- For those of you shock factor seekers out there, I encourage you to try out babysitting a two year old. Much of what comes out of there mouth will surprise you, amuse you, and possibly leave you wondering, “where did they get that?” I suppose, though, that the shock factor could go for any child. For example, I certainly didn’t expect the baby just now to spit up right down my cleavage. And I was definitely awed when my 9 year old step-daughter cleaned her room without being told and then said to me, “You looked like you had your hands full. So I thought that might help.” Wow. But I think these talking toddlers really surprise us because we don’t expect half of what they say to come out of their mouth, especially at such a young age.
- Sometimes they catch you off guard and you have no idea where they get their material. This morning while watching one of her favorite shows, the character made a joke and Chloe said, “Ha. That’s a good one.” Or this morning when I woke up she wanted me to pick her up, but I had to go to the bathroom first. Trying to teach a lesson, I said, “Mommy has to go pee in the potty because she doesn’t wear a diaper. I wear panties and pee in the potty cause I’m a big girl!” She replied quite indignantly “You’re not a big girl!! You’re Mommy!!” Or when we’re brushing her teeth and she wants to do it. I say “Let me do it first.” And she replies, “I wanna do it first too!” Or when she bumped her head and I told her we were out of band aids, she coyly said, “A Popsicle would make it feel better.” It’s all day, every day, nonstop entertainment.
- Other times, you know exactly where they got it from. You. Chloe has taken to consistently telling me when I complete a task, “Good job. Good job Mommy.” I suppose I should be grateful for the much needed motivation. So pleased she can return the favor. She has also started using nonsense words a lot. There’s tons of them. Pooka, too-too, bumka. This morning I realized she only says them when being corrected. Well, that happens a lot! She also says them with force behind them. Then it occurred to me that since she’s gotten older and able to understand and repeat, I’ve worked to filter my language. If I drop something or burn dinner I will bust out with some made up word instead of using a curse word. So apparently, my kid is using bad words, but only she and I know it. Ahh. My little mimic.
That is all 🙂
- My sister sent me a text earlier today that had a video of my little Chloe, and I do mean little. The video showed a bald little baby who could not crawl or walk. She was sitting on the floor at my brother’s house, bouncing up and down to an old record. Yes, I said record. My Mom left behind an extensive and very cool record collection. Chloe was so tiny. Seeing her so small, made me think about yesterday. I had gone to put the baby in the swing. I was surprised to see her feet slightly hanging over the edge. My first thought was “she’s already that long?!” My second thought happened to be a memory of Chloe as a baby, newborn, so tiny in turquoise pants, laying in that very swing, without her feet touching the edge. I recall a commercial for a soap opera. “Like the sands of the hourglass; so are the days of our life’s.”
- So often, a small child can say something and you’re like “what?!” So many nonsensical things escape their lips. I’ve begun to discover that just because it sounds like nonsense, the majority of the time, it is not. Sure, when she says “pooka, pooka”, I can be pretty certain that’s a made up word, but even that may mean something to her. Earlier she said, “Mom, I want twinkle, twinkle hairbow!” What?! I repeated it back to her and yes, I had heard it right. I could have let it go as nonsense and said “Okay baby. In a minute.” We’re all guilty of that, right? But after further investigation and questioning, it appears UTube on my phone was what she desired. As I searched “twinkle, twinkle” there was a video with a singing star (literally), complete with a smiling face and a pink bow on her star head.
- This got me to thinking. How often are we like this with life? How often do you look at where you’re at, then think about where you want to be, and have no clue how that’s gonna happen for you? Do we mistakenly and unintentionally see God’s will for our life’s as nonsense? When He speaks to us, do we say “Ok. In a minute.”? The verse that came to me then was Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Maybe if we can slow down with the task at hand, open our ears to His voice, and then investigate (think on and meditate) what it is He’s trying to tell us; then, maybe then, we will not just think our life’s are nonsense. Perhaps with open, non biased, non preoccupied ears, we can hear and more importantly understand the meaning and will for our life’s. They may seem like sands in the hourglass, but the eternity for which we are preparing is not.
