Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

Are We Nineveh?

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Are we Nineveh? This is the question that popped into my head this morning as I sat quietly before the Lord sipping my coffee. I opened my Bible to the book of Jonah, and as suspected I felt the Holy Spirit reveal many answers to the question that had been poised in my mind. In fact, many more answers than I anticipated.

Everyone remembers the story of Nineveh, Jonah, and of course, the whale. I think during unprecedented times in life, such as we’ve been seeing in 2020, it’s only natural to figure God must be involved. Of course, He’s always involved in our lives, but it’s the things that shake us that cause most people to take notice of His hand. When the going gets tough, knees get to bending, and even I have been saying since early March that I believe God is doing something big in our country right now. This morning I woke from my dreams, unsure what they had been, but very strongly hearing the words “great awakening” echoing through my mind.

If we consider the town of Nineveh we immediately remember its wickedness. I mean, even Jonah says of the place, “those who cling to worthless idols turn from God’s love for them.”

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, or even a terribly convincing storm at sea to tell us that our country clings to worthless idols. We worship celebrities, trust in stock options and account balances, and spend more time on reality television consumption than soaking in scripture. Of course, we are Nineveh, right?! One look at cable television, the state of marriage and family, or even how many hours of overtime we pull a week instead of quality time spent with those we love will tell the tale. Our country has to be Nineveh! And God has been trying to capture the attention this year of a Nation gone bad.

As I read the book of Jonah, though, I found words that didn’t quite gel with my assumptions. Certain that the Christian Church was the role of Jonah, the messenger sent to set a country afire with the truth of God’s mighty hand of vengeance, I made my way through the familiar tale. Understanding that the whale was God’s Grace for the church that had too long remained silent, and that like how God had rescued the fleeing man in the belly of a fish, He could carry us believers through the storms of this year. We had only to stand firm for truth, justice, and the sovereignty of the Heavenly Father we served. Yes, we could deliver the message of God to an evil Nineveh; I was sure of it. Our country was on the brink of destruction. It wasn’t the first whisper of end times.

But then came the part that upended my assumptions. When Jonah came in hard and fast with his word from the Lord it didn’t go as I would think. The sinning people didn’t throw him out of the gate with a busted nose and bruised ego. They didn’t even laugh. They didn’t come up with reasons why this weird man, smelling strangely of whale innards, must be off his rocker, or perhaps on a secret mission from a crooked government. They didn’t come up with a hundred conspiracy theories for why Jonah would falsify this message, or change the subject to how the fish that brought him in was also carrying illegal citizens in its belly. The people of Nineveh weren’t worried Jonah had an ulterior motive to take their weapons (cause he was from an enemy city, after all), or that being from another region, he simply wished to push his beliefs onto them. No one said, “hey, Jonah. Why are you coming here to us in Nineveh? What about the people of Mosul? They are much more wicked! Don’t the lives of Mosul citizens matter?”

The people of Nineveh did none of those things. Instead they began fasting and putting on sackcloth. They repented for their wrongdoing, and they sought to change their ways so the God of truth would have mercy on them. In fact, their King set the perfect example. He put forth orders for fasting and commanded all his kingdom to serve the One true God, to seek repentance, and to hopefully find favor in His eyes, preventing the fall of their city. I realized at this point there was no way we were Nineveh. The Lord had been trying to get our attention since the beginning of the year. He had sent plenty of messages, in the forms of pandemic and civil unrest, and we had scoffed at them all. We had continued to serve our idols in the forms of politics and personal rights. We had turned from God’s love in favor of fights over flags and fantastic distractions from the enemy in all its YouTube glory. Barely a one put on even a bit of sackcloth at all.

In the end of the book of Jonah we find an abrupt conclusion with a very angry Jonah. The Lord, in His boundless mercy, has given grace to Nineveh. He has decided to not destroy them, and we find Jonah raving mad about it. Here we have Nineveh (a city of sinners) and we have a righteous Jonah. I mean, sure he tried to shirk his duty initially, but being in the belly of a whale for three days has to count for something. Jonah cannot believe that God made him come all the way out here for people nothing like him, and when it’s all over they get the same love Jonah himself does. He’s so beside himself he decides to take a nap, under a tree that God has provided. He likes the tree. But to prove a point the Lord takes it away. Jonah awakens with his anger about the dead tree, but God sets him straight. The end.

I did say abrupt, right? I think it’s because God’s word should be the final one on any matter. At the end we find Jonah mad at other children of God getting more favor than he thinks they deserve, and even angry about something as pointless as a shade tree. But the Lord is quick to remind Jonah what is important at this moment. Loving His people (even the sinners of Nineveh). God’s love is truly boundless. We aren’t left knowing if Jonah got God’s point, and I think that may be where we stand as a country now.

We are Jonah. We’re angry at all the wrong things, forgetting that the grace and love our Father models is what is most important. Our country may indeed be like a Nineveh of sorts, turning towards all kinds of idols and false teachings, but I could only hope and pray that we all could be like Nineveh in our repentance. Yet instead of falling on our knees humbly seeking God’s forgiveness, we are ignoring the messages He is sending. Rather than being a Nineveh with ears to hear, we are a Jonah, quick to run away from God’s will, quick to become angry at little things we consider personal affronts, and quick to judge everyone and everything under God except our own shortcomings.

Are we Nineveh? One can only hope. One can only pray that our king and our people (all our people) will humble themselves before God. Perhaps if we can lay down our perceived anger and take our focus off the vines/shade tree that doesn’t matter in a kingdom (of Heaven) sense, then God will spare our land. One can only hope.

Confessions of a Conservative Christian

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As I watched the rain come down in long, wet sheets I felt the Spirit of the Lord. He was in the cool wind that blew rivers of rain down the sidewalk and in the laughter of my nine year old as she laughed, jumping through puddles gleefully. He was everywhere, but mostly He was in my heart, whispering His desire to pour down His rain. As I watched the summer storm blow through my neighborhood, I knew this was what we needed most. A washing, a refreshing, a cleansing, to take away all the things we cling to, all the things not of Jesus, and to bring us back to His heart.

His heart. That is what had come to me earlier. As I drove and prayed the word “heartbeat” came to mind. Don’t laugh, but for some reason I thought of that scene from the movie with Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing, where he is trying to teach the clumsy Francis Houseman how to find her rhythm. He places his hand over hers, on his heart, and he says “lubdub, lubdub,” showing her that moving through dance steps is like feeling the beat through your whole body. I think his words were, “it’s a feeling,” and I understood God was wanting us to get His feeling for the world.

I felt like the Lord was telling me that we needed to get in sync with His heartbeat, and until we could do that, we couldn’t move in the right direction. The Word says we’re one body, but the fact is a body has a head. Unless we’re following the leader it doesn’t work. If one foot wants to go right, and the other foot wants to go left, you don’t end up actually going anywhere.

Naturally this thought led to political parties. I’ve heard a lot of that going on lately. People being accused of leaning one direction too far, and it made me wonder if we couldn’t just go straight, following the true compass for our direction. I have always considered myself a Republican, a Conservative Christian, but society had left me lately feeling like a vagabond, like a wanderer, a sojourner searching for my way home. The thing I was discovering was that perhaps the place I had always felt so comfortable wasn’t my home anymore. Perhaps the Lord was leading me to His home.

