The young lady gazed up at me as I passed her desk where she had been witness to it all. Witness to every single ounce of chaos the day had thrown our way! She did a good job. She hadn’t been around long, having recently filled the position of monitor tech. She spent 12 hours watching squiggly lines all day, hearing persistent alarms ring repeatedly. She knew what signified a problem and what happened to just be somebody scratching their chest and inadvertently knocking a telemetry lead askew. It was the perfect job for a nursing student. Right on the cusp of all the action.
As I buzzed by her display of screens I stopped for a much needed lean on the counter there. It would be my first time to stop moving since the day began and my aching calves told me this was so. Despite the stockings I wore for circulation. Perhaps just to spite them. It had been one of those days, the crazy kind, and she had seen it all.
“I don’t think I’ll ever know all this stuff!” she confided in me. “I hear y’all talking and I just don’t know if I’ll ever get it!”
Being the honest gal I am I quickly answered, “You won’t. You never will.”
I wasn’t being rude or even a downer. I was being real. The thing was she’d never get to the place where she knew it all. She’d never get all the knowledge she needed. She certainly wouldn’t get what every single medication was or what it did exactly in the endocrine system or what side effects were most likely to occur. She would get a lot of them memorized, but then they’d just make more!
She wouldn’t get to the level she wanted to be. She would progress up the ladder, but never get to the top. She would find that one day she wasn’t the new graduate anymore. One day she’d find herself being the most experienced one on her unit. She’d be the go-to gal for sure. She’d push blood in a crashing patient in 5 minutes flat. She’d finally get a blood pressure to read on the monitor. She’d save a life! She’d feel good. Great even, despite the stress. She’d leave for the day, way past her shift end, and think “I finally get it!”
But then she’d come back in the morning and the battle would have been lost in the night. She’d suddenly feel deflated as if seeing the empty bed let all the air out of her sails. That feeling of “getting it” would be forgotten. It would be replaced with just “getting by” for that day.
She sure wouldn’t get that loving feeling. Some days she would. She’d get a hug from a grateful, little wife or a kiss on the cheek from a sweet, old man. She’d get a compliment, “You’re the best nurse we’ve ever had!” She would get showered with “thank you’s” in the form of words, or to her excitement in the form of baked goods. She might get cards or a letter to her boss or perhaps even the elusive mention of her name on a patient satisfaction survey. Hooray!
But then she’d get on somebody’s bad side. She might get misunderstood. She might just have a hard time getting along with her patient for the day. They might get rude with her. Get short. She might be on the receiving end of their misplaced fear, an uncertainty of the unknown. Hopefully she’ll get the whole empathy thing and realize the root of this anger. They don’t hate her. They just hate being sick. Hopefully she will get that.
There’s a lot she won’t get though. She won’t get used to patients dying. Even if she works hospice she’ll never become cold or accustomed to a life slipped away.
She won’t get done learning stuff. Not ever. She may think she gets it, but then they’ll just come up with new stuff.
She won’t get along with every physician all the time. She may not get the order she’s trying to receive. She may not get the respect she thinks she deserves. Being a patient advocate isn’t always easy. She’ll learn the hard way how to get what she needs. She may get mad, but hopefully she won’t let it get to her too bad.
There will be some things that she will get though. She’ll get personal satisfaction when she catches a problem or a mistake and enhances her patient’s outcome.
She’ll get joy in helping others. Even on the bad days. Especially on the bad days. It’s the only thing that will get her through those days.
When she thinks she’s at the end of her rope she’ll get an extra measure of grace from God, an extra dose of His strength made perfect in her weakness.
She’ll get the sweet release of kicking her feet up at the end of the day. And she’ll get to do it all again the next day.
Kathy Nolan says
All you said is so true. I am always surprised how much I still need to know even after many many years as an ICU nurse. Humbling. I love the way you can go right to the heart of the matter and write it with such truth and love. God is on your shoulder. Thanks
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Vanessa says
Wowww!!! What a nice letter to the readers!!!!!
I’m in pre-nursing and hopefully by God’s will, soon I’ll be accept into the program!!! 🙂
Ps. Everything thing you said makes sense and brings strength to a humble amateur.
Warm wishes,
Van
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you very much. Best wishes in the beginning of a fantastical journey that will never be dull or without challenge, but will always be heartwarming and worthwhile.
Sherry says
I have just started following your blog. I can honestly say this has helped me so much . Today’s words could not have been written with anymore eloquence. I just finished my weekend in a Neonatal ICU! Those words are so true for all nurses! Your words are inspiring!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much for the kind comment. Glad my blog found you!
Kleta Baldwin says
Well said. As nurses we never stop learning.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Linda says
Well said. ❤
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
GeeGee K. says
I want to thank you for your writings. I was lead to your “30 things nurses almost say,” by a FB post from a friend. I have thought or muttered each and every one of them. I am not a bad nurse for thinking them, you are not a bad nurse for writing them down; sometimes truth causes a firestorm.
With regard to this post, I believe if you stop learning in nursing, it is time to retire. The process of learning cannot stop after you complete your initial nursing degree because all healthcare disciplines change weekly it seems. I have been a nurse for almost 20 years. I keep going back to school for degrees and additional certifications solely to stay current. The discovery from scientific research is amazing, and nursing is a great way to see science in action.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for commenting. And I agree with you.