I grew up in the South, but I’ve also lived all over the country, and even the world. I’ve come to realize that I love living down South. It’s where my heart calls home. But in my travels I’ve noticed that Southerners view severe winter weather different from say their Northern counterparts. I’ve even noticed some people say we freak out about it.
Maybe we do, but I can tell you it is with good reason. So being a good, God-fearing, Southern woman I feel like it’s my duty to try and explain why we react like we do. So without further ado here’s three real reasons Southerners freak out about winter weather.
1. It’s dangerous! See, we’re not really used to the temperature dropping that low down here. And although we will gripe all July and August about the humidity, when temperatures drop below 50 degrees we get a little sick of winter. In fact after Christmas decorations get put in the attic we are cheering on Spring, and other than the remainder of football season, we. Are. Done. After all it’s kind of frustrating to see a frost kill your bulbs that just bloomed since it was 80 degrees the weekend prior.
The point is severe winter weather doesn’t come often. It mildly threatens, but usually passes us by. That being said, we are never prepared. Our tax dollars don’t really go into snow plows or salt for the roads. Any required road clearing is done by Jim Bob with the plow on the front of his pick-up truck. And he doesn’t do this for the pay; he does it for the thrill. True story.
In the midst of our ill preparation most everything shuts down, and that’s where the problems start. Something about saying “stay inside” makes most good ole boys eager to get out. They just gotta see what their four wheel drive can really do. Nothing says a fun Friday night like driving haphazardly over icy bridges, and a joyride to the local Walmart is high entertainment.
And it’s not just roadway accidents that occur during the wintery weather. Something about snow and ice brings out the stuntman in rednecks everywhere, and if you listen closely you’ll hear in the distance, “hey Billy, hold my beer, and watch this.” Pam cooking spray gets applied to cookie sheets, and races down frozen hills ensue. That sheet of ice on Grammy’s pond is tested, and what better way to ride an ATV than over a frozen creek.
Arrivals to the local ER reach an all-time high during winter conditions as inexperienced drivers slide across medians and into the woods that line our roads down here. The large amount of accidents during severe wintery conditions have only recently been rivaled by the increasing number of couples attempting to reenact scenes from 50 Shades of Grey.
2. We don’t handle power outages well. Okay, so here’s the deal. Up North when it’s cold there’s snow. Down South that same snow hits warmer atmospheres and it turns to sleet and freezing rain, and that’s no good for anybody. I mean have you tried to maintain a well-coiffed hairdo in sleet. Not happening. And forget about those cute, brown suede boots. You can’t get the water spots out.
But I digress. The point is that all that melted snow and frozen precipitation lands on our power lines and trees. I don’t know if you realize how many trees there are down South, but it’s a lot. Then the weight of all that ice makes those tree branches fall, power goes out, and bam, we’re in an ice-apocalypse.
We don’t handle this well. A lot of the reason behind this is that many of us live out in the middle of nowhere, like in the woods thirty miles from the local Walmart. (Yes, all distance is judged in proximity from Walmart). We can be out of power for up to a week. That means no Duck Dynasty, Pawn Stars, or The Voice, and that’s just torture to some folks.
Suddenly you have five family members fighting for their turn to charge their smart phone in the family SUV cigarette lighter, everyone eager to share a photo of their downed trees on social media. I mean can you imagine not having the ability to post a status on Facebook about road conditions in your area? It’s kind of like everyone’s civic duty to keep the general public updated on the weather conditions via shared photos of the temperature reading from your car’s dashboard.
3. It feeds our secret addictions. I am going to tell you a Southern secret, something you might not know. Here goes.
We are addicted to bread and milk. It’s sad, I know, but true. We are typically able to maintain and fight our gluten/dairy vice by devouring platters of catfish and fried green tomatoes, but when the threat of severe winter conditions hit an evil monster is awakened inside of us. The bloodthirsty need for packages of white bread and gallons of Vitamin D milk become more than we can stand. So we venture out in hordes to obtain as much of our addiction as we can manage to carry. Sometimes we get eggs too, but mostly it’s the taunting cry of milk and bread that drives our every action.
