On Thursday I decided I better grab some birthday gifts for a couple of parties coming up this weekend. That’s something you’ll always have with kids. Birthday parties. It’s not just for your own children either. When you become a parent you will suddenly be privy to party invitations galore. During peak months you can even expect one every Saturday.
I’ve noticed that moms with more than two start combining parties for their offspring and I think that’s brilliant. Note to self: do this. Subsequently, do you think September and December are close enough to do a double party?
Anyway, I shared with my three year old that she had a couple of birthday parties to attend this coming Saturday. I told her this on Thursday. She was pretty jazzed to say the least. Birthday parties are like A-list, red carpet events for a kid.
“I wanna go to the party!!” She exclaimed happily.
I responded, “Well, it’s not until Saturday.”
You would assume I had said, “You may never eat candy again” or worse, “Frozen is banned from being watched in this home.” I mean, that’s how she responded, completely devastated that the parties were a distant 36 hours into the future.
“That’s too long!” She drew the words out painfully.
My kid is so dramatic. And things that seem like no big deal to me are incredibly detrimental in her eyes. I’ll often wonder, where does she get that? Then I’ll mentally give myself a forehead slap and think, duh! Her Momma.
I have this terrible habit of making things far worse than they really are in reality. What’s a tiny problem or simple inconvenience in someone else’s opinion is cause for much thought in my mind. I overthink.
A perturbed comment from an acquaintance can cause me to become lost in my head for hours. Did I say something? Did I offend them? Are they talking about me?
The thing is, I don’t want to do this, but I can’t help myself. I’ll replay a simple conversation with a co-worker twenty times in my mind.
I’m one of those people who reread their Facebook rant twelve times prior to posting, edit it right after, and then delete it within 15 minutes. I mean, what if I unknowingly offend someone?
It’s okay. You can laugh at me now.
Then there’s silence. It’s supposed to be good, right? Not to an over-thinker. If my spouse is quiet I may ask, “Is something wrong?” Again, I don’t want to do this. I sit beside him in the front seat as we drive for ten minutes trying to convince myself not to ask that question. It’s torture, and eventually I do.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yep.” He says.
He might as well say, “Everything is horribly wrong!” That is what I hear in a one word comment.
Never mind the fact that he’s thinking about his next raid move he’s gonna make on his Clash of Clans game. My constantly moving mind tries to create problems when one doesn’t exist.
Sigh.
And then there’s the unknown. I’m talking about new things. When encountered with something foreign that I have never done before I am suddenly overwhelmed. To the max!
Oh Lord! I have no idea what I’m doing!
This is followed by feelings of anxiety and worry. I fear I’ll screw something up, or perhaps fail miserably. Forget the fact that usually it’s not even a big deal. Because to me, at that moment, it is! It’s huge. I seriously make mountains out of molehills. All. The. Time.
I know better. I really do, but when I’m in the center of a problem or challenge or foreign task I am overwhelmed. It’s the terrible “unknown” and I worry about it. Because, you know, worrying really helps (That’s sarcasm for the unversed).
I am so trying to work on this! It goes against everything my faith tells me. It goes against the character of the kind of believer I desire to be.
Isaiah 41:10 ESV
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Often times when I’m not fearing the unknown, or making small problems look really huge, I am busy being distressed over why something is taking so long. I’m like my preschooler, trudging off to my room and painfully/dramatically stating, “That’s too long!”
There’s a reason babies are born on say a Monday, but don’t end up graduating college and joining the workforce by week’s end. They would be terrible adults if it just took a week to become one. No. They have to spend an extensive childhood becoming the person they’re going to be.
Most times God takes you through situations really slowly so you can have the appropriate amount of time to grow up. You have to move slowly to learn, to foster that dependence on Him. If it happened overnight there would be a plethora of lessons that were never learned, and we’d be pretty ill-equipped to deal with conflict.
As I find myself in a season of unknowns and anxiety threatening to take hold I am reminded of this. As I find myself waiting I’m reminded that I’m becoming a better person. I’m growing, and I’m learning how to think about things, but not overthink them. I’m learning that the insurmountable mountain in the distance is actually just a molehill after all.
Now if I could just stop asking my husband what’s wrong…
Sherry Evans says
Wow! That totally sums me up too! Perhaps this is a common thing with nurses! We analyze each moment the situation and my husband hears the same comment from me, “are you ok? ” . So I now know for a fact that your blog is meant for me. This week has been an extremely over analyzing week. My mom with dementia, my 27 year old son still maturing so to speak although a good kid, and me in school plus working fulltime as a NICU RN trying to get my BSN! So can I say I have definitely over analyzed, worried, stressed about every aspect of my life. You reminded me of the verse in Isaiah what a comfort! Thanks so much I feel like we are kindred spirits! You are an inspiration!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for the comment! It encourages me to know people are touched by my writing. So glad that verse gave you comfort like it did me!