Dear Unfortunate Lady,
I am sorry. Really I am. I do hope your eyes have recovered, and my prayer is that your retinas were not burned beyond recovery at the horrendous site that accosted you when you happened to glimpse the interior of my minivan.
First off, yes, the children are okay. I’m not an abusive mom, although I’m an exhausted one, and the thought of sifting through the backseat debris is more than I’m currently capable of handling in my already frazzled emotional state.
In all reality it’s their fault anyway. Don’t let the sweet smiles fool you. They are tiny tsunamis trapped inside little girl bodies. They’re like little vampires, but their thirst isn’t quenched by blood. It’s satisfied by chaos and mess; typically in the form of discarded toys, forgotten french fries, and abandoned sippie cups of God only knows what.
I’m sure you had no clue really what you were seeing. I get it. You probably just wondered if there could be another kid trapped under all that floorboard mess. After all, I saw the way your head tilted to the side as if listening for a muffled cry of help. But rest assured, no one is lost in the muck. No one was left behind. I count heads at the end of the day, and thus far the only casualties in the war of vehicular cleanliness have been my sanity and a stray flip flop that slipped off in the abyss a couple of weeks ago. It’s similar to the La Brea Tar Pits in that regard.
But anywho, I just wanted to say I’m sorry you had to witness such a sight. I’m not a slob, I swear, and if you were able to glimpse the children safely snuggled in their car seats, faces scrubbed, adorable outfits with matching bows, then I guess you realized where my attention goes.
That’s right. Things have changed for me over the years. I used to take pride in a pristine home and clean car, but those things have taken a backseat, literally, to the welfare of my babies, and more importantly the time we spend together. We’re far too busy going for picnics at the park to find time to take it to the car wash, and in all reality the perfectly compacted trash and stuffed animals currently in the floorboard are more effective in the case of collision than any airbags could ever be. Basically they’re wedged back there. So it’s all good.
So overall, although I hate that you happened to catch the atrocity that is currently the state of my mom wagon, I’m not really embarrassed or ashamed. It’s just how things are when you’re a busy mom.
My backseat is full of trash, but it’s also packed full with the most precious cargo known to man. My minivan may be a mess, but in essence my life is practically perfect in every way. And I’ll take a trashed-out vehicle any day if it means I have the joy of carting around my awesome (and messy) daughters wherever I go.
I tell them to pick up their toys, to not throw trash on the van floor, and the importance of appreciating material possessions. But I also teach them that things are just that. Things. And we don’t sweat the small things in our day-to-day.
Plus, we just cleaned out the van last week. I know, it’s crazy. I’m thinking of setting up a GoFundMe page to take care of the damages, but I don’t think it would help.
So in the meantime I’ll keep doing my thing, loving my babies, dirty vehicle and all. But be warned, it probably won’t get any better for us. If you see my van, and the automatic door is slowly sliding open, just turn away. Avert your eyes quickly lest you see the horror within.
For now, best wishes in your visual recuperation.
Sincerely,
Mom
denise says
Brie…I recently saw the neatest “chore list”. Why not consider it and put those girls to work!! Write on a piece of paper the chore, and attach to it the paper amount of money you associate with the completion of the chore. Once the chore is complete, to your satisfaction, the child pulls the money and it’s theirs!!
Let me know if you try it!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I’ll give it a go.
Chasity says
I couldn’t access your blog last night, and was a bit disappointed, because I knew this post was going to be funny. Totally worth the wait.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for being persistent. Was one the phone with my web hosting company last night. ? They’re working on it.
Thanks again.