Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

Love the Sinner, Not the Sin? My Journey with Homosexuality.

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I recently received a comment on my most recent blog post, where I had detailed the experience of my transgender son. I must say, the comment was written so kindly and compassionately, which I truly appreciated. In fact, it reminded me of something I might have written five years ago; I’ve always been the loving kind. I realized I wanted to respond the best I could to this comment, but that I also had a lot to unpack to answer it thoroughly. Hence, I’ve decided to write about my journey as a Jesus-loving, charismatic, Evangelical Christian, who has come to support and affirm the LGBTQ community.

I could regurgitate things I’ve read from other authors who support the LGBTQ community, but that would not be genuine nor authentic. In fact, it would be no better than the people who reject LGBTQ, by spouting off the things they’ve learned, been taught, or read throughout the years. Instead I want to tell you my personal journey, my thoughts, and how I went from one place to another over time. I will share links to articles or sermons I’ve found helpful, but overall this is simply me putting my heart out there for you. Please try not to trample it too harshly, and provide me some grace as I try and explain.

Love the sinner, not the sin. This is a phrase I’ve always heard, and one I used to ascribe to as totally credible. But now, I’m not so sure how that works. I cannot seem to reconcile how you love someone completely and unconditionally, yet simultaneously tell them that their feelings, desires, and sense of self are wrong, and an abomination to their Father who loves them.

I think I first really started questioning the topic of homosexuality from a Christian point of view around three years ago. I can recall watching Grey’s Anatomy with my husband, and two men were kissing. He exclaimed, “ughh. Gross.”

I replied, “I don’t think you should say that sort of thing. If the children are in the room, especially. We don’t want the kids associating gay people with the idea of disgusting.”

He was convicted, and very quickly agreed with me it was wrong. I never heard him say anything like that going forward. See, we both knew that all human beings are created by God, and worthy of being ascribed as such. To label, name call, or use derogatory terms to an individual is not ascribing worth to them as a beloved child of God. Listen, my husband is a great guy, but looking back, I think responses like those were built into his character over time due to environmental factors. If you exist in an environment where homosexuality is seen as wrong, against God, and abnormal, it’s hard not to have bias. I’ll just say this… I believe my husband and I have both grown drastically in the past few years, and in a positive direction.

But back to my questioning. Noticing the negative behavior of others towards LGBTQ ran parallel to my soul searching for how exactly a Christian was to respond. I definitely loved the “sinner,” but I wasn’t sure how I could love someone and say, “what you’re doing is wrong. It is not of God. The way you feel is an abomination.”

Because, if the sexual and romantic attraction gay people felt wasn’t from God, then where did it come from? The devil? How did you go about explaining to someone their innermost desires were demonic? The whole thing just didn’t coincide for me. I couldn’t wrap my head around how the Jesus I was so close in relationship with would want such a large percentage of people feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless.

First, I believe gay people are born that way. You can speak with them and discover their same-sex attraction came in childhood, and it’s a falsehood that some sort of abuse or trauma has always occurred to bring about these feelings. I have spent many hours reading peer-reviewed, scientific research from accredited sources that document the numerous hormonal functions occurring in utero that develop gender identity and sexual attraction. The body is far too complex to place it into the neat little boxes we did before anatomical and physiological knowledge advanced to the current degree. But even if you don’t want to read and learn about the processes at play in the womb to determine sexual orientation, a simple thought occurred to me. Why would anyone choose to be the target of judgment, hatred, bigotry, and violence? As a child growing up in a Christian home especially, why would said child make a decision that ostracized them from friends, family, and the faith they enjoy? They don’t.

So, let’s keep going. Let’s say a child discovers at a young age they have same-sex attraction. Let’s say they are raised in a Christian home, and they are raised and taught that same-sex attraction is a big, no-no sin. Where does this child go from here? How do they proceed going forward?

Many will keep their sexual orientation a secret, for fear of losing relationships. Many become depressed, anxious, suicidal, and actively self-harm. This was my child at the beginning of 2022.

My trans son had been raised that homosexuality was wrong. We have always tried to be very loving. Remember, love the sinner, right? Well, when my child was entering puberty and began to ask questions, we’d answer. When my child asked his dad about gay people, he said, “they’re wrong, but we love them anyway.” Or when asking about transgender people and their salvation, my husband answered, “I think they can go to heaven as believers, but their heavenly body will be the one God originally made it to be.” Again, as parents you answer your children’s questions the best way you know how, based on what you were taught, and often how you were raised. This year, my husband and I have been humbled enough to realize we don’t know all the answers, but we do know how to proceed with the love of Jesus as our plumbline .

But more to the point of my questioning, that began years before it hit my home personally, my concern was how you can raise healthy, emotionally intact humans if you are insisting their feelings of sexual orientation or gender identity are something to be ashamed of, something to hide, or something to strive to change? How do you love someone well, but simultaneously tell them that who they are at the core of their being is despicable? Again, it didn’t gel. It didn’t feel right in my spirit. And it certainly didn’t seem like behavior I would see in Jesus.

A few years ago I first read an article by Sarah Bessey, which I’ll link to here. It’s lengthy, but then again, so is my post here. This is simply too complex of an issue to shortchange, but if you’re in a place of questioning like I was, it’s a good place to start. Reading it didn’t flip a switch in my brain. I suppose like the article suggests, my penny was still in the air.

What I did know was that the mismatch between saying you love someone, and showing it through your actions, was enough of a difference that I couldn’t speak on the subject. I just didn’t know. My whole life, to be told something is bad, but then to experience such turmoil over how I could react to someone like Christ would, in light of it.

So, to catch-up where we’re at… I believed on a scientific level that same-sex attraction and gender identity were complex issues not just related to environmental factors, but also genetic and hormonal ones in utero. I had determined people were born that way. Secondly, I couldn’t understand how it was possible to tell someone born gay or transgender, “yeah, I get you can’t help it, but if you wanna get to heaven, you either gotta change, or deny yourself the very things I take for granted. Like, falling in love, getting married, and raising a family.” Forced celibacy or conversion therapy (which fyi, has proven more harmful than effective).

What about the Bible? God’s word! Well, let’s go there. First, I will link to an article/video sermon by a smart guy named Matthew Vines who is Christian and gay. He spent years studying scripture and breaking it down to write this book, titled God and the Gay Christian.

But forgetting one man’s interpretation, if you will, I would like to suggest that for many people who are against LGBTQ, they are basing this off a handful of scriptures they’ve been told about, and not necessarily basing it on their knowledge of the Bible in its entirety. When you can read the Bible from front to back, ruminating over scripture, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to you in spirit and truth, and running your every action, thought, and decision through the filter of Christ-likeness, you might find you learn a lot of things. In fact, it changes your heart. I’m not suggesting that since I’ve done this that I know everything. I don’t! I mentioned earlier that my husband and I have admitted we don’t know all the answers. But we do have a beautiful, fundamental, dependent relationship with Jesus that steers everything we do. We allow Jesus to guide our future (where we live), our finances, our family, and most importantly to take our fear and anxieties.

Another important part of Biblical study is to understand the historical context in which many things were written. I absolutely believe the Bible is the living word of God. I also believe the books were written by men (that were definitely inspired by God), but also limited by their finite nature and societal norms. For example, Paul and Timothy have instruction for us about women not speaking in church, or slaves obeying their masters. Slavery has been abolished, and women’s rights have increased since this text was written. To be a scholar and study the word, you must understand context of situations and societal norms when they were written. This is why I don’t have to go live outside my house when I’m on my menstral cycle, or why I’m allowed to work while my husband stays at home with the children. It’s why people aren’t being stoned in the street still when they have an affair. We cannot cherry-pick one verse and use it as God’s command if we’re going to ignore other verses. We do not have the authority to pick which verses are most important based on our political stance. In fact, I believe Jesus told us the greatest command from the Father, and if you don’t know it, shoot me a message. But I’ll tell you, it’s what drives this blog.

