Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

I’ve Tried to Get Scared, But I Just Can’t

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Something very strange happened to me after my third child and as I entered my forties. My worry and anxiety skyrocketed! I mean, I’ve always been an over thinker, and I’ve also always had a propensity to angle for control of a situation. I like ducks in a row, I like knowing beginning to end, and I like smooth sailing seas. That’s always been my personality. But it has gotten worse over the past couple of years. If I had a conflict with another person I found myself agonizing over it for days, and the tendency to create problems out of thin air became ridiculous. In my mind I could concoct worst case scenario like nobody’s business. I became a professional worry wart.

Well, let me tell you something about that. It’s exhausting! I felt like I was going against the grain of who I am as a Christian. I would read all kinds of Bible verses talking about trusting the Lord, but then I’d keep myself up at night with legitimate concerns and made-up problems alike. I would pray without ceasing for God to help me with an issue, but I couldn’t cease worrying if He would. It was a vicious cycle of surrender and anxiety that left me feeling very deflated. I was tired of being afraid, and I told the Lord as much. Over the years I have spoken scriptures regarding fear over myself, and they’ve helped to dispel incapacitating worry from my life so that I could proceed day to day, but I still battled with it regularly. It was like a cross I had to bear and die to self about daily. I’m not exactly sure what shifted, but I do recall not too long ago when the Lord spoke His Word to me so strongly that I felt a change deep inside my heart.

There is no fear in love.

That’s what He spoke to my heart as I stood in the kitchen of my RV. I spoke the rest of the verse from 1 John to myself. Because perfect love drives out fear. It was at this moment that like a lightening bolt the truth of this statement took hold. His love resides in me. Therefore there could be no fear. It just wasn’t cohesive. I prayed about it long and hard. At the time we were located at an RV park near a patch of woods, and I just felt like I was supposed to leave my fear right there. I felt kinda silly, but I threw on some shoes, walked outside, stared at those woods, and I symbolically laid down my fear on the forest floor. The name of the park had “Cross City” in its name, and I told the Lord I was gonna leave my fear right there at the cross. And that’s what I did.

I’ve had a lot of issues come across the board of my life since that day, and I’m not going to lie and say some of them haven’t caused me concern. They have. Take for instance the recent hurricane that’s currently hitting the coast of the state I’m living in. Watching people evacuate the area, my hospital put into effect emergency policies, and of course, the very dramatic news reports would make anyone a little uneasy. We are, after all, living in a fifth wheel trailer. They’re not known for being the most stable abode, and this would be our first storm in one. Thoughts of leaks and so much more came to mind! Yet despite my legitimate concerns, I couldn’t stay worried. I realized I wasn’t afraid.

Friends and family began reaching out to me in large numbers. I realized my dear friends and family were more worried than I was. It wasn’t that I was being blasé or having Scarlet O’Hara syndrome. I was watching the weather. We even had a couple of evacuation and relocation plans in place if need be. It wasn’t like we were being irresponsible. It’s just that more than fear for a storm, I felt peace. I felt a very deep and very steady peace flooding my spirit. I couldn’t be afraid of this storm no matter how hard I tried. My husband felt the same way, and as he sent a photo of a double rainbow he took over our RV Park, I realized I only felt certainty that God would keep a hedge of protection around us.

For the record, we’re not on the coast, and if we were I would be on a higher alert with immediate evacuation in mind. But I still would not be afraid. And I’m not afraid now. I just can’t be, no matter how hard my human mind may try to be. We’re staying put unless the Lord gives us the wisdom to go elsewhere. I trust His ability to lead us to safety if need be, and I trust His protection over my family. Even if He took our lives in the storm, I would trust His will. I’m not afraid of death. If there’s anything that would make me afraid, it’s a life lived without His perfect love to drive out fear. I’m not naive. I know this imperfect world brings situations that will absolutely usher in things worthy of being scared of (like an intruder with a gun, a missing child, or a hurricane). But I also know I have the choice at that point to hold tightly to that love that exists within me. For there is no fear in love.

Here It Is, Folks. The Most Important Part.

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There’s a big world out there. We forget that part. Somewhere between back-to-school clothes shopping, Girl’s Night Out, and getting your tag renewed we forget that. We get so caught up in our own spacious lawn that we miss the stretch of hills and valleys beyond it. Our thoughts get convoluted, our schedule gets overloaded, and our list of priorities rearranges. We lose sight of simple pleasures, become more and more easily frustrated, and fall behind the eight ball of mounting demands upon us. Welcome to The American Dream.

Today I was driving to visit some family. I was driving ten miles per hour over the posted speed limit when a car came up closely on my rear. She persisted there as we drove over curvy, hilly roads, but eventually passed me on a double yellow line. As she passed she made angry gestures and pretty sure she almost made this ole sailor blush when I read her lips. This came on the tail end of a stranger’s rude comments in Walmart over the behavior of children in general and how I should keep mine out of his way as he hurried through the store. The day reminded me how so many people rushed along oblivious to the blessings of life, angry over assumed injustices, and how self-absorbed most of society could be. We miss what’s really important in life.

