Dearest Daughters,
You’re teenagers now, and though your dear, old mom is no expert on life, she was once a teenage girl. And sometimes when things reach a rare moment of quiet I think back on my life that led up to the full package I now possess. In those introspective remembrances I laugh, but I also sometimes shudder. I look back at the young lady I was years ago, and to tell you the truth, I want to shake her.
It’s not that I’m fearful you will make the same mistakes I made in the past, but I do realize that there are things I know now that I did not know then. It’s those nuggets I would like to pass along, and if they ring true to you then promise to hold them close for later reflection. Even if it’s something you don’t think applies now.
I recall spending a large amount of time wanting to fit in, and though no one likes to admit that secret desire to be accepted, I think it’s in there to some degree in us all. I remember leafing through popular teen magazines at the time looking on the pages for who I wanted to be. What I wanted to look like. Or how I needed to dress to impress.
I wanted to wear the most stylish of clothing, but only if it was considered stylish by a group of my peers. Some things in my Mom’s Vogue magazine never made it onto the runways of my small high school halls. I allowed what I liked to be influenced by what other people liked. In other words if they didn’t think something was cool then neither did I, and that may have bled into people as well. If my group of friends said someone was out then I considered them out too. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that to you, but perhaps your mommy was a bit of a mean girl after all. Until I was considered out, that is.
You see, friends can be fickle, especially if not chosen wisely, and I want you to know that a girl who says she’s your best friend may not always stay that way. I don’t want you to build up a wall to protect yourself, but I do want you to guard your heart as people can be cruel.
I’ve learned over the years that cruel people are that way for a reason. They have most likely been treated poorly in their past, and they know no other way than to project their sadness onto someone they consider weak. Always try to keep that in mind, and when someone is ugly to you I want you to remember they are hurting. Don’t lash back; just remove yourself from the vicinity of their sharp claws.
Above all do not allow yourself to be that person. Don’t let pain, disappointment, or grief make you treat anyone less. I always want you to remember how God sees your enemy, and then you try to see them in that same light. Do not pick on someone weaker than yourself, and understand that one day you may be the weakest one.
Also remember how God sees you, and if you can do that it will help you out in the long run. When you leaf through magazines similar to the ones I perused you will be more likely to not judge yourself unrealistically based upon a comparison of what you see on the pages therein. When you see things like apparently perfect waistlines, thigh gaps, or generous bosoms I want you to listen to that voice in your heart that tells you how lovely you are in your grand creator’s sight. Any voice that says otherwise is a bold-faced lie.
It’s important to me that you remember the self-confidence that I have tried to instill in you girls, and that you realize that the beauty of your inner being shines a light on the outside that all can see. A loving and giving heart makes you a beauty queen, and no matter what imperfections you think the mirror shows, you are beautiful. You’re a child of the King.
If you feel your confidence lacking I don’t want you to solely come to me, and not even your father. Unintentionally we may fail you. If you feel your self-esteem falter I want you to go to The Word. I want you to find the sword of truth there.
Psalm 139: 14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
When you need reassurance find it in God’s word, and find it in your quiet time with Him. Find it in the joy His Holy Spirit pours out on you in those moments in His presence. And don’t find it anywhere else.
Don’t find it in the arms of man. And especially not in the arms of boys. If you haven’t already, one day you will find a young man whose attention makes you feel pretty, and that is all well and fine. Your Daddy makes me feel lovely, in fact. But I don’t want you to base your self-worth on what this boy thinks of you. I don’t want you to seek his affections, and it’s not necessary for you to find it by giving yourself to him in a way that should be reserved for your husband.
Trust your old mom when I say that physical affection will never make you feel better about yourself. It will only make you feel like a piece of property, not the precious prize you are. Don’t seek love in the arms of just any lover. A real man, the kind of man you want to live with forever, will be patient, kind, and respectful of your wishes. A real man will love you for your heart, not your body.
When you are feeling low I want you to know that’s okay. We all feel down sometimes, and that doesn’t make you less of a Christian. It makes you a normal teenage girl whose life is drastically changing before her eyes on a daily basis.
So when you are low don’t seek a pick-me-up in the form of alcohol or any other substance out there. The fall back down is a hard one, and you can trust your old mom on that advice too. I’ve fallen too far and hard in my own past, and you don’t need the scars that are left behind after that kind of tumble.
Don’t ever think you will find contentment in life if you don’t put your Savior first. Friendships may fail, relationships will fall through, and the feeling brought on by a chemical addiction always fizzles out.
If a decision you are making doesn’t line up with God’s truth, or if it doesn’t feel right in your heart then it is pointless to continue down that path.
I do think about the mistakes I made as a young woman, and I do worry about you girls. But I don’t worry about your hearts; I worry about this world around you. We all know your hearts are good, and you know what is right, and what is wrong. But when the time comes to make decisions that will be up to you.
Deep down I do not worry for I know the same Jesus who held me then, and who holds me now, He also holds you girls. Never forget that.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
This battle is not yours alone, and there is never a need to fear. Your father and I will always be available, but when we fail The Lord is there with you.
Although our God is a forgiving God, and one that has forgiven even a sinner like me, I can tell you personally that forgiving yourself is a hard cross to bear. I don’t wish that task upon you ever. Live a life you can be proud of, and one that reflects the priceless treasure you are in not only your earthly parents’ eyes, but those of your Heavely Father as well.
Never forget how special you are. Never. Don’t ever let anyone try and take that from you. Ever.
Love Always,
Momma
ruthiespage says
Excellent! Wish all teen girls could read this! I needed it 50 years ago! great wisdom!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I wish I could give this to my teen self.
Thank you.
meltedflowers says
Beautiful letter…I have teens now they don’t listen.
I was the one bullied….girls were mean to me. I was the kid with trash clothes with holes…I was the one that was hungry…I was the one that did not fit in….. I was the one who thought about killing…Yes you read that right..my abusers…I had them at home..I went to school and had some more. Grandma could not keep me full time..so I was not safe most days. I was the child that ran away because of what they would do to me that night…I was the one who went to sleep in class because I was afraid to sleep at night. I was the one who had to dress like a boy because I was a born a devil….I was the girl that was cornered in bathrooms and the one pushed down…I was the one who stopped feeling and caring….I was the one who first tried to kill myself at age eleven….and on through the years….. ….I became somebody I was not when I grew up…I found I was a able to make a lot of money..I shunned folks because it felt good to not be shunned myself…I fell..I fell hard…I lost it all…I had to start from the bottom up again…and see many sides to life…and now I know we are all created equal. Everything you do comes back to you…in some form or fashion.
Beautiful letter written thank you for sharing I sent a link to my oldest daughter.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for sharing. Aren’t you glad God heals all wounds? Bless you.