So, yes, I place so much value in the word of God. It drives my life! I believe that Jesus loves us. I am supportive and affirming of the LGBTQ community. It’s my belief in Jesus and the word of God that has brought me to this place. This wasn’t happenstance, hasty, or without hours and hours of prayers, asking for God’s wisdom. This has been an evolution (or rather, love-induced growth) of my faith over the past few years, and it isn’t just about the LGBTQ community. The character and love of Jesus has changed my opinion on minorities, immigrants, and the marginalized. The least of these. The one out of the 99. Jesus spoke of justice, but not to defend the religious. He spoke of inviting those outside the gates to the wedding feast, and in a world that seems to be focusing on us versus them, it’s totally anti-kingdom to do otherwise. Following Christ isn’t a club membership, where we pick and choose who can come inside based on what they wear, who they love, or where they were born. It’s an open invitation, and God never asked us to be the bouncers at the door.

When you read the Bible as the beautiful love story it is intended to be, you’ll see how the law first came in the Old Testament to help us rid ourselves of sin and death. But no one, absolutely no one could keep it. Jesus came with a New Covenant. He came not just to save the people of Israel, but the Gentiles as well. When the apostles first suggested it wasn’t necessary to circumcise, people lost their gourds. When John said it was okay to eat meat from pigs, people scoffed. When Jesus refused to throw stones at an adulteress, or insisted on restoring the cut ear of the guard who came to arrest Him, His followers were shocked. God is good at bringing us back to Him, and that doesn’t always look like we think it should. But He said that He came to save all mankind, so who are we to cause people pain and in the process push them from His table?

Above anything, I want my children to know Jesus, and to understand the freedom from fear and death they have through Him. I couldn’t imagine how I could tell my child, Jesus loves you unconditionally, except you need to not be gay or transgender, because then you’ll probably burn in hell, I think. Like, wouldn’t that be conditional love?! Isn’t that how we humans end up loving? “I love this man, but if he doesn’t pick up his dirty socks or wash more dishes, I’m done.” We have to stop loving “sinners” like humans love, and start loving all mankind (as we’re all sinners) as Jesus loves. Without stipulation.

My husband said to me the other night, “I don’t know if what I’m doing is right, but I do know that when I stand before the Lord, if I’m wrong, my decisions were made in love. I just don’t see God holding that against me.”

What a wonderful thought. The Lord doesn’t tell us to decipher every sin possible, arrange them in order of importance, and then be the Gatekeepers of being good. But He does tell us to love our neighbor as ourself. If I have missed the mark on some verses, but I’ve loved completely, I don’t believe He will cast me away for trying.

Nurses, Why Are You Surprised?!

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Nurses, why are you surprised?!

When a community treats its nurses like it treats its fast food workers, this is what happens. I mean, they don’t wanna flip the burgers, but they’ll be first to complain and ridicule the people who won’t. They desire someone else to take the orders with a smile, work the holidays and weekends, yet stay silent about the wage that isn’t appropriate to the task. You won’t catch a senator running the burger joint drive-thru anymore than you’ll spot them cleaning someone’s granny’s butt, yet they will make the decisions about how it should be done, or how it should be compensated. So, why are you surprised?

Healthcare has become a business of customer service, with profits based on satisfaction scores, but the difference in us and say, a department store, is we also are distracted by the tiny hindrance of keeping people alive while we smile, in between the deliveries of turkey sandwiches and warm blankets. No other career will you be expected to cater to the public’s fancy in such a palate-pleasing manner while also being held legally liable for a simple, human mistake that could end in catastrophic harm. In other words, make sure the customer is always right, but also make sure that you are. In healthcare you can lose your job for customer dissatisfaction, but you can also lose your home and livelihood if your math calculations aren’t up to par. Maybe that’s why we’re surprised. Hmmm.

Twenty years I spent at the critical care bedside, giving my everything to my patients. And while I experienced seasons of burnout, I never stopped loving it. I love it still. But I couldn’t do it anymore. In November I took a 50% pay cut (as in my hourly pay was cut in half), for the same amount of fulltime hours, but in an environment that was less stressful than direct patient care. So, what led me there after 20 years?!

I tried to be nice and say it was things like an aging back, and while it’s true that 20 years of turning obese men to clean their bottom has destroyed my spine, that wasn’t the main reason I had to step away. It’s not the main reason we see a shortage in healthcare across the board. Heck, we never minding wiping pee and poop off people who didn’t appreciate us for it. It was the fact that you, the politicians, the administrators, the voting public at large, don’t appreciate what we sacrifice for our communities. Y’all, that hurts.

The past two years were like a knife in my back from a longtime friend. I saw the public as a whole, who had no problem before messaging me late at night for advice about their sick kid, suddenly decide I had no idea what I was talking about. They trusted me to take care of their father after open heart surgery, but they rolled their eyes at my opinions on a pandemic.

We said, “we’re drowning!”

They replied, “the numbers are a lie!”

We begged them to wear a mask, stay home, or even, God forbid, consider a scientifically proven vaccine.

They laughed. They shared memes making fun of the science they had trusted us to treat them with for decades, and they even used our own faith against us. That probably hurt the most. As a woman of faith, personally, who loves Jesus and people, I couldn’t understand how my service to others in love suddenly meant so little. Ok, I’ll admit it; I was surprised.

Those like myself, working in the ICU, under horrible conditions, to work tirelessly and fruitlessly, combating a virus we couldn’t defeat, were forgotten.

I remember reaching out to family and friends afar, expressing the pain of what I was witnessing, and it was met with monotone, false sympathies.

“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that bad. I’m so sorry.”

“Meanwhile, let’s remember what’s really important here. This is all a hoax to take away our freedoms and religion.”

So, while we hurt, they swept our lamentations under a rug, shining the spotlight instead on political platforms.

In the midst of our distress, many frontline workers fell away, and to boost the bodies required to fight a pandemic, they increased our compensation. Finally! I always hated it took half a million people dying to prove we’re worthwhile.

But now the dust somewhat settles. Remote workers return to the office, mask mandates are removed, school is somewhat normal operating procedure, and Johnny Q. Public (or politician or administrator) remembers what they’re paying the exhausted frontline, while conveniently forgetting what brought us to this point. Why are we surprised?!

Why are we surprised that the people who complain about the wait at the drive-thru, while thoroughly refusing to work at the drive-thru for minimum wage, are the same people complaining about the wait at their local ER?! They’re not gonna wait tables for pennies anymore than they’ll hold life and death in their hands for what you make as a loan officer or insurance underwriter (who make about the same as a nurse with 15-20 years experience)! In other words, they want to ridicule the fast food workers and waitresses who refuse to serve them for a wage you can’t even pay your increasing rent and grocery bill with, calling them lazy and entitled. In the same vein, they want to call us money-hungry, accuse us of taking advantage of a national staffing shortage, when all we want is to finally be recognized for the pain we’ve endured.

While most everyone stayed home in pj’s, we went to work. When people feared an unknown virus, we faced it head on. When you wanted our advice, you took it, but when it contradicted your politics, you shamed us. When there are not enough servers at your favorite restaurant, you end up having to wait a long time. Inconvenience. When there are not enough servants at the hospital bedside, your lifesaving healthcare is delayed. Death. Death that we will be held liable for. And you are surprised we don’t want a cap on our salary?!

Don’t take something we love and guilt us into killing ourselves physically and mentally for a salary that won’t even begin to dig us out of the legal bills we are crushed under after staffing shortages hasten us to make a mistake. Just don’t.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to leave the hospital bedside, the critical care nursing I still love. Even a wage that blessed my family so much, wasn’t enough to compensate me in such an exhausting environment. The thing is, there are a lot of nurses like me, mentally and physically done after these past few years, no matter the compensation.

How do you think it will go if they cutback the pay for those who remain?!

Will any of us be surprised when there are no bedside nurses left?

Chew on that.

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging.

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I don’t know if anyone has even noticed, but I haven’t been blogging like I used to do. I’ve been writing regularly on this site for eight years, and I’ve always loved it, until recently. I’m sure some people have assumed I haven’t been as vocal because I’ve been busy working a pandemic as an ICU nurse, and while I have been swamped at the bedside, that’s just not the reason. It’s more disappointing than that.