There’s a great big world out there. It so happens to be a place where not everyone is concerned with name brands, manicures, and a perfectly maintained flower bed. Somewhere on a park bench sits a young mother worrying how she will feed herself and her son, where they’ll stay for the night, and if her estranged husband will find them. Across town a lady turns the plate of her Hello Fresh, snaps a picture with the perfect filter, and shares to Instagram her supper for all her followers to see.

There’s a great big world out there. It’s a place where some people will curse in rage at the slow car ahead of them, delaying their pursuit of froyo with friends. They pass quickly and blindly by the homeless man holding a cardboard sign that says, “Jesus loves.”

We get frustrated at slow internet connections, our son’s birthday cake not being just right, or too much laundry that has to be done. We get mad at nuisances we create. Too many clothes to put away because we over-shop, too much yard work because we went into debt for the house with a larger lawn, and an overloaded schedule that we ourselves generated. We worry about where we’ll have our eleven year old’s party and if the decorations will be enough. Everything in life has a theme, an overinflated, trumpeting celebration for the everyday mundane, complete with perfect pictures to prove it happened.

Each moment becomes framed, worrying what others may think, striving to make a good impression, working hard for applause. Life becomes a modeling shoot, focus is aimed at self, vision becomes tunnel-like. Your eyes unintentionally see only you and yours, and that whole, big world out there falls away. A selfish generation, set on success, yet only judging success by the standards of the carnal world. Sounds harsh, right? But I’m talking to myself as well.

You find yourself in a rat race, living each day just like the one before. You go to work to pay the credit card bills, or to save up for a Disney vacation you’ll need another week off to recover from. You never see your friend in need, and you’re too busy rushing to your next appointment to see the family member who needs a hand. Why are suicide rates soaring? Because no one sees the pain of others anymore. How sad.

We get too busy doing the things that don’t matter to see the things that do. Our priorities get out of whack. Our second grader needs all A’s so they can get into a good college, but will they grow up knowing they’re loved even if they get a C or a D instead? Will they feel the freedom to not go to college at all? Will our sons play every sport out there, but miss the lesson of helping out the little guy? Will our daughters wear the most popular, boutique clothing, but never understand that the girl in Walmart duds is really cool to be around?

Will our children expect a truckload of toys on Christmas and Easter, and never know that wonderful feeling you have inside when you give someone your last dollar? Will they understand you’re more than what you do for a living, how much money you make, or even the car you drive? Will they understand it’s how you love others that really matters?

Will we raise children who follow our pursuits for earthly riches, but realize one day they have invested nothing in their eternal life? Haha, it’s all jokes and eye rolls when people talk about Heaven, but who will laugh when everything turns to dust? When you’re old and alone on your death bed will it be that imperfect birthday cake from forty years before that crosses your mind? When you are gone will they say things like, “she always took the best selfies?” Will you be remembered for the cupcakes you took to your daughter’s school? Perhaps your memorial will read “she had really great hair” or “she got everywhere on time.” I hope mine doesn’t say “she always got pissed in traffic,” or “she was excellent at ignoring the needs of others.”

There’s a whole, big world out there. It’s a world where materialistic possessions are few and far between rather than so abundant we gripe on social media about having to dust them all. It’s a world where loving on your family means more than the perfect family photo. It’s a world where a party can just be getting together with people and sharing a good time rather than struggling to pick the perfect, unique theme, stressing over getting enough party favors, and creating the most Pinterest-perfect photo booth ever! It’s a world where people are loved just because they’re people not because they wear Matilda Jane, Under Armour, or real Converse. It’s a world where we teach our children by our actions rather than expecting Sunday School and their teacher to do it. We show them how to love because we love. We teach them how to give grace, love the unlovable, judge not, lend a hand to those in need, and never, I mean never, take a single moment for granted.

We live in a world where each moment is rushed in anticipation of the next great moment. In this we miss it all.

God has great things in store for us all, mighty plans to change the world and the hearts of those around us. We simply allow ourselves to be distracted from His best by the busyness, the minuscule matters, and the window dressing of daily life. The daily grind depletes our passion for the Lord, and the cares of this world choke out our joy. There’s so much more if we can open our eyes to it. And in this realization of what’s really important we see that our focus should be on loving Jesus, loving others like He does, and making Him known to everyone we encounter. In essence, what really matters beyond that? It’s secondary.

Here’s my prayer today. Lord, I pray you give me eyes, humble eyes that see beyond myself. Vision to see my fellow man, an outlook that is pleasing to you, and one that values what you value. May I teach my children your love, may I savor the gifts you’ve given, and may I give abundantly to others. Let me not be distracted from your glory by the things of this world, may I not fall away in favor of that I cannot take with me to eternity. Give me eyes to see what you have for my life, and help me to see your will. May I always remember that loving you and freely giving your love is what sustains me in this life. Help me to remember what’s really important, and not be distracted by the things that are not.

