I don’t have to do this, but I have to do this. Do you know what I mean?
Do you ever wish for a do-over in certain situations? Unless you’re Mary Poppins I’m sure you can relate. And so it is with a blog post.
Yesterday I wrote a blog titled A Plea to the Blatant Adulterer. While I believe it was well written and held many nuggets of truth I just couldn’t find a solid peace with it. I held reservations over publishing my words, but went forward anyway. This morning I discovered the reasons behind my unease as I felt God convict me, not harshly, certainly not as harshly as my delivery of the post was, but I felt remorse none the less.
My blog was delivered in a straightforward, almost Bible thumping manner with an air of judgement in my opinion. Since that wasn’t intentioned you can imagine my discomfort and desire for a retake.
It was like the delivery of my opinion, an opinion that I do hold true in a sense, was given in a style that just wasn’t me, not my character. It would be like me wearing a turtleneck and high heels. It looks great from a distance but once you start moving around it’s just uncomfortable and a little ridiculous looking. I’m not a blogger like Matt Walsh, and while I agree with every post of his I’ve read, it’s just not my way to do things. It’s not how I desire to get my thoughts across.
My goal is love. It’s always been love. If you didn’t read yesterday’s post I am providing a link to it by clicking here. I’ll be honest. I was so disappointed in my delivery that I almost deleted the post, but I decided to keep it, to keep it and reference here so that a comparison could be made between two different approaches.
Because that is what it comes down to for me. The way you decide to approach a circumstance, approach a situation, approach a brother or sister. My main purpose on this earth is one thing and one thing only. It’s not to raise my children right. It’s not to submit lovingly to my husband. It’s not to give 100% at my job. Those things are all important, but in actuality they all fall under the main purpose which is to show the love of Christ, to let my life be a reflection of Him. When I do that, everything else, all those other important things just fall into line.
I read this verse this morning:
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
If something I say pushes people farther away from Jesus, prevents them from seeing His character, or further enhances their stumbling then I have failed. If I don’t build up but rather tear down, then I have failed. If I don’t speak love, unconditionally, then I have failed.
So how would my post appear if spoken with an air of love rather than one of judgement?
Rather than an accusatory title stamping a name on the sin of adultery (which by the way is equal to a load of other sins, such as drunkenness, lying, tax evasion, and gossip just to name a few) and making it a personal assault, it would address the heart of the issue, such as the deep pain and feelings of rejection infidelity causes.
“Unfaithfulness Crushes A Woman’s Spirit” might be better. It’s not as catchy, but also not as finger-pointing. After all that’s the heart of judgement. It points and says I can’t stand you adulterer! Whereas love will say I can’t stand the sin of adultery. It hurts so many people.
In that line of thinking the actions of an adulterous lifestyle can be dissected for the real harm they cause, opening eyes to the sin before them rather than an accusatory approach that places them on the defensive where they are more likely to close their eyes and ears to the truth citing, “you don’t know me, you can’t judge me!”
After all, aren’t we all when confronted with our own mistakes more likely to stick out our quills in a protective manner?
What if instead of saying, “you’re actions are the downfall of a moral society,” it was replaced with “the harm caused by adultery is paramount, it’s acceptance as the norm is tearing apart the institution of marriage that God planned for us all.”
I could speak about the personal pain that is caused when a spouse doesn’t love you anymore, when they decide to give up, jump ship, and in essence make you feel like you are not good enough to be married to anymore. Would putting a face, an open heart to the pain caused when you stop wanting a relationship to work gather attention better than snarky, quick-witted insults? Probably so.
What if it was still a plea, but a plea for redemption? Because isn’t that what a do-over is? Jesus came so that we could have a do-over, leaving behind our sin and starting fresh. So what if my plea was that? What if it said you can change. You can’t alone, but with Him you can. You don’t have to stay a prisoner to the sin of adultery. You can be redeemed. You can be given a do-over for your marriage. You can save the relationship.
Judgement says all hope is lost. Love says you were lost, but now you’re found. Love brings hope, hope for redemption, hope for change, and hope for renewal.
If given the choice to sit down with someone under the burden and deception of adultery would I choose to give them yesterday’s blog or the words above? Is it even a contest?
The first blog was pretty popular, and that’s fine. Don’t worry if you liked reading it. It had some good points. But a word of love, that is what I would rather see. That is the type of post I want to see spread, going viral with the love of Christ, His perfect unconditional love. Too many people don’t know