Democrat and Liberal had always been like dirty words where I came from, and I certainly couldn’t bend on my moral views. Some things the left stood for I couldn’t stand with, but many ways the right was acting didn’t settle right with my spirit. To me, we all had it jacked up, and we had gotten so busy building our own agendas, we forgot the cornerstone that had been laid down. God was calling us back to that foundation, that heartbeat, that place of love we had wandered away from.

Over the past couple of months I had seen more bickering, more disagreement, and more division than ever before. It’s like the country had two sides, you had to pick which camp you wanted to be a part of, but sadly neither seemed to be a place I’d want to lay my head down at night. I certainly wouldn’t sleep peacefully being a part of either. Then I started to notice other lost children running around in the wilderness in between. Good people, with good hearts, who couldn’t find there place in what the world had become. God was opening the eyes of His children, and once open many of us couldn’t believe what we were seeing. Had we always been blind to how off track we had gotten?

The more I’ve fallen in love with scripture over the past few years, the more I consume the truth therein, the more I see what Jesus wants for His church. One body, unified. His Spirit, in us. Us in Him, seated together with the Father in Heavenly places. Not just after we die, but now, while we wait for His return. We have been commissioned to draw all people to His table, but we forgot that along the way. Instead we decided to throw our own dinner party.

We’ve stopping listening to God’s word and applying it to our lives. We separated church and state, yet stand on our religion to throw large stones at those who are different than us. We have built idols out of our political party, and we’ve covered our home and families with banners made of cloth, rather than banners of His protection and love. We have thrown down the greatest commandment, in favor of cherry-picking the ones that meet our agenda. We have made our buildings and our denominations our house of worship. We have forgotten the temple is us, and the work of Jesus starts in our hearts. Like the Pharisees we have become more consumed with what goes into a man, and turned a blind eye to what comes out. We’re ok with leaders who speak hatred, because they give us better employment rates. We’re ok with leaders who don’t emulate the love of Jesus, because that only matters when we need His love to apply to us. We want the favor of God. We even say we want our country built on that same God in which we trust, yet we close that country’s doors to anyone we deem unworthy of entry. We shout for threat of someone taking our religious freedom, yet we spit in the face of Christianity when we treat our fellow man with hatred, inequality, bigotry, and rage. It’s as if religion has become our God, not the actual Savior who redeemed us.

Gosh, there are so many examples of current policy that somehow go against the teachings of Jesus, and while I feel like it’s as plain as the nose on my face, for others the veil of deception is heavy. If we hold the title of Christian then we are good. If our leaders hold the title of Christian, we/they are good. We can check that box on our ticket to Heaven, yet God is asking more of us. We can no longer be the church just in name. God is calling us to be the church in our actions. He is calling us to follow the beat of His heart, not the beat of our own drum. If our politics are beating out of sync with the lubdub of His love, then I believe we are entering a season where He is calling us to a new way.

What if the things we have always known, the sides we have always taken, and the direction we have always stepped needs a revamp. Instead of going to the left, or going to the right, the Lord is saying, “come this way. Follow me.” That is what we have forgotten. How to follow the way of Jesus. It’s right there in red print, but we miss it all the time. Instead of doing things the way we’ve always done, we listen for His heartbeat for our steps. We follow His directions, His example, and we stop supporting anything that doesn’t measure up to that.

I think one hindrance to following the Jesus beat is that it requires us to admit we’ve been doing things wrong. It requires us to humbly confess our wrongdoing and mistakes. It often means doing an about-face and taking another way. It means letting go of our pride in favor of His truth, truth that’s not always easy to swallow because it’s so different from what the world feeds us. But guys, the systems of this world are broken. We can’t keep expecting them to work. It’s time to develop new systems, systems built on Jesus, His heart, His way, His truth.

The systems of this world are like a stain that clings to our Spirit. This is why the enemy can so easily deceive those of us under the spell of our beloved worldly systems. But I believe we are in a rainy season. I believe storms have been building, brewing, and the Heavens are going to pour forth a cleansing rain. Eyes are opening, ears are hearing, and hearts are breaking for truth. Gifts are being poured out on God’s people, and He is calling forth those who follow Him to speak what He is saying. He is calling us to be the new church, one body that doesn’t try to go in opposite directions, but that stays centered on the heartbeat of His love and grace.

Are you tired of the way the world has been going? Me too. I believe God is saying it’s time for things to change. It’s time to do things differently. I don’t know all the answers of how this will work, but I believe as we listen to His heartbeat for people we will gain wisdom for next steps. I’m not naive. I understand the country is run on more than love, but I do strongly believe that should remain the foundation and the filter through which we make our decisions. Join me in prayer as I pray for rain, as I pray for our Nation to get the feeling of His heart, and that we may begin to walk in step, as one, in Spirit and truth, towards the future the Lord has for His church.

As I finished up this post, my husband called me outside to see the large rainbow that covered us. It was God’s covenant, not to destroy us, His promise for our future. If ever there has been a time we need that promise, I believe it is now. But first comes the rain.

We Have Entered a Season of Distraction

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We have entered a difficult season in 2020. It has brought with it unprecedented situations, placing us all in a spot we could have never before fathomed. I remember back in late March of this year feeling like life resembled a Sci-Fi movie, and now it resembles bad, reality tv. I have been saying for months now that I believe something is happening. I believe God is doing something. Perhaps it’s a rebirth, and perhaps He has begun to sort the wheat from the chaff. I wonder, if in this season of difficulty we haven’t also entered a season of testing, and I wonder how we will all come out on the other side.

Yesterday on my way to church I began to pray in the Spirit and immediately had a vision of a piece of metal being forged in a fire. It was a sword. I felt the Lord impress to my heart that we as a Nation were in a purification process, a fire of sorts, designed to burn away all the things not of Him. I realized, of course, that fire is hot. It burns. Many of us would leave the fire of God, drawn to false light, where it was certainly more comfortable, but in doing so we would miss becoming the finished product He intended us to be through this time.

I feel like when we pass through difficult seasons we have two paths we can take. We can take the less traveled, narrow path of Jesus, or we can take the wide and comfortable path. But I guess you remember where that leads. Destruction. I think the problem may come in knowing which path is which, because it’s easy to stumble on distraction from the enemy and get off course before we realize. So I’m going to talk about some ways I believe we lose our course. Consider this a loving, course correction.

Remember the sword in the fire, being forged by the flame to strengthen it? You see, God places us in situations so He can make us more like His Son, and if we’re not seeing Christ in the reflection, then we’ve moved away from the flame (the Holy Spirit). The narrow path, or the hot seat, if you will, isn’t a comfortable path to tread. Your opinion will not be popular. Have you ever heard people say that change is hard? It’s because it’s easier to stay the same. With change, growth, and refinement we must alter the way we have always thought or been taught to line up more with scripture. That is why the path is narrow.

I have seen a lot of things I consider distraction during this season. Distraction comes from the devil, and it is designed to take our eye off what God is doing from a Kingdom mindset. Please understand, this world is not our home, and the offenses we might consider important are not in the grand scheme of eternity. If you find yourself upset over a material thing, consider this might be a distraction by the enemy to take your eyes off what God is really wanting to do.

So, what is eternal? Is it a piece of cloth, or is it a soul being led to Jesus? I won’t mince words here or tiptoe around the subject. It’s really too late for all that. If you are a proclaiming Christian, but you are more concerned with what banner flies over your state than you are with the feelings of brothers and sisters in Christ, then you might just be distracted from what God is really trying to do in our country. He desires all people to come to Christ. It’s easier for followers of Jesus to lay down petty indifferences, but for a nonbeliever, they will only know the heart of God through your actions. So I ask, are your actions bringing nonbelievers to Jesus? That, my friends, is a kingdom mindset. Not pride, heritage, or personal opinion. We should only be interested in the opinion of Christ.

