I can finally talk about it now. I saw, I conquered somewhat, and I’ve come out the other side without any serious injury, and my mental facilities intact for the most part. So while it hasn’t been the best week ever, not even close, it’s been descent, and that’s really all I could hope for considering.
If you’re a man you might want to just stop reading here. The details in this post will likely be foreign to you, and even if you are able to sympathize because of your spouse, you probably don’t want to hear about it from another woman. So be forewarned. This post will talk about things like hormones and achy breasts, and that’s just the beginning. By week’s end it would be so much more.
I decided it was time to wean my twenty month old daughter from feeding off my withered breasts. I couldn’t believe there was much milk left in there anyway, but she remained quite fond of them, and let me know this by stealing sips throughout the day. Like a Houdini of boobs she could help my breasts escape from the tightest, high-necked top, liberating my flesh for her own thirst-quenching pleasures. And she did this regardless of our public location.
So it was time. I began thinking of it a couple of months ago, but I held on to those sweet moments where she suckled in her sleep, reluctant to let go of my angelic, breastfeeding babe. The rest of the time I felt like her personal buffet dinner, and her every ten minute feeds (or rather sips) were wearing me thin.
Despite how long it had been since I gave birth to this last little girl my body had yet to resume its natural reproductive freedoms. I knew it was the prolonged breastfeeding keeping my ovulation at bay, and though I certainly didn’t mind, there was that strange part of me that worries about things like irregular shaped moles and swollen lymph nodes that wondered, shouldn’t you have started already?!
It was that same strange, maternal part of me that thought of adding another baby to my brood despite not having the necessary requirements to make procreation a possibility that desired the visit of my old monthly pal. I found my home full, but my quiver still lacking, and all I needed was the sign of returning menstruation to take my worries away.
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. I am a glutton for punishment, but that didn’t change my thought processes a bit. So with a nostalgic heart already grieving the ensuing end of the breastfeeding relationship with my toddler, I made up my mind to wean my child. And I would do it come Monday.
It seemed like a good idea to start at the beginning of the week as I anticipated the difficulties my baby would have in bidding her favorite boobies ado. Imagine my surprise when one day prior to our weaning debut I was startled at work by my old friend Flo.
After two and a half years without a period I was confronted with its return, and it was like not a day apart had passed between us. She was exactly the same. Unexpected, messy, too aggressive, and a pain in my ovaries. Sigh. Had I really thought I missed her?
Anyway, despite the resurgence of my ability to reproduce, I was determined to follow through with Operation Wean, and so began the brilliant decision to test my body to the ultimate limits of its hormonal endurance. Yes, I purposely decided to wean a baby while transversing through my first menstrual cycle in almost three years.
And so would begin a week of already achy breasts that were swelling to the size of generous melons. Melons made of steel with scary purple veins shooting across them. I had put lemon juice on my nipples to discourage my baby from drinking, and had convinced her that “Mommy’s boobies had gone bad.” I was stuffing cold cabbage leaves in my bra because I read that helped, and the ensuing lemon scented salad that filled the trash was making my three year old raise a brow. “What’s up with all this old, stinky lettuce Mom?”
My husband was coming home carrying chocolate bars, God bless him, and I couldn’t open a single link on Facebook since every story I came across drove me into hysterics. When my baby cried, I cried too, and my anger over my rock hard breasts did nothing to abate the pain. I had gained five pounds, and I couldn’t decide what was water weight, and what was stored milk.
Last night I woke in the middle of the night, and I realized immediately that I was laying on my side. I was instantly amazed. I was able to rest my side boob on the mattress without shrieking in pain, and as it hit me that my milk was finally drying up I thought I was going to cry. Actually, I’m really surprised I didn’t.
Today she hasn’t asked for boobie at all, not even once, and I realized how resilient babies really are. While she tried once or twice to breastfeed at first, in reality it had probably been harder on me than it had ever been for her.
I’ve made it to the end of the week, and I guess it wasn’t really that bad, although if you asked my husband, I’m not sure he’d agree. But I hope he would. I weaned a baby, I returned to the land of fertility, and I lived to tell the tale. I’ve tossed the cabbage, and I didn’t kill anyone. Maybe women are pretty resilient too.
kathy regenhardt says
I actually found you by typing in “what if God doesn’t provide” and your blog popped up! Now, I am a fan, all signed up and everything..so Brie, I winced reading how hard you are on yourself, but I understand because I have a 21 yr old going for her Doctorate in Physical Therapy that does the same thing….I also love that you love and trust the Lord for everything….wow…I do as well…anyway, the reason I looked up the original subject matter is that I am, was, a Registrar for the ER and then was asked to be the Floor Registrar because of my “charming personality” lol…..so for the last year, I have worked the ER, PICU, NICU, PNAC, L&D, Rehab and Heart Tower, all while running around all the square footage of a large hospital including a SKY BRIDGE that jumps over a busy street all while keeping my professionalism and “charming personality” intact…I have been subjected for a year now to the most ruthless, Bipolar manager/control freak literally, trying to keep in touch with me while I went about my day as fast and furious as I was able for 12 hours at a time!!! Finally, God impressed on me quit and go back home….you see, I had moved from Salt Lake City, or rather transfered with my company, to Texas to reconnect with my family of origin, 6 siblings and mom & dad,,, all having lived around each other for years now…me always being the black sheep…marrying and moving to California at 25…I asked them to support me emotionally in Texas and to just love me while I am waiting for my now husband to be released from prison for Securities Fraud….I did not know him when he committed the crime…I married him after being introduced to him by my Pastor and he was out after serving only 9 months….well, as the Utah court system would have it, he was reincarcerated for 5 years total…..3 1/2 already served….so home for me was as near him as I could get…which is Green River, Wyoming. Let me say upfront, I love this man with all that I am and as a born again believer, the both of us, we KNOW this was God’s hand for the both of us. So now, I am a different believer then when I started 24 years ago and even more different since this last year while living near my family…that was a head on disaster….from family dynamics to the worst job I have ever had in my career….but GOD…..right? God used it all to put me on the fast track to change things in me He needed to…I see Him differently too…so Brie…as I just quit that day, packed up all my earthly goods and trekked across country staying in either tents or cabins at KOA’s along the way, I typed in “what if God doesn’t provide”….so here I am now in Green River, Wyoming….with Gods provision of the most beautiful setting….the Flaming Gorge out my window and my husband in a low security “jail” down the street….God does and did provide as I knew he would…I just wanted to hear it from someone else….thank you for being there for me….Kathy
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing with me. I’m tickled pink that God led you to my blog. He has a uniquely perfect way of connecting people at the exact right time. I’m so happy for you that He is working out all things in your life for good, and with purpose. Continue to trust in Him, and you’ll never go wrong. God bless.