“Don’t take that into the living room!” I utter these words vainly to a toddler carrying a bag of shredded cheese she swiped from the refrigerator. She turns to look at me, smiles adorably, and says “no!” Then she plops down on my thick, living room rug and begins pulling out handfuls of Great Value Fiesta Blend shreds, dropping more around her than she’s getting inside her laughing mouth.
As I try to reason with and scold my baby simultaneously, I retrieve the bag of cheese, and she turns unaffected towards the television. How many times are my words just for my own benefit? My attempted reprimand and instruction fall on deaf ears and I walk away wondering why I bother.
I don’t know about other children, but mine have selective hearing. They listen when I don’t want them to, zone out when I’m telling them something important, and force me to raise my voice to try and get my point across. Not that yelling works either.
Often times I feel like I might as well be talking to a brick wall. It’s like as I’m talking I can tell by their eyes that they’re not listening, but instead wondering what’s on TV, what’s for dinner, or which is better, Dora fruit snacks, or the Hello Kitty kind.
If I say any of these things I know they’re probably not listening, perhaps even purposefully tuning me out, and I would likely have better luck talking to a brick wall.
- Don’t fight with your sister.
- No.
- Stop picking your nose and eating it.
- Find your shoes.
- Put that back.
- Share with your sister.
- Come here.
- Where are you?
- Clean up your room.
- You cannot have candy until you finish your dinner.
- Do not touch my phone.
- Go to sleep.
- Stop playing with your vulva.
- Be quiet while I’m on the phone.
- Stay out of Mommy’s makeup.
- Don’t touch that.
- Don’t run off.
- It’s bedtime.
- Don’t hit.
On the other hand, if I desire to immediately open the ears of my offspring and acquire their full attention, I can always use some of these phrases.
- I have to pee.
- I’m hungry.
- I am so exhausted.
- I’m taking a bath.
- I’m going to go make a phone call.
- Directed towards my husband: Honey, I need to talk to you about something.
- I have candy.
- I just got the last ______. Actually, I don’t even have to say those words. They just hear the crinkling of an empty package and come running.
Any of those phrases or actions will draw the immediate attention of my children. They will sit intently at my feet, eyes focused solely on me, and eager to converse with me on any and all subjects no matter the relevance.
Otherwise, when I speak it’s like crickets chirping. The lights are on, but nobody’s home. Their tiny brains are formulating either excuses for their action or a better plan for the next time they seek to disobey.
The thing is, despite the whole brick wall audience thing, I’ll keep talking with the high hopes that at least 20% of what I say will find it’s way into their head. You can be assured this happens when they repeat something of adult manner that you let slip in a moment of poor judgement. They will most likely repeat this little nugget in church or amongst strangers. So you know they’re listening occasionally.
Armed with this knowledge I will continue to fight the good fight, instructing to prevent harm to each other and to maintain my own sanity. Who’s with me?
Jenny says
As usual great writing!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!
April Hodges says
I’m with you! Sometimes when I’ve asked two or three questions with no response I will say, “Well I guess you don’t really want a slice of chocolate cake.” and THEN I have full attention, lol!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Exactly!