As a writer I take my thoughts and feelings and I pour them out on a page for the world to see. Well, in my case I suppose I pour them out on a screen, but whatever the canvas, the fact remains that I open my life, my heart, and my emotions up for a large audience. Over the years of doing this practice I’ve discovered many things, but one that often disturbs me is how people can react to what I say.
I’ve learned that, indeed, there is a power in one’s words, as if I didn’t already know, and what I say can negatively or positively impact those around me. It’s taught me to be sensitive to the feelings of others, and also to weigh my words wisely before letting them fall out. This is something we all could work towards mastering.
Yet still… Still my words are misinterpreted at times. But above all, people just like to be offended. It’s kinda the norm nowadays.
I recently shared a nursing article on a very large public platform, and within a short time received an angry reply from a reader. Specifically he called me “sexist” for using the gender specific words “she” and “her” in my article, since nurses are males also. He was obviously upset by my exclusion, and strongly conveyed that fact to me via email.
This is nothing new. I have experienced this particular situation before, and because of that I am intentionally purposeful to not be so gender exclusive in my writing. Even though I am a woman. Even though it’s my blog post on my website. Sigh. Even though I am writing about me, and as a woman my feelings flow more freely when I write about myself using “she.”
Regardless, I quickly went to the article in question, and was surprised to see I had written “he/she” within the first paragraph. Wait, what?! I continued on, and I noticed non-gender specific terms throughout such as “they” or “your nurse.” But I did notice one paragraph that contained “she” and “her” a few times.
I wish you could see my face right now.
So why did this particular reader notice one paragraph above all the others? Well, I think it’s because that’s how we are now. That’s what society has shaped us into over the years.
In today’s world with social media and the Internet we are allowed to quickly and easily voice our opinions, and in doing so we are also given the opportunity to read someone else’s feelings or thoughts and come to a conclusion. And that conclusion is “this is about me.”
Within a few hours of that first email I received, I also received a second concerning a completely different article I had written. In it the angry reader said, “your post is absolutely inaccurate. I am not like that.”
Well, I never said you were. The post was about me.
We live in a world where everyone thinks everything is about them. Everything is taken personally. And instead of realizing that the world is full of people who think differently than you, or that you’re not the center of the universe, we all feel like we should be.
It’s about me.
My feelings.
What I’m entitled to.
How you’re offending me.
How you’re infringing on my rights.
Me, me, me.
It’s not about anyone else, and while we’ve become a society so politically correct that we bend over backwards to make everyone feel special, in the end it only serves to make us all look around with a magnifying glass to see who’s offending us that day.
Well, I’ve got news for you. While I really, really desire to always act and speak in love, it’s stiflingly impossible to be me and not offend someone. So you should try repeating this to yourself a time or two: it’s not about you. It’s really not.
It’s not about you. If I say Merry Christmas, and you don’t believe in Christ, it’s not about you. I’m not trying to personally offend you. It’s my belief, and I’m not somehow injecting my poison into your veins by speaking it out loud. Relax.
It’s not about you. If I use she in an article, because I’m a she, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a he. Good Lord. Relax.
It’s not about you. If someone says their kids are getting on their nerves it’s just a statement of their personal life. They’re not trying to offend someone who doesn’t have children. I promise.
It’s not about you. It’s not even about me. It’s about us. We live on this earth together, and if we want to coexist in peace we have to take it down a notch and stop getting personally offended about every little thing. It’s ridiculous. And if me saying so offends you then this article is probably about you.
What if I told you that everything someone else says isn’t about you as a person?! That’s why it’s termed “just saying,” because they’re just saying. They’re not implying you must believe this way, or that even what they speak is the say-all, end-all. Even if they believe it is. Because in the end, your life is your own to do as you please. And my life is mine.
If someone writes an opinion piece, it’s just that. An opinion. If you disagree, that’s fine. Just remember, it’s not about you. A lot of indignation could be toned down dramatically if folks didn’t take stuff so personally. Relax.
I’m all about being sensitive to the feelings of others. As a very sensitive individual myself, I work my best to try and keep the feelings of others in mind. Because of my belief in Jesus I also work my hardest to speak in love, and in a manner that represents Christ to the world. But… I’ve discovered people will still be offended no matter how hard I try.
If I speak on abortion being wrong I’m not pointing my finger at you in judgement. If I say, “I don’t drink alcohol,” I’m not saying you should also abstain. The thing is I’ve lived a life where I’ve made a ton of horrible mistakes, and I will likely make a lot more. So don’t see my belief as judgement, and don’t see my opinion as a personal affront.
And please, please, don’t spend your time searching for how someone’s personal words and feelings are all about you. Cause they’re not. It’s not about you.
Can we not live in a world where we’re sensitive enough to think about our words before speaking them, but not so sensitive that we make everyone’s words about us? Wouldn’t that be nice place?
Stephen Kuklin says
I think that the world has become too thin skinned. No one is entitled to say or do anything that might offend another. This is a load of cow manure. If you are so offended by what others say or think than maybe you need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What am I so upset about?”. Maybe you need to loosen up a bit and realize that the world does not revolve around just you. As human beings we are all entitled to our own opinions. If you want me to listen to you with an open mind, than kindly do the same for me. Brie, you are spot on. Thank You!
Victoria Ogden says
I agree
Sandra says
I love this. This aggravates me as well, and of course you “spoke” it in such an elegant way as always. I preach “worry about yourself” in my household because I firmly believe if you are not focused on everyone else you can be a better you. You can’t let what everyone else says and does influence you and what you think and believe. I love your articles because I can relate to them but I don’t let them offend me or upset me if I don’t agree.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!