A Father’s Biggest Responsibility, That He Might Not Know

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I am blessed to be able to raise my children with my partner, my husband. Parenting is hard, so having someone to share the responsibility with is huge. I have utmost respect for those women who do it alone for I cannot imagine raising my daughters on my own. There are so many things that my husband does with our children that I feel he is better suited for than me. For example, it’s easier for him to say no and lay down the law. I guess I’m a pushover for those sweet smiles. But his ability to set much needed limits isn’t the main reason I’m thankful for his presence. Not even close.

For many families the father may be the main disciplinarian. After all, who can raise their hand in agreement that waiting for Dad to pull into the driveway after doing something dumb was the worst punishment of all as a kid? “Just wait until your father gets home,” was a dreaded phrase many of us heard growing up, and I have to admit I’ve used it on my own girls a time or two. But Father Fear Factor isn’t the main reason I cherish my spouse’s involvement in child rearing. Nope, not it.

Traditionally the father had been the breadwinner for the household, bringing home the bacon while mom holds down the home-front. And although I happen to be the one working currently while my hubby homeschools the children, I’ve truly enjoyed being a homemaker in the past while he earned the majority income for us. He’s proven himself an excellent provider, and I’m blessed to have a hardworking husband to take care of me. But his ability to provide financially isn’t the most important thing he brings to the table in our family’s journey.

I’ve always enjoyed allowing my husband to lead our family, standing firm as the head of the household, guiding the decisions we make together as a team, and protecting us from harm, be it physical or spiritual in nature. His strong presence, stoic nature, and wisdom in life is an asset to us all. I place much value on his role in our family, but I’ve discovered something even more important that our daughters get to witness each day.

My husband is honest, fair, and kind to others. He always has a smile, friendly response, and love truly guides his actions. He works hard, does his fair share around the home, and watches his language around the children. He doesn’t drink alcohol or hang out, partying with his friends. He’s a great example to our daughters every day on how to live life, love people, and serve the Lord. Yes, I’m blessed. But something he did recently really highlighted to me the example he is setting for our girls. It stuck out as something very special.

I was laying in bed, about to doze off, since I had to work in the morning, when suddenly I caught snippets of conversation coming from the living room. I strained to hear whispered voices through the closed, bedroom door, and I began to smile at the words spoken by my spouse. He was reading from the Bible, and he explained the verses as they went along.

I heard him explain, “it’s my job to love your Mom like Jesus loves us all, and to treat her right.”

I could just imagine their bright eyes and eager faces as they soaked in every word he spoke, and it was at that moment I understood the importance he had in their lives. As a father of daughters he was their first example of how a man acted, or rather, should act. He was the plumb line by which they measured a man’s intentions as right and true. He was the model they would call upon when choosing a spouse of their own. His model he set forth would directly impact their future decisions on choosing a mate and on successful, healthy relationships, and that was paramount! He set the standard for how they should be respected as women, and he laid down the precedent for how a man should love and honor his wife. They watched his treatment of me, and that illustration of unconditional and selfless love would be the pattern they would likely follow years down the road. His impact on their future happiness in marriage was real, and I knew the biggest truth of parenthood:

They’re always watching!

So Dad, your daughters are watching how you treat their Mom. They will utilize your example as the norm for male behavior. Are you ok with that? If not, something needs to change.

Dad, your sons are watching how you love and honor their Mom. The model you display will mold their future behavior in their own marriages. Is that something you can be proud of impacting? If not, something needs to change.

Fathers have many responsibilities in their children’s lives, and other than leading them closer to Christ there is none so important as the model of behavior they set forth in marriage. Your actions impact their future actions, and it’s always wise to keep that in mind. So I leave you with a question. What legacy do you pass down to your children for a happy, healthy married life?

You Wouldn’t Believe Who’s Watching Your Profile!

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I recently came across a Facebook post in a private group I’m a part of, and it really shook me. The group is a large one, comprised of men and women from all backgrounds and geographical locations, but sharing a common interest. I’ve noticed when you gather a large enough collection of people you’ll see something negative, maybe even awful, but this particular instance left me feeling sad more than anything. It reminded me that what I do matters, and that while I don’t live my life to please the world, the world is watching. They’re watching every single thing I post on Facebook, how I treat the waitress when I go out to eat, and even how I handle the pressures at work when they try to consume me. Let me explain.

You see, in this particular example a Facebook poster had gotten angry at her job, and in her anger she spoke, or rather typed. In her rant she called one coworker by a racial slur and the other by a slang name that pointed out his sexual preferences. Of course, commenters quickly came out to speak against her poorly delivered and unkind post, but it was what some of them discovered that made me cringe.