We spend the next week making three meals a day out of milk and bread. We sit by candle light and silence dipping fire-toasted Sunbeam bread into vats of precious milk. In our boredom without DVR’d episodes of Downton Abbey or American Idol we consider venturing out for a drive to Walmart. It’ll be open, but all the bread will be gone.
So now you know why we freak out about severe winter weather. Wouldn’t you?
The only upside is it gives us something to talk about. Every person who had dreams of a career in meteorology as a child pulls out their vast knowledge as the weather approaches, practicing their hand at the reading of radar, and then calling everyone they know to warn them of inclement weather.
Then we all sit at home in anticipation, our hearts slightly calmed by a fridge full of milk and pantry stocked to overflowing with bread, awaiting the call from school and work telling us to stay home and keep safe. But all the while we pray the power never goes out.
ruthiespage says
LOL!!! all of this is sooooooo true! I, of course, ran to Kroger to get the necessary milk and bread. But No Buggies were available!!! had to carry it in my arms, because everybody in town was at Kroger! knew I should have gone to Walmart! Great post!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Bonnie says
Buggy! She said “buggy”!! Bless her heart! 😉
Chasity says
Luckily, we did our weekly shop on Saturday, and sat gratefully, knowing we had our milk and bread, as the 10 o’clock news stoked the public’s panic with images of empty shelves last night. The freezing rain ain’t no joke though. Thankfully, we still have power, but we did hear some good ole boys roar through earlier.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Y’all stay warm and safe my friend!
April Vanderford says
Haha so funny but so true. A great glimpse into the southern ice-apocalypse!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting. Stay warm.
C. Parker says
So very true! Great story… Btw.. I work at Wal-Mart, and yes, we were very nearly wiped out.. The bread man came and refilled the shelves, but it was almost gone again before quittin’ time!
meltedflowersamy garren says
Lololololol yes this is all true I read this out loud to my family and we laughed all the way lol
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Glad y’all enjoyed.
Melissa says
I loved the blog! First let me say that I am not trying to offend anyone with my comment. I have to say as being from the North, we are not that much different in what you had wrote except for one thing, I live in one of the smallest states and the mileage to the local Wal-Mart is a lot shorter than down South. Lol. However, we freak out just as much when the snow comes. The local weather channels talk about flurries and people are off to the store. Everyone goes for the milk and bread. The stores become crazy…like animals in a jungle fighting for the last piece of food. Yes we know the snow is coming. We dread the months January-March. And the drivers. One may think we know what we are doing on the roads. Nope. Once we see snow we automatically think we are driving for NASCAR and have the thought “I’ll be fine”. I was just saying the other day “We live in New England, you think people would learn to drive”. I live in a town that is very small and away from town. When I hear that heavy snow or ice ice is coming I cringe because I know that there is a potential that I may beging living like a woman from the turn of the century. No power As well. Also the use of the bathrooms are allowed since we have a well and septic. Fun, fun, fun. Also working in the ER is a nightmare before, during, and after a storm. Before we get our “milk and breads”…the ER is packed. During is all all the people who think they can drive. After is the chest pains from shoveling and missing fingers from sticking them into the snowblowers.
On the other hand…how Southerners feel about the snow/ice is how us Northerners feel about tropical storms and tornadoes. We don’t have those too much, but when we do we are somewhat unprepared since it’s not something we are used to.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Haha. Thanks for the great comment.
Brenda says
I was born in the north I thought it was funny when u moved here the first big snow I seen why they don’t have the equipment to clean the roads there are a lot of older retired people that live here think that’s a lot of it we make sure out older love one have what they need
Teri says
When did we meet? Because you were describing me to a T… and my Yankee N. Dakota husband was laughing his head off and pointing at me every other sentence. Love your writing style!!!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!