But back to distraction. I first saw it come in fast and hard during the difficult time of social isolation. As people sat at home, worrying about their health, their finances, or their stock options, instead of taking their concerns to Jesus, they found peace in YouTube. It’s laughable, except it’s not.

During a time when people were afraid (and really the basis of this issue is fear), they sought something to give them a sense of control. They couldn’t understand or stop a novel virus, but they could gain a sense of power in knowledge. Remember that tree the Lord instructed Adam not to eat from? As a learned woman, I am all about the pursuit of knowledge, but knowledge becomes a stumbling block when it instills fear. Do you recall Adam and Eve hiding after they had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? God calls to Adam, and Adam finally responds that he was hiding from God, fearful because he was naked.

God asked, “who told you that you were naked?”

Today, I wonder, who tells us what we should fear? What we should place of value? What we hold as an idol above God? I watched hundreds of friends place their trust in their pursuit of awareness. I’m all for being aware (or woke, if you will), but if I am placing my hope in my own awareness, what good is it? I saw so many conspiracy theories, all promoting themselves as “the truth,” but in this false light we were rejecting the real truth. People became so distracted by what someone else (serpent or otherwise) was proclaiming as the truth, that they missed what God was doing with COVID.

God was trying to bring His children closer, show them His heart, show them His provision, His healing, and His power. That fire burned, y’all, and many of us jumped out to pursue a false light. We spent time chasing a white rabbit rather than seeking the Heart of the Father. Time that should have been spent in scripture and prayer was spent on social media and our smartphones. We failed the first test.

We’re not doing any better now. I said earlier that if you look at the reflection of yourself, that you are the metal being refined in the fire, do you see His reflection, or do you see the world?

Enter the next great distraction.

If you cling to a distraction over being the hands and feet of Jesus, then you are the problem. Remember, I promised not to tiptoe around this issue. If your heart would rather grab at any straw it can to explain why you can’t be loving, then you are part of the problem. Wait, I said I’d spell this out obviously for you.

Let’s take Black Lives Matter, as an example. After the death of George Floyd, God shined a big ole light on racial inequality and injustice. Eyes that had been closed for years suddenly were opened. Hearts changed. I changed. I’m not too proud to admit it. I followed the heart of Jesus, and I was able to see the areas where my own pride had prevented me from humbling myself like my Savior would do. But, since the devil is a liar, he had to bring distraction to trip folks up.

Did you know that you can believe that the lives of your black brothers and sisters matter without taking on all of the core values of an organization of the name BLM? For instance, I do not support Planned Parenthood at all due to their abortion stance. The organization Black Lives Matter does support it. Yet, I can still support people of color by saying yes, your life matters, and until everyone in this country agrees it does, I will stand with you and proclaim Black Lives Matter! It doesn’t mean I’m a leftist, liberal, or pro choice. It actually means I’m pro life, because I believe that all lives truly matter, and I show that by supporting people who have been wrongly oppressed for years.

If you’re using the disguise of the BLM organization’s beliefs as a reason for you to not support your friends of color, you might just be distracted by the enemy. Like, really, you probably are. You see, it’s easier to grab at a reason not to support racial equality than to admit you have been wrong in the past, to admit your country was wrong, the founding fathers were wrong, and a lot of what your grandma taught you was wrong. Remember, the narrow road isn’t easy. It involves admitting the ugliness of your flesh. It involves admitting you were wrong. It involves change. It involves doing things differently. Why? Because that’s the kingdom way!

Do you realize what a shake up it was for the Jewish believers when Jesus arrived on the scene?! He upended everything they had held dear. They wanted to hold to their laws of Moses, but Jesus wanted to show them a new way. Many couldn’t bare it. It was too hard to let go of the old way.

If it’s easier for you to believe this is a political stunt to throw Trump out of office than to believe that humans of flesh (a different color) and blood (the same color) just want to be treated the same, then you are part of the problem. You are allowing the distraction of political parties to blind you to human decency. The narrow path says it’s time to change the system that was built on unequal laws and assumptions. The wide path says this is a way for “the Left to take our Bibles and guns from us.” The narrow path begs us to look more closely at a judicial system that treats people of different colors and backgrounds differently, and this same narrow path demands an upheaval. The wide path would say to focus instead of material things like pancake syrup and state flags rather than the fact that black men are arrested more because they’re black, not because of crimes committed. Yes, it hurts to admit the truth, but it’s better than grabbing at distraction that’s so much easier for us to swallow. Distraction goes down like Aunt Jemima’s syrup.

Let’s look again at the forged metal. When you look at your actions do you see the character of Jesus, or do you see the world’s distraction? Are your words, actions (and inactions), and social media posts bringing further division or attempting to bridge a much-too-long racial gap?

Yes, there are angry people of color out there, but they have every right to be. How would you feel as a mother or father if you feared for your son’s life simply because of the way he looked? Don’t allow the rage or violence of nonbelievers to threaten your ability to be a beacon for Christ. Your actions should draw people to the cross, and your humility should allow you to lay your own down and follow His example. Jesus would always tell you to proceed with love, and if your reflection from this year’s season of fire isn’t showing you that, then you need to jump back in. If you look and see distraction is causing you to proceed in anything but love, get back to the right path. You’re lost, bro. Let love guide you.

Don’t let this season be one where you remain distracted, but let it be one where God changes you for the better. Allow the Lord to burn away everything not of Him. Let only love remain. Because in the end, it’s not a flag that we will take to heaven. It’s not bragging rights that our political candidate won or our theory on the Rothschilds and Rockefellers was correct. It will be the souls we lead to Jesus that accompany us. It will be our children that we have shown the way. It won’t be a record of how many times we were right, but we will be shown a record of how many we treated wrong. The narrow path lays down anger, turns the other cheek, gives a coat too when a shirt is demanded, and understands love is the greatest commandment of all. Anything else is just distraction.

We (the Church) Have to Do Better

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Not long ago I had a coworker say to me, “if more people were like you, Brie, I might still go to church.”

Sharing this comment is in no way a tooting of my own horn. I am certainly God’s continuous work in progress, as I’m fond of saying, but what my friend said does lend credit to a problem I’m seeing more and more. It seems like Christians are killing the church. Or rather, religion is thwarting relationship. Either way, it’s a travesty.

Nothing has brought this more to the forefront of my mind than recent events in society. I’ve discovered a whole lot of people who can quote scripture, but not near as many who actually live out scripture. In other words, people can recite, “the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and the second to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39), yet when it comes to walking out this love, we lack.

I have been utterly heartbroken for weeks now, but not about the things you might think. Yes, the violence is devastating and the injustice catastrophic, but it wasn’t the police brutality that broke me. It wasn’t the looting and rioting that made me mad. In the end, the absolute worst thing I’ve seen come out of society after the murder of George Floyd was the response from a large majority of the Christian community.

Even now, as some people read these words, their quills will rise and the claws will come out. They will buck up defensively and begin justifying their behavior without even trying to absorb the rest of my thoughts. It makes me think of my nine year old when I try to lovingly correct her to teach her something I’ve learned the hard way, through trial and effort. She typically gets mad, sullen, and pouts that I would dare say such a meany thing. But she’s nine. I think one of the biggest marks of personal growth is the ability to accept correction, check your heart, and move forward in change as necessary. Sadly, that is also lacking.