“I noticed she has Christian quotes all over her profile,” one commenter observed.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” another woman replied.

And that was when my heart sank. A self-proclaimed follower of Jesus, acting very un-Christlike, and it put a nail in the coffin of the assumption that all Christians are self-righteous, cruel, and demeaning individuals. You see, on the whole we are not, but it’s always the bad apples that ruin a barrel. It’s always the negative connotations that stick. You could line up 100 Christians with 99 of them responding in love, but it would be the one hateful person’s actions that everyone remembered.

You see, life as a Christian can be hard. It can be considered unfair, even, because the people who don’t believe the same as you are watching you to see how serious you are. In a way it makes me think of my years doing direct sales. There were people who wanted to jump in and sell with me, but they didn’t believe it would work. So instead they waited and watched. They watched to see if I would quit or give up. A lot of people made fun of me, or they tried to push my buttons. It seemed like they wanted me to fail. What I was doing didn’t impact them personally, but some of them actually wanted me to fall so they could feel better about not believing in our business model. The weirdest and most rewarding part, though, was the people who watched me silently for a very long time, and when they saw me being positive and doing well they decided to come join me. I know you can’t equate direct sales to Christianity, but the haters and watchers do have some similarities. When I sold skincare people silently watched, and as I live my life for Jesus, people are watching also.

If you are a Christian people are watching you. Nonbelievers, backsliders, and everyone inbetween. The fact is Christians make mistakes and sin just like anyone else, but no one cares about that. Just like you expect a professional athlete to play their sport well or a famous singer to give an amazing performance, so too are Christians expected to be different. I mentioned earlier that it may not seem fair, but you have to accept the fact that this viewpoint is here to stay. The Royal Family is expected to dress and walk a certain way when seen in public, and much the same children of The King are expected to carry themselves with a sense of royalty and kinship to The Father. If you are a follower of Jesus it’s your responsibility and heritage to reflect well the family name. Your inheritance into the Kingdom of God doesn’t require your perfection, but it does offer some great suggestions on how to carry yourself.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

As a Christ follower perfection is not required, but love is. The world, though, does require our perfection, and we will realistically have a hard time maintaining such an impossible feat, but we have to at least give it a decent try. We can’t say “Praise the Lord” one minute, but call someone by a demeaning slang term the next. Most decent people will condemn you for racism and cruel treatment of your fellow man, but they’ll especially tar and feather you if you claim to be a Christian yet you’re speaking hate language. Jesus calls us to love, those different from us, and even our enemies. He hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, showing them love, mercy, grace, and a beautiful example of what a life loving the Father entails. The least we can do is try and live our life the same.

If you’re a Christian people are watching you. You can recognize sin without pointing a cruel finger, and you can show the path God calls us all to by living your own life as a shining example. You can get angry, emotional, and even feel justified in your righteous indignation, but then you need to pause. You need to consider what Jesus would do, what He would say, and how He would proceed. You need to hold your tongue, watch your actions, and run it all through a filter of love. The world is watching. That’s just how it is. No need to give them something negative to judge Christianity by.

Sure, it’s a huge responsibility, but your inheritance is a big deal. Your reputation as a Christian reflects upon all your brothers and sisters. So if you’re spewing ugliness it makes us all look ugly.

If you’re treating people unfairly, cussing out the car that passed you, or getting irate at work, it reflects poorly on the Lord. He’s in the heart-changing business, and it’s our responsibility to show the world He can do just that.

Let Him soften your heart and shine His love light through you. Let Him reflect His gentleness, kindness, and mercy through your words and actions.

Who’s watching your profile? Everyone!

So what will they say when they see what you post?

When Your Ministry Isn’t Happening

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Over twenty years ago I felt the Lord give me a vision of my future. In this vision I saw where my husband and I would be one day. It filled me with such joy and anticipation. I wrote it in my journal, and even through the decade my husband and I spent apart, before we got married, I still held tightly to that word from the Lord. I knew in my heart it was what God had for us.

Sometimes God gives you a vision and He says “go now!” When the Lord told me at nineteen to go overseas by myself for six months, I went. Over twenty years later when He told my husband and me to leave our home, sell our things, and travel together, we went! But other times God says, “not now.” Instead He says, “wait.” Underneath His command of not yet is the theme of Be Still. Man, that’s hard. Once you know God has something for you it’s hard to be still and wait for His timing.

It’s even harder when, like us, your heart desires more than anything to be a fisher of men and spread God’s love. In that case you don’t even want to hit a 9-5. You want nothing but that Ministry. Wherever it may be. Whatever it entails. I think the hardest ministry calling is one you don’t yet know the details and cannot yet walk out. You know it’s ahead, but you can’t quite see the specifics, just a fuzzy outline. You just trust for the rest.

