I recently was at a Holiday gathering, at the adult table, enjoying adult conversation when things took a turn in the dialogue as they tend to do when more than one medical professional is seated in the same spot. Before I realized it I was talking about laxatives, and at that moment another guest commented on my words.
I didn’t take offense when she said with mild sarcasm, “Gee, that’s nice to know,” but rather I was reminded that not everyone is a nurse or has a nurse in their family.
I grew up with a mother who was a nurse, and I just became accustomed to that way of life. When I see someone turning green I have to remind myself that not every family talks about open head wounds or fecal impactions at the dinner table.
But if you are comfortable with such table talk you are either a nurse yourself, or you might have a nurse living with you. Here’s fifty ways you can know right away if you have a nurse in the family.
1. You’ve gotten used to talking about gross stuff at the dinner table.
2. They yell exasperatedly at the TV during medical dramas for being “unrealistic” and “so full of crap.”
3. They never go to the ER unless something is broken or the bleeding won’t stop.
4. They diagnose strangers from across the room while in the grocery store.
5. They frequently diagnose family members over the phone, with the stipulation “but I’m not a doctor.”
6. They wear support stockings.
7. They have multiple pairs of comfortable shoes in their closet.
8. They have a stethoscope in their glovebox.
9. And a first aid kit in the trunk.
10. They have a small pharmacy in their medicine cabinet.
11. They talk about bowel movements like they’re not disgusting at all.
12. They have more scrubs in their closet than real clothes.
13. They have a small, medical book library somewhere in their house.
14. They unknowingly use medical abbreviations in notes to loved ones so that it ends up looking like a prescription pad and no one can understand it. Other than another nurse.
15. They tell the craziest, best stories at parties. Not using names of course.
16. They have given you a list of doctors that are not allowed to treat them in case of emergency.
17. They don’t allow their kids to walk barefoot in the hospital.
18. They frequently point at people in public and say, “I know them.”
19. Frequently in public they have strangers approach them saying, “do you remember me? You took care of my brother?”
20. When your child gets a rash they say, “I have something for that.”
21. They convince you not to try and get antibiotics for your cold.
22. They convince you to stay home from work when you’re running a fever. But not to go to the ER!
23. You’re used to them being at work on major holidays.
24. You’re used to them leaving for work while it’s dark, and coming home when it’s dark.
25. You apologize to the staff when they’re hospitalized because they make the worst patient.
26. You thank your lucky stars that you’re related when you get hospitalized because they make the best patient advocate.
27. You have to ask them to “repeat that,” and not use so much medical terminology the next time.
28. You have at least two to three stethoscopes in your home. But there’s also one that nobody can touch.
29. You’re used to late night phone calls from people with medical questions.
30. They get contacted on social media for medical advice.
31. They know every clinic in town that’s open on Saturday and Sunday, plus the hours of operation.
32. When you ask them a simple medical question you’re prepared for the lengthy answer that will follow.
33. They have a full, local physician directory in their head, and they know who specializes in what. When prompted they will tell you who’s the best based not just on skill, but also on bedside manner.
34. You’re used to them missing family functions that are held on the weekend.
35. At public events they seek out fellow nurses to talk to. If others are listening in their stories may escalate to a new level of gross.
36. When someone gets hurt or seriously injured, they remain calm.
37. If you roll up first on the scene of an accident you know they’re automatically going to stop and see if they can be of assistance.
38. They have one ringtone they absolutely hate, but they keep it to use when they’re on call.
39. If they don’t have a “work ringtone” you can tell just by the look on their face when their phone rings if it’s work calling to see if they’ll come in on their day off.
40. When in doubt for a Christmas, Anniversary, or Birthday gift, you know you can never go wrong with a gift certificate to the local uniform shop.
41. No one goes to the doctor much in your house. Other than a foot dangling off the nurse can usually treat you at home.
42. You’ve become quite comfortable discussing your bodily functions.
43. They’re quick to demonstrate proper lifting technique when the situation calls for it.
44. They frequently use phrases like, “you’re fine,” or “as long as you’re not having trouble breathing, you’re good.”
45. They always enjoy the opportunity to instruct family and friends in proper call light etiquette.
46. They use their medical shears/scissors in the kitchen at home. Relax. They sanitized them first.
47. It’s commonplace to see rolls of tape and alcohol pads laying around everywhere.
48. You feel like you know their co-workers personally.
49. They can often be seen eating quickly while standing.
50. You always feel completely taken care of when they’re around.
I always remember a time when I was a kid. We were having a July 4th celebration when suddenly people showed up on an ATV. They were visibly shaken and asking for my Mom’s help to save someone down at the lake.
I remember watching as she rode away on the three-wheeler, and while I was sad to see her leaving our party overall I was proud. My Mom was a nurse, and she was a hero in my eyes.
I grew up with her grossing out my friends that came over with true stories of the ER, but I loved it. She worked really odd hours, but she worked hard for us all.
I grew up knowing that having a nurse in the family, while crazy, was also wonderful. So if you find the above lists rings true then you might just have a nurse in your family, and you might just find that it’s the best thing ever.
jamy says
On point Brie!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Cathy says
I love this! And, I think I have done every single thing. Do you mind if I share this on Facebook?
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Not at all! Share away! ☺️
Cindy Q. says
Wonderfully written! Your insight into a nurse’s mind truly represents our profession! I am sharing this with my fellow nurses, family and friends. Thank you!
Cindy
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you Cindy. I appreciate that!
barbara napier says
I remember when Brooke came home from nurse camp after high school, she was so excited about the maggots in a man’s foot! None of it bothers this grandma, I’m super proud! Of course I was raised on a farm and saw just about everything!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
It’s so funny the things that excite a nurse.
Victoria says
I do have a nurse in the family, she works ER for 18 years. I’m so proud of her, she is my gift from God . I couldn’t be prouder of the career choice she made! She is a muse that’s blessed by God for her choice in careers .
Kristen says
My mother is also a nurse, has been for 32 years. She’s has worked in a small town ER for a long time, 20+ years, and just in the last 5 years she had to move jobs in the hospital because she really needed both knees replaced, before the age of 50. The doctor who replaced them was in the biggest city in our state and came highly recommended and he said he had never seen a case as bad as her knees were. He was surprised she was still able to stand, let alone walk up stair or spend a 12 hour shift at work. She really is amazing! There are some ER stories that are engrained in my brain. Some of them are of stupid people, some are very sad and makes you wonder what’s wrong with society, some of them are full of practical advice and some are just full of trauma and excitement. I always loved hearing about her crazy day at work and still do! I still call or go see her for medical advice. “Mom my throat really hurts and is all blotchy and swollen. What should I do?” – “Make some salt water and gargle it at least twice a day. If it gets worse or doesn’t get better in 3 days, go see a doctor.” She’s done just about everything on this list. I still remember some of the late night phone calls from family and friends. Neighbors would even show up at the door.
She is truly an amazing nurse, woman, and mother and I wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for sharing!