I have always found joy in sharing the things that the Lord has laid upon my heart. Even when I received angry critiques, death threats, or online harassment, I laughed it off. I knew God had given me the gift and calling to write what I perceived the Holy Spirit was speaking. I never doubted that calling or that gift of knowledge and discernment. And I don’t doubt it now. Not sharing a word on this website has been like ending a relationship with a dear, longtime friend, yet despite the heartache, I simply have been too weary to pick it back up. In essence, as I told a family member recently, I have become disillusioned. This disappointment and awakening to reality has made sharing my thoughts so very hard.

Approximately a year ago it really came to a head. I’ve always heard that you can really see what you’re made of when the heat is turned up. Gosh, this is so true. 2020 really turned up the flame under our lives collectively, and I sadly started noticing what people were made of. It wasn’t the world at large that broke my heart; it was the Christian community. The “church,” the collection of those who claimed Jesus as their Savior, for a large part, were reacting to the heat in a way that did not reflect the character and example of Christ. I’ve always loved the verse that states you will know a tree by its fruit, or when Jesus himself said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another (John 13:35).”

I haven’t seen the love. In fact, I’ve seen quite the opposite. I always enjoyed sharing what God was teaching me and revealing to my heart. I never claimed to know it all, and I was always quick to say that I’m a work in progress. I learned that laying down pride and humbling myself daily to the Holy Spirit is so important, because in this posture He reveals His heart to ours. By listening to His direction in humble submission I can see where I have been wrong in the past. And boy, was I wrong.

You see, a large part of me enjoyed the accolades from my fellow Christians. I had not always been a Christian. I didn’t start reading scripture regularly and daily until my thirties. So, as a “newer” believer, I leaned heavily on the church and elders I respected to guide me. Approximately three or four years ago, when I committed to hours of Bible study and quiet time at least 4 days a week, I started to notice a disconnect between the scripture and the behavior of many religious people. In other words, the fruit wasn’t there. Again, this discernment wasn’t from a position of pride. It wasn’t like I thought, “gosh, look at all these church folks not following Jesus like me!” No, it wasn’t like that. More than anything, it was a sad revelation. I became aware of a religious heaviness and spiritual oppression that persisted in some areas. I could feel it. It was heartbreaking.

I continued my seeking daily of God’s will as the years went by. My family sold all our possessions. We went from having everything to basically having nothing. Nothing but each other and God, that is. In this season of casting off the world we found a deeper walk with the Lord. We found God’s priorities for our family. We discovered how to trust Him more deeply and depend completely on His leading. It was glorious!

Along our season of walking deeper with Jesus, came an awakening to the world around us. We became more aware of how we could please the Lord in our daily lives. We changed our actions and behavior based on scripture. We wanted to walk in the Fruits of the Spirit, at all times! Even when the heat got turned up, it seems.

In 2020 the whole world caught fire, but it seemed to me that it was the church that let themselves get burned the most. Not at first. At first everyone was very loving to their neighbor, but as it got hotter out there, the rotten fruit came out. Again, please understand this doesn’t come from a place of pride for me. This comes from a place of heartache for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I haven’t spoken because my heart hurts too much to have uttered a word.

Somewhere in the fire of lockdowns, sickness, and financial strain, my brothers and sisters became very angry. I didn’t have a problem with the anger. I mean, I got angry too. The problem was where the anger was projected.

The Christian community is quick to say “it’s not a battle of flesh and blood we fight, but a spiritual one against the forces of darkness. Like, every believer I’ve ever met will agree. So my question is, why have we been fighting flesh and blood?!

I do blame social media for a large part of the problem. We live in a sinful world, born with a sinful nature of this world, and social media has been more than happy to feed that fleshly character. I have seen blatant, political propaganda be slurped up happily like it was the Gospel, and in this vehicle of political and religious angst, I’ve seen the church derail. Instead of a battle of good and evil, where God always wins in the end, we’ve lost our Kingdom-view glasses, and we’ve started a battle of us against them.

Republicans versus Democrats

BLM versus All Lives Matter

Like, you can’t support the police and support justice and equality.

Somewhere along the way we labeled everything that didn’t fit into our box as unGodly and bad. Vaccines became bad. While they’ve always been a way to combat disease, they suddenly became a way to “take away freedom.” I’m not sure where this started, but it really took off! It became a trend that if you were a Christian you couldn’t get vaccinated. False information began to fly around. Some of the most ridiculous and false information I’ve ever seen. Suddenly the Covid vaccine contained baby parts and changed your DNA. Don’t even get me started on the magnets and chip discussions. But I digress.

I don’t want this post to be about the vaccine. You can love Jesus and decide not to get the Covid vaccine. That’s not the point of this. The point is, people began to widely accept unvalidated, false info. The point is, Christians started believing we were in a battle of flesh and blood, that the pharmaceutical companies (flesh, real men and women), that the Democrats (flesh, real men and women), that the president (flesh, a real man) was out to destroy them. Instead of putting faith in God, or trusting Him to fight our battles of a spiritual nature, we took to horses and chariots to fight the flesh of those who oppose us.

I have heard preachers state the Democrats are trying to attack the church and take away our freedom to worship. There’s no thought of the Lord fighting for us, but only how we must arm ourselves with rifles to keep them sinners out!

We don’t see people as children of God. We see them as the enemy.

Our fruits are not patience, peace, gentleness, kindness, and especially not self-control. The fruits of many Christians have become rage, judgment, selfishness, and the exact opposite of love.

Christians have been proclaiming “faith over fear” and wrongly assuming that getting a vaccine or wearing a mask is fear. Those things aren’t fear. They’re wise, selfless, scientifically proven ways to decrease virus transmission. The real fear is the fear of losing our man-made religion! The Bible states nothing can separate us from His love, yet we’re afraid of the democrats closing our church building! Doesn’t add up, guys. The real problem today is fear among Christians. The Bible states there is no fear in love, yet proclaimed Christians are afraid of governmental control, vaccine and mask mandates, and liberal lawmakers. That makes it seem like maybe love isn’t there, since fear is so prominent. I mean, the fruit isn’t speaking like we’re His disciples. Just saying.

When the Holy Spirit began speaking to my heart how to bear His fruit and be a disciple of His love, I tried sharing this with my Christian followers. The problem was, while my words were based on scriptural truth and the words of Jesus Christ, they didn’t coincide with the popular thoughts of the Christian Church (of this world) and religion. So, while my blog posts gave a WWJD, kingdom view, they upset the religious realm of this world. Therefore, my thoughts were met with anger. In fact, met with rage! I was vehemently persecuted like I was Satan himself. I was called a “baby murderer” when I questioned if the former president’s behavior was something a lover of Jesus could support. I was attacked in flesh and blood as if who held a political office was a kingdom matter that meant the tie-breaker for who won the spiritual battle at the end of times. Do we see the problem here?

I stopped writing because the deception that tells man that his religious practices and political affiliation will save him, was too deep for me to speak against. I stopped writing because the false narrative was so much more tasty for people to ingest than God’s truth according to scripture. I stopped writing because I became disillusioned with how people I had loved, trusted, and respected in the Christian community could treat other humans with so much hatred and disdain. It broke my heart to the point of paralyzing me to speak on it.

Will I write again after this post? I hope so. I write for God, and God is love, and sharing His love is my calling. I want to share His love here. I hope I can share it by modeling it. I hope I can model it by loving my enemy, by bearing good fruit, and by encouraging others to do the same. We can be disciples, but we will only ever be an exclusive club rather than His church and bride if we can’t draw people to His heart by love. Our politics won’t win souls to Jesus. Our anger, rage, and judgmental behavior of those who believe differently than us certainly will not. So, maybe I’ll start trying again to model that love. That love that knows no fear, that love that is patient and kind. That does not envy, boast, and is not proud. Love that does not dishonor others, and is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love that does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres (1Corinthians 13). I will persevere.

What the Church Needs to Pray for Most

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I have a lot of friends send me links to articles, videos, or Facebook posts gone viral. They typically span from one side of the spectrum to the other, much like my friends’ list, and I receive each one with an open heart and mind. Because, you see, I don’t know everything. Sure, I have opinions, but I’ll never claim to know all the answers. So, I will watch that video with an open mind and listening spirit. I may not finish them all, but I give each opinion, each commentary, and each bold-emblazoned rant equal opportunity to be a pass or go for my heart.