This morning during my quiet time the Lord reminded me and solidified within me that we were on the right path, that we were walking in His will, and that He was leading us to the next season. At that moment my youngest daughter walked sleepily out of the bedroom. As she rubbed her eyes she grinned a sweet smile my way. At that moment I felt the Lord impress this upon my heart.

You are walking in your ministry calling right now.

As I looked on at my precious girl I understood the things I already knew, but also needed reminding of.

Each day as a mother I worked for the Lord. I led them to Jesus and trained them up in the way they should go. Just the other day when I had gotten out of bed to go into the living room my two year old had said, “don’t forget your Bible.” And the day before my five year old’s first response to a problem had been to pray about it. These were small things, but they meant a lot to me. They showed me that I was doing something right if I could instill in them a love for Jesus.

Each day as a nurse I was working for the Lord. I made a point to ask Him each morning to go before me and set up the assignment I would have for the day. I opened my mind to His voice in caring for my patients, and I prayed for and with my patients after asking them. My last day at work a supervisor had witnessed me praying and holding hands with a family. The supervisor had later hugged me, told me how much I was appreciated, and hinted to me about staying on at the hospital long term. The patient’s wife had cried tears of joy, told me how I shined a light of the Lord, and prayed for God to continue to use me in patient care.

Each day as a wife I worked for the Lord. I supported my husband in God’s call for His life, and I prayed for him without ceasing.

Waiting for a vision from the Lord can be difficult, but this morning I was reminded that we can be walking in a part of God’s ministry calling for our life without even realizing it. While He might have something in the future that more readily met the standard, expected definition of ministry, that didn’t mean we weren’t in ministry now. Every interaction we had with a stranger, every kind word we spoke, tithe we gave, lesson we taught our children, or prayer of intercession for another we prayed was an important part of the life ministry God had for us. It all mattered, and that was an eye-opening, humbling thought of the part my everyday mundane played in God’s kingdom.

A Letter For My Daughter Growing Up in a Troubled World

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My Precious Girl,

You’re still too young to understand the news, and for that a part of me is grateful. After all, there’s seldom anything on there that I even want to see. It’s all bad news, followed by more bad news, and for now I want to shelter you from all the calamity. School shootings, political unrest, racism and violence. You’re so innocently unaware of it all, and for now you’re not negatively affected by all the anger, injustice, and evil. I wish I could keep you from it forever. Just keep you my sweet, loving girl. But I can’t.

One day you’ll see, and one day you’ll know. I watch you become more aware of the world around you every day, and you’re asking questions, and more importantly contemplating my answers. You’re beginning to form your own opinions, and that’s a good thing, but you still face harsh realities ahead. While a part of me may want to keep you sheltered and protected forever, I know that’s not the way. You need to be a part of this world at large, but you don’t need to let it steal your shine. That’s the challenge.

My advice to you as you begin to notice more the trouble of this world is to abide in hope. To abide is defined as “to continue without fading,” and that’s going to be very important as you go. The fact is that there are cruel people in this world who harm others without thought. Sometimes you will see so much hate, so many heinous acts that make you break into tired tears, and you’ll wonder where all the kindness went.

I can still remember when I served Active Duty and our world was attacked by terror on 9/11. As I watched helpless people jump from a burning building to their death it was as if hope plummeted with them. My heart hurt at the evil that rose against humanity, but then the true grit of humanity rose back in resistance. Despite the atrocious events, hope prevailed. Mankind remained in hope. They abided in hope. It threatened to fade, but in the end it did not. That is what you must always do. Never let the evil of this world win and steal your hope. In this world you will have trouble, but our hope is in something greater than this world. Keep that in mind always.

Here’s the part that kinda worries your Momma, though. You are so sweet, and so kind. Never let that be taken from you! We currently live in a world that feeds on sarcasm and breathes on cynicism. Harsh words are thoughtlessly hurled, opinions are strong, and concessions are few. Sympathy is dulled and charity for the sake of doing it without recognition is rare. You definitely will experience unfair treatment, judgement, and snide comments concerning your life choices. Let them roll off your back, for sure, but don’t let them make you unfeeling. It’s a tough balance to remain sensitive in a “mean” world, yet not let callousness or cruelty change you. They say “if you can’t beat them, join them,” but my advice is to always stay true to you. Don’t allow a hard world to harden you. It’s okay to be “weak” if that means loving your fellow man. A lot of the time when you are weak by the worldly standard, you are truly strong. I think you know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the most important part, kiddo. You are the future. Some folks say “this world has gone to hell in a hand basket,” but you know I never give up hope. I don’t want you to either. Be a world-changer. In a harsh world where confused, hurting people pull out a gun in school, yeah, you need to be on guard, but never do you need to become unloving. When you do that then it really will be the end.

