She lay there on my chest, and as I brushed my hand against her newly, shortened hair I recognized the fact that she was tired. It didn’t escape me that her exhaustion had led to her laying her drowsy head upon my body any more that the truth bombarded me that she looked much older with the short bob haircut she had requested. So as I ran my hands through the recently shorn, dirty blond tresses I tossed away thoughts of how her face looked more elongated, rather than chubby, or how her long, tan legs stretched almost to the bottom of my own. I tossed away those thoughts, and instead I savored in the feel of her precious body laying in full surrender and trust upon my own. She still needed me.
It was hard to think about things like your daughter driving a car, getting a job, or especially getting married. The thought of a young man placing his hand affectionally along the curve of her lower back filled me with an odd array of emotions. When I looked into her crystal clear, blue eyes I could see the lady she would become, and I was proud to play any part the good Lord gave me in raising her into that woman. But still. Trepidation always comes when you’re not quite ready. And I wasn’t ready. Yet I knew how quickly time seemed to spin.
“Did you know that in nine years I can get my driver’s license and get a job?” My seven year old asked me excitedly.
The glimmer of anticipation had gleamed, and before I could stop myself I blurted out, “I don’t even want to think about it!”
Something she found so exciting I found frightening. Momma wasn’t ready for her babies to grow up just yet.
Parenthood has to be the strangest thing I’ve ever done. One minute you’re losing your mind, ready to scream insanely as your patience is worn thin, and begging the sky for just a moment of silence. A moment to think in peace, a moment to do something for yourself, eat a meal while it’s still hot, have your living room stay clean, or truly just “run in the store real quick.” But the next second you’re looking at photos of a friend’s newborn and saying “ahhh” while the memories of your own uterine kicks surface to make you feel maternal urgings. Seriously, sometimes I think I still feel a baby move inside me.
You look at your growing toddler and want to freeze time. Yet you yearn for a solid night’s sleep all the way through. You just want little people to stop touching you! Yet nothing feels better than a small head laying on your breast and whispering, “I wub youuuuu!”
My husband and I currently sleep in a queen size bed, and although our home is tiny it does have in addition to our own bed, two twins and two full size beds. That doesn’t mean a thing, though, at two or three in the morning when a swift quick from a small limb rouses me from my dreams. When our little girls crawl into the bed with us I’m reminded of the tumultuous journey of parenting, and as I look over drowsily at the sleeping, porcelain-like face in the crook of my arm, I smile that they still want to sleep there. One day soon they won’t.
So I soak in the lazy cuddles, and I push away thoughts of aggravation. I listen intently to the repetitive questions and run-on sentence storytelling, and I remind myself how much of a treasure it is that they crave my attention and interest. I enjoy helping them fix snacks, wash their hair, and open packages while they still need my assistance. Far too quickly they won’t. I pull them into my lap, I brush my hands through their fine hair, I kiss boo-boos while I still can, and I gratefully raise the young ladies God has given me before they become women who will stand on their own.
Julie Pitts says
The days are long, but, the years are short (stolen Quote)
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Amen
Dave says
I don’t enjoy getting older but birthdays do (most of the time) bring a response from my kids! For the most part I feel unneeded anymore! I have seen it happen over & over again in parents & especially grandparents! You’re archaic & out of touch! Those times I have seen genuine care from youngsters for their senior family bless me so much! I stand guilty as I as a young man didn’t give my parents the attention I should of! I now deeply regret it & can sense the longing they must of felt to see & hear from me more! Hold them close while you can & hope they fall into that percentage of the children who “think” about how much their aging parents crave for more than just a birthday greeting each year! But be thankful if you do get that birthday greeting as I have seen some dear old parents treated much worse! I hate to sound like sour grapes but I could sense those concerns & feelings coming from what you wrote! It’s a whole bag of emotions with kids or has been for me especially as a daddy with two daughters! I could really open up a can of emotions about a dad’s hopes, pain & frustrations when mister macho starts pulling his daughter away from him but I settle back into my easy chair & realize all a daddy can do sometimes is hope & pray so that’s where I am! Great piece Brie!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. My husband told me last night that they weren’t getting married. Lol. He was joking, but I totally get it. It’s hard to think of letting his little girls go.
Angie Sharp says
My husband and I have two daughters (29 & 24). The oldest has been married two and a half years. The youngest has been married almost eight months. I have been a stay at home wife and mother since our eldest was born. My husband and I have been through ALL the emotions, at every phase and stage of the girl’s lives. It wasn’t always easy watching them grow up. Some days we yearned for our little girls again. But I will say this, raise them the best you can by always loving them and pointing them to Jesus. Give tough love when needed but always give them tender love even more. Let them learn to make age appropriate decisions. Stay all up in their business during the teenage years….remember you are their parents, not their friends. And through every phase and age daily cover them, and their future (including the spouse they haven’t yet met), in prayer. A prayer of guidance, protection, provision, and a prayer for them to have a longing to seek the Father for their whole lives. Our girls and I have a very sweet friendship now. It’s hard to explain the mother/dauther/friendship relationship, but it is oh so sweet! The girls love and admire their daddy so much (he was the perfect role model for them to follow in finding their husbands) which is also oh so sweet. But even sweeter is that their childhood home is still “home” to them, and they are in and out of “home” quite often. We are blessed! So, so blessed!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. It’s an encouragement to me.
Lisa Pierce says
This brought back so many memories & emotions. I remember my teenage daughter (who is now 40) telling me that I was going to have to cut the apron strings. My reply was this “How about we just let them unravel a little at a time?” I only had one child & her dad wasn’t in the picture after she turned two. That made it more difficult to be left alone.
Savor those childhood moments because those moments are making adult bonds between you and them that cannot be broken. After all, it’s not really letting go, it’s just switching gears!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!!