Individuals who claim to be children of God have shared some of the cruelest, insensitive posts on social media that I have ever seen. It. Blows. My. Mind. They try to justify their ugliness by saying, “this society has become one that gets offended by everything,” but I don’t think that’s it. I think we are a growing society that realizes change is necessary, that kindness is a good quality, that human worth isn’t based on our opinion. So, you can call it being offended if that helps you sleep at night. I call it being a decent human being. We should all try it sometime.

Somewhere along the way the church has backtracked to pre-Jesus time. The Pharisees are still here, is what I’m saying; they just disguise themselves as followers of Jesus. But to follow Jesus, you have to follow His example. Somehow we missed that part.

We’ve fallen back on the law, forgetting about grace. We’ve appointed ourselves as judges, but the craziest part of that is only some sins are an offense to the law of man. For example, in the court of the church, not all sins are equal. The sins you can keep hidden are okay. Don’t steal, unless it’s cheating on your taxes. After all, the government is run by left leaning liberals who just want to give money to people who don’t want to work! See how we can justify our sins?

You can get a divorce if you don’t love your spouse anymore. You can commit adultery, sexually harass your secretary, or get slobbering drunk each night, but don’t dare enter a homosexual relationship. I know, you’ll argue that you don’t hold one sin higher than the other, but is that really true? Do you post memes about adultery and drunkenness ruining our country? Do you make fun of, whisper about, or treat the divorcee different when they try to walk up and talk to you? Do you bar them from your congregation? Do you ignore the envy in your own heart or carry a haughty spirit with a smile? Why is it that we as a Christian society get to decide what sins get us really worked up, but others we can just give a pass on?

I will pause to say a few things here, because I have to for some folks before they bring it up first. One, I follow the Bible for what is and what isn’t approving in God’s eyes. No denying scripture, ok? This isn’t about defining sin; it’s about rating sin. In this instance I’m referring to the fact that some churches, areas of the country, or groups of Christians feel it’s their responsibility to place sin on a scale of one to ten. I don’t think that’s necessary, and it’s certainly not impacting the world in a positive way.

Two, I am using the term “church” in this post, and I don’t want that to be taken in a derogatory sense. It’s like I tell my children, “if I’m not talking about you, then it’s not about you.” Read that again, please. In other words, I love the church in a sense of believers gathering to help one another grow and mature in Christ. I personally love my church. I do not approve of the “church” when it tries to take the role of God, and in essence pushes people away from the Lord.

Three, I have to say this now because I am about to go into the subject. I am pro-life. This is a big deal to me. Huge. I find sanctity of life hugely important. It’s top priority. My problem comes with other people who oppose abortion like me, but treat other human beings like they are not worthy of life. All human interaction should be about sanctity of life, but for some reason, it’s not.

Hey, I’ve been guilty. I have based my political vote on the issue of abortion, letting that stance sway my vote, but I can see now that life as a Christian isn’t that easy. I thought with an issue like abortion, the choice is black or white (something I still believe), but if I’m using that one gauge to test my candidate, I’m missing the fact that he/she may not value the life of minorities, immigrants, or women. That makes sanctity of life a gray issue, sadly, and we have to ask ourselves what Jesus would do. I’ve heard people say that a politician doesn’t have to be a good person, but just good at their role. I think of my nursing job. If I was rude and did not have compassion for my patients, but I had great clinical skills, would folks still say I was a good nurse?

Another consideration, you will never change anyone’s heart by pointing out their sin when you first meet. In other words, unless you’ve developed a relationship with someone, you cannot get them to see what you think you can so clearly see. In scripture Jesus didn’t go up to prostitutes and tell them to quit being a ho. He sat down to dinner with them. I hear a lot the reciting of the part of the verse where Jesus says to the adulterous woman, “go and sin no more.” People use this as an excuse for their behavior when calling out the sins of strangers, as if the stranger’s sin is worse than their own. You know, because they miss the whole beginning part of the verse about needing to be sinless before you throw a stone. But let’s just let that part go for the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say it’s ok for the sinful to throw stones at the more sinful. Looking back at Jesus, He didn’t just walk up to someone on Facebook and say, “don’t sin anymore.” Y’all, He had just saved her life. He stood up for her, putting His own reputation and life at risk. He formed a relationship with her in these actions, and that’s why she listened when He encouraged her to leave her life of sin.

Followers of Jesus, back in His day, changed their life because of their love for Him. He didn’t demand it of them. He didn’t try to scare or guilt them into it. He loved them into it. He was honest, but loving. And that’s mostly the way life should work now. The hypocritical, religious will try and beat sinners with their Bibles. As a sinner, I know. In my past, sinful life of drunkenness and promiscuity, I had some horrible things said to me by so-called Christians. It is only the immense love of God that drew me in despite their behavior. I look at how we’ve treated the black community, founding our country on laws that made it okay to treat them less, and I know it was the Lord’s great love that called them into His arms. Certainly not the example of early, White Christianity.

In times when people are hurting, the church should be the first to say, “I’m sorry this hurts you. What can I do?”

Instead we’re too busy grumbling about pancake syrup.

In times when people are a slave to sin, the church should be the one asking them over for dinner, not throwing bricks. Yes, bricks, not small stones.

What we shouldn’t be doing is justifying bad behavior. We shouldn’t be saying things like, “you won’t be discriminated against if you can just be like me.”

We can’t make excuses for why someone was murdered. We can’t act like we know what the walk is like in someone else’s shoes. We shouldn’t take personal offense at another human being demanding they be treated as a human being. We should humble ourselves to try and see the point of view of another, rather than simply digging stubborn heels into the ground.

We shouldn’t make a mockery of another’s pain. Even what you consider the funniest joke, is in poor taste when it hurts another. We shouldn’t be placing blame on political parties or media manipulation (even though I do believe those exist) as a reason to gloss over certain sins, like racism. Diverting blame doesn’t erase injustice. Not talking about something doesn’t make it go away. That’s why a whole generation of children who were sexually abused by the “church” (I use that term loosely) are still trying to put together the pieces. But that’s a blog for another day.

Do you know why my coworker said what she did? She has witnessed hypocrisy. Religious people calling out other’s sawdust of sin before addressing their own plank. She’s seen the cruel hatred and bigotry, and this comment was before 2020 had even begun. Sadly, the Christian church has a long history of murdering and silencing people in the name of Jesus. I can’t imagine the pain He must have over what we have done, but even more so, what we continue to do.

Jesus gave us in great detail the instructions for carrying on His church, a church much different from the religious sect that preceded it. The problem is, although hard to belief, a large part of the church doesn’t read the instruction manual. I mean, they go to a church building on Sunday, but they have no clue that the church should also reside in them. They go by how they’ve been raised, or what they’ve always been taught, yet they’re resistant to allow the Holy Spirit to speak His truth. In fact, I think they’ve forgotten about the Holy Spirit all together.

In this life, as a Christian, we must walk in Spirit and in truth. The truth is found in His Word, the Bible, and you obtain His truth by reading, studying, and meditating on scripture. His Holy Spirit will speak if we confess our own sins and ask for His clarity and wisdom. There’s nothing wrong with asking the Lord to shed light on a situation for you. He can speak to us all. In John 16 Jesus told us “when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you into all the truth.” Y’all, it’s time we let him guide us into all the truth.

