If having kids has taught me anything it’s that kids ask a lot of questions. It’s basically a continuous outpouring of them, and the parent is left feeling like they’ve been under police custody for the day and been made to suffer through a constant interrogation by officers under four feet tall.
On one hand you’re really proud of their intelligence and inquisitive nature, but on the other you’re just ready to check out. The non-stop questioning is like an ice pick in the cerebrum, and you find yourself taking a mental vacation even as the questions continue.
I decided to make a record of the questions my three year old would ask me in a given day. This list is strictly for a 24 hour period, and while I’m certain she’s asked more outrageous questions before, the ones below are just from today.
I’ve also left out questions in the form of parental requests for brevity sake. For example, the endless questions like, “Can you fix me cheese? Can I go outside? Can you hold me? Can you wipe my booty?” and other similar requests will be left out of this post. If I included them you would likely never reach the end. But I’ll try to include everything else.
On waking up:
Is it morning yet? Is it time to get up? Will you come into the living room with me? Can you fix me chocolate milk? Is the baby awake? Can I go get the baby? Can we watch a kid show?
On making breakfast:
Can I help? Can I break the eggs? Can I stir it? Can I use the flippy thing? Have you ever flipped an egg? (Performs imaginary example of egg flipping and spills bowl of egg mixture on floor.) Can I clean it up? Can I have bacon? Why is bacon hard before you cook it? (That doesn’t even make sense.) Why do you press it down? Can I press it down? Can I cut? Can I cut with that thing? Can I do that?
When I mistakenly let her know about plans ahead of time:
Is it time for the party now? How long till the party? When is the party? When will it be two? Which one is the two? (Points at clock.) How long do I have to wait? How long is a couple of hours? Is it forever? Is that how long it is? (Falls on floor dramatically.)
On the facts of life:
What is my poonie for? Yeah, besides peeing, what’s it for? So, did me and sister come out of your poonie then? But how? Poonies are so small! Well, where are babies at before they get in mommy’s tummies? (Please someone save me!)
While I’m on the phone:
Who is that mom? What are they saying? Can I talk to them? Can you build a doghouse with me now? (Insert request for edibles.)
Out of left field: (These kind are probably my favorite and are interspersed randomly throughout the day.)
Is it my birthday today? Well, whose birthday is it then? Are my eyes red? What does a real princess do? Are full body mirrors real? Hey, do you know what shots do? Wanna make a burger with me outside? With two pickles? How do you make friends? Why do boys smoke? Does the doggy have a husband? How pretty am I today?
While getting ready:
Can I put on make-up? Can I use this? Can you open it? Member that day you let me use this? Can it be like that day again? (Insert request for edibles.)
On backseat driving:
Where are we going? When will we get there? Why did you stop? Why did you turn here? Why are you going in there? Is this where we’re going? What is that in there? Are we going in that door? The one with the blue sign? Points in random direction at what could be a million things and asks, what is that thing?
Favorite questions repeated throughout the day:
What is that? What are you doing? Why? Can I do that? Is the baby supposed to be doing that?
When leaving somewhere fun:
Why do we have to leave? When can we come back? Why aren’t those people leaving? Can we do this again? Why do we have to leave?! (Insert epic meltdown.)
While outside:
Why is everything wet? Did it rain? Did it rain on those rocks that are wet? Did it rain on the tree? Why did it rain on the sidewalk? What is that green thing? Is that a bug? Did it rain on that bug? Is it dead? Did it drown? Will it go to Heaven?
During craft time:
As I pull out paints that have been put away for approximately two weeks. Where have those been? Hey, do you remember those? Are those old? Do you think they’re any good? What’s that color? What’s your favorite color? Is that a bubble? Can I pop it? Are you gonna paint with me? What color does this make? Can I use pink? Can I paint her eyes pink? Did you know this girl I’m painting likes pink just like me? Why is your paint brush bigger? Do you like how I did it? Does her neck look good purple? (Insert request for edibles.)
On marriage and family: (This is a continuing, important subject we seem to revisit frequently.)
Will I get married when I get bigger? Do I have to live with my husband? Can I live with you guys forever? Can I marry Daddy?
When her dad comes home from work early:
What are you doing here? How did you get off early? How can you make me money if you’re here? Did you know I got a tattoo today?
By 7pm I had to end this post. I just knew it would go on and on, just like my three year old’s questions. She’s kind of like Lay’s potato chips where you keep eating them because they’ll make more. No matter how many questions I answer, she’ll always have more. I’ll admit though, it makes me smile. Asinine and outrageous questioning is my parental entertainment.
Who out there can relate? Does this sound familiar?