Pass or go. When I watch some of these videos I think they are put together very well. I read the eloquent words a particular author painstakingly pens and I think, “they did a great job getting their point across.” Many of the things I read or listen to are very convincing in their natural medium, but it’s there I try to separate the wheat from the chaff. In a world of so much misinformation, so perfectly packaged, we must have eyes to see and ears to hear. But not the way you would think.

Matthew 13: 14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’

It’s easy to see with eyes of this world because this world is where we are. I often have to remind myself that I may be “in” this world, but I’m not “of” it. I am seated with Christ in Heavenly places. So, while my body is here in the world, my spirit exists with Christ. I have to keep that mindset. I have to utilize my spiritual eyes and ears in a world so noisy. I have to accept the gift of wisdom.

Wisdom. This must be our prayer. After watching a particularly saddening video from a friend this morning, I sat in the shower praying for wisdom. This is what the Church (we believers) need most.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Remember when I said earlier that I don’t know everything? Well, because of that, I frequently pray for wisdom. We exist in a time of public opinion, in a time of social media, in a time of free-flowing and varying information, but also in a time where the enemy still prowls and seeks to devour. God gives wisdom when we ask! We must have wisdom, but not wisdom simply from our local church, respected “Godly” friend, favorite news channel, or well-produced YouTube video. We must have wisdom from the Holy Spirit. We must have spirit and truth. We must have quiet time set aside to commune with Jesus in prayer, and more time reading and re-reading scripture. We need more time in the Bible and worship than we spend on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. That way, when craftily concocted notions come our way, the Spirit of Truth will give us eyes to see and ears to hear! Without the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit, we are tossed to and fro.

Have you noticed the world lately?! There’s a lot of people being tossed to and fro.

A large issue with the human nature is the sin of pride. I have taken to laying down pride at the feet of Jesus every morning in the shower. If you haven’t noticed, the shower is my prayer closet. I get up early on work days just so I’ll not neglect that time. I lay down pride, something I struggle with, and that we all struggle with. Human hearts crave love. Most of those hearts don’t realize it’s the love of Jesus they need. So they fill their hearts with other things. But it doesn’t have to be drugs or booze, guys. That’s the devil talking to the church. Nope. Most times the religious folks fill their love bucket with pride. We believe if we are knowledgeable we are loved. If we are right, we feel good. To be wrong, that feels bad. We desire acceptance, and we need people to accept our point of view. To applaud us for it! If anything threatens our existence of being right, we become personally threatened. We get angry. We push away another point of view. We ridicule it, even. Pride. We have ears, but don’t hear. I mean, we already know everything God said. Why listen for more? We have eyes, but don’t see. We’ve already seen what God wants us to see. No need being open for more.

We have become a stagnant people. Hard-headed like our ancestors in the desert, and arrogantly certain of our opinions. We lack wisdom. We have plenty of disinformation, but we’re lacking in any way to tell it apart from what God may be trying to speak.

I would encourage you as a believer to seek God first. Seek Him over the media. Seek Him over what you’ve always been taught or told in your tiny circle. Seek His heart in the red letters of scripture, and pray for wisdom to apply that instruction to your very life. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is about the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5). Read it. And then read it again. Sometimes I read this chapter before I go into work. Meditate on it. Ask the Lord to show you how to carry these fruits. And then ask yourself if the opinions you speak are in line with these fruits that tell us the Holy Spirit thrives in us. Ask yourself if what you read bears those fruits. Ask yourself if the information coming to you has the fruit of the spirit, or if it is simply disguised with the fruit of the flesh.

Christianity’s Only Hope for the Presidential Election

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If there was one thing we could all agree about this year, it would be the monumental amount of disagreement this year.

What’s the only thing that has seemed certain this year? The abundant amount of uncertainty this year.

Indeed, this year has rivaled most in my short, forty-three on earth, and a part of me has desired to hide away in a storm shelter, waiting for the harsh winds of this season to pass. Whether you have experienced fear for your life in the face of a novel virus, or fear that your government is feeding you untruths about a virus, the fact is you’ve experienced fear. It’s easy to forget that fear often manifests in an apparently righteous anger, or in a quest to reveal the truth. Whether we’re enormously offended or staunchly standing for truth, it’s that thread of uncertainty for the future that drives the conversation. This year has rocked everyone’s foundation of security, and it’s ok to admit that. No matter how our response has manifested.

This has been more than just a year of isolation, though. It’s also been a season of unveiling. We’ve seen injustice come to light, but we’ve also seen the worst of humanity bubble to the surface. It seems that fear for the ugliness within ourselves can manifest in denial that a problem even exists. I think that’s been the hardest part of this year for me. Watching the compassion evaporate, and the selfishness multiply. Of note, I don’t exclude myself from this particular response to 2020. I certainly have dropped my basket of spiritual fruit multiple times this year.

I think the biggest problem this year, though, has truly boiled down to how we see, and how we hear. Do you remember the words of Jesus?

Matthew 13:13 This is why I speak to them in parables: “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. 14 In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. 15 For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’

For a large part, as Christians we see and we hear, but only in part. Mostly what we see is of this world, and in actuality it should be the opposite. Most of what we see should be not of this world. We simply forget our heritage. We become so distracted by what’s in front of us, we forget what lies ahead. In this regard we place our hope mostly in the things we can see and touch, and not in things of above (and not below). The problem with this? We will always end up disappointed.

It’s like, if your hope for your marriage is in your spouse, they will fail you. Conversely, if you are counting on yourself to make it succeed, you’ll end up sorely disappointed. Our hope for our relationships should always be on the One who created them, the One who models how we should maneuver through them, and the One who gives the best examples for how to love.

But, our eyes will only focus on the problems in our partner. Our ears will listen to the world for a solution. And then we wonder what happened to the healing.

If ever (in my lifetime) a year has shown us what happens when our senses are too in-tune with the world, and not enough in sync with Jesus, it’s been this year. So, when our eyes are seeing only the problem (and not the solution in Him), our ears are hearing the lies of this world (rather than the truth in Him), and our hope is in the solutions we can visualize with human eyes, we will end up extremely jaded.

Here’s what happens. We experience trials of this world, and we place our hope in the solutions this world offers. We put all our eggs in a political basket, or we place all our efforts into advancing a system of this world. We consider things like vaccines the only way to save us. We consider achieving civil justice the answer to broken human hearts, and while ending corruption is also God’s heart, it will not be the answer for a corrupt man. Changing systems, policies, and political parties will not heal the heart of mankind. We know this! We simply forget to proceed through life like we do.

My point is, there’s not a problem with seeking justice, truth, and a non-corrupt system. It’s honorable to speak truth, but we forget to speak it in love, highlighting the true answer for all of the above. There’s nothing wrong with seeking change through our political party of choice, but if we count on our politicians to change the world, we will never win. Point blank, we have but one hope to turn this year around. We’ve simply misplaced that hope.

We see with eyes of this world, and we hear with ears the same. It shouldn’t be this way. Jesus said in the verses above that our hearts have become calloused, but if we could understand the world with our hearts and turn, that He would heal us. Do you know how we can do that? We must learn His heart. Read that last sentence again. His heart, not the world’s heart.

The heart of this world will have you misplace your hope. It will make you place your future and hope in the systems of this world, but they cannot save you. They will, in fact, fail you. So whether your candidate wins or loses, your future and hope cannot reside there. They must be in Jesus and His heart for mankind, as stated in scripture. We must hear with kingdom ears, and see with eyes focused on eternity. But more than that, we must speak with a love that proclaims the hope we have in Him. Our words don’t ridicule or mock when they’re kingdom-minded. They speak hope, love, peace, and the joy that comes from Heaven.

Sadly, a large majority of Christians will view this as a fluff piece. They’ll say, “yeah, that’s nice and all in theory, but in the real world it doesn’t work that easily.”

That breaks my heart. The truth is, the very simple yet profound nugget in this post can change your entire life. It really is that easy. We really can have victory regardless of an election. We truly can experience peace no matter what the media may say. We don’t even have to hunker down in a storm shelter to escape the problems whirling about us. We only need ears to hear, eyes to see, and love to guide us. No matter what happens in November, the future for a person saved by the blood of Christ is set. Regardless of how this year ends or what the next year holds, there is peace in eternal life with God. In the end, our Father wins, and a new earth and system will prevail. I can handle whatever 2020 throws with that in mind.

