We waited our turn in the long, slow-moving line as the sun beat down on our sweaty foreheads. Ahead I saw only three windows open to grant admission to the local zoo, and that seemed too few for a busy Saturday. When we finally made our way to the front of the line I could see the frazzled frustration and fatigue of the older woman dealing out our tickets. Eyes downcast, brow set in a determined frown, she busied herself with the task at hand, not looking up at our approach while she called out, “how many?”
Against my quiet character I felt the necessity to answer with more than just the number count of our crew. So after commenting back the answer she desired I added, “how are you doing today?”
Along with my question I presented her with a genuine smile. It was the kind of expression that lit up a face, that offered kindness. The type of facial expression that exuded joy while also offering a true desire to interact on more than just the typical business level. In other words, my smile, my inquiring eyes, crinkled at the corner and beaming with contentment spoke more than just a cursory question. My countenance spoke that I really wanted to know. I saw her as a human, not just a ticket machine, and I cared. Sometimes that’s all a person needs.
Now, I’m not trying to say I hold a deep affection for strangers. And such a fake sentiment would surely show. Yet I did love her as a fellow person in this world, trying to transverse through the difficult mess of it, just like me. A sister almost, even if not by blood. I had not always seen others this way. Sometimes I still didn’t, but I was trying.
At my question the most amazing thing occurred. As if an invisible veil was lifted, so did the dredging darkness from her face. She looked up, her eyes took on a spark, and her entire appearance transformed. So light was her spirit at that moment, so airy, so encouraged. She smiled back, a big one, and she began to animatedly share about her day. A friendly banter among strangers. My heart felt as light and airy as her countenance had appeared.
As I walked away I thought about her response to my interaction. It had been a joy to watch. Someone having a busy, difficult day, found some glee in the middle of it by something as simple as a smile and question directed towards her well-being. It reminded me of how on a hard day of bedside nursing I could be lifted out of my pit of despair by a friendly patient with a compliment and smile. Funny how kind interaction could alter someone’s little universe.
I can remember a time back just a few years when I celebrated my inability to function in social situations. A self-proclaimed introvert, I shied from conversation, kept my eyes averted, and walked the other way if I saw someone in the store I knew. It was simply easier for me that way. Interaction made me uncomfortable, people weren’t my favorite thing, other than the select few I invited into my life.
But I have begun to question lately… is being an introvert from God?
I mean, I know He makes us all unique. I’ve tried to embrace my idiosyncrasies over the years, and instead of feeling like an outcast, see myself as a special creation designed by God. And that’s all true and good. I am how He designed me to be. But I am also what the world has shaped me to be.
So, could my once-celebrated introversion be a side effect of rejection, hurt feelings, and loss? After years of being left behind, excluded, or put down, did I put on a garment of introversion like a shield to protect me from harm? I mean, man can be cruel. Sometimes it’s easier to just avoid it all together.
Over the years, as I read the Bible more and sought God’s will for my life, I realized a disconnect from how Jesus interacted with people and how I did. My actions and behaviors didn’t inspire the love of the Father. I wasn’t offering comfort or serving others in need. I was avoiding them. Almost running from them. And yeah, in Walmart, exactly that sometimes. I began to see that Jesus was calling me for more. He wasn’t asking me to become the life of the party and exceed my limits of human interaction. I mean, even Jesus went alone by Himself to rest. He wasn’t asking me to be someone else, but He was encouraging me to stretch my ability to love others and shine His light.
It was uncomfortable for me at first, and sometimes it still is. Yet I will feel an encouragement from His Holy Spirit to reach out often. A gentle whisper inside me will say, “ask her how her day is going.” Like it did this last weekend at the zoo. It may seem like a very small thing in the grand kingdom of God, but even the small parts are valuable to our Father. Even the small gestures, kind words, or helping hand can move mountains when accompanied by the Lord.
Opening a door for a stranger, a smile, a friendly conversation. Small tokens that show someone they are seen, they are worthy, they are special. The devil would tell us these gestures are too small to even be noticed. Satan will tell you to place a wall around yourself, stay in your lane, keep your head down, and worry about you and yours. But Jesus would say you are a house on a hill. He’d tell you to turn on the porch light, invite that neighbor over, feed them at the table. Everyone just wants a seat at the table.
I’m a work in progress. Social interaction still isn’t my jam, but I am stepping out more. I no longer celebrate being an introvert. Instead I stretch my extrovert muscle. I’ll never show the love of Jesus locked inside myself. So I try each day to let others in. I’m an introvert reformed. Funny what God can do.
Ruthie says
Beautiful
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Celise says
Good one! I’ve also been an introvert all my life. Like you, I feel convicted that avoiding others is just not God’s way. So I volunteered to be a greeter at church. Wel’ll see how it goes. Never thought I would do something like that. Funny what God can do, eh?
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Definitely. Praying God uses this to gently stretch you where He wants you to be!
Amy says
Love this. I can identify with this so much.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Charlene says
Little things with great love – what a testimony. Thanks for the encouragement from one intovert to another. I am glad you are not an “introvert” when it comes to sharing on this blog about your deep insights from the Lord. Thanks again for a great post.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Dave says
It’s a good thing to be friendly and I try but I have learned to be ready to feel rejection for varied reasons depending on the person! In this day of sexual harassment claims I find myself constantly trying not to give off vibes that can be taken the wrong way especially with women now that I’m old enough to be looked at as a dirty old man! I hope you don’t regard my response as negative to what you are telling us as a kind word does go a long way in this world we live in and I try to always say something appropriate to all but try to use my words wisely! I’m the guy that will always hold the door for you with a smile too hoping it brings a smile or thank you! Sadly sometimes there is no smile or thanks! But that’s okay! Being a quiet person makes me struggle to talk a lots and when I speak to a person who controls the conversation and won’t let a soft speaker like me get in a word it gets discouraging! We quiet ones have something to say too if someone will listen!! In my job at Disney I had to become louder and more aggressive with some but I didn’t like it! I can write a lots as you can tell from my responses on your blog so I use this as an outlet for my thoughts! I wonder if God just makes some of us writers instead of conversationalists! I constantly try to respond to friends or strangers on FB to let them know I acknowledge them as I can write something without being cut off! But I ask God to help me be a good friendly person and to be able to respond to all in a way that will make them feel like someone appreciates them and if a door opens then I hope I can let them know their Creator loves them even if you get the look!! The look being that they don’t want to hear that God stuff! You never know what you will get but I know God loves us all and I know Jesus would try to let all He meets feel appreciated! He certainly got the “look” from the doubters in His days on earth but it did not deter Him!! Introverts can learn a lots from Jesus!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I think you’re right. God gifts us all differently. I’ve always found writing my feelings easier than speaking them out loud, and since I was a child gave cards and letters as gifts for people I loved.
Dave says
Yes! Me too Brie! I do try being outwardly nice to all! I tend to take people’s reactions to my friendliness too personally & it bothers me when they pay little attention or seem to want to get away from me! I learned so much valuable stuff while working at Disney supervising people to always listen to all suggestions but also seek out and go to that quiet one sometimes one on one as there is often a treasure trove of wisdom in some who do not speak up much! I used to get so frustrated with the loud ones getting all the attention and respect when me and other quiet ones often had a lots to offer but were blown off because no one wanted to take time to listen to someone who often didn’t speak up because they couldn’t talk as impressively as others! Here I go again writing a book but thank you for giving me this outlet! I truly enjoy your posts! May God bless and keep you and your precious family!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
And I love your comments. 🙂