- Is there anything more grating on one’s nerves than a child without a nap? The poor kid is past the point of no return. She’s gone over the hump of being able to take a nap and still go to bed tonight, so we’re in it for the long haul until she passes out from shear exhaustion tonight. I don’t know about other toddlers, but mine becomes really annoying when she’s tired. She’ll do anything to stay awake. She eats an array of items attempting to satisfy her sleepiness like its hunger pains. We’ve had a banana, salad, hotdog, and fruit snacks in the past 15 minutes. Her ability to focus is shot, much like us adults. She is currently watching 2 TV shows, coloring, playing dolls, and randomly chewing on a plastic tea cup. Sounds like me trying to clean house, minus chewing on a plastic item. She looses any ability to listen to instruction and she says “no” a lot. “No” angers me, but I try to give her some slack knowing she’s like a person having an out of body experience, and has no control over the majority of her current actions.
- I thought getting out of the house would do my little girl some good. I know the Vitamin D sunshine helps me. As I watched her running down the walking trail path, I thought how tuckered out she’d be and nap ready. Man, was I mislead. In parenthood, things seldom work out as planned. Best laid plans and all, right? It was a wonderful day though. So sunny and warm. Spring fever! We are enjoying it while it lasts. There’s not a lot of people at the park on a weekday, but I glimpsed other Moms pushing strollers like myself. We nodded as we passed like some secret society. I was amused at a Mom jogging with her toddler. I gotta give her props for the effort, but not sure how much she was able to keep her heart rate up consistently. Toddlers will run for a minute, but then they’re like a puppy. A stray cat is gonna catch their eye and they’ll bolt off in the wrong direction. And while they do make toddler leashes, you can’t pull back on one when your kid runs without capturing the stares of strangers.
- Do you ever have an unexpected financial problem or need come up, and have an unexpected financial gain happen at the same time? It’s often the same credit you need to cover that debit. Have you ever had somewhere to go and get delayed, but then later find out you missed a horrible accident that could have caught you if you were on time? Do you ever hear an inner voice telling you “don’t go that way” or “don’t let them leave” or “now isn’t the time, wait”? Do you use words like coincidence or lucky? I don’t believe in either. As I’ve grown closer to God and my personal relationship with The Lord, I’ve stopped saying “lucky” and instead say blessed. I’m also more able to see God’s hand in every aspect of my life. Even when negative things happen, you can look at it another way and see where He is using it for your good. This may not always be so. Sometimes bad things happen and we won’t see the silver lining, so to speak. But I would encourage you to always look for it. It’s like a hidden picture. You may not see His influence on your life at first glimpse, but if you stare long enough, you’ll see it every time from there on out.
That is all 🙂
- Conversations with a 2 year old are always entertaining. Here is a script of one such conversation:
To set the scene; I’m bathing the baby and Chloe is “helping”.
Chloe – Mom, I want some eggs.
Me – Ok. I’ll make them when I finish.
Chloe – You make the eggs and I’ll make the toast and butter.
Me – Sounds good. Bailey, what do you wanna make?
Chloe – Momma, she’s a baby. She can’t make anything!!
Me – You’re right. I was just trying to include her in the conversation. What’s Daddy gonna make?
Chloe – Anything.
Me – Yeah. Daddy can do anything, can’t he? Super Daddy.
Chloe – No. He can just lay in the bed while we make eggs.
- While watching TV, I saw the Sharon Osbourne Atkins diet commercial. I admit I was intrigued. I thought, “It wouldn’t hurt me to cut some carbs outta my diet!” The only reason I include my diet woes here is for shear amusement value. Anyone who is close to me knows I’m a walking carbohydrate. I sweat donuts and cry bagels. If I had a Living Will, I’d probably leave everything to my cakes, cookies, and pies. My Power of Attorney would be a loaf of bread. I strongly believe in carb loading before bed. Yet, for some reason I’m really wanting to try this low carb deal. Maybe I see it as a challenge, just to see if I can. Shortly after I decided, we went to our favorite store (Walmart) and bee-lined to Chloe’s favorite restaurant (McDonalds). As I stared up at the menu, I realized carb free items don’t fit in with my usual lifestyle. Surprisingly, I didn’t fold. I ordered a diet coke and watched Chloe and Ben eat. As I sit here writing this in H&R Block’s lobby, I was teased by the glimpse of a pack of candy in my purse. Curses! I ignore you sweet treat. We’ll see how long I can endure the torture.