I believe there is a terrible Spirit of Religion that oppresses a large portion of the Christian church, and it is binding us from loving our neighbor as Christ instructed. It tells us to condemn the sinner, not the sin. It places self worth or a person’s identity on the sin we may see, rather than the fact that even sinners are children of God, and in fact, we are all sinners, the whole lot. It’s not our job to cast stones or pass judgement, but it is our job to show the lost Jesus in us. It’s not our job to treat others less, but it is our job to treat them as we would wish to be treated. It isn’t our job to search for sin in others, but it is our job to confess our own. It is our duty to bear the fruit of the Spirit ( love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), something that has all but disappeared on many “Christian’s” Facebook timelines.

Do the words you speak bring life? Are you taking offense at every turn? Are you seeing life with a Kingdom mindset? Ask, how does this have an impact on eternity? How do my actions have an impact on the eternity of others? Ouch. Are your actions leading people to Jesus, or are they just showing them your opinion (that really only matters this side of eternity)? Do you desire to see those who disagree with you in Heaven, or do you just want to prove that you’re right? When did we get the idea it’s up to us to fix folks, rather than setting the example and letting God do the hard, heart changes?

Matthew 5: 38-48 You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I know that’s asking a lot of us, but no one every said this walk would be easy. I included the above verses because although all humanity should follow this example, they do not. But if you claim the title of Christian, then it is your duty to follow it. We cannot focus on what others do or don’t do, but we can focus on our own actions.

I don’t have life all figured out and I fail daily, but I do have a heart that desires to be like Jesus. I do desire to follow His example. My point in writing this post isn’t to condemn fellow believers in Jesus, but to submit to you that we all can follow Him better than we do. We can all fish for men rather than pushing them away from the boat. Christianity comes with a lofty heritage (since we like that word so much), and we should strive to live up to the name and example of Christ. I’m willing to work on it, and I pray you will be too.

How to Respond When People Disagree With You on Facebook

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This morning as I walked to our van I felt a strong desire to worship and praise the Lord. So as I drove down the road I began to praise God for all the many wonderful things He was in my life. I started praying in the spirit, and as I prayed I had a vision of a large, concrete wall. It was as tall as the Hoover Dam, and I knew this represented the enormous divide that separated this country right now. I continued to pray, and as I did a huge explosion occurred breaking apart the gigantic barrier at its base.

I knew in my heart that it was the combined prayers of believers that caused the wall to crumble, and I realized this was what we needed. Believers in Christ needed to come together in truth and the power of Jesus to destroy strongholds of the enemy.

I felt my own conviction, understanding that petty (in a kingdom sense) disagreement was the work of the enemy, and he used this distraction to prevent saints from combining their prayers to move the mountains of sin in this country. As long as Satan could keep our eyes on ourselves and our desire to be right, he could keep our eyes off what God was doing. I understood then that I didn’t need to be right. I had nothing to prove, and I couldn’t change minds likely anyway. Only God could change hearts. It didn’t matter if I was right or wrong when it came right down to it, because I served an all-knowing God. His will would be done, and His purposes would reach completion.

As I continued to pray I understood that the detonating force behind the explosion of the dividing wall was worship. Worship was faith in action. Worship said nothing mattered but God in control. To worship amidst confusion was to say, “I know my God will bring truth and victory in the end.”

Satan would have us to argue. His enemy army would whisper offense into our hearts, and his demons would stoke the fires of rage. In our uncontrollable anger we missed the fact that we were powerless in our arguments, and the only thing it really did was add more bricks to the wall.

Understand, that’s not to say speaking up for injustice and speaking truth is pointless and without merit. Jesus would always have us speak up for truth. Speaking truth can open eyes, ears, and hearts. That is what we’re seeing right this moment. No, what I’m talking about is the hardened hearts that wear a blindfold, with heels dug in deep. No amount of well-written or eloquently spoken words can change every mind. In this case we worship. We worship the God who can, and our collective worship has the power to tear down walls, to build bridges, and to shine light in the darkest places.

I think we all need work on this. We need to ask ourselves, do I continue to argue or do I simply worship? Do I continue to be angry, or do I lay it down to praise a God who can do all things?

The past couple of days I’ve found that after only a few minutes on social media I see something that wants to make me angry. It can be overwhelming, depressing, and totally frustrating. In those moments I have remained silent, closed my app, and opened my Bible. Only the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God can give clarity amidst so much confusion. In times of so much noise, we require the whisper of His Spirit to quiet our spinning minds and hurting hearts. In place of angry disputes that have no end, we need the act of worship to break down the strongholds we cannot even see. It’s not flesh and blood we fight, but principalities and powers of darkness. To worship is to walk in faith for the one who wins over all evil.

So, I will choose to worship. Will you?

How Would Jesus Respond to Black Lives Matter?

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There are so many aspects of society and its response to racism and inequality that I could talk about, but there’s really only one small part of this very large issue that I wish to discuss today. And that’s the thing. In essence this is a really small part. It’s a small act of service that we can provide to our brothers and sisters in the midst of a very large issue. In fact, this tiny concession means a big deal to the people in the muck of this mess, and who wouldn’t want to sacrifice (if I can even use such a lofty word) something so minuscule to make a huge impact on the feelings of another?

I think one of the bigger things bothering me during this uprising following the heinous murder of George Floyd (aside from blatant ignorance and racism, of course) is the position of some Christian brothers and sisters. Their perhaps well-meaning proclamations are hitting the ground flat, and they don’t represent me, although I am not one who is worthy to judge. You see, I too used to feel much the same as pious phrases I see pop up on social media, but I am grateful that the longer I live, the more the Lord reveals things to me. So, I thought I’d share what He’s saying.

As Christians (white Christians, that is), it’s easy to say things like, “Jesus died for us all!” And while I agree that’s true, we can’t stop there at such a deep-seated issue. After all, Jesus died to conquer sin, something that sadly still abounds and must be confronted. Remember when Jesus got angry and confronted sin in His Dad’s house?

We as white Christians will say that love is colorblind, and that the Lord only looks on the inside of a man. Again, these things are true, but the problem is that man doesn’t just look at the inside. In fact, they mostly look at the outside. They can’t help themselves. It’s that sin nature. Although we should desire to see people like Jesus, the problem is, we do not. We can’t change an entire society in a day. So, Karen, while I agree we should judge mankind by the red blood we all bleed, there’s too many bad people not doing that. We need to face up to that first.

And here’s the one I hate the most. Do you know I even said it before myself? I thought it was the Christian thing to say; what Jesus Himself would say. But now I realize I was just saying what I wanted to believe. What mattered to me. I was being selfish. I joined the band of good people saying “All Lives Matter,” but I never considered how far off base I was. Although all lives do matter to Jesus, in the face of inequality and racial injustice, I really don’t believe that’s what Jesus would say. I know, I know. I’m freaking you Caucasian, Southern Baptists out right now, but if we could ask Jesus how He felt about the Black Lives Matter movement, I really don’t think He’d respond like a large number of His followers.

Jesus would not say “all lives matter.”

When I was praying about this earlier and asking the Lord to reveal to me His heart on the matter I kept thinking about the verses in the Bible where Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. I started to Google “what the Bible says about equality ” or something to that nature, but my mind just kept telling me the feet washing was all I needed to know.

I felt like Jesus said to my heart, “when you say Black Lives Matter, you’re washing feet.”

Y’all, stay with me. In John 13:1-17 we read the account of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. First off, you need to understand something about feet back then. They were dirty. Everyone wore saddles, walked in the desert, and probably in animal excrement too. Every house had a basin at the door so people coming in could wash their nasty feet before entering. Even the poor homes had a basin for guests. The richer homes, though, had a servant who actually would wash the feet of the guests. Can you imagine having that job?!