The thing is, when you know your future is set, you can pass through the desert unscathed. In the 23rd Psalm it proclaims “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

Y’all! We’ve missed the shadow part!

There is no valley of death. Death is but a shadow.

2020, and all its problems, are but a shadow.

The outcome of the 2020 election, no matter what, is but a shadow.

And do you know the thing about shadows? They mean nothing in the face of what it real. They mean nothing without the light. The light of God’s truth reveals the existence of all things, and our hope should only be in Him. Shadows are shifting, but our Father is solid. And that is where our Hope should stand.

Why You Mad, Though?!

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I have never seen people angrier than they’ve been in 2020. Am I right?! I mean, I’ve seen people mad about masks more than I ever imagined possible. As a healthcare worker, I assumed face masks to be used for the protection of self and others, but this year I learned they’re actually an affront to personal freedom. I can’t believe I’ve been unknowingly under the thumb of tyrannical, hospital administration for twenty years!

I joke, but in all seriousness, have you noticed the tense nature of human interaction at large this year? Barely a quarter into the pandemic, groups began to emerge. People separated by their opinions, but worse, pushed apart by those same disagreements. It no longer became a simple difference of ideas, but rather a battle for who was right.

I could have probably ignored the strong will and raging meme wars if not for the fact that it continued past the stay-at-home orders. The Country began to set-up differing camps based not just on COVID-19 theories, but rather separated on issues of racial equality. A topic that would seem cut and dry (as in, all men are created equal) suddenly became convoluted by matters that shouldn’t. In other words, someone’s ability to be murdered was weighed against their possible, past criminal record. And instead of agreeing that marginalized minorities should be supported, a sadly large number of people argued the idea that injustice even existed. Racism became as much a hoax to some as coronavirus had been deemed, and then the ridiculousness really began.

People began to question the salvation of fellow Christians based on political affiliation. Society began to rate civil issues on a scale. Such as, human trafficking compared to racism, or pedophilia up against civil rights. We suddenly became increasingly concerned over the validity of hospital recording data for patient demise, and the layman became an expert in things like carbon dioxide levels while wearing a facial covering. It was proclaimed that respect for fellow man could not be displayed by resting your weight on a knee, lest it undo your dedication to a Higher Power. We learned Pizza was more than food, when combined with the word Gate, and apparently the Queen of England is into cannibalism. You could question the moral compass of a stranger on Facebook, but not the POTUS. You could ignore the need of those hurting around you, but pounce immediately on anyone with an opinion different from your own. You could rate sin on a scale from overlook-able to definitely burning in hell, and you could be certain that everything going on around you meant the end is near.

I think we can all agree it’s been a year of firsts for us. First time in a pandemic, first time to see things like flags change, or Walmart closing one entire entrance of its store. Mask mandates, racial equality measures enacted, and by far the worst presidential debate in history (although, I’ll admit I’m going off hearsay; couldn’t stomach watching in myself). I could probably make a pretty lengthy list of things that have blown my mind this year, and I’ve even seen some pretty good memes joking about how nothing in 2020 would come as a surprise anymore. But y’all, I am still in awe over the behavior of mankind. I’m still surprised by the attitude of society. In fact, I’m devastated by the anger I’ve seen displayed across the board. It’s mind blowing.

The other day I was praying about the anger. I mean, everyone is on edge (or so it seems). Everyone is mad about something, easily offended, and way too quick to speak in anger. Myself included, I’ll admit. So not only has this been a year of firsts in previously mentioned regards, but also a year of the first time I’ve ever seen so much unbridled rage, division, and disagreement. It’s been terrible. Can we at least agree on that?!

But anyway, as I was praying I felt the Lord speak this to my heart… “They’re afraid.”

It was only two, simple words, but they hit me like a ton of bricks. The truth of the statement rang solidly with my spirit. The thing is, the majority of the time (as in most of the time), anger is simply fear manifested. Anger is fear of loss. And there’s been a lot of warranted fear of loss this year. Fear for our health, fear for our freedom, fear for our lives, fear for our country, and fear for the innocent or mistreated among us. I’m not saying I don’t get it, but I am saying we need to deal with this another way. We cannot allow fear of the unknown to mutate into anger for what’s in front of us. We say that we know this isn’t a battle of flesh and blood we fight, yet that’s exactly who we’re fighting against. We say the real enemy is evil, yet we feel it necessary to give evil our own labels, such as Democrat or Republican. We take our fear of civil unrest and lump it together in a group titled BLM, Antifa, or white supremacy. We try and ease our fears of evil among us by becoming “woke” to the inner secrets of society’s worst. If we can give evil a tangible face we somehow feel a measure of relief. And before you misunderstand, I do believe evil manifests itself in the natural, working through man, but we must remember that the real enemy has already been defeated.

I believe if we could adjust our mindsets to one of a Kingdom nature, we could let go of our fear and loosen the grip our anger has taken. If we can surrender our offense, understanding that God is in control of all things, we can move forward in Kingdom purposes. We can lead people to an eternal perspective rather than bickering over worldly matters that are here today and gone tomorrow. This isn’t easy! It takes daily redoing. Every day we must lay down our flesh, our judgement, and our offense in exchange for God’s truth. We let go of fear, we humble ourselves, and we have faith that the God who began a good work in us (all of us) is going to complete it.

I saw a lot of my friends on Facebook (from all walks of life, opinions, and political affiliations) agree on one thing. They agreed that the presidential debate was horrible. But y’all, those guys gave us exactly what they thought we wanted. They called each other names for all the watching name-callers. They were rude, petty, argumentative, unforgiving, and prideful, just as the majority of our Country has been this year. How can we expect more from our elected leaders than we have supplied ourselves? We are reaping what we sow, but I’m trying to be hopeful that we can turn it around. So, let’s try and agree that the mess we’re in, we are all responsible for, and we can only fix it together. Deal?

Can You Love as Adamantly as You Disagree?

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I guess you’ve noticed my drop in posting lately. I’ve taken a step back from social media and public opinion so I could focus on the Lord and His next steps for our family. Despite whether I’ve been writing the past couple of weeks or not, though, my inbox has kept steady with communication from strangers who have come across my writing. This has always been the case, and for the most part I receive lovely encouragement from others. Sometimes I do not. Lately I’ve gotten more ALL-CAPS angry emails than usual, and it hasn’t surprised me a bit considering the state of our country presently. It’s the main reason I took a social media hiatus, but that doesn’t stop my ‘contact me’ box from remaining open.

This past week I received an email from a stranger who had stumbled across a blog post I wrote back in early June 2020 questioning how Jesus might perceive the phrase Black Lives Matter. I could recall it being a well-received post from the people close to me who knew my heart, but as the article swept across the Nation it received mixed reviews. Or perhaps it’s just the angriest voices that speak the loudest. Regardless, the email I received from a man I did not know in reference to this post started by calling me a “daughter of Satan.”

I could go on with the remainder of the insults therein. I could even post it here with his name, but that would be me retaliating for my offense, and that’s not actually what I’m doing here. I don’t take offense. It only makes me sad. Sad that someone who doesn’t even know me took the time to follow a few links to my webpage, contact form, and pen a rage-filled paragraph for me. I guess you could say I’m getting pretty used to it, though. The night before I was labeled by another stranger a “heretic” and guilty of “leading people astray.” I think I’ve had my salvation questioned more in the past few months than ever in my life. But let’s get to the point, shall we.

Let’s put Facebook posts and blog articles aside. I mean, everyone has opinions, and anyone is free to start their own webpage and proclaim them. But, it’s like my husband has told me numerous times, you’ll never influence people with words you share on the internet as much as you will by the life you lead each day. And this was certainly true. I have come to realize this year that opinions will change as we grow. I mean, when I was looking for the link to the recent article I shared above for BLM, I found another I had written in 2016. It was very different. In fact, I think the gentleman who called me a child of Satan probably would have applauded my previous work, but that is neither here or there. My point is, opinions change, people change. Who you vote for in one election may alter drastically in later years, but it’s not our politics that impact the lives around us for Jesus. It’s how we live each day.