I need you to be the light. I need you to help the hurting. Be the one who reaches out to the quiet, rejected people. Be the one who does no harm, doesn’t judge, and gives a smile always. Watch for those hurting, those who have fallen, and reach out a helping hand. I’m not saying this will be easy, or that it will even be accepted always, but I want you to never stop trying to be a light in this darkened world. Your highest calling in life is to serve others, love others, and perhaps even change this troubled world one life at a time.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, and honestly, I’m glad that right now all you can see is the kindness and love our home offers you. I wish every child had that. Perhaps then we wouldn’t be in the boat we are. For now you’re just learning to love, but my hope is that it will be so ingrained that you’ll have no choice but for you to overflow it into others as you step out further into this troubled world on your own one day.

I’m always here,

Mom

The Difference Between Tolerance and True Love

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We are called to love. It’s our number one commandment and top calling as children of God. I mean, when asked what was the greatest commandment Jesus put it out there pretty straightforward and plain. We’re to love the Lord our God with all our heart, and then we’re to love our neighbor like ourselves. I take this pretty seriously so when I contemplate loving someone as much as I love myself I want to take it even deeper. What if I loved people more than I love myself? What if I loved them kinda like how I love my children?


Although it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface I like to think that our Heavenly Father loves us in a manner similar to how I love my children. It’s this deep, unconditional love. It’s that love that perseveres through hurt, betrayal, or even indifference. It’s the kind of love that loves you even if you don’t love back. It’s what I like to call a “no matter what” kind of love, and it’s perfect. 

So when you begin to envision love in a parent to child manner aside from the deep commitment it entails you’ll also see that it comes with discipline. It comes with correction. It comes with a guidance born of the desire for the child’s best interest at heart. For example, if my four year old tried to pick up a poisonous snake I would yell harshly and quickly, “stop!” I wouldn’t allow my seven year old to cross the street without looking both ways, and I wouldn’t give my toddler free reign of the content locked beneath the kitchen sink. 

I betcha no logical human being would question why I parent this way. It just makes sense that because I love them so deeply I want to protect them from harm, teach them what is correct, and prevent them from making a deadly mistake that could cost them their life. That’s true love. 

True love is based in truth, so when you love someone you approach them in love and truth. You don’t hold back the knowledge you have anymore than you hold back your feelings, and by pouring out live-giving truth on that person you extend their life. It makes you wonder, though, why it isn’t logically accepted or expected to freely give the truth to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Especially when it’s a truth that can give eternal life. Now that’s true love!

There seems to have slowly evolved over time a belief that to love is to tolerate sin. This commonly held belief in society today says that if you love someone you will show tolerance for decisions that go against the truth as it is instructed in God’s word. Even many churches have fallen for the lie that to love is to show tolerance, but in doing so have shown their brothers and sisters an injustice. They’re withholding truth and knowledge that leads to an abundant life on earth and also a wonderful eternity in the presence of the Lord. By withholding truth in the name of “love” we aren’t really loving at all. We are hampering love. We are excusing sin that in essence creates a divide between God and His children. So you see, tolerance isn’t love. 

You could almost say tolerance is a love that hurts you. It’s that abusive spouse who emotionally and physically harms you. They say it’s because they love you, but true love doesn’t do anything that causes pain. And that goes for visible pain, or even the pain that’s not so easy to see. Sin is like the bruises in your psyche from years of demeaning words. This comparison isn’t to downplay domestic violence of any kind, but rather to point out that a separation from the Lord is as painful, and even more so in my personal opinion, to the deep pain that is caused by man at times. It’s certainly not true love. 

So if true love speaks the truth as given in God’s word, and as believers we are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves, then isn’t it a given that to love is to share what we have been given openly and honesty? Wouldn’t holding that back be the opposite of love?

If I let my child steal from a store then I am also guilty. And if I allow a friend to live a sinful life according to scripture, never sharing my knowledge with them, or pretending that I didn’t believe their decisions to be wrong according to God’s word, am I not also guilty? Gosh, that’s something to think about.  

So, is love a harsh condemnation of a stranger on the street, or perhaps a sermon directed coldly and condescendingly in a Facebook comment? Not at all. Love is relationship. Love is friendship. Love is caring. Love is built upon mutual trust and acceptance of the fact that we all carry flaws. Humans sin. That’s humanity. To love someone isn’t to call out their sin like you don’t have a bagful of your own. Love is to share the knowledge of God’s truth as He directs you, and in a manner that shows His heart, not just the desire to be correct. You share the truth out of love, but you also remember to share the truth in a loving way. This is one of the most difficult aspects of showing love; to do so in truth, but gentleness, meekness, and with a servant heart. That’s a spoonful, right?

We gotta work on this, guys. Myself included. We must stand in truth to show love, but we also have to remember to show love when we share the truth. I pray that we all may hear the Lord’s voice on how to do this best, and I am reminded that by diving into the scriptures we can get the best example of all on how this is done well; Jesus. 

