So I mentioned earlier this week that we had our daughters’ pictures made by a professional photographer. I also mentioned how it was kind of challenging to do this with two kids under four, but overall was a great experience. But there’s one thing I haven’t mentioned about the whole day that keeps coming back to my mind.
I look back and I picture the defeated look on my three year old’s face, and I wince. I recall her negative self-assessment and it troubles me. Badly.
I think my daughter is lovely, gorgeous in fact, but I was really bothered by an incident while taking photos. When it came time to smile she surprised us all by having a moment of low self-esteem. She commented, “But there’s a hole in my teeth.”
It’s true I suppose. My little girl has a large gap between her front teeth. But it wasn’t so much her observation of her particular dental dilemma that got to me as much as it was the accompanying expression on her face. I could tell that this fact, the gap-toothed smile, brought her distress. I was shocked to see that my daughter didn’t want to smile for her picture.
I knew it was coming eventually, even as I prayed it wouldn’t, but I was certain that three was far too young for my little girl to be worried about her appearance. It seemed like she wasn’t old enough to worry if she didn’t measure up, or to fear that she was less. As I looked at the distress on my child’s face it succeeded in breaking my mommy heart.
We had never mentioned her teeth to her, even though my husband and I found it adorable. We were quick to tell our daughters they were beautiful, but I wondered if that was part of the problem, or if our compliments were even enough. I kept seeing her sad face from that day, and I realized there were a few things I wanted her to know about beauty. In fact, there were things I needed her to know.
I needed her to understand she was beautiful inside and out, that beauty wasn’t just a way you looked, but it was who you were as a person.
I needed her to understand that beauty is skin deep, meaning the things that defined her as beautiful were so much more than her lovely smile and delicate features.
I needed her to realize that outward appearances of beauty fade, but real beauty, the kind you can’t see, stay with you forever. And this beauty is what truly defines her as a sight to behold.
I needed her to know that no man, or woman for that matter, could ever define what is beautiful, but that beauty is a state of mind.
Beauty is how she carries herself with confidence and how she gives of herself selflessly even when it’s not the most comfortable thing to do.
I knew it wasn’t just on her shoulders to carry the weight of what the world defines as beautiful. It was also up to me. It was up to me to show her.
She didn’t need to see me stand on a scale daily. She didn’t need to witness my self-depreciating comments as I looked at my own reflection with a critic’s eyes. Her first lessons on loving herself would be based on actions she saw when she saw me. She would emulate my worst, and sadly miss my best. She deserved more than she might have seen in me.
But what she needed to know most was that little of this mattered. Beauty. It was fleeting, at least in a physical sense. True beauty was grace. Real beauty was more than a certain pant’s size, perfect hair, or even a brilliant smile. It was so much more.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
She needed to know her beauty wasn’t the basis of her worth. Her worth in the eyes of her Father was her beauty.
Her beauty was her heart, how she loved. It was seen in how she treated others. It was her kindness, her empathy, and her strength despite adversity.
Society would tell her one thing, and she probably wouldn’t always listen to her Momma, but if I could help her to see herself even a fraction as beautiful as she was in her Creator’s eyes, then I had done my job. If she could behold her beauty through His view, then we could both smile a lot easier.
Sherrie Graham-Busse says
Your girl is a beauty, both inside and out….am sending this to my 20 year old daughter, to remind her that the inner beauty is what counts! Thank you for sharing
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! Glad you can share with your beautiful daughter!
Morag says
Dear Brie, I read you a stack, and I have to tell you, There are times when you hit the spot smack on the tip!
Your daughter is just beautiful !
What a stunning post!!!
Please tell her so, from a lady in Africa!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! I’ll certainly tell her!