourselves to be distracted from His best by the busyness, the minuscule matters, and the window dressing of daily life. The daily grind depletes our passion for the Lord, and the cares of this world choke out our joy. There’s so much more if we can open our eyes to it. And in this realization of what’s really important we see that our focus should be on loving Jesus, loving others like He does, and making Him known to everyone we encounter. In essence, what really matters beyond that? It’s secondary.

Here’s my prayer today. Lord, I pray you give me eyes, humble eyes that see beyond myself. Vision to see my fellow man, an outlook that is pleasing to you, and one that values what you value. May I teach my children your love, may I savor the gifts you’ve given, and may I give abundantly to others. Let me not be distracted from your glory by the things of this world, may I not fall away in favor of that I cannot take with me to eternity. Give me eyes to see what you have for my life, and help me to see your will. May I always remember that loving you and freely giving your love is what sustains me in this life. Help me to remember what’s really important, and not be distracted by the things that are not.

A Father’s Biggest Responsibility, That He Might Not Know

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I am blessed to be able to raise my children with my partner, my husband. Parenting is hard, so having someone to share the responsibility with is huge. I have utmost respect for those women who do it alone for I cannot imagine raising my daughters on my own. There are so many things that my husband does with our children that I feel he is better suited for than me. For example, it’s easier for him to say no and lay down the law. I guess I’m a pushover for those sweet smiles. But his ability to set much needed limits isn’t the main reason I’m thankful for his presence. Not even close.

For many families the father may be the main disciplinarian. After all, who can raise their hand in agreement that waiting for Dad to pull into the driveway after doing something dumb was the worst punishment of all as a kid? “Just wait until your father gets home,” was a dreaded phrase many of us heard growing up, and I have to admit I’ve used it on my own girls a time or two. But Father Fear Factor isn’t the main reason I cherish my spouse’s involvement in child rearing. Nope, not it.

Traditionally the father had been the breadwinner for the household, bringing home the bacon while mom holds down the home-front. And although I happen to be the one working currently while my hubby homeschools the children, I’ve truly enjoyed being a homemaker in the past while he earned the majority income for us. He’s proven himself an excellent provider, and I’m blessed to have a hardworking husband to take care of me. But his ability to provide financially isn’t the most important thing he brings to the table in our family’s journey.

I’ve always enjoyed allowing my husband to lead our family, standing firm as the head of the household, guiding the decisions we make together as a team, and protecting us from harm, be it physical or spiritual in nature. His strong presence, stoic nature, and wisdom in life is an asset to us all. I place much value on his role in our family, but I’ve discovered something even more important that our daughters get to witness each day.

My husband is honest, fair, and kind to others. He always has a smile, friendly response, and love truly guides his actions. He works hard, does his fair share around the home, and watches his language around the children. He doesn’t drink alcohol or hang out, partying with his friends. He’s a great example to our daughters every day on how to live life, love people, and serve the Lord. Yes, I’m blessed. But something he did recently really highlighted to me the example he is setting for our girls. It stuck out as something very special.

I was laying in bed, about to doze off, since I had to work in the morning, when suddenly I caught snippets of conversation coming from the living room. I strained to hear whispered voices through the closed, bedroom door, and I began to smile at the words spoken by my spouse. He was reading from the Bible, and he explained the verses as they went along.

I heard him explain, “it’s my job to love your Mom like Jesus loves us all, and to treat her right.”

I could just imagine their bright eyes and eager faces as they soaked in every word he spoke, and it was at that moment I understood the importance he had in their lives. As a father of daughters he was their first example of how a man acted, or rather, should act. He was the plumb line by which they measured a man’s intentions as right and true. He was the model they would call upon when choosing a spouse of their own. His model he set forth would directly impact their future decisions on choosing a mate and on successful, healthy relationships, and that was paramount! He set the standard for how they should be respected as women, and he laid down the precedent for how a man should love and honor his wife. They watched his treatment of me, and that illustration of unconditional and selfless love would be the pattern they would likely follow years down the road. His impact on their future happiness in marriage was real, and I knew the biggest truth of parenthood:

They’re always watching!

So Dad, your daughters are watching how you treat their Mom. They will utilize your example as the norm for male behavior. Are you ok with that? If not, something needs to change.

Dad, your sons are watching how you love and honor their Mom. The model you display will mold their future behavior in their own marriages. Is that something you can be proud of impacting? If not, something needs to change.

Fathers have many responsibilities in their children’s lives, and other than leading them closer to Christ there is none so important as the model of behavior they set forth in marriage. Your actions impact their future actions, and it’s always wise to keep that in mind. So I leave you with a question. What legacy do you pass down to your children for a happy, healthy married life?