When I became a new mother I had the advantage of living in an era where information was plentiful, be it the internet or the plethora of books written for first time moms.
Although I’ll admit that no book, no matter how well-written, can prepare you for the sheer frustration experienced when your newborn cries shrilly for hours on end despite all the tricks you try to employ, at least I could google it and know it was par for the course.
Of all the many articles I’ve read or books on my shelf there’s one piece of advice that I received from a close friend that really stands out. After two pregnancies and two postpartum periods of time I think this one tidbit is most beneficial to the delicate new mom.
There will come a moment, I can’t really pinpoint when, that you will manage to carve out a niche of time for yourself. After a much deserved hot shower you will stand nude with a towel wrapped around your head, and as the fog clears from the mirror you will stand in shock and wonder, who is that woman?!
Or perhaps it will come as you dig through your closet trying on article after article of pre-pregnancy garb, and you’ll realize in panicked distress that you have nothing to wear.
I’m not sure what makes a woman think that after the baby comes out she can easily pull back on her skinny jeans, but there it is. In melancholy surrender you’ll put on a pair of elastic waist, yoga pants, and you’ll likely feel a measure of shame.
Don’t. It’s not about you.
That’s what a friend told me, and while it is your body, and your pants being too tight is no one else’s problem; in essence, this situation goes beyond what you may think as a new, body-conscientious mom.
Perhaps no one has told you this, or there wasn’t a chapter about it in your favored new mommy guide. So I’ll tell you now.
Your body is going to change. You won’t bounce back right away, no matter what some celebrity magazine articles may say. Do yourself a favor, and don’t try to get back your pre-pregnancy bod in six weeks. The majority of woman who are able to do so either have a personal trainer and private chef, or perhaps have some magical line of genetics on their side.
No, for most normal women it will be a long time before you feel “sexy” again. And it might be even longer before you lose the “baby weight.” For some women it may not ever completely come off, and that’s just fine. It’s no longer just about you. Now it’s about being a mother, and with that responsibility comes the common fact of a body forever changed.
My youngest is almost two years old, and I’m now back at a pre-pregnancy weight. For me it feels good, and I’m happy with that. But I’ll tell you the truth, when I look in the mirror things are not the same! This doesn’t make me sad. It’s just how it is, and I’m fine with that.
As a new mom you need to understand that after carrying a tiny human for nine months that your body will not be the same, and that’s okay. That’s normal, and it’s actually something to be proud of. You can have pride in your belly that pooches, and you can run your fingers along the lines left from stretched skin with a smile. You’ve earned those medals of motherhood.
Take out a picture of yourself pregnant at nine months. Take a long look. There’s no quick bounce back from that!
And even if you do feel like you’ll be happier at a lower number on the scale, please realize it will take a while. That’s fine. It’s not about just you anymore. If you’re breastfeeding this is especially true. Your body will need additional calories to produce life-sustaining milk, so relax and eat when you’re hungry. And trust me, if you’re nursing a newborn you will be hungry a lot!
But even if you don’t breastfeed you need to know that your body is healing. It takes a good year for things to settle out after three trimesters of housing and nurturing a baby. Personally, I never get aggressive with a weight loss regimen until at least a year has passed.
Remember that despite your desire to get into your favorite jeans, it’s not just about you anymore. And while there’s no problem with being a rocking, hot-body momma, know that there’s more to life than that. There’s enjoying the moments with that precious child that your amazing body conceived. Don’t waste any of the magic by being down on yourself for the battle wounds such a victory has left behind.
I want you to remember this. On the days when you don’t feel pretty, or you yearn for the firm skin of your past, remember that you’re in good company. So many women before you have felt the same way, and you’re not alone. But I think we could all tell you this, and it would be true.
When we see you carrying your new, precious bundle of joy, we smile at your beauty. You see a fluffy midsection and ginormous boobs, but we see the glow of a new momma. We see your shine, and the way it’s changed your countenance forever. Because, you see, being a new mom is about so much more than weight gain and stretch marks. It’s about loved gained and a heart stretched to new limits. So congratulations, and embrace it.