My last day of work at the hospital I’ve been at in Orlando, I sat with the most adorable nursing assistant ever. I love her, and she makes me laugh out loud, literally, with her amazing sense of humor. She’s a great tech, and I enjoyed working with her. As we spoke about my upcoming move I brought up the subject of racial injustice. It was a topic newer to me, but one the Lord had really stoked in my spirit this year. Once I opened up the dialogue, and knowing my heart like she did, she began to release her emotions freely. She cried while she expressed her fears to me for her nineteen year old son. She shared personal stories of his interaction with law enforcement, and she recounted a situation of when he didn’t come home at curfew, and her and her mom got frantic with the worry he had been pulled over and shot. She talked about how happy she was that he loved to play video/computer games because it kept him mostly in his room, where she could be certain he was safe.

I couldn’t understand her feelings here. I mean, I wanted to. I sympathized with her concerns as a mother, but I couldn’t fully empathize with her plight. I didn’t have to. I was the mother of four, white daughters. So what I did instead was listen as she spilled her emotions. Then I told her, “I can’t even begin to imagine how this feels, but I can tell you this. This isn’t right. You should not have to feel this way! I love you, and I stand by you in this fight.”

The thing is, I had been working alongside this woman for two years. She knew I was a Christian. She heard me listen to worship music while I charted, but she also knew I loved Jesus by my actions. She saw it in the way I treated my patients for years, but now, on my last day, I made it apparent to her that I loved her like Jesus would have me to. I saw her, and I held her concerns of value. I loved her just by listening. I loved her by offering my support.

I think that too often in this life we complicate things that are really quite simple. Like the Pharisees in the day of Jesus we focus on things that perhaps we should not. When Jesus and His disciples walked through a field the Pharisees attacked them for picking grain and eating it on the Sabbath. They were hungry, and they took of the bounty God had given. But the religious sect focused on the law (no work, or harvesting grain on Sunday) rather than feeding the need of others. I think that today, instead of choosing to walk with Jesus in that field of wheat, we’re sitting on the sidelines checking the boxes that keep us in the category of Christian according to religion. If we can say we support the right causes, vote the right color, and call out the really big sins, then we’re good. If we can attend services on Sunday we can check the box, but we don’t have to do much beyond that. We can neglect those who need us most. We can keep our Christian friends happy, but forget that it’s the sick who need a physician the most. Those are the words of Jesus, not mine. It was His response when the church leaders of the day ridiculed Him for hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I will be transparent here and tell you that when I got that email I was hurt. What’s the best way to try and cut a lover of Jesus? By questioning their salvation, or their dedication to Him. It seems that this is how fellow believers have disagreed with me lately, by calling into question my Christianity. But do you know who has never questioned it? The lost. I have crossed paths with many people who don’t live a life dedicated to the Lord, but they never question that I do. They learn of my Christianity by the cross I wear around my neck, by the music I listen to, by the scripture I post on social media, or by the words I say. They learn of my dedication to Jesus by the way I live my life each day, by the way I treat others, respond to adversity, and most importantly, by how I love.

I read the Bible a lot. Despite some comments from others telling me I need to read my Bible, I actually do. Like, I read it for hours a day, daily. I love the Word, I crave it, and I find it gives me peace when this world seems crazy. In my study of scripture I’ve never found the parts that state a specific political affiliation is required. I’ve never seen the part where Jesus pinpointed the top three sins of all time. I’ve never found the part that tells us to ridicule those with different opinions, or those who sin differently than ourselves. I do recall something about us all falling short, and I definitely remember a time or two where He instructed us to love others like ourselves. Even to lay down our lives for a brother.

Lay down your life for a friend (John 15:13). I used to think that meant dying physically so someone else could live, much like a civilian hero or soldier on the battlefield. And perhaps it does. But I also think it means metaphorically laying down your life, like, being able to lay down what the world thinks, the reputation of man, the opinion of those besides the Father. It means hanging out with tax collectors even when the Pharisees snub their noses. It means offering healing to those that some might leave bleeding on the side of the road (shout out to the Samaritans). It means standing up for what is right, even if it’s not popular opinion. It means demanding change even as people question something that only God can know. Like your heart motives. To lay down your life means to sacrifice for others, just like Jesus modeled to us. It means to love people you’ve never met, take the punishment for something you didn’t personally do, or humble yourself, even to death, albeit death of your presumptions.

I read an excerpt from Jared Byas, Love Matters More, that said, “Somehow we’ve duped ourselves into thinking that what we believe is more important than how we believe. Perhaps it’s time to remember that love matters more than just believing in God in our heads and that love is a verb.”

I wonder what would happen if we loved as well as we disagree? What if we decided to love others as much as we love our own opinion? What if we laid down offense, laid down our lives, and simply loved instead? Could we admit we have been wrong, admit others have been wrong, or try to be better today than we were yesterday? Maybe we could even throw off the labels we wear. We could decide that it’s not Democrat or Republican, so much as listen and learn. It’s not just liberal or conservative, but kindness and kingdom-thinking. Then we could remember that leading others to Jesus is more important than standing on the right side of a political battle or internet argument. Then we could remember that it’s our fruit of the spirit that will make us known as followers of Him, and certainly not the angry words we throw to a stranger.

Is Satan Stealing Our Nation?

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I was praying this morning on the way to work, and I felt the Lord speaking to me about the condition of our Nation. I mean, how could He not. Unless you’ve been asleep under a rock, you’ve seen the devastation occurring. We giggle at the many memes joking about the craziness of the year 2020, but I think we laugh so we won’t cry. After all, who hasn’t considered the fact when someone brings up words like “end times.” Indeed, we are living in unprecedented times, and I wonder if we can truly see what is happening around us.

This morning as I prayed I had a vision of people on their knees. It was Saints of God, bowing in worship, and as they prayed light from Heaven beamed down into their bodies. It was as if the Holy Spirit was infusing His people with the power they needed, and the thought of this gave me hope. I prayed for revival, knowing that was what we needed, and then I received clarity on the battle to prevent awakening in our world. We were under attack, like never before, and if we were in end times, then we needed to have eyes to see and ears to hear! That is what I prayed for.

When COVID-19 first descended on our country, and it became apparent that the danger we faced was real, I could see a light peeking through the darkness. I know many of you saw it too. The light was shining from the life of others, as the Lord worked through His people to bring hope to a shocked world. We were witnesses to things we had never before encountered, and as we tried to make our way through the surreal fog of uncertainty, the essence of hope beamed like a beacon to persevere. People came together, communities stood tall, and voices rose. You could actually see faith in action, and while church buildings closed, the true church (the body of believers) came out of the woodwork to hold up the weak and weary. I was so proud.

It felt like revival was working its way through the country. Bibles were flying off store shelves and the Bible App reached record downloads. People who normally stayed away from entering a church building were showing up to watch services online, and the healing power of Jesus was reaching people it never had before. A pandemic was upon us, but in true, Awesome God fashion, the Lord was working it for good.

I remember thinking to myself, this is it. A great awakening is upon us.

But then the dastardly sandman slinked out of the grass, ready to close eyes however he could.

You began to see videos popping up on Facebook, and it was almost like the church of conspiracy theories was born. It stepped up its recruiting efforts in an unparalleled fashion, and it was like everyone I knew was suddenly “woke.” Isn’t it ironic how the medium the devil used to distract God’s people from His work, closing their eyes to what He really wanted them to do, was termed such a thing?

Everyone became suspicious. And while I’m a realist, aware of government intrusion, even I couldn’t believe the uproar. Helpers became hiders. People who had formerly been encouraging each other, suddenly began arguing amongst themselves. United people became fragmented factions, hurling ugly words over whether to stay at home or not. Masked men versus the unmasked, and vaccinators fighting with oil infusers. Ridiculous. Petty arguments over politics, and an ever-present stream of shock-factor videos that threatened to disappear if you didn’t watch right away!

While there was nothing wrong with awareness of media manipulation or political propaganda, the problem came with Satan using the work of evil men to further divide good people. The devil was taking something that should have been for the good of mankind and using it to drive a wedge between them. Tempers flared, and instead of us finding the strength we needed to persevere through difficult times in Jesus, we tried to find it in knowledge, as if uncovering conspiracy would make a very real virus suddenly disappear. Instead of finding unity in our fear of the unknown, we allowed evil to thin our patience, replacing it with anger at our neighbor, when really we were just angry with a situation we couldn’t control.