When Jesus washed the feet of His disciples He was taking a posture of humility. He was saying that even though His Dad was The King and it was His House, that He would lower Himself to the role of a servant, washing away our dirt, and making us more suitable to come into His home.

Posture of Humility. I want you to think about that.

John 13: 12-15 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ““You call me ‘Teacher and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

Do your remember the greatest commandment? It was to love the Lord your God, and second to love your neighbor as yourself. Our black neighbors have not felt very loved, and rightly so. They have felt less than us. Do you remember who Jesus revealed Himself as Savior to first? A Samaritan woman, who historically was considered less than a Jewish man, not only because of gender, but also race. Yet Jesus chose her for a very special event in history; to be the first to know the Son of God had come to earth to save mankind.

Jesus came to save us all, but He also understood what it was like to be marginalized. He revealed Himself to a Samaritan Woman to prove that He stood with the weak, the ones who were judged unfairly, the people who felt wounded by society. He loves us all, and He came to save us all, but He chose to reveal Himself to a woman who had been treated unfairly based on things other than her soul. He also took on the role of a servant to show mankind that humility is the best way to love!

Posture of Humility.

When people are hurting, Jesus takes a posture of humility. When people are treated unfairly, He takes a posture of humility. Yes, He throws tables too, but the beginning of having a servant heart comes with humbling yourself. It comes with saying, “I will be less, so you can be more.”

To answer back to Black Lives Matter with All Lives Matter, while basically true, is really the opposite of what Jesus would do. Check your heart and ask why the phrase bothers you so much. Is it because it implies white lives don’t matter to people? Or that police lives don’t matter? Or that your life doesn’t matter?

1 John 3:16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

No one is asking you to lay down your physical life, even though Jesus did, but if you truly want to follow His example, you would see that a huge part of being a Christian is laying down yourself. We must constantly lay down our own desires and look at the desires of others. We must constantly check our own selfish ambition and motives. We must take the role of servant and see to the hurting people around us, forgetting our own pain, and only seeing that of others. When Jesus washed the disciples feet He knew Judas would betray Him, that Peter would deny Him, and that Thomas would doubt Him, yet He washed their feet anyway. He took a posture of humility that said, “it’s ok that I’m giving my life. This isn’t about me right now. It’s about you. Let me wash your feet.”

Do you see now? If you see someone hurting, cry with them. If you see someone angry, listen to their words. Hug them. No one is asking you to hang on a cross simply by answering, “yes, your life does matter. I’m sorry people have treated you like it didn’t.”

I would encourage you to lay down your pride and take the position of Jesus. Take a position of humility. The position of a servant who sees the injustice towards others and offers to wash their feet.

Something I Learned When My Daughter Got Sick

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I am naive when it comes to dealing with sick children. Sure, I’m a nurse, but I haven’t dealt with pediatrics since a Nursing Clinical in 2002. Yet even if I was used to working with sick kids, I don’t think it would have had any bearing on this issue, because the sick kid ended up being my own.

It’s easier not to worry about the worse case scenario when the child belongs to someone else, but when they’re your child, it changes everything. I’m thankful Jesus took the wheel for me yesterday when my nine year old began having an unexpected seizure. That’s the only explanation I have for not totally freaking out. I mean, they tell me at work that I’m totally calm in the face of chaos and everyone loves my extra chill demeanor when crap goes down, but this was totally different. It was different because the patient was my baby. My children have never been sick, hospitalized, or on any kind of medicine other than a week long antibiotic, so this was new for me.

I realize that the Lord often utilizes trying situations to draw people closer to Him. I mean, I’ve seen it time and time again, when calamity strikes, folks hit their knees. When tragedy falls, people finally look up. In the face of an uncontrollable situation, that is when God’s children usually cry out in earnest petition and pleading prayer. Even in my own past, I can think of a terrible situation leading me back to Jesus. I had fallen away from listening to the Lord, and it wasn’t until I was faced with an unexpected divorce that I cried out in surrender for His help. I had not heard His voice in my life in many years, but at that (my) lowest point I did. In retrospect, I realize I simply wasn’t listening very well until then.

This morning when I woke up in the hospital bed, cuddled up to my little girl, I found worried thoughts had returned. I had naturally experienced them the day before in the ambulance, the Emergency Room, and later hospital room as we waited for answers. Yet each time worries came, I was able to combat them with truth. This morning I wondered about why they had not done a scan of her head. My medical mind told me it was because the chance of it being anything other than a genetic cause was slim, and that made a CT not necessary. But my human heart worried for things like tumors or the dreaded ‘C’ word which I had to push from my mind.

As I sat up drinking coffee and thinking in the quiet, dim hospital room, I realized I was grateful for that auto pilot I had mentioned earlier. My husband and I agreed we had both been moved through the day before by the Spirit, and I knew it was Spirit and Truth that helped me answer the hard questions with wisdom that my young, confused daughter asked of me.

I had several times in my stress yesterday where I wanted to pull out my Bible and read God’s Word. Several times where I wanted to seek His wisdom through prayer. But there was always something going on, people coming in, tests being done, my daughter needing my assistance. By the time we finally settled down for the night my eyes were seeing double, and even though I cracked my Bible open to Zechariah and then John, I could barely focus on the words.

This morning I was grateful that I didn’t wait until personal illness struck my family to seek Him. It’s hard to seek Jesus in the middle of a storm. But for me, I found that I could feel Him in the midst of the tumultuous waves and thundering roar. The fiery trial attempted to consume me when I watched my baby convulse, and later when I tried to help console her steady tears. Yet I could see Jesus in the fire with me, just like the people who looked down in the fiery furnace where three Hebrew men were tossed saw Him.

When she asked me tough questions, God spoke wisdom and truth to me through His Word that popped up in my mind. When I felt worried, His Spirit soothed me. When I wanted to be angry (and say things I’d regret) for hospital policy that said my husband couldn’t be in the room with us, the Fruit of the Spirit prevailed. When my emotions were more than I could handle, His comfort covered me like a blanket. Faith prevailed, fear was abolished, and I saw my daughter also miraculously change from being scared to pieces to speaking the most mature knowledge and spirit-led prayers. We didn’t have to seek Him for truth, comfort, and wisdom in the midst of our situation. We simply walked in what we already knew and held in our hearts, and I can’t explain how much of a blessing it was to have this occur!

I would encourage anyone reading this post right now to understand that you don’t need to wait until a struggle occurs to ask the Lord to get you through it. I think that would be really hard. Much harder than it has to be. I would encourage you to seek Him in the calm. Seek Him in the ordinary, in the seemingly perfect. Don’t wait to seek Him when things fall apart; seek Him now. I read the Bible every day, and I didn’t always do this. I was almost forty years old before I began to daily saturate myself with scripture. So, please understand I don’t come to you from some “perfect Christian” place. There’s no such thing! I simply wish to impart what I have learned.

By taking in God’s Word daily, praying continuously, and thereby investing in my relationship with Him, I was more able to deal with stress and uncertainty when it came my way. I was grateful for the scripture that flooded my thoughts. It soothed me. I was grateful for the prayers of so many saints, but I was also thankful that I didn’t feel dependent on their prayers. I knew my Father heard me. He’s used to my voice. We slipped easily into conversation when I needed His voice the most. This doesn’t happen overnight, but rather through persistent time with Him. You never know when tragedy will strike, but when it does, you will want an open, easily accessible, and comfortable line of communication with Christ. For me, I found I was at the end of myself. I could barely find the way to walk upright, much less hear the whisper of a voice if I did not know what to listen for. My gift through all of this was my connection to Jesus.

