So tired. Tired really couldn’t express the exhaustion that drug me down into the rocker as if tiny lead weights hung from every joint of my body slowing but steadily pressing me into the fabric.
The point being I was beat. I was done. Only one chore remained in my day, after a long day at work. Before I could succumb to my slumber I needed to take my baby daughter there first. A chore, a task of rocking, soothing, a last feeding before she fell asleep. And then I could too. I longed for it to be done, to be finished so I could sleep.
As I rocked and fed my baby girl I kept my tired mind occupied, scrolling across social media, checking emails, even reading a nighttime devotional, all this while I rocked her.
I noticed the late hour, displayed prominently on my phone, the one that kept my mind so occupied. Time for bed. Time for this to be done. I thought. But something happened then, something my fatigued brain did not expect.
I looked at her. I looked down at her, and I didn’t just see a chore completed or the task of putting a baby to sleep done. I looked down at her and I saw her, I really saw her.
My breath caught in my throat for a moment. As I exhaled I searched my mind for the perfect description of this sleeping angel on earth. I wanted to speak silently to God of the wonder of her, but the words could not come to me. I was so overwhelmed by the sight of her, this lovely baby girl, not a chore after all, that I was speechless, even in my thoughts.
All I could think was, This!
This Lord. Thank you for this.
This moment. This child. This gift given to me to cherish, not simply to take care of, but to behold.
I was tired, so very tired, but I couldn’t let her go. Not yet. I couldn’t make myself get up and place her in her crib at that moment. Instead I laid my head against her cheek. I breathed in her fragrant baby smell, a hint of milk mixed with the Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo.
This Lord. Thank you for this.
I kissed her fat, rosy cheek. Then I kissed it again. I feared for a moment she would wake as she stirred under my kisses, but I couldn’t stop. I kissed her puckered lips, her forehead. I ran my hand across her smooth face, allowing it to linger where her jaw curved towards her neck. I played with a fine curl of her hair between my fingers, feeling its texture, soaking it in.
This Lord. Thank you for this.
How often do I go about my business, the business of being a mom, and miss out on this? And on that?
I pondered in awe at the length of her body, stretched across my lap. Wasn’t it just a tiny bundle in the crook of my arm not so long ago? The night before when I rocked her did her feet hang over the edge of the chair arm like they do now? I didn’t think they did, but had I missed it? Had I missed her changing before my eyes having been distracted by the process of parenting, and almost forgotten the pleasure?
I saw the fleeting moment and I grabbed for it!
This Lord! Thank you for this!
I wanted to capture it, the moment, the clarity in the beauty of this. I wanted to write it on the pages of my heart, and press it within the pages of my soul. This.
How often do we miss this? I could miss it no longer. I couldn’t be distracted from this. No matter what. One day I wouldn’t have the same opportunity. I knew it too well, and had no more excuses to take it for granted.
I was filled with gratitude as I once again rested my sleepy head upon my daughter’s warm cheek. I had fed her, but she was also feeding me, filling my heart with the joy of her life. A moment that couldn’t be correctly described in any earthly words.
This Lord. Thank you for this.
Anne Davis says
Savor every second with those babies and children. There will come a time in your life when you would give everything you own just to sit an rock a baby. Those were the good days (though always exhausted).
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you! The joy of these moments is actually the inspiration for my blog title: Savor the Essence of Life. That is my plan. In between naps of course 😉