Recently a family member I respect very much asked me a question I didn’t expect.
He said, “do you think your marriage is strong enough for you to be the primary breadwinner now?”
I laughed. I got it, though. It was a big change, after all. Since my firstborn was six months old I had been working part-time. In fact, for the past year and a half I hadn’t worked more than a day a week. So for roughly six years or more I hadn’t worked a full-time job. Well, actually I had. Being a stay-at-home mom is definitely a full-time job. Overtime even. What I meant was I had not worked full-time outside of the home since I realized that motherhood was my calling in life. I loved being home with my babies! But sometimes often times motherhood means providing for your babies.
My husband has been holding the role of provider very well for many years now, and for the past few he had owned his own business in the way of a local, small restaurant. When he first was afforded the opportunity to switch from head cook to owner I was ecstatic. In retrospect, I know I probably wanted him to own the store more than he did. I often feel guilt over that. I wanted to have a husband who owned a restaurant, not just one who cooked there. I’m ashamed to admit that, but it’s true. The problem was I didn’t realize the toll it would take on him.
It started out well enough, but fairly quickly I saw the stress he was under. He ran a popular business, but even a popular business in a small town struggles. I watched stores in our rural town go out of business all the time and I could see why. Customers are fickle, and times are hard for everyone. The string of business wasn’t always what it needed to be. I watched my spouse take out numerous small business loans over the years to keep things afloat when business was slow, and many, many times I watched him work 60 hour weeks and not bring home a dime to our family. He’d pay his workers but not himself. I know that my Rodan + Field’s business kept us going, but much more it was the Lord providing when he didn’t pay himself a salary.
It’s not that I wish to air our laundry for all the world to see, but it becomes important in where we now stand to share how hard he tried to make things work. I am proud of him. He felt like he was failing us and failing his employees. He held on for that reason much longer than he should have. In the end we were losing money, going in the hole, and he had to close the doors. Even when he finally did we still found ourselves in multiple debts to the business that couldn’t even feed our family. My breadwinning, hardworking husband found himself without a job. You might wonder how I felt about that?
I felt relief.
When I was asked if our relationship could survive a reversal of roles I had to laugh. I had to laugh because it didn’t bother me at all to go back to work full-time as an RN. It didn’t even bother me that I would need to travel nurse to supplement his lost income. It was my idea, in fact. We had very specific goals for our family, such as homeschooling our children, and only one, full-time working parent was what worked with our goals and desires. It was simply my turn.
I had watched my husband for years provide for us with a smile on his face, even when what he was doing sadly no longer provided. He never complained, and even when I saw the stress wearing on him, he remained upbeat and loving towards us. He did what he did for his family, and I do what I’m doing now for our family. We’re a partnership, and this is the season we are in now.
We love to share the gospel and consider it our top calling. We have felt and known God has a ministry calling on our life for over twenty years now. As we enter a new season in life that necessitates me working from the road, we consider it an open door to go where God would have us to go to share His love, for His Kingdom purposes. Call it a silver lining.
When you pray for open and closed doors, be prepared for what you’ll get. Then go through the open doors with an attitude of praise, and let the clanging of the closed ones not distract you from God’s blessings for your life.
Ashley says
Sad to hear this about the business! Amazing outlook on a hard hard thing. Thank you for sharing!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Sondra says
Brie,Im so sorry about the business,U have a great amazing Husband,it takes a team,partnership ,love devotion and the love for God to make a marriage work,keep up ur blogging,Girl u r an awesome woman,friend and co worker u and ur family r doing what God wants .. In my praying always love u
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Emily Fondren says
Love it! Thanks for your candor!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Bret Carroll says
I’m so thankful to know your husband! He is a great guy! I’m so thankful for your families walk with Jesus. Great post.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Lisa Pierce says
Thank you for sharing this story. If all women & men had your outlook on life and trust in the Lord, there would be a lower divorce rate. Marriage takes three! Thank you for sharing your journey. Praying always for your family.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Dave says
May all your endeavors for the Lord be an adventure ya’ll can see bear fruit for many years to come! I’m sure your kids are learning valuable lessons from two Godly parents! Failure isn’t always bad! I have learned so many valuable lessons in my earthly journey and the insight I gained into so many things through failure helped me grow in my trust in the Lord!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. We are at peace about it and know God has wonderful plans for our future.
Kim says
Beautifully said!! I am so glad you share your life with us. It is a true inspiration to me and I’m glad we can follow you guys on your journey. Being in the same situation as head bread winner myself it’s tough going sometimes, but I know my husband struggled to make it as long as he did working and God has other plans for him and a new chapter in our life. Thank you for letting us tag along on your new chapter can’t wait to see what is around your next corner in life!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. Best wishes to you.
Vickie Henley says
I really needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing. My husband lost his job last year and I am a stay at home mom who homeschools. It was very hard at first. My husband tried so hard to find another job close to home that would allow me to keep staying home. When we began to realize that may not be possible, I began to worry. Would I be able to keep homeschooling? Would we have to move away from family? He was out of work for almost 5 months. We only survived with God’s help and the help of family. We finally realized we would have to move. My family was very negative and reluctant at first which made the idea of moving even harder, but with prayer, we knew that is what God wanted. He found a job 2 hours away and came home once or twice a week while I handled the sale of our home. That three months I think was harder than the 5 months out of work because even though we finally had money to pay bills, we were apart. Family thought we should he should keep commuting like that so we could stay close to family, but our marriage was beginning to suffer and he missed having us all together. We finally sold our home and found a house closer to his job. It was so great to finally be back together again as a family. We have been in Oxford, MS for 6 months now and God has worked in our lives in so many ways here that have shown us we made the right decision to move. I admire you and your family so much for your leap of faith. He will guide and sustain you. God bless your family.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you and your family!
Larissa says
Wow! I so needed to read this tonight. God makes no mistakes and I know He led me straight to your blog (via FB!) to see this. Both your story and Vickie’s reply about moving away from family spoke to my season right now. Thank you both for sharing!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.