- Sadly, even when you make an appt. at H&R Block, you may end up waiting well over an hour. I had suggested to Ben last week that I file our taxes myself. He had replied “When would you have time to do that?” I could now reply “While I’m waiting for H&R Block to do them.” I did enjoy the people watching. After all, all kinds pay taxes. I certainly enjoyed the tired looking Mom who held her daughter in a vise grip hold in her lap as the kid swayed back and forth repeating the whiny mantra “I want McDonalds!” It made me thankful Ben had stayed at home with ours. The wait was almost like a vacation. I looked at Facebook without someone pulling my arm down and pleading “let me play game on your phone” and went to their bathroom and peed all by myself!
That is all 🙂
- If I had to work a Sunday, this turned out to be a pretty good one. Ok. I know. I work every Sunday. But I’m just saying, it was very relaxed. I got to work to discover I was the only female nurse on my unit today. Men seem to be drawn to the excitement of Surgical Intensive Care. I was like a little ball of estrogen, lost in a sea of testosterone, just trying to stay afloat. I feared I might stop lactating. They humor my feminine ways and smirk when I go off to pump milk. Silly boys.
- By the end of the day, all them boys were malingering into the break room for peeks at the big game. I used to watch football every weekend. Then I had my first baby and watching something as closely as you have to watch a football game just fell to the wayside for me. I haven’t watched the NFL all year, so I won’t start today. But I do believe fully in celebrating Superbowl if you mean eating copious amounts of calorie packed food items. If anyone knows how to bring food to a place, it’s nurses. We packed that break room full of chips, dips, wings, cookies, and the like. And once you start eating carb packed yummies, you can’t stop. I’ve decided to take the Scarlett Ohara approach, and think about it tomorrow. The men folk certainly didn’t seem to scoff at the indulgence for the day.
- When I got home, my fat baby was eager to see me. I may leave bottles overflowing with milk, but nothing satisfies like the real thing. That child ate so much, and just kept eating. When I tried to pull her away, she would fuss for more. I finally convinced her she was done, and then commenced the burping. After we finished I realized I was covered with drool, spit up, and spilled milk. At work all day, I get covered with bodily fluids. I come home, and it’s the same.
That is all 🙂
- As my tank begins to run on fumes, I’m grateful to be home. Sure I haven’t been able to eat, pee, or change clothes since I got here, but I’m home. Sure I’ve had someone or two someones in my lap since I arrived, but I secretly love it. I was blessed with a work day that went by quickly. Very sick patients = busy day = shift ends before you know it. While its heart sinking to start the day with a patient on the brink of a disastrous outcome; it’s heart-warming to end it with them smiling at you and saying thank you.
- The weirdest thing happened on my way home. The situation felt so foreign. I wasn’t sure how to conduct myself. I stopped by the store on my way home. As I pulled into the parking spot, I readied myself for the task of unbuckling multiple carseats and hauling possibly cranky children inside with me to grab a single item. (So many times I just wanna crack the window and leave em in the car). Then I realized something crazy. I was all alone! I only had to haul my own body into the store. It was strangely liberating and surreal.
- When I got home, my toddler wasn’t absorbed with getting a hug and kiss from me. No. She had one thing on her mind, and had been waiting on my arrival with baited breath. When I walked in the door, she greeted me with “Momma. You got to fix MeeMo’s phone. She doesn’t have any games. You gotta put Bird game on her phone!” My child has become obsessed with Angry Birds. I have seen her open her eyes first thing in the morning and her immediate words are “Momma, please let me play bird game on your phone? Please!” And I’m such a sucker for please. I was again surprised, though pleasantly, when before bed she preferred I read her a genuine book to playing a mobile game with Ben. Score, Mommy.
