As I rushed out the door prior to work I remembered to grab a white, square post-it note from the kitchen catch-all drawer, and I took the time to write a small note for my sleeping spouse to find. It wasn’t a honey-do list or even some pertinent information I wished to pass on to him in my absence. It was simply a small sentiment that I stuck by the coffee maker, something I had done for years now without fail. Sometimes, like this morning, I considered if it was necessary, but as I scrolled the cursive message across the small paper I knew it was important. He never said anything about the notes, but I knew it mattered.
It wasn’t some poetic wordage that I penned, or even an abundantly romantic note. It was short, sweet, and to the point, but it was also concrete evidence of the thoughts I had, those things we may sometimes forget to say.
I love you sweetie. Thank you so much for everything you do.
Love,
Brie
It was a thank you note. It was a reminder that I stopped in the harried activity of my morning rush to say that I noticed his contributions to our family, and that I appreciated them. I read somewhere recently that saying “thank you” to a man is the equivalent of saying “I love you” to a woman, and I could see that. In my marriage I as the woman was the more emotional creature. I thrived on feelings and displays of affection. My husband was the doer. He thrived on carrying out his purpose as the provider and protector of our family. If I could be considered an adjective then he would be considered a verb. He was action-driven. He checked doors to make sure they were locked. He kept abreast of inclement weather and kept me notified of such. I tended to laugh and call him my own personal meteorologist, but this was one of the ways he loved us. By keeping us safe from possible stormy weather. And as a doer he certainly needed to feel useful. I was happy to accommodate that.
The fact is most people need to feel appreciated, to feel useful, and to be acknowledged for their contribution to the relationship and the family as a whole. I haven’t always done well at this. In the past my focus was on my contributions, what I was doing, and how well I was being noticed for my endeavors. Not only did I focus on all the things I was doing well, but I put too much merit on the things my husband didn’t do so well. I held high expectations for him, but then got upset if he did the same towards me.
When it comes down to it we are all imperfect people. We’re all broken in some way or another, and rather than highlighting the others faults we should be celebrating one another’s strengths. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with an honest assessment of how someone might improve one area or another, but too often we become fixated on where they fall short. Maybe it makes us feel better about our own shortcomings.
What we should be doing is cultivating our marriages. We should be building one another up, not tearing one another down. We should be saying “thank you” which really means “I see you. You’re doing great.”
And that’s really what the little post-it notes are about for me. It doesn’t take some elaborate gift to show gratitude. It just takes the time to show recognition and appreciation of your spouse’s contribution. It’s something as simple as looking someone in the eyes, letting that kiss linger a little longer, or a small token such as a tiny note by the coffee maker. Something we sometimes all get too busy to do. I’m glad I took the time this morning to let him know I appreciate everything he does, and he in turn reciprocates that emotion.
Derek Langham says
As always you show your love for your man. He,s a lucky husband having such a appreciating wife. I,m also lucky in that respect. Bill. L. Old Author.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
bluebell222 says
Great reminder as our schedules have us running in so many directions.