Basically, a time that could have been a win for the church, became an opportunity for losing our cool. What should have been a time of spiritual awakening, instead became a time of distracted slumber. Y’all, we fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I’m guilty too. In times where I could have shown compassion, I responded in frustration. Pride abounded, with each group certain of only one thing; they were right about absolutely everything. We forgot how to humble ourselves, and Satan lapped it up like the dog he is. Evil fed off our anger, and if we could see into the spiritual realm, I’m certain we would have seen demonic forces strengthened by the vapors of our fear and rage. A time when the Nation could have come together, when the church had the utmost opportunity to be a witness of love, we instead fought over whether Outback Steakhouse should open back up their dining room. It’s a laughable comment, until you realize it’s true. We lashed out when we could have loved instead. Fueled by fear and a lack of control, we found false security in fighting over petty indifferences. As if proving that a face mask does no good in public, that would somehow make everything fall into place.

I realize I’m getting too wordy, so please hang with me and I’ll try to tie this up. My point is, our Nation needs a wake up call, but every time God sends one, we fall for Satan’s lullaby! The Lord calls us to follow Him, but Satan whispers for us to hit the snooze button just one more time.

The remnant prayed for healing, and in His mercy the Lord heard their cries. He brought abundant blessing, cutting off Corona before it could carry out its full potential! But then do you know what we did?! The same people who had prayed for an end to the pandemic cursed it coming to an end. Instead of seeing God’s grace and answer to our prayers, they shouted, “I knew it was a hoax!”

That’s right. The Lord blessed His people with healing, but the devil whispered lies. The great deceiver laughed and laughed.

The Lord still allowed us to reap His blessing despite the blatant denial of His goodness. We began to see the cloud of COVID lift, case numbers go down, and communities opening back up. The light of the Lord’s favor was shining on our country once again. When the Lord blesses, the enemy will try and attack. Especially when the Lord is trying to show us His character, the enemy will come up with the next strategy to distract, divide, and blind.

Evil came to the forefront in a horrendous way, by act of murder. It started with Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Porter, and came to an explosion with the tragic death of George Floyd. Satan wanted death and destruction, and he brought it by senseless violence. The Lord desires healing, truth, and justice, and He used the video evidence of the obvious murder of George Floyd to illuminate a very real problem in America. He utilized the work of Satan to try and bring some good from the devastation. He opened eyes to racism, that it still existed today, and He opened hearts to compassion and empathy for the marginalized, black community. People who had turned a deaf ear, buried their head in the sand, or simply been blinded by a spirit of apathy, suddenly could see what the black community had been screaming for years!

Once again we are faced with an option. Will we sleep, or will we wake up? Will we have eyes to see and ears to hear, or will we remain blind? Satan is tricky and he will use the cover of religion (over true relationship with Jesus) to keep God’s people asleep. Satan will use division, pride, and anything he possibly can. So, while we may think the devil simply uses bigotry and obvious racist behavior to serve his purposes, in reality he uses so much more. He can cause us to deny racism is an issue, or he can make us apathetic to the plight of others. He can keep us silent with fear of what others may think, or by injecting confusion into the issue.

False thoughts like these.

I don’t agree with violence and rioting, so therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

But I believe all lives matter, therefore I can’t stand with Black Lives Matter.

I don’t think all cops are bad, so I can’t support the black community.

These are just a few examples of the confusion that seeps into our thinking, and we inadvertently allow the distractions to prevent us from carrying out God’s will for our world. We’ve gotta stop! We have to recognize the fact that it’s not flesh and blood we fight, but principalities and powers of darkness. We must walk in love, compassion, and humility, facing all pandemics, areas of injustice, and really, all issues with a kingdom mindset. We need eyes wide open, and we need to consider what is not only important to our society as a whole, but also to the souls of society. What brings salvation? Is it arguments over a difference of opinion, or is it a kind, humble heart that considers the feelings of another?

Do you know the biggest barrier to revival in our country? It’s us. In my vision I saw God pouring His Spirit into His children, but I’m afraid when we close our eyes to injustice, our hearts to compassion, and our lives to working together for good, we also close off the flow of His power and blessing. In the end, we all miss out. We all lose. But none so much as the lost who never get to see Jesus in us.

My Opinion on Conspiracy Videos

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I broke down and watched one of the frequently shared YouTube, conspiracy videos the other day, and I got sucked right in. I wanted to show it to my husband. I told him the details, and I found myself saying, “yeah, I can totally see the government doing that.”

Then I began to see hoards of my friends on social media sharing it, and my bristles went up. You see, I haven’t been a huge fan of COVID conspiracy, mainly because so many of the posts or articles I saw made false assumptions that since something suspicious was afoot, that everything must be a lie. In other words, if the news happened to be exaggerating the seriousness of COVID-19, then it must not be serious at all. If the numbers were being inflated, then what could be said of any truly positive cases? This line of irresponsible thought made this nurse angry. Serving in a COVID hotspot, I didn’t have the luxury of hypothesizing the cases were minimal or the disease not much different than the flu. I saw the people dying, and I couldn’t tell myself it wasn’t serious. It was all I could do not to cry myself to sleep at night from the very real and seriousness of COVID-19.

So when I continued to see more conspiracy videos and posts emerge, the most recent Plandemic, I became concerned. I mean, you can only be fed information repeatedly for so long before you question your indigestion. So I found myself with a feeling of worry.

Here’s the thing. I’m a smart girl. I was in the military, I’m well-read, and I’ve had forty-two years of life experience. I am aware of propaganda, and I’m no stranger to government intrusion. I am familiar with Snowden, and I have no doubt the government is/can watch me through my computer camera, or listen to my phone calls. The CIA scares the crap out of me, and there’s legit some evil folks in power. I am certain political spins are being placed on this issue, and politicians are using it for their own agenda. Big Brother is watching, and I know the devil whispers in the ear of some upper echelon peeps. I am not blind to evil among us. But I also am not going to put more faith in the Big Bad Wolf than I do my Father God. He is the only one who controls my life.

That being said, I found myself this morning wondering too much about what is true, and what is not. I felt a heavy emotion of uncertainty concerning world events, and I knew I should not be feeling that way. I asked God to speak clarity to my mind.

Immediately I felt the Lord speak to my heart, “you know who’s the author of confusion.”

And I felt an immediate weight lift from me.

1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV)

For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

The Christian life isn’t an easy one, but it is a blessed one. We are faced with the situation of being in the world, but not of the world. So we must take into consideration the evil of this world, but we cannot let it overtake us, even mentally. We must be wise, but also confident. We must be aware, but not overcome. Uncertain, worldly circumstances bring fear, but the strong tower of the Lord brings courage. So while I find it wise and prudent to have open eyes to evil, corruption, and injustice, I find that in times like these (the most recent pandemic), where we are emotionally and mentally stressed, it’s easy to fall prey to deception and fear. What begins as concern and a search for truth, can easily become belief in things of this world. Our search for “truth” becomes like an idol, and we place more importance in the conspiracies we uncover than the Spirit that saves us from this sandstorm. See, we forget this world is a vapor, and can easily put too much stock in something that is here today and gone tomorrow. We forget whose corner we’re in, who holds the victory in battle, or even the fact that the war has already been won.

This morning I prayed for a Spirit of Truth to cover God’s people, because so many of us can think we’re searching for the “truth,” but I wonder if we’re really finding distraction and confusion from the enemy. Just like there’s two types of wisdom, heavenly and earthly, so too are there two types of truth. I know a lot of earthly wise folks, but when it comes to heavenly matters they are clueless. We can seek the “truth” in matters of the world around us, and we can even become extremely proud of ourselves for being “woke” to those truths, but the one thing we miss is how those same earthly truths can take up all the room in our mind and heart, leaving little room for heavenly truth. The heavenly truth is that none of this is a surprise to God. There’s no secret conspiracies to Him. He’s not worried about the bad guys pulling one over on us, and He holds the key to justice. Yes, God gives us courage to demand truth, and He gives us knowledge to ask questions and seek the right answers, but He is never the author of confusion. He will never have us chasing our tail or running through rabbit hole after rabbit hole for the heck of it. If you find yourself consumed or worried as of late, I would encourage you to go to the one source you know without a doubt is true, the Bible. Ask the Lord to reveal His Heavenly truth to you through His word. God speaks to us in many ways, but I’m not ready to believe He’s doing it through every YouTube or Facebook video that goes across my feed.