That is all 🙂
- On any given day, so many random musings make their way through my fuddled brain. What follows is a messy conglomeration on such: This morning, as I tried to reach the toilet paper with a miniature, non-stop talker standing on a step stool beside me, I thought, “I love my children and I’m gonna miss them when they move out, but at least I’ll have my private bathroom time back.” I find it amusing when you’re so frazzled by your child pestering you that you resort to giving in and saying something you don’t mean, like, “Fine. Do whatever you want to do. Here’s the lotion. Go tear up the house!” They run off excitedly. You take a deep breath. Then you go to check on them to make sure they’re not tearing up the house. These actions can often bring me to another realization, that for some reason I have to keep reminding myself of. See, I’m a huge smart*#%. But dang it. Small kids just don’t get sarcasm. If you say, “well, since you’re the one in charge who pays all the bills, you can do whatever you want today,” they’re not gonna get it. They just look at you with those wide eyes and sweet grin, no doubt happy over the chance to be in charge. I realized, no rather was reminded anew, that my hormones are no where near back to normal. Chloe usually uses Elmo or Sponge Bob bubbles. Yesterday I bought a bottle of genuine Mr. Bubble bubbles. This morning as I poured them into the tub, the scent wafted up to me. It elicited memories of my childhood that brought tears to my eyes. Bubbles people! I can’t make this stuff up. Sigh. Bring on the hormonal self esteem issues. Am I the only person who starts watching what they eat, and feeling proud at the end of the week, steps on the scale and is rewarded with weight gain?! I had to make myself feel better by saying it was my body holding on to excess weight for breastfeeding purposes. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I hope you don’t have to say to yourself today what I did when I got in my car, “What fast food is in here that’s making it smell like wet cat food?!” It was a urine saturated diaper forgotten in the back hatch. Febreeze even cringes at that.
- Last night as I was getting the girls ready for bed, I just felt saturated with joy. Don’t you love that feeling? I was changing a poopy baby diaper and feeding Chloe dinner at the same time. No, I don’t recall if I washed my hands or not. After wiping Bailey, Chloe called from her chair that she was done. I buckled Bailey down and then I went and I wiped the food from Chloe’s face with a wet towel and she gave me a cheesy grin. I went back to Bailey. She was waiting patiently and gave me a huge grin. She quickly became fussy after that, as she was ready for sleep. Both girls got pajamas on. As we went through bedtime routine, with one lovely girl on each side of me, I felt so happy.
- I often pray while I think about things. Last night, as I rocked one of my babies, I thought and prayed. I thought about that joy I spoke of above. I prayed a thank you for that joy, but I thought about its origin. I discovered true love when I had a child. I often thank God for showing me such a love. Then I thought how that about the time I had a child, I also changed many aspects of my life that were keeping me from experiencing all of God’s goodness. So, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Did becoming a Mother show me how to love or did a loving relationship with Christ show me the way? I’ve seen women birth a child, but lack a loving relationship with them. Then there comes the fact that as my relationship with Christ deepened, so in turn did my relationship with my spouse bloom. I think that impending Motherhood encouraged me to change my life, but I think the power of God truly changed it. I think becoming a Mother brought me the love of a child, but knowing God’s character, taught me how to truly love my children. God is love, therefore it’s common sense that knowing Him will teach you how to know Love. Understanding how much Jesus loved you to die for you, will undoubtably teach you how to love your spouse. My children bring me joy, but my relationship with The Lord ingrained that joy deep within me and showed me how to gain that joy from His gifts.
