I stood in the meager card aisle of a local dollar store, one that wasn’t too far from my home, and I perused what was left for sweethearts. It was the day before Valentine’s so pickings were slim, but a few stranglers were still left behind.
I read the white, whimsical letters scrawled across the black card stock, and tears welled up in my eyes. Yep, that’s the one, I thought, and I tossed it into the basket with some eggs, butter, and dog food.
There wasn’t much left to buy, and though I decided on a cake mix I could fashion into a heart shape, the card would be about all my husband and I exchanged on the Eve of this holiday for lovers. Aside from the cake, I knew there would be a mini-celebration, but chocolates and stuffed animals wouldn’t be given to just me. I would be sharing the day with the other loves of my husband’s life, and that’s just how things were in our little world.
You see Valentine’s Day takes on a whole different look when you have children. When you’re in a relationship, just you and the one you love, you focus all your energy on each other. There’s well-planned, thoughtful cards, gifts, and amazing, candlelit dinners. There’s time alone, and your heart is solely devoted to that one other person. But then it changes.
Babies come, and oh the love! You look at their squishy face and their fat feet, and you wonder, did I ever know love before this?! From the moment my first daughter was born she captured my heart, and she also wrapped a lasso around her dad’s too. Then we did it again, and once more my spouse’s heart became enamored by another lovely lady.
He told me of his plans to purchase little Valentines for his lovely girls, and I knew he would be excited to see their faces. And although we didn’t have a date planned for the day, or even some extravagant gift exchange, I was fine sharing the holiday with our three daughters. In my heart I knew the truth.
I knew that although our daughters had captured my husband’s heart in a monumental way, I held the key to his affections. We both knew that one day children would move out, and we would be the ones left behind. The parents, just a couple once again, but a couple that had remained strong despite the changes children bring.
Love starts out with two people who desire to share their life together as the very best of friends. Having children doesn’t change that; it just complicates it some. It makes it more of an effort to find time alone, or to spread the wealth of your affections, but it’s doable. And it’s fundamental to the marriage.
I knew that Valentine’s Day was different now. So were birthdays, and Christmas, and any other day for that matter. But the love we held for each other was the same. Strike that. Actually our relationship wasn’t the same; it had changed. It was better, stronger, and ran deeper, having been forged by a determination to make it work despite the chaos that children bring.
As I signed my name to his card I smiled. Not just because he was my number one Valentine, but also because I knew we’d have our date next week, when a babysitter could be secured. After all you do still have to work at being sweethearts. You have to make the time, make the effort, even though it’s more of a challenge than it was before kids. I think the fight to be alone makes it more special somehow.
One day Valentine’s would belong just to us again, but for now I didn’t mind sharing it with three other ladies. After all I knew I was his number one sweetheart when it came down to it.
Then I baked a cake.
Chasity says
Happy Valentine’s to your whole family!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you, and to you and Dan also!