Do you remember the game we played yesterday? It’s one of your favorites. I’m not exactly sure when or how it started, but basically it goes like this. You say, “I love you more than (insert something you really enjoy here.)
It’s usually fun, silly, and lighthearted. Such as, I love you more than tacos. Yesterday as we went for a walk you told me, “Mom, I love you more than a pink cupcake with pink sprinkles.”
Of course I was honored my dear. Anyone who knows you realizes the weight of those little words. After all we’re talking about sugar. And sprinkles. And the color pink. Heavy stuff indeed.
But then you asked, “What do you love me more than Mom?” And I thought about it.
Right off the bat I obviously loved you more than water. As we started our walk you drank all of yours, and then asked for some of mine. I hesitantly gave you half. Then you accidentally dropped it on the sidewalk, spilling all the water out onto the thirsty pavement. And you asked for more. I gave you all I had left, emptying my bottle into your cup. Every single drop. It was a perfect example of how I would give everything I had for you.
I had certainly sacrificed my body. I knew without a doubt that I loved you more than my body image. I loved you more than a firm waistline and flat tummy. The things that mattered so much before now hid in the shadow of your radiant, gap-toothed smile.
I had sacrificed my sleep, even to this day. I certainly loved you more than sleeping in late, or even the whole night through. I might grumble when a well-placed foot in my back woke me in the night, but I reveled at the chance to take you in my arms while your tiny body slumbered, so warm, so ready for my hugs.
I would sigh with frustration as your little finger pulled back my swollen eyelid at daybreak and you chimed happily, “Get up Mommy. It’s a sunny day!” Even when I could see through the window that it was overcast. But I would get up with a smile and flourish in our mornings together with you watching cartoons perched on my lap.
As we walked through the park on a Friday evening I knew that my whole routine had changed since the moment you began forming inside me. I loved you more than the life I used to live.
I loved you more than big novels in a hot bath with a cold beer to drink. Something I did daily before you came, but something I discovered I was just fine without.
I loved you more than going out with friends. Or watching adult, forensic shows on the television. Or being able to just get up and run to the store in a moment’s notice, without getting another person ready. I loved you more than all those things.
I loved you more than a clean house, an empty laundry basket, and a sink without toothpaste stains or a bathtub uncluttered by toys.
I loved you more than quiet, a lack of sound that I never heard anymore. Although I’ll admit I loved revisiting the sound while you slept. But I can’t imagine what I would do now if it stayed silent.
As I watched you run ahead of me on long, pale legs with your pony tail bouncing in your wake I knew…
I loved you more than anything. I loved you more than anything I had ever experienced and anything I could have ever imagined. When God saw fit to bestow the gift of motherhood upon me He changed my whole plane of comparison when it came to love. He took ever single thing I had ever thought of loving and blew it out of the water. With you.
He taught me a new way to love, an unconditional way of loving someone so much more than I loved my self. He showed me a sacrificial love. He opened my eyes to finally see even just a fraction of the kind of love He had for me. The kind of sacrificial love He has for His children.
“What do you love me more than Momma?”
How much time you got kid?
Denise says
Beautiful.. Motherhood is a great blessing and one worth every sacrifice.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. It certainly is!
Casey says
Wonderfully said mommy!! Good stuff:)
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Caroll Craig says
Amen!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Tina says
Very sweet! They have no idea what’s given up. Even some who are grown with their own….
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks. It’s an amazing kind of love. Bittersweet.