Seventeen years ago I let love go, and to this day it’s still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. God brings this situation to my mind often, and He uses it to remind me of the solidity of His promises. When I find myself eager for something to happen in my life the memory of the longest promise comes back to me, and I’m reminded once again how God’s word can carry over time. I’m reminded that just because I cannot see it does not mean God’s not doing something.
He brought this to my mind just last night. Being in a current situation where I’m waiting on a few things I realize it’s easy for me to become discouraged. It’s easy to give up on what I know in my heart that God has for my life, and it’s easy to think that it’s just not going to happen. Time has a funny way of making you forget what God has promised, and the farther it is to see the more clouded your vision gets. It’s pretty easy to give up, which is far different from surrender. Giving up is disbelief or a lack of trust, where as surrender is accepting what you cannot change in favor of God’s will. I’ve given up in the past, but I’m grateful when He reminds me how He’s proven me wrong.
I’ve always been a romantic, and it’s my own love story that brings me to my knees. It causes me to want to weep over my own past distrust, and yet how God worked with it anyway. Despite my anger and my own regrettable actions He brought me what He had for me all along, and somehow He used it for my betterment. In fact, I think He’s using it still. It’s the longest promise I’ve ever personally experienced, and He fulfilled it for me.
Eighteen years ago I fell in love, and I fell hard. I met a young man that I just knew was my soulmate, and better yet he felt the same. He exuded kindness, he loved The Lord with all his heart, and he was dashingly handsome to boot. We fell madly in love with one another, and I wasn’t really surprised when he proposed to me. We were apart for mission work at the time, but the ring he drew and included via a letter was a perfect promise in my book. I sought the counsel of my God, and I knew in my heart I had found the one. The one heart meant for me.
I had found him, my dream husband, and when we reunited on American soil I felt like I could fly higher than the plane I had just departed. A young girl used to hardly nothing but rejection found a sense of stability in such a solid relationship, and I was eager for the future God had for us. I dreamed of the calling God had on our lives as a couple, and the peace I felt about our togetherness was unlike anything I had ever known. I was brilliantly happy, and I was on top of the world.
It’s strange how fast one can fall from the top, and I experienced this first hand when my dream relationship fell through. Suddenly my fiancé felt like our courtship was not God’s will, and though he cried when he told me, he still ended us. I never knew my heart could feel so broken, and I never realized you could go from everything being right to so much wrong so quickly. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe it, and all I knew to do in my grief was to call out to The Lord.
“Why God?!” I cried. And even as I felt alone after a broken relationship I did not feel alone in my heart. I felt God with me, and I felt His words. I felt Him answer me, but I was more confused than ever.
I felt God tell me that I had not been wrong! I felt God tell me that this man was the man for me. I repeatedly asked for confirmation, and still, over and over, in so many ways God told me that the man who broke my heart was the man I would marry. I felt like He promised that this man was indeed the one, and that we would become husband and wife.
You would think I would be relieved at this word, but instead I was angry. I was upset, hurt, and so very confused, and the idea of marrying a man who didn’t want to be with me left me an emotional wreck. I wanted to believe what God was telling me, but it hurt too bad to accept it as truth. It hurt because I couldn’t have it then. I wanted to hold him, but he was gone, and in my heartbreak I would rather have forgotten him than waited for God’s timing.
So I tried to forget him.
I spent a decade trying to forget the man God had promised to be my spouse. I ran so far away from him, and so far away from myself and who God wanted me to be that I can’t believe I wasn’t lost forever. I ran halfway across the world, and I became a woman I no longer recognized. I can only explain it with the very real knowledge that God always knew where I was, even as a tried to sprint further and further away.
God has a way of keeping promises, and even when we misstep, mess up, and completely act outside of His will He still brings it back to Him. He takes wrong turns and He makes them right. He redirects the heart of those who love Him, and slowly but surely He calls you back to the place where He can fulfill His word for your life.
After ten years I came back to the place God had for me all along. I came back home and landed in the arms of my one true love, and it was almost like not even a day passed. There were some extra gray hairs and wrinkles that had not been there before, and there were the blessings accrued in a life spent apart from one another. But there was also a bag full of hurts. Thankfully God can work with that.
I married the man God told me I would marry. It just took eleven years of waiting.
I told my daughter this morning as she questioned my instruction that listening to your mom is a lot like listening to God. You may not agree, and you may not understand, but you can’t kick up a big fuss about it. You gotta trust Him cause He knows what you need, certainly more than you do yourself.
As I thought about current issues in my life I thought about my past. I thought about the longest promise, and I realized that it had to be that way. I realized I would gladly give a decade of my life away to experience the happiness I felt when I looked over at my husband. I loved him more than I ever knew possible, certainly more than I did when I was nineteen, and I knew I would gladly give up another ten years to receive the promise of just one moment of how my heart felt now when I saw him sitting there beside me. It was perfect, and it was certainly worth the wait. After all, some things are worth waiting for.
I’m often reminded by my longest promise of how we cannot always fully understand what God has for us. We can’t understand His timing or His ways, but our misunderstanding doesn’t make His promises any less true. I’m grateful for the reminder of His goodness to me, and I try to keep in mind that some things are worth the wait.
Vicki Mullins says
You have a beautiful way with words. I love reading your blog!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. I really appreciate that!
Denise says
I lost my mom two weeks ago and my dad eleven months ago…. I feel as if I have entered the longest wait to see them again one day in heaven….. I know that His love is eternal, His grace perfect, and I hold a strong faith that my parents are very joyous, yet I have a huge hole in my heart for the void of my parents, my foundation of who I am. It’s a long wait, but it brings me great hope and it carries me during this challenging time in my life.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
That is the greatest promise of all. Eternity.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for you now.
Denise says
Thank you Brie… Your prayers are greatly appreciated my friend.
Vanessa says
I love to read you blogs!!! It’s very inspiring!!! I have this dream of becoming a nurse and I do believe that was God that put that desire in my heart. Some times life can be deceiving, but I ought to trust Him and His time. Your words just brought some of my hope and faith back. I wouldn’t give up on that dream! I will pursue it with all my heart and faith! Thanks Brie!!!
God bless you!!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much! God bless you in your endeavors!
Sondra Tidwell says
Brie, U r one.of a kind rockstar!! U r a very special lady and im truly blessed that our paths crossed ,I still can see u singing a song and dancing u made my.days easier and loved!!! U keep up the good work and give my girls hugs miss n love u bunches!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!