My alarm went off early pulling me from a deep sleep, and all I wanted was to collapse back into the welcoming comfort of my bed. As I sat up in my morning haze I noted the space beside me was empty, and I honestly wasn’t surprised one bit. My husband had not come to bed. Again. I suddenly wondered if he knew…
I had found him in the living room, on the floor, curled up beside our sleeping daughter. She had succumbed to the sandman on her pink, pull-out sofa, and my husband’s head lay painfully cocked to the side as it rested on the collapsed arm of the Minnie Mouse furniture.
I knelt down beside them and touched my husband’s arm. I gently shook him at first, then more aggressively until his heavy eyelids blinked at me in confusion.
“Get in the bed.” I whispered. He nodded and I crept to the shower unsure if he would make it there or not, and as I stepped into the sweet heat of the shower spray, I wondered once again if he knew.
As I wiped the condensation off the fogged up mirror, remnants from my hot shower sticking to the glass, I thought I heard someone shuffling outside the bathroom door. I paused mid-wipe as I felt that peculiar feeling of someone waiting for me, and I opened the door to confirm my suspicions.
There he stood, my weary man, waiting to go into our bedroom. Our eyes met in silence and he blew me a kiss. Then he disappeared into the darkness. As I closed the bathroom door, trying to recapture the warm feeling that had been there prior, I felt my heart clinch at the memory of my husband moments before. I felt it so strongly then. I wondered if he knew…
I thought about the day before, how he had called me as I sat by the window watching the dark clouds roll in. “A storm’s coming.” He had said. My own personal meteorologist delivered his forecast into my ear.
I chuckled then to myself how he had continued the conversation, “Don’t get out in this weather!” He was always protecting me. He had then offered to pick up items I needed from the store on his way home to insure I stayed put. It was little things like that instance that really got to me, and made me hope that he knew.
I hoped that he knew I saw him present, that I saw him working diligently for us, for our relationship, and for our family. I hoped that he knew I couldn’t do this life without him, that even if I somehow managed to make things work on my own, that they’d never be what they are with him in it.
I wanted him to know that I couldn’t picture raising our children without him by my side, that the thought of it was unfathomable to me. I wanted him to know that I saw his sacrifice, his teamwork, his dedication to duty.
I wanted him to know that when he stood sentinel at the nursery on nights I worked, waiting in case the baby cried, taking her then so I had no chance of waking, even though he didn’t have to do it, that I noticed.
I hoped he knew that I appreciated the fact that he slept on the floor to do this, but that he knew I’d appreciate him even if he didn’t. I hoped that he knew it was more than that, more than a stop at the store after a long day, or taking baby duty on the weekend. Because it was so much more.
I hoped he knew that I thanked God for him every day. Every single day. I hoped he knew that I never wanted to take for granted the gift of him as my partner in this crazy life we had built together.
Did he know?
I thought then of the moment our eyes met, tired eyes meeting like passing ships in the night. I held his kiss in my heart, and the unspoken love his gaze had given me, and I knew. I knew that he knew.
He knew by more than my words. He knew by my actions that I was his, and he was mine. The look that had passed between us said, “You’re not alone. We’re in this together.” And that’s all the other needed to know.
Sherrie Graham-Busse says
Such a great byline, ” I wonder if my husband knew….” And I wondered about that too, as we have just come in from the field, from getting the air seeder unstuck, and battled swarms of Mosquitos and dirt, and I wondered if he knew, that although farming is not my great love or favorite job, and although I complain bitterly sometimes about the hardships of the farm life, I wonder if he knew, that I am amazed by his strength, and his need and power for our family. Thank you for writing this…. I think i will go and tell him, just on case he doesn’t know 🙂
Thank you for this great post…. Love following you,
A fellow nurse,
Sherrie
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting. I loved it. So glad you enjoy.
Sonya says
Beautiful words, Brie!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
Sherry says
Wow! Such a powerful story with all the struggles of today’s world tugging and pulling us in different directions! Definitely makes me want to let my husband know how much he is appreciated and needed and loved!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!
LaTina Shelby says
I love this. I know that after 33 years of marriage and 3 children ranging from 37, 31 &13 that we take each other for granted and I want him to know I can not imagine life without him and it scares me to death to think of life without him. I want him to know how I feel. Thanks for sharing.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for commenting. I salute you for your many years of marriage. I know you’ll think of the perfect way to make sure he knows! God bless you both.
Wynn Reed says
I appreciate your thoughts written, sometimes we don’t express or say what is on our mind and writing is a beautiful way to say it all! You took the words right out of my mouth. I have a wonderful husband and I don’t tell him thank you enough for what he does for our family! God Bless
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. That is what I love about writing. I can express my feelings without borders. God bless you too!