That is all 🙂
- Sometimes I wonder about the level of manipulative intelligence that my toddler possesses. If this was still the Cold War era, I might fear she was a KGB operative planted in my home. She’s always watching and listening. When I’m speaking to another adult, I look over and she’s just staring, intently listening. Then she turns away, back to her toy or whatever, like she’s not absorbing every detail. I know she hears everything and files it away to reuse when she needs it. Last night she was crying and screaming when Ben got home. As a side note, she was screaming because I told her to sit on the couch after she had found a package of markers and drawn on her hands. When Ben came home and exclaimed, “Why are you crying?!”; she replied, “I’m just tired is why.” She had a wonderful nap. She was not tired. She was repeating an excuse she had heard me use with her Father to prevent a spanking when I didn’t think it was warranted. I used the word manipulative as well. An example: while at my mother-in-law’s, Ben asked her “who’s your best friend.” She replied my mother-in-law’s title “Nonnie.” The next day, I decided to test my theory when my Aunt came to visit us. I asked her “who’s your best friend?” She replied with my Aunt’s title “MeeMo.” (All the while grinning at my Aunt). Yesterday when we were alone, I asked her “who’s your best friend?” And she smoothly replied, “you are Mommy.” I’m thinking she has a future in politics.
- Bailey, on the other hand, may have a future as a writer. She is always very reflective. She is also very dramatic in getting her point across. Often when she cries, it’s like she’s telling me a story, recounting the horror she just endured. Her diaper can be empty, her tummy can be full, and I can be rocking her intently, and she will look off into the distance and begin to fuss and tell me all about it. “Momma! You left me on that mat all by myself! I didn’t know if you were ever coming back! That little tornado you call my sister almost stepped on me! And what is up with that man called Dr. Phil on the moving picture screen?! I can’t watch that crap!”
- Bailey is actually really easy to care for. She sleeps. She eats. She smiles. She can scream like a skinned cat, but she settles down easily enough. Usually, just picking her up and holding her close, will do the trick. She gets fussy at the end of the day, but it’s because she’s sleepy. Get her to sleep, and you’re set till the next day. I would like to think that this easy rhythm we’ve discovered with each other will continue. She’s different from her sister Chloe in every way possible, all most laughably so. She’s a mild tempered brunette. Chloe is a feisty blonde. If Chloe cried as a baby, I nursed her. If I wanted Chloe to sleep, I nursed her. Bailey, on the other hand, only nurses if she’s really hungry. Chloe hated bottles. Bailey has no issue with them. Chloe didn’t like to be held by strangers. Bailey can appreciate a warm lap, whoever it may be. Chloe had to be held all the time. Bailey can stare at the wall and entertain herself. I love Chloe more than anything in the world. I worried I could not love another child as much, but I do! I can’t imagine life now without little Bailey. They are so different, but I love them both so much. If Chloe asked “who’s your best friend?”, then I suppose I would have multiple answers too. I’m a blessed woman for sure.
That is all 🙂
- It’s a rare quiet moment around here. Both girls are napping. Ben was here for a break from work, but has now returned. I could tell he was tired. He’s really been an important part of this parenting team. At this point in young Bailey’s life, I spend a lot of my time and energy caring for her. Breastfeeding makes this even more true. She also seems to sleep best at night when I sleep with her; just like Chloe did as an infant. This has made Chloe and Ben bedtime buddies. Where I used to read to her before bed; he now rocks her to sleep playing a game together on his phone. They often fall asleep together rocking in that chair and I’ll wake at 2 am and still see them there. So Ben is getting as little sleep as I. Last night he really couldn’t sleep. While the girls and I snoozed away, he sat up watching the radar and listening to weather reports. He felt it was his duty to stay up and stand guard for the impending storm, to insure all our safety. It wasn’t the tornado siren that woke me, but rather my husband saying we needed to move to safety. He had placed pillows in the hall floor. He carried a sleeping Chloe there and I scooped up a sleeping Bailey from her swing. We all lay dozing in the hall, while Daddy scanned the radar and paced. I never felt worry or fear. I prayed for God’s protection. I felt peace that He heard my prayers, and knew He had sent me my own little weather bodyguard in the form of my hubby.
