Before I found myself smack dab in the middle of the happy, healthy marriage in which I now participate I floundered through a series of other relationships. I even found myself struggling through a six year marriage that eventually ended in divorce. I don’t place all the blame of its dissolution on my ex, and maybe not even half. I am mature enough to admit my own faults and responsibility to that broken relationship, and although I never desired to become divorced, it did end that way. Now I can only learn from my past, and move forward in my wonderful, present relationship.
One thing I discovered, among many lessons, was what it felt like to be treated like I deserved to be treated as a woman. I suppose I never realized it was missing before, and once confronted with a loving man who treated me so well I was honestly stunned. I didn’t know marriage could be so good!
It seems to me that there are a number of things a woman needs to feel in a relationship to be fulfilled, and there are certain things she needs to feel for the relationship to deliver fully as it’s intended to do for the longevity and well-being of both parties. I won’t say “all” women need these things, but from my experience I believe these to be things that most women need to be happy and satisfied in a marriage.
1. To feel pretty. I know, I know. Perhaps that sounds shallow, but I still believe it to be true. I think most women want to feel beautiful, but considering we are usually our own worst enemy on this subject we tend to need some reassurance from our mate.
The majority of the time men are indeed attracted to their wife, and they just assume she knows this, but women are the type of creations that we like to hear it. We like to be complimented, and we actually flourish and bloom under kind words of love and affirmation. A well-placed, sincere compliment is hydrating to our soul, and we grow in grace when showered with this genuine form of affection.
2. To feel needed. Women are doers. We are fixers. We are encouragers. And we are help-mates. In fact, despite opinions otherwise, most women are eager to serve their spouse out of devotion. When they feel like their actions of love are appreciated and needed it inspires them to serve.
A woman needs to feel noticed for her efforts, and also that she holds a responsibility in the team you have developed as spouses. A well-delivered “thank you” and admission of “I couldn’t do this without you” are like a flame that keeps a wife’s lamp lit.
When a woman feels like her efforts are noticed, valued, and needed to help the marriage endure she is motivated, she is satisfied, and she is encouraged.
3. To feel safe and protected. I may get some flack from some women for saying this, but I think most of us enjoy being taken care of by a man. Yes, women do like independence and their own freedom of opinions, but women also like to feel safe and protected. They really like being taken care of by a strong man.
Women want chivalry. It’s not dead. They want to be feel like they can count on and depend on the man in their life. They like stability and provision, and they like feeling shielded.
I feel security in the arms of my spouse, and I know he would lay down his life for our family. He tells me this in his words of concern, and in his actions to ensure I am safe. This sense of security for my physical self only adds to the emotional stability I feel in my marriage.
4. To feel confident in your loyalty to her. Perhaps some women out there are just distrustful, suspicious ladies by nature. Perhaps past relationships have done this to them. I’m not sure. I only know for myself. I know what it feels like to suspect infidelity, and I know what it feels like to have complete trust and faith in another human being. Trust me, the latter is what you want for your marriage.
Women need to feel like they are your one and only, and often times this is easy to achieve. Elementary, in fact, my dear Watson.
As a husband, do not hold extended, repeated conversations with another woman where you pour out your heart, your dreams, and your deepest desires. Save these types of conversations for your spouse.
Do not choose friends who are unfaithful to their spouses or encourage you to go places where you will act in a manner that is disrespectful to your spouse.
Don’t view pornography.
Also when a husband continues to compliment, emotionally/physically support, and make a woman feel needed and appreciated she will be so certain of his affections for her that she would never fathom him straying. She has confidence in the relationship earned by everyday tending to it.
Sound like a lot of work? It is; that’s marriage. And if you don’t want to put forth the effort then don’t get married.
Do women cheat? Of course! I’m not saying they don’t. Just as I’m not saying that men don’t thrive on compliments and affection too. They do, and they love to feel needed also. The great thing about giving these things to a woman is that she will easily reciprocate. That’s why it’s a partnership.
And every partnership thrives on this last thing.
5. To feel loved. That’s what it all comes down to in the end. All of the above needs come together and they help let a woman know she is loved, and that is what she desires most.
Despite any worldly assumptions, it’s not money or good looks that make a woman say yes when their man pops the question. No. It’s the desire to be loved.
Deep down every woman’s heart is made to be loved. The good Lord above designed her that way, and He uses man to fulfill that purpose. His purpose.
So I guess the question for men would be “are you living up to your calling?” Are you caring for women the way they were designed to be cared for?
Personally, not a moment goes by that I don’t thank God for placing my husband in my path, for gifting me with the wonderful spouse I have now who gives me all the things I need as a woman. And in return I give him all the things he needs as a man, which coincidentally aren’t much different.
Jacki Lewis says
I Completely agree. I was always looking or feeling like I needed to be in a relationship but when I stopped looking I found that perfect person. All these things you described will definetly keep a woman won over. When either person stops trying that’s when the relationship starts to fail. It takes two that are interested in each other and attracted and willing to give it all they’ve got and not give up!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Exactly!