We’re this very weird family that loves spending time together. Do the children ever get on my nerves? Of course! But for the most part we’re inseparable. That’s why moving into an RV wasn’t a big deal. Although we had a large house before, we spent most of our time together in one room, so it wasn’t too much of a stretch to shrink our future home to the size of that prior family room. We choose to educate our children at home, to make it work somehow that daycare doesn’t come into play. We even co-sleep, and while I don’t get “perfect” sleep with them all in the bed, I can’t imagine it any other way. Late at night my husband and I will peer in awe at our sleeping children, commenting how much we wish we could freeze time.
But… don’t get the idea that my hubby and I don’t look fondly forward to the idea of being just the two of us one day. I mean, going somewhere fun without someone whining and complaining about their feet hurting or being bored? That. Sounds. Lovely. So, yes, we’re a tight knit family, but my spouse and I are an even closer couple.
Y’all, I could seriously spend 24/7 with that man. I never get tired of his presence. Even if we’re doing our own thing, separate from the other (because, come on, I can’t get into his computer games), there’s something special about being in the same room together. I’ll read my book while he fights evil pixels, and everything feels safe and in balance when we’re breathing the same space of air. It just does. I guess you could say, he’s the salsa to my taco. Or perhaps the promising rainbow after my rain. I know it sounds sappy, but I have to agree with Tom Cruise (and that’s the only time you’ll hear me say that). My husband completes me.
Well, as I stood outside last night, with one daughter curled up under each arm sobbing, it struck me. They waved goodbye, trying hard to smile as tears ran down their cheeks, and the positive aspect of my husband pulling away came into my mind. I squeezed my daughters close as they buried their wet faces in my ribs, and I realized just how blessed we were. Even as my soulmate left for the airport to take a trip without me by his side, I felt blessed.
I had someone to miss.
I don’t suppose that crosses my mind that often. I mean, I thanked God for my spouse frequently, but it was also easy to comfortably take for granted the love we shared. Marriage with him was so easy, and sadly, it wasn’t that way for everyone. I had a warrior in my corner, a man who would lay down his life to save my own. Not all damsels in distress had a knight, and even if they did, the armor wasn’t usually shining. I had someone to miss, and as my husband’s taillights dwindled, I knew our feelings would not. Each day our relationship grew, and for some friends I knew theirs had hit a roadblock. For others, perhaps a dead end. Our journey together felt like it was only beginning, and for that I could not feel sad.
Well, let me tell you. A person missing from the family bed does not make it more comfortable and spacious! I don’t know if all these years he’s been a buffer, intercepting kicks on my behalf, or what, but I do know that last night (without my husband present) was not a good night’s rest. I’m glad he’s back in two days. You see, I have someone who’s coming back.
As I held my daughters in bed last night I thought about that. Their daddy would be coming back. When I was the youngest two girls’ ages, my father left and didn’t come back. He didn’t look back. And to this day, he didn’t try and make up for lost time. Sometimes I felt easily forgettable, like a part of me was still an eight year old girl who it was so uncomplicated to give up. I wonder sometimes, thinking back on my long, laundry list of desperate love conquests, if God gave me Ben so I could feel especially loved and held dear. I think that’s probably it. He’s my gift from above to help heal the wounded edges of rejection that try to keep residence in my heart.
I have someone to miss.
I have someone who comes back after they leave.
I have someone who loves me and our children more than himself, and if I need to share him with others in his life for a day or two, I suppose I can spread the wealth. Lol.
But don’t think I’m not on countdown! Nor that I’ll get any sleep tonight.