Dear Kids,
I wanted to get this to you as I’m aware of your pressing concern over my condition and the state of my questionable return to you.
It’s currently been seven minutes since you heard the echoing down the hall of the bathroom chamber latching forever. I’m aware of your ensuing distress as I hear your feeble cries of abandonment filtering through the locked door.
It would be hard to miss your presence as your tiny fingers search under the crack for the mother you once knew, a woman who has been gone so long now that you fear the memory of her face is all but forgotten.
I wanted to tell you dear children that Mommy is okay. While the separation from you all as I see to my bathroom business has indeed taken its toll on me emotionally, I am driven by hope of our eventual reuniting through the continuos dialogue you provide through the cruel door that divides us. Your questions of such important topics as “can I change the channel” and “why do birds not wear pants” spur me on with the undying knowledge that I am needed in this world.
And while we are apart please know that I am being taken care of in here. Per your suspicions there is a hidden cabinet that contains Capri Sun, juice packs and an abundant supply of fruit snacks and Goldfish crackers, so I will not go hungry. If you hear a commotion it’s just me, Dora, Mickey Mouse, and Sophia the First playing on the Jumpy House I keep under the sink with all my make-up.
I want you to realize that while it hurts my heart to have left you alone for a full nine minutes, know that all hope for you is not lost. There is an answer to your pitiful pleas for assistance.
While I know you are devastated from the torture of being out of my sight for this long, and I’m certain you’re incredibly weak from me not being able to feed you during my absence, if you can manage to lift your heavy head I want you to look into the living room.
There on the couch you will see a male figure contently watching television. Do you see him?! That man is your father, and despite his wonderful talents at throwing you into the air or teaching you fart noises, he is also capable of walking into the kitchen and retrieving you the item you have been requesting of me for the past five minutes.
There is hope for you my dear children, even in a world as cruel as this one where such injustices as closed doors and privacy exist, there is hope.
I tell you of this hope for your continued survival because I have come to a decision. After much prayerful consideration and thought on my part I have concluded that I will take a shower now. I’m sorry my dear children.
Now, now. Dry your tears. I know that right this moment in your tiny heads you are asking yourself, “will she ever return to us?!”
The answer is “no.” I’m sorry my dears. While I do live each day for the purpose of serving you, it is with a heavy heart that I must admit I will not be coming back. I have already started to undress, and so there is no turning back. My only option is to turn on the water and just conclude this whole affair.
You see, today is your dad’s only day off, and since it’s been so long, I must shower now. I’m really without a choice, and I hope you can understand.
Please know that while I go through the lonely task of cleaning myself, even as gummie bear candies fall from the shower head, I will think only of you, my poor abandoned darlings.
I have given your father a picture of me so you can look at it longingly and pine for my return.
Hang in there my sweet babies, and just remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Gone for Now, but Forever in Your Hearts,
Mommy
Cathy says
Ahhh. Been there! I loved this post. Thank you!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you! I really enjoyed writing this one. Reminded me how much I like sharing on this blog.
Amy, Using Our Words says
Oh my gosh, when this came to my inbox, I thought it was going to be a sappy, heart-wrenching post about death. So I saved it. Until my husband went to bed. Because I can’t bear to know he’s watching me cry over yet another blog post. But instead, I’m laughing hysterically. And it’s just what I needed. Love this!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much. Glad it gave you a laugh.
Sherry Evans says
This is funny! Being a mommy is the most demanding job I know and I can remember even though it was long ago needing time to shower and just breath! You are an awesome mom with lucky kids!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!