Dear Brother/Sister,
This letter is not written to condemn you as a doubting Christian, but rather I hope it will help. Let me tell you a story.
I can remember when I first realized what it meant to love Jesus. I mean really love him. I had never really known until I was nineteen.
I had been raised in church, which isn’t a bad thing mind you, but for me I guess it just kind of made the whole religion thing something we were supposed to do. We got dressed up on Sunday and we went to church.
I’m not trying to downplay my Salvation moment I experienced as a child. I remember hearing of Jesus and being drawn to the alter. Yes! I wanted to be saved!
I think that ten year old, open heart was genuine in its cry for a Savior. I do. I just don’t think I knew what all he could be for me. I couldn’t grasp the relationship part.
But when I was nineteen, boy could I! I heard terms like “Father heart of God,” and I just lapped it up like an eager cat for cream. My soul was thirsty for his love, and I received it abundantly.
So I should have been all good. That’s what I thought anyway. Now that I knew, truly knew Jesus, well, I should be set. But then the doubts came.
I was dumbfounded. Why?! Then I felt guilt. I wondered, How can I be the Christian I need to be if I can’t even believe there’s a God?!
I mean I believed in God. Definitely. And I believed in Jesus. I knew that I knew that I knew. But still.
Still doubts would come. Small, stealthy thoughts would creep into my prayer time, and I would feel terrible. I didn’t want those doubts! Not at all. I wanted to believe faithfully, without fail, and definitely without fleeting, sneaky doubts that prickled at my spirit when I least expected them to be there.
You would think that years spent in a close relationship would cease any and all doubt from my mind, but it has not. Not completely. Do you find yourself assaulted by doubt at times? Perhaps a lot?
I remember when I was nineteen, and I considered myself to be a new Christian, I went to a trusted friend with my secret doubts. I was ashamed, but I had to tell someone. I wanted to fix it!
I will tell you what my kind friend said to me. She said, “It’s okay Brie. We all experience doubt sometimes.”
I will also tell you what God told me then, and what he still tells me now when I doubt. He says, “I love you.”
Do you know why Christians doubt? It’s not because you’re less, and it doesn’t make you not a Christian anymore. It makes you human.
As human beings we can only grasp a small portion of who God is, and what he has for us. It’s difficult for a human brain, one that is surrounded by worldly values, or the lack there of, to understand a love so great and unconditional that you would die for people who hate you.
It’s difficult to fathom forgiveness that really forgets, or to imagine truly being seen for your heart rather than your outside appearance. It’s hard to imagine being loved just for you, not just for what you can do.
When confronted with the idea of someone giving up their life so that you may live, or being able to have all the wrong stuff you’ve done completely blotted out; well, it’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s pretty unbelievable.
It’s hard to fathom Heaven. Seriously? A place with no more tears, no more pain?! As a people who experience so much heartache and disappointment here on earth it’s hard to picture an eternity where death is no more.
Why would anyone believe such a thing?!
Faith.
When I learned to love and lean on Jesus my life was never the same. The sting of rejection by an earthly father was soothed by the Father Heart of God. Any self-hatred over not being enough was wiped away by a Savior who adored me, one who would have died on the cross just for me.
Being a Christian changes you. Or it should. Once you enter into a relationship with The Lord you become new, and old things pass away. You suddenly have hope, real hope, and a peace you never knew existed.
But even in the face of this wonderful new life you might still occasionally experience doubt. I tell you, it’s okay. He loves you still.
When doubt comes don’t let it rule you, and don’t let it give you guilt or make you doubt your relationship with Jesus. Just hold on, and press in.
If I experience doubt now I notice it usually happens when I am strongly rejoicing and glorifying God for his goodness to me. It’s as if when I am my closest to his throne, this is when satan attacks.
In these times I press in even closer. I pray. I pray for the armor of God, and I pray against any plans of evil to steal my joy. In Jesus name I pray.
I read his word, for within the pages of the Bible do I always find the truth. The words press into my spirit, and I am reminded of how certain I am that my Savior lives, and that he loves me.
Whether situational, like when hard times come, or strictly a personal attack, know that doubts may come your way. Even as a solid Christian rooted in his truth, they might still come; albeit briefly doubts will invade your thoughts.
It’s okay. He loves you. Hold on to that truth, and press in closer. Sometimes you just have to cling to what you know to be true in your heart. That’s faith, and never forget how pleased he is with you that even when doubts come your way that you still hold tightly to that faith. To him.
Love,
A Doubting Christian That Still Believes
gwen says
Great Words from a great Christian girl who became a great Christian lady.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Vanessa says
Dear Brie!!! I want to let you know that I love your blog and all the thoughts you share here. You are a terrific writer! I pray that you keep writing to us. The true is that your words bring encouragement to me and to many others. I pray that God keeps using you for His Kindom and Glory. Amem!
Love
Vanessa
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so very much. Your words are an encouragement to me.
Meredith says
Thank you, I reposted a portion on my facebook status, with credit given to you. This is just exactly what I needed to read this morning. As an RN, I love following your blog. Keep up the great writing!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much.