Many of you know, but some may not. Aside from mothering, nursing patients, and being a pretty darn awesome wife I am a veteran too. I spent five years in the United States Navy, and that’s not even really that long compared to some of my career military friends. I respect their ability to dedicate their lives to military service. It was not something I could do when it came down to it.
Like most of you I’ve seen the recent events in the media that occurred at Fort Hood. The shooting. I read a few articles and I saw words like “mental instability” and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I read those articles and my heart broke. I felt compassion for not only the victims of the shooter, but the shooter himself.
First off I’m not excusing murder. That’s not what this post is about. I do not know Ivan Lopez personally. I am not attempting to explain his actions or justify them in any way. Understand?
This post is about the thoughts this incident brought to my mind. It brought to me the soldier’s mind, or rather it placed me in his/her shoes. It caused me to think about exactly what goes on in the mind of a soldier at times. It’s too complex for me to completely fathom, but as a former service member I have an idea. My question is, do you?
Most of us, unless you have an active duty family member, don’t think about the soldier all that much. You think about him a few days a year. Veterans Day, Memorial Day. Maybe you think about them some on 9/11. You definitely think about them when stories like that of Fort Hood surface. “What a whack job!” you may say. Perhaps you think you know all there is to know.
I’ve had plenty of people ask me why I didn’t stay in. They know about things like 30 days paid vacation, or a steady income and job security. (By the way, you can “get fired” from the military! Oh the stories I could tell.) Regardless, my point is that it’s easy to see the benefits from the outside looking in. It’s hard to see the other stuff. The stuff that remains unsaid. That is until it explodes and becomes national media coverage.
You may say, “Well, they signed the dotted line. They knew what they were enlisting for!” And so they did. But maybe they didn’t. Not completely. What I mean is that while all people who enlist in the military now do so on a voluntary basis, I don’t believe they are always completely aware of what’s in store for them.
Many soldiers, myself included, have an idea of what military life is like, but are never truly aware of the sacrifice until they are in the thick of it. They realize it in the midst of the screams of their drill instructors, the 16 hour days, and in the hope for a brief phone call home to their momma. By this time they realize they indeed “signed the dotted line” by their own decision, and will need to suck it up for the rest of their enlistment. Imagine starting a job that wasn’t what you thought it would be, or was harder than you realized. Now imagine that you’re unable to quit that job for 3-5 years.
I personally enjoyed my time in the service. It was a good fit for me and taught me so much, too much to include here. That’s a blog for another day. But it was also a difficult and stressful time too, and not everyone can see that from a civilian standpoint.
Imagine if you will for a moment your son or your daughter, your sister or your brother, a senior in high school. Get a mental picture of this 17-19 year old child. Heck, think of yourself at that age. Putting a face and a name to the average soldier makes it a little more real.
Take that face, that person you’re thinking of and rip them from their comfort zone. Take away their room, their home, their car. Take away their friends, their family, and even their pet dog Fido. While you’re at it I want you to remove their ability to decide what they want to wear, how they want to cut their hair, or if they’d like to grow a beard or not, or wear earrings. I want you to tell this young person they can’t go home for an unknown period of time. Tell them they must travel to foreign countries, with strange languages they don’t understand and a culture unfathomable to them, and live there. Make sure that the ultimate decision of where they will from here forward call “home” is not up to them.
I want you to see the young mother that must put into writing a plan for where her children will live when she must leave their side at a moment’s notice. Understand that this mother will need to be prepared to not see her children for many months at a time, no matter their age or how many she has.
Picture that fresh-faced, young father who will miss the birth of his first son, and probably the second one as well. That same father will miss birthdays, Christmas, and Easter. Keep on pinning your ideas for the perfect Easter basket while he hopes for a chance to Skype.
Realize that for these young men and woman that their life is not their own. It belongs to the U.S. Government. They have little say in where they live, when they can see their family, what their day-to-day job activities will be or how long they’ll take. They are expected to perform to the best of their ability, risking their own life while protecting that of the person beside them. They are expected to do this in a moments notice with little regard for if they feel like it that day.
They will see things you can’t even imagine. Not even in your worst nightmares. You probably won’t hear about these things though because they’ll likely have a hard time discussing it and won’t wish to burden their friends or family with the mental images they wish they could forget. Nine times out of ten those horrible pictures just sit in their head unreleased. Sometimes, many times, those memories haunt their every day life. And you never know. Unless it makes headlines.
The life of a soldier is unlike any other. It is filled with honor, courage, and commitment. Sometimes it is also filled with sadness, regret, and wounds that desperately need healing.
The next time a friend or family member comes home on leave or a veteran crosses your path I want you to try and place yourself in their shoes. I won’t ask you to try and be inside their head. I wouldn’t ask that of you. It’s a sacrifice only they understand. But please for a moment consider the life they have chosen and managed to live. It deserves so much more than a pat on the back or a Happy Veterans Day. But even that would be appreciated. Mostly though I ask that you stop for a moment in your safe and free existence on this planet and ponder on their sacrifice and how hard that is for them and their family. Think about it, and never forget it.
Cathy says
Thank you. Cathy
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you 🙂
Ray says
Brieann,
You have an amazing gift at putting thoughts to words. I was in the military a time ago and know that I probably didn’t have it as hard as some. I enjoyed it,but there was always that haunting feeling knowing my life was no longer mine to make choices. I too recall that dotted line as we’ll as I started a life I knew nothing of. You speak from experience and it shows.
My son lives a military career. He’s a proud Marine. I can tell you from our conversations, it has been a demanding lifestyle being to Iraq and other far away places for 6 month intervals missing the most important times of his babies lives not to mention his wife living extended periods without his needed support. I never realized how different branches of the military can be. I too don’t defend what happened at Fort Hood. Many lives will be grieved for a lifetime. Thanks for posting a different non-judge mental outlook! Ray
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting. God bless you and your son!
Ginger says
That was beautiful, amazing! I spent 20 years in the USAF as a nurse, never in harm’s way.
I thought you great trying to verbalize the alienation of EVERYTHING that they give up and endure. Sorry that I’m not as articulate but that awesome.
Thank you
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for commenting!
Pat kinkaid says
Thank you for your service, and all that entails. All of the sacrifices. Thank you.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Beth Lyons says
Thank you for your article and your service. As an Army Mom, I try to understand what my son is going through but I know he doesn’t tell me most of it. I really appreciate our military and am glad I can help with the cards for Operation Write Home.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for the comment. Thanks for supporting your son and service people everywhere!