Isaiah 8:12 ESV

Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread.

What Really Caused the Shooting in Virginia Beach?

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I was standing in a patient’s room waiting for him to take his medicine when I saw the breaking news story on TV about the shooting in Virginia Beach. I stood in slack-jawed shock as the pictures of the victims appeared on the screen with their name and years of public service.

40 years, one caption read. I felt like I would cry. A man who had worked in the same job for forty years would not report to work Monday. For some reason that hit me hard. I knew neither he nor his family dreamed his day would end in tragedy. The senselessness of the murder of so many people, simply doing their job (much like I was doing at the time), hurt my heart. It also made me consider how easily something like this could happen, to anyone. There you are passing medicines, answering a phone, ringing up items on a cash register, or turning a screwdriver when bam, life as you know it here on earth ends. Your family is left to pick up the pieces, and the world is left to try and figure out why.

Why did the gunman shoot those people?

I don’t have to keep watching the news to guess the hypotheses that will be drawn. “Experts” will pipe in with their educated guess on what happened to cause the psychological break of this individual. Or political hopefuls with hidden agendas will feign empathy as they elevate their particular platform cause as the instigation behind such tragedy. They’ll all be wrong. Sure, some issues may aggravate the situation, but there’s no need to try and weigh nurture versus nature if you refuse to look at the real root cause.

It’s not gun laws or how long one has to wait for a handgun. It’s not poverty or socioeconomic constraints. It’s not mental health access problems coupled by lack of insurance issues. It’s not a failing judicial system or problems with a building’s security. That’s not the cause. Sure, these are problems, and many of these can be improved upon. But it’s the issue we ignore that’s at the base of tragedies like today.

See, it’s not just yesterday’s shooting. As I was reading an article about the VA Beach shooting one sad fact stuck out to me. The article stated this to be “the United States’ worse mass shooting since November.” It wasn’t that it was the worst (although that’s horrible), but rather that it was the worst (only) since November. Meaning that a similar tragedy had occurred just half a year prior. That’s sad.

Have you noticed that mass shootings seem more common? Have you noticed school shootings on the rise in the past fifteen years? What about human trafficking, for that matter? Abuse, violence, even child abduction? It seems to me that things I must worry with about my children’s safety weren’t as much a concern for my parents. Times have changed, people say, and it certainly seems true. You could argue that we know more now than we did fifty years ago. With social media, cable news channels, and the internet we have a heightened awareness of the world at large. I suppose that is certainly true, but I tend to believe that the root problem has multiplied. I mean, the Bible has warned us for years it would.

Today, as I prayed about how I should write on this topic, I felt the Lord impress some wisdom into my heart. Wisdom that needs to be shared.

I felt like God said, “you have to stop denying the existence of evil among you.”

Have you ever read the Old Testament?! Talk about evil! They frequently threw their kids into the fire as a sacrifice to Molech. I mean, can you say crazy?! But are we any better now? We can easily look back at Biblical child sacrifice and proclaim, “that’s evil!” That’s demonic, for sure! Am I right? Yet since 1973 well over 54 million babies have been sacrificed legally. Evil exists today, but we call it things like progress or human rights. Now, that’s not to say I’m implying that people who have an abortion are evil. I’m not! But I do believe it is the powers of darkness that tell us murder isn’t murder or sin isn’t sin. See, evil nowadays has become more tricky. It disguises itself as something else. We don’t even think about words like evil or the devil.

First, realize that I’m not giving Satan power by blaming him for tragedy among us. Rather, I am recognizing the battle we face in this world. We aren’t fighting terrorists, human traffickers, shooters, or child molesters. I mean, we do battle those particular outlets of evil in the flesh, but we must also recognize the spiritual significance of the problems we come against. It’s not guns or an unwanted pregnancy that causes death and destruction anymore than it was a flame that caused the sacrificial burning of children by the Canaanites. Yes, fire killed the kids, but Satan was the real principality behind the bull statue/idol. Yes, a gun ripped through the victims in VA Beach, and it was a man who fired the weapon, but who do you think influenced his actions? You could blame his parents, I suppose, but where did the chain of abuse begin? What is it we’re really fighting? What is the root cause of tragedy and death?

Is it a chemical imbalance that causes a man to rape an eighteen month old child? Maybe it’s a tough upbringing. No, it’s pure evil. What else can make people do some of the heinous things they do if not demonic influence?

But people don’t like to talk about Satan. It makes them feel silly cause they can’t see him. They picture the old cartoon drawings of the red skin and pointy horns, forked tail and a sinister grin with matching, curly mustache. Of course they feel silly blaming a caricature. But if you believe in God, and you believe in the Bible, then you must follow the warnings of Jesus about the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Yes, there are bad people out there, but recognize what power is influencing their life.

We see atrocities over the past few decades that once only existed in less civilized countries. Do you wonder why terrorism, rampant crime, and sadistic abuse now dominate your news feed? It’s not just because bad news sells. It’s because a country that once primarily served God has turned its back on Him. We no longer exist under the hedge of His protection like we once did. His faithful remnant remain, but evil will make its last rise before Jesus prevails once and for all. This has been prophesied, so don’t be surprised.

What can we do about this evil? If we can understand and believe that it’s not merely flesh and blood we battle, but principalities and powers of darkness, then we must stand for good. We must be the light. When we can stop hiding our heads in the sand and blaming guns, bad neighborhoods, or video games we will be able to stand firm in the spirit of truth.

We must take seriously our role in spreading God’s truth. 90% of the population lives its own little life with little thought to the eternal existence of those around them. We have forgotten The Great Commission. We think it’s up to those called to ministry or the mission field to tell folks about Jesus. Do you go about your day and never make a single positive impact for God’s kingdom? It’s this world that suffers from Christian complacency and comfort. We usher in evil when we do nothing. Let that sink in.

We need to be on our knees praying for people’s souls, but also opening our ears to how God may use us to lead people to Him. We must stand firm against evil by being the salt of the earth. We must walk in goodness, stand for truth, fight for the innocent, and ready our armor against evil. Read the Bible to be aware, open your eyes to spiritual warfare around you, and claim victory in Jesus name. The angel warriors of God gain strength through prayers of the saints. That’s you!

We need to be giving to our church and ministries that spread the love of Jesus, but we also gotta show that same love in our everyday interactions with others. The best roadmap to salvation for someone is watching your life. Not everyone will attend church with you, but they will watch how you react to conflict or treat a coworker.

We must stand up for what is right. We must not bury our heads in the sand or hide in our prayer closets. Yes, we must continuously intercede through prayerful petition, but the world also needs a dose of truth to know the way. We can’t expect them to simply find it on their own. Road to Damascus moments don’t happen everyday. God is counting on us to be the voice of reason, eye-opener, and best example of Christ’s love.

We cannot keep living life oblivious. We can’t keep marching to the own drum of our perfect little lives, ignoring the plight of this world, shaking our head and saying, “that’s so sad,” but then heading out to LongHorn for a steak dinner, never letting distant tragedy cross our minds again. Instead we’ll complain over slow service from the waiter and give a crappy tip while we wear our “I just need coffee and Jesus” T-shirt. No, sister. You need to show people Jesus. Just saying.

What really caused the shooting of innocent employees in VA Beach? I’ll give you a hint. It wasn’t just the over abundant rage of a disgruntled employee whose daddy whipped him as a child. It was the same root cause behind all things that try and stand against the goodness of God. It was evil. Plain and simple.

Why do things like this continue to happen, but also at an alarmingly high rate? Because we, God’s people, are doing nothing about the root cause. We’re being overly distracted by politics and numerous other side notes. Guess what? Distraction is from the devil too. It’s true.

Evil takes root when good hides its light under a bowl. Evil rears it’s head when good people do nothing. Evil stands tall when we bunker down in fear. Evil multiplies when we allow it.

So what really caused the Virginia Beach shooting? Maybe it’s us. Maybe we did.