The Mission Field Most Unvisited 

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When I was twenty years old I was an honest to goodness missionary. Or I felt like one anyway. I lived and learned overseas for almost a year. I traveled through the interior of South America by hollowed-out log, passing out toys to wide-eyed children who had never seen a white person, and telling unreached people groups about Jesus. I survived on funds I had raised through friends and family who supported my cause.  I used wet wipes to clean myself when we stayed in river villages where the water was too treacherous to bathe in. Heck, I didn’t even shave my legs for like five months at one point. I watched my host suffer through malaria. I sat on a log in the middle of the jungle talking with a Muslim man about why I was fasting. But most importantly, I loved on people. So many people. 


When my time in Guyana was complete, and my discipleship training came to an end, I watched my fellow missionaries share their next step. So many had been called to foreign mission fields, to spread the gospel to those who had never heard it, and to survive on faith and friend-raising. I was happy for them, but honestly, perhaps a little questioning of myself. Despite my feeling that I too should desire to do grand yet difficult adventures, the fact was I did not feel called to some foreign land to share about Jesus. I just didn’t.

 

Yesterday morning my husband shared a text message he had received from a young man who used to work for him. I had always enjoyed watching their relationship blossom. My husband was the type of man who was quiet yet kind. He didn’t speak loudly for all to hear, but when he spoke you knew it was important and packed with wisdom. He had a big heart. That was what drew me to him. Subsequently it drew others as well. People enjoyed to be around him, once they got to know him, and he used that gift in good ways, never taking it for granted. He spoke friendly to strangers always, and he shared a wealth of information to those around him, but he did it in a comfortable way that made you feel like you were sharing with a good friend, not being preached at. He had a gift for cultivating relationships, and then teaching and mentoring them based on his personal walk with the Lord. 

Tears came to my eyes as I read the text from his former “work son” who was now making his way in the world. He spoke of how much he missed their talks, and the life lessons and conversations on faith. He let him know that he thought frequently about the things my husband had shared, and he used the advice daily. I cried with pride and thanksgiving to serve on the daily mission field of life with a man who showed people Jesus by showing them his heart. His life was his witness, his humility a welcome home sign, and he took every single opportunity and interaction that came his way as a chance to be the hands and feet of Christ. He was one of the best missionaries I knew. 

Twenty years ago when I was faced with the decision of whether to come back to the United States or stay on the foreign mission field I knew in my heart where God was leading me. He was leading me not just back home, but to one of the most unvisited mission fields out there. Daily life. The fact is you don’t have to get on a plane and go around the world to tell people about Jesus, and we all know that, yet when it comes to sharing Christ with our neighbor we’re hesitant. It’s not just about inviting a buddy to church on Sunday. It’s actually about being the church. We are all, as believers, temples of the Holy Spirit. God lives in us, and our job is to pour that out on those around us. You don’t have to hand out tracts or have a Bible study on the job site. It starts simply with being love, showing that love, and creating relationships out of love. God seems to open up doors for all the rest of it. 

Mark 16:15

He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.

This is the verse that comes to mind when we think of missions, but more often we also think of traveling to fulfill this verse. I consider this verse a calling, but it’s not just a calling to go to some distant mission field. The words “all the world” also mean next door, at work, or in line at the grocery store. We are called to preach the gospel by our daily interaction with every person we meet. So when it says “all creation” it even means the people who disagree with you, don’t think the same way as you, or live a different lifestyle than you. It starts with a smile, it continues with an example, and it comes to fulfillment through relationship. Just honest to goodness loving on people. Lots of people. 

I’m Grateful to Walk Through Fire With You

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This morning I rushed about before I headed out the door to work, and as I stood yearningly before the coffee maker I glimpsed a small note. I had always left small love notes for my husband to find when he visited the coffee pot after me, and this particular sticky was a leftover from a previous work day. Although I had written it a week ago, in the midst of a trial, it didn’t hit me how true it was until today. 

For over a month I had felt like our family was being hit hard with different problems. We had suffered through everything from lawsuits to palpitations, and fear of job loss to heart problems with our middle daughter. It had already been a stressful time, and I had watched it take a toil on my husband. When asked he would say he was fine, but I could tell by the look on his face that it weighed heavy on him. I think when you love someone so intimately you can just tell. I had been praying for him, but it wasn’t until the past week that I personally began to quake under the weight of the different stressors and unexpected trials we were enduring. 

It seemed as if each day brought another bit of bad news, and after about day five I collapsed. Not physically, per se, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I fell flat on my face. And as much as I tried to push the worry away, I could not. It became more than I could bear, and after crying for the third time one day I reached out to my husband. I told him exactly how I was feeling, and he shared his mirrored emotions. 

Later that night we talked for hours. We prayed together, prayed for one another, and let no word go unsaid between us. We talked about the future and the plans God had for us. We discussed the spiritual battlefield we faced as God moved us forward, and we shared proclamations of our faith, even though we had felt very weak as of late. 