I am thankful for the hospital, the fine doctors and nurses, and modern medicine. I’m thankful for our wonderful family and friends. I’m abundantly thankful for my strong husband. But above all, I’m thankful for Jesus. He held this momma up, so I was able to hold my baby up. If I learned anything through this illness of epilepsy so far, it is how blessed I am to have someone walking through the fire with me. I depend on the presence of my wonderful spouse so much, but yesterday a fever kept him from being able to be with us. Yet even in Ben’s absence, I had a solid rock to stand on. I had a tower of refuge and strength, and that Spirit helped me help my child. I watched that same Spirit transform her mind. I am grateful that in a difficult situation, when seeking the Lord would have been hard, I did not have to look far for Him. I only had to look for Him in me.

Why Do Bad Things Happen?

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I feel surreal right now. There’s been a lot of that lately, I suppose. I mean, I know I’m not the only one who looks around at masked men and empty store shelves and thinks, “is this real life?” The last three months have felt more like a SciFi movie. But even more than the craziest day of pandemic pandemonium, today I feel like I’m in a haze. As I sit in a very uncomfortable hospital recliner, watching my daughter sleep, through my own grainy eyes, I feel off kilter. Was that really me that lowered my seizing daughter to the floor this morning? It seems like something that happened in a dream.

This morning my nine year old had a grand mal seizure. She was napping on my lap, when suddenly I felt something and looked down. Her body was clenched tight and stiff, her muscles tensed up, and her whole body shaking vigorously. Her eyelids half open, and her eyes rolled back.

I called her name, even though I knew she wouldn’t answer. “Chloe!!!” I screamed.

It turns out she heard that part, but she told me it sounded like a whisper. The music that had been playing was barely audible to her, she had relayed. Later, in the ER, she said she was trying to sit up when she heard me, but she couldn’t move.

When I say I lowered her to the floor, that sounds graceful. I think it was more of a klutzy descent. I threw us down to the ground, more likely, and turned her to the side as I’d always been taught. As I turned my slobbering, seizing baby on her side, stroked her hair, and whispered reassurances, the familiarity of the situation didn’t go unnoticed. I had been the same age when my mother witnessed me having a grand mal seizure. I prayed, “no satan, this ends with me. This curse does not follow my daughter.”

I can’t believe I had the clarity to look at my watch when it started, but I did. I was so happy when her convulsions stopped just before two minutes, and I kept wiping her tears off her face while repeating, “momma’s here, you’re gonna be ok.”

She was seemingly unresponsive at first, but a mild knuckle rub of her sternum caused her eyelids to flutter. I smiled at that small victory. Within five minutes she could tell me in a slurred voice where she was, and by the time I got into the back of the ambulance I could see her perking up. I could tell because she looked scared.

She cried most of the ambulance ride to Orlando Health’s Pediatric Hospital, and I prayed with her for God to help her be brave. I guess that prayer was for me too.

They decided to admit her and have attached her to a continuous EEG monitor to watch the electrical activity of her brain. It was all so familiar. The gel and electrodes, even the strobe light test in her face. I wanted to call my mom so bad and ask her, “how did you deal with this when it was me,” but I couldn’t. That made me cry, but I waited until she was asleep.

In the ER she asked me if God knew this would happen, and I answered yes. Then she asked if He knew, then why He let it happen? I was reminded of this verse.

John 9: 1-3

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

I told Chloe that He let it happen so He could show His power by healing her, that she could have a testimony like mine. I was miraculously healed of epilepsy. After taking medication three times a day since eight years of age, I was totally healed of my seizure disorder. If you’ve never heard that story, you can read it here.

I have had the opportunity to share my testimony of healing with every EMT, doctor, nurse, and tech we’ve encountered since we arrived. It’s easy when I have to give the significance of my history in light of her situation.

At one point a doctor said, “so it just went away, then?”

And Chloe interrupted, “no, Mom, you were healed!”

She was very confused in the ambulance. Imagine the last thing you remember is feeling weird, your hearing being almost gone, and you can’t move, then waking up in an ambulance. In the ER she was frightened, but now she feels better. She told me, “thank you for making me feel brave and not afraid.”

I told her it was all Jesus. He’s certainly holding me, and I’m grateful for that. I still feel like I could cry again, but I also feel God’s hand. I am grateful that we are right where we need to be. I wasn’t sure in November of this last year why I felt so certain that we needed to take a permanent job in Florida. We all loved the travel nurse life! When COVID came and travel jobs became scarce, unless you wanted NYC, I knew God’s will had placed us in a secure place. For the past two years we’ve been without traditional health insurance. With super healthy children and great health ourselves, it was easy to forgo the coverage, but I find that when we really need it, here it is. I am constantly in awe of God’s goodness to us. All I know is God is unchanging, and His goodness to us remains.

I will keep you all updated at this proceeds, and I look forward to telling you how God has used it for good. I covet your prayers. I am tired and very emotional. Ben and I are separated during this. He had a 100.0 temp, either due to rushing here in Central FL heat or a current tooth infection being treated with antibiotics, but regardless he wasn’t allowed to come inside the hospital. No children under 18 allowed either. I’m super grateful for FaceTime and Video Messenger. I’m also thankful for all the prayers already given, the hands laid on Chloe (in person and in Spirit), and the wonderful support of family and our church.

My Opinion on Conspiracy Videos

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I broke down and watched one of the frequently shared YouTube, conspiracy videos the other day, and I got sucked right in. I wanted to show it to my husband. I told him the details, and I found myself saying, “yeah, I can totally see the government doing that.”

Then I began to see hoards of my friends on social media sharing it, and my bristles went up. You see, I haven’t been a huge fan of COVID conspiracy, mainly because so many of the posts or articles I saw made false assumptions that since something suspicious was afoot, that everything must be a lie. In other words, if the news happened to be exaggerating the seriousness of COVID-19, then it must not be serious at all. If the numbers were being inflated, then what could be said of any truly positive cases? This line of irresponsible thought made this nurse angry. Serving in a COVID hotspot, I didn’t have the luxury of hypothesizing the cases were minimal or the disease not much different than the flu. I saw the people dying, and I couldn’t tell myself it wasn’t serious. It was all I could do not to cry myself to sleep at night from the very real and seriousness of COVID-19.

So when I continued to see more conspiracy videos and posts emerge, the most recent Plandemic, I became concerned. I mean, you can only be fed information repeatedly for so long before you question your indigestion. So I found myself with a feeling of worry.

Here’s the thing. I’m a smart girl. I was in the military, I’m well-read, and I’ve had forty-two years of life experience. I am aware of propaganda, and I’m no stranger to government intrusion. I am familiar with Snowden, and I have no doubt the government is/can watch me through my computer camera, or listen to my phone calls. The CIA scares the crap out of me, and there’s legit some evil folks in power. I am certain political spins are being placed on this issue, and politicians are using it for their own agenda. Big Brother is watching, and I know the devil whispers in the ear of some upper echelon peeps. I am not blind to evil among us. But I also am not going to put more faith in the Big Bad Wolf than I do my Father God. He is the only one who controls my life.

That being said, I found myself this morning wondering too much about what is true, and what is not. I felt a heavy emotion of uncertainty concerning world events, and I knew I should not be feeling that way. I asked God to speak clarity to my mind.