- Today I pulled out the ole Wii Fit game. It’s about time to get back on the diet wagon and try to regain my pre-pregnancy figure. I’ve got a P90X DVD, but I figured I better not kill myself. I was outside with Chloe and Ben yesterday while Bailey napped. I ran around with Chloe and played with the dog. When I was bent down petting the puppy, I realized that my muscles and joints are still not back to normal. I feel stiff and not like myself. That being said, I decided to start off my exercise regimen easy with the Wii Fit and advance to P90X when I was more capable of doing it without injuring myself or risking my uterus falling out onto the floor. I’m glad I did, cause some of those yoga poses stung. My spine has been hurting where I got my epidural and I hope the yoga stretches will help. Hindsight: I wish I would of just continued on with the breathing and forgot about the epidural. I know now I could of done it. Maybe next time. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to do 35 minutes straight before the baby woke up and Chloe went insane wanting her turn on the balance board. Perhaps I can manage to exercise inside until weather improves enough for outdoor activity.
- I really enjoyed running around outside with Chloe yesterday. Then playing Wii with her today was great as well. It’s really hard for me sometimes taking care of the baby, when I feel like I’m neglecting my little buddy. I think I’m doing ok giving her quality time with me. I know I meet her basic needs definitely, but that’s where the rest starts to crumble. Some days, when the baby is asleep, I find myself trying to fit in laundry and such at those times. I have to remind myself to just go play dolls instead. It never seems like there’s enough time to get done everything I want to do, and give Chloe playtime. Then I think about if I’m giving her the proper learning time she needs for her age. Then I remember that I need to chill out worrying about all of that. I realize Bailey is still very small, and that things are getting a little easier every day. It’s a challenge, but I’m up for it. Thank you to all my readers who have been here before, but don’t straight laugh at my face for all the worrying and complaining I do. Hang in there with me, and enjoy a laugh at my expense, if you must. Oh, and say a prayer for me, and definitely one for the rest of my gang.
That is all 🙂
- Have you ever had a dream feel so real that it frightens you? Have you ever cried in a dream and the emotions are so vibrant that you can feel the pain ripping you apart? This is the kind of nightmare that I woke from this morning. I dreamed that someone I love very much, died. In my dream she died right before my very eyes. Just collapsed. Brain aneurysm. It was a very thorough and very real dream. It wasn’t like those weird flying dreams where people are naked and animals talk. No, it was like real life. In my dream, I went through the tasks you have to take when someone close to you dies. In my dream, I even went to her work to clean out her desk. It ended up being too emotional. There was more in her office than I thought, and I had the girls with me. This dream missed nothing in the way of realism!
- When I woke up I was naturally shaken from my nightmare. Ben was getting ready to leave for work, and I briefly shared it with him. I didn’t share my fears. It had kind of freaked me out. When I was a teenager I dreamed my Grandma died. A week later she really did. It had been unexpected. So since that incident, death dreams have always scared me. I tried to push it from my mind. I had assumed I was very capable of dealing with death and dying. After having been through the death of my Mom; I figured since I had gotten through such a tragedy, I would be capable of dealing with anything. But this dream had accosted my thoughts with just how I would feel and handle such a loss. I had nothing in reality to grieve, but the mere thought of it actually happening was really affecting me. I wasn’t ready for this at all!
- As I still sat there thinking about it, my phone rang. She was pulling into my driveway for an unexpected visit! It was so good to see her face, to give her a hug, to talk, and to laugh together. As a Christian, I know that the people I love, who know Jesus as I do, will only die to this earth. I know in my heart that they and I will live on in a place of beauty beyond what my small mind can fathom. I am only human though. I am glad that my Mom doesn’t have to experience the pain she felt here on earth anymore, but I still want her here with me. I want her to hold my babies and listen to my worries, but I’m glad that she now doesn’t have to experience worry. It’s so hard and beyond complex. The death of a loved one is a celebration, but also a mourning. I think it’s because my human mind can’t even begin to comprehend the expansiveness of an after-life. Since I can only see the world around me, I grieve when people I love leave it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think it’s just one of those things we can’t completely understand. I do know that I can’t imagine how I could deal with death if not for my belief in God and us becoming His bride. When she left my house, I hugged her a little tighter. I’ll tell you the truth. I prayed to God to let her stay with me a bit longer on this earth, that I wasn’t ready for her to leave me too. I take peace in knowing that when He does decide to take her home, He will give me the strength to get through her passing and help me realize and celebrate that she is with Him and my Mommy.
That is all 🙂