As I sat on the couch that night a strange feeling came over me, and I recognized it as peace, but it was accompanied by gratitude. I realized my husband had been waging war for our family the better part of a month. He had been absorbing God’s word and strength through scripture and the Holy Spirit, but his battle wounds had also been noticed by me. I loved him more than anything in this world, and I realized at that moment that I was grateful to be able to share with him the trials he was walking through for our family and future. 

“I’m grateful to being going through this with you,” I had said. 

He had nodded agreement. He got it. Neither one of us was excited about the struggles we had faced lately, but if we had to go through it then it was best done together. God had put us together for a reason. We felt like He had big plans for us and for His kingdom, but the trek from one plain of greatness to the next is often a hard walk. We were grateful to make the journey together with God leading the way. 

The following morning I had worked, and for the first time in a week I woke up hopeful again for my day. I still felt the fuzzy edges of the hard trial I had transversed, but it was getting better. I was still weary, but not as weak. I was shaken, but not broken. And as I poured my coffee, before heading out the door, I had penned these words to my husband. 

I’m grateful to walk through fire with you. 


So when I saw the note again this morning it struck me how relevant and raw was my revelation. We had been through a Refiner’s Fire. Maybe, even, we weren’t done yet. But we had walked hand in hand, faith intact. Not only had it made us stronger individually, but also stronger as a couple. When I looked at his face, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, and how his countenance shown with the light of Christ, I always loved him immensely. But something about walking through fire with him made me love him even more. It was like the heat had forged the commitment deeper into our very souls, and when I looked at him now I felt not just love, but honored to live life by his side. 

Is that what they mean by fireproof?

Sometimes I Feel Like My Kids Deserve Better Than Me

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We were rushing out to the van. I don’t know what it is about once you have kids, and how that somehow makes it impossible to leave the house on time. You can start getting ready hours ahead of schedule, but when it’s time to go shoes disappear, people gotta poop, and everyone loses their mind. Including mom. So there I am prying a four year old from the TV after calling three times, “get in the van,” I’m holding a sick baby on my hip (like got a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia yesterday, sick), and holding my phone to my ear, waiting to speak with my insurance company, as the piercing music of an on-hold concerto drills into my skull. 

“Come on! Let’s go! Get in your seat!” I cry passionately (and also manically).

This is the moment my six year old daughter chooses to pull out a secret box containing the world’s sharpest knives. She picks an especially serrated one, aims with precision, and drives it into my back in the form of these words, “_____ never freaks out, and she has more kids than you!”

She had spent the day under the care of another mother who apparently didn’t lose her marbles as frequently as I, and though I was under no illusion that this mom was perfect, in this moment I felt about as far from it as you could get. 

To be honest I felt crushed. I slid behind the steering wheel of my less than immaculate minivan, and I felt too small to be at the helm. I definitely felt lower than the windshield; I felt lower than dirt. I considered the many times I lose my cool, and I realized once again just how short I fall on a daily basis. Why couldn’t I get it right?!


I had one job that was important to me, and that job was to raise my tiny humans. I wanted to do it really well, better than anything else I tried in life, but sometimes I felt as if my children deserved better than the lot they had been given when they got me as a mom. Just being honest. 

I couldn’t keep a clean house like my little sister did. 

I wasn’t always fun and easy-going like my other sister was. 

I couldn’t seem to be organized like the many homeschool moms I knew. 

My mind could go on and on with all the things I wasn’t, but all I could focus on at the time was what I was. I was not good enough for my kids. Not in my eyes. 

Of course I texted my husband and shared it all with him, and in signature Ben fashion he spoke to the heart of the matter. 

Well all that matters is you love them and they know it, nothing else matters. I guess keeping them alive and in one piece matters too though

I smiled. I loved him big. 

Then he shared this:

“And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.”

‭‭2 John‬ ‭1:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

As I read God’s truth I realized many of my issues with frustration could be more properly channeled by running them through the love filter. Was running late that big of a deal that it required an unloving tone? Not likely. But even beyond the obvious truth and learning available in this scripture I heard God’s voice. His Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and it whispered,

“You need to love yourself too.”

That was certainly something I needed to work on. 

I wasn’t the perfect mom. I wasn’t even like other mothers I compared myself to sometimes, but I was my kids’ mom. And it so happened that God gave them to me. He knew the kind of mom I’d be before I ever conceived, and He knew I was up for the challenge. He knew I would be the best mom for each child He designed within my womb, specifically for me. They say God never gives you more than you can handle, but in motherhood that’s especially not true. I experience things on an almost daily basis that are more than I can handle. I think what they mean is God never gives you more than He can handle. He gave me motherhood. It’s my gift. My favorite gift actually. And He also provides me the strength to handle every challenge as it comes. So do I always handle each situation gracefully? Probably not. But they are loved, they know they are loved, and that counts for a whole lot. 

Sometimes I may feel like they deserve better than me, but then I remember God places His best within me so I can be exactly what they need.