Immediately I felt the Lord speak to my heart, “you know who’s the author of confusion.”

And I felt an immediate weight lift from me.

1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV)

For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

The Christian life isn’t an easy one, but it is a blessed one. We are faced with the situation of being in the world, but not of the world. So we must take into consideration the evil of this world, but we cannot let it overtake us, even mentally. We must be wise, but also confident. We must be aware, but not overcome. Uncertain, worldly circumstances bring fear, but the strong tower of the Lord brings courage. So while I find it wise and prudent to have open eyes to evil, corruption, and injustice, I find that in times like these (the most recent pandemic), where we are emotionally and mentally stressed, it’s easy to fall prey to deception and fear. What begins as concern and a search for truth, can easily become belief in things of this world. Our search for “truth” becomes like an idol, and we place more importance in the conspiracies we uncover than the Spirit that saves us from this sandstorm. See, we forget this world is a vapor, and can easily put too much stock in something that is here today and gone tomorrow. We forget whose corner we’re in, who holds the victory in battle, or even the fact that the war has already been won.

This morning I prayed for a Spirit of Truth to cover God’s people, because so many of us can think we’re searching for the “truth,” but I wonder if we’re really finding distraction and confusion from the enemy. Just like there’s two types of wisdom, heavenly and earthly, so too are there two types of truth. I know a lot of earthly wise folks, but when it comes to heavenly matters they are clueless. We can seek the “truth” in matters of the world around us, and we can even become extremely proud of ourselves for being “woke” to those truths, but the one thing we miss is how those same earthly truths can take up all the room in our mind and heart, leaving little room for heavenly truth. The heavenly truth is that none of this is a surprise to God. There’s no secret conspiracies to Him. He’s not worried about the bad guys pulling one over on us, and He holds the key to justice. Yes, God gives us courage to demand truth, and He gives us knowledge to ask questions and seek the right answers, but He is never the author of confusion. He will never have us chasing our tail or running through rabbit hole after rabbit hole for the heck of it. If you find yourself consumed or worried as of late, I would encourage you to go to the one source you know without a doubt is true, the Bible. Ask the Lord to reveal His Heavenly truth to you through His word. God speaks to us in many ways, but I’m not ready to believe He’s doing it through every YouTube or Facebook video that goes across my feed.

Isaiah 8:12 ESV

Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread.

Snags: Everything Happens For A Reason

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I haven’t shared many personal stories of our little family lately, but after today’s events especially, I felt the need to tell you about it. Today we were finally able to move to another RV Park. The state of Florida had opened back up (kinda), and we packed up our moving home this morning to go elsewhere. The camping membership we hold allows us to camp for free as long as we shuffle between parks within our membership, and even a couple of weeks free at sister parks. It just so happened we had been at a sister park when the Governor decided to lock down the state. The company communication we had received early April said if we happened to be in a sister park we wouldn’t be kicked out, but we would be required to pay rent. We initially tried to get back to our home base park, but when it became apparent we weren’t being allowed to move by law we accepted our fate. No anxiety, no stress. We knew God would provide.

I paid the park around thirty days of lot rent, and we settled down to ride this one out, come what may. It was closer to work, at least, and we focused on bright sides like that. The day after our payment I received a call back from them to inform me they would be refunding our money.

Her exact words were, “we were told not to charge you for your stay.”

I didn’t ask who told them that, but rather took the good news with a smile. I’m connected with other members through social media, and it became apparent that not everyone (in fact, no one I knew of) received this same exception. I saw a lot of people angry over having to pay out of pocket. I don’t know if it was because I’m a nurse, but I just took it as a God is good to us moment and moved on.

I just had to share that story, but that’s not even the real message of my post today. As we seek God’s will He continues to bless us more than we deserve, and the above was simply another example of that.

But back to moving… we worked together in fluid motion, despite sitting in one spot for a month and a half. We were just about ready to roll, but as we closed up the slides we hit a snag. I watched one of the three close, but then nothing.

I heard Ben say, “ut-oh. We got a problem.”

The slides had stopped going in, and I knew this could be a number of things, some being quite costly. But even putting the financial aspect aside, we didn’t really need the delay. I had a few days off, and we were taking a much-needed getaway after we moved our RV. We had found a secluded state park, and since the children had not left the house in 8 weeks, we were all excited for the trip. Naturally I wondered if we’d even make it.

My husband ran through all the things he knew to do. The awning also wouldn’t move, so we knew it was a power issue, not just a slide issue, thank the Lord. He checked fuses, breakers, GFC outlets, the power box outside. When we came up empty on our end, we wondered if perhaps it was a problem at the electric box. So I called the park office, and they said they’d send a maintenance man out to check their box.

As I stood outside wondering what it might be I felt led to pray this. “Lord, what do you want to show us through this? How can you use this situation to impact your kingdom?”

See, I’ve learned something through the years. Ever heard that old adage “everything happens for a reason?” Well, while it sounds cliche, it’s actually true. Although some problems arise because of our own poor decisions rather than God’s will, I am of the belief that He has His hands in all things, especially when we invite Him to be a part of all of our life. I was the kind of person that knew delays were part of God’s plan, whether to protect me or redirect me, and I trusted Him no matter what the situation. Time and time again He had proven His ability to work all things for our good, and I had come to a place in my life where I also wanted Him to use me for His good. Hence, the “how can you use this” question. He had done so much (and continues to do so much) for us that I desired to do for Him.

Within a few minutes of my prayer a golf cart rolled up, and I knew immediately the why. As I watched the maintenance guy and my husband speak together I had no doubt in my mind. This was the purpose for our problem. I was to pray for this man.

Now, before you misunderstand, it’s not that I felt my prayers specifically were the key to this man’s salvation. God is all powerful and able to do as He wills, but the fact is He likes to get His children involved. It’s like a family business, and Poppa gives His kids the keys to His empire, and all the tools they need to run it like He models. When His children pray, filled with His power and strength, they are able to make things move in the spiritual realm, and I felt like there was a spiritual battle going on for this man’s soul.

I felt like this man had a part to play, much like we all do, and God needed him in our family to work His purposes for his future. It’s like life is similar to the ripples on a lake after a stone is thrown. You never know how the waves you make when you jump in will impact people on the shore, for generations to come even. I didn’t know what the Lord had in mind for this man, but I felt like it was important. I felt like my prayers were strengthening the angel armies, like a battle cry prior to sounding the charge, and it helped tip the fight in the favor of good.

The gentleman didn’t stick around long before he determined there wasn’t a problem with their box, but he had shown up long enough for me to know to pray for him. And boy, did I! Meanwhile we knew the problem rested with our rig, and like a veil was lifted suddenly I heard my husband pronounce, “I think I figured it out.”

It was something he had already checked, right at first, and somehow missed. As he set to check the issue I knew in my heart this would fix it. God’s purpose had prevailed, and we could go now. Sure enough, the slides went in, we hooked up, and we took off. Somehow we were only 30 minutes behind schedule, even though that snafu had seemed much longer.

I felt such joy as we drove away, and not because we had escaped a hefty repair bill, or even due to the white, sandy beach that awaited me. I felt joy because of Jesus, and I have never felt so full than I do when I live a life loving and serving Him. I’ve discovered that a life serving the Lord isn’t perfect and without pain. A perfect life would have let us move to our home base RV Park when we tried to, but then I never would have seen how God can move mountains out of the way for me. A perfect life would contain slides that never stopped working, but then I would not have seen how God can use me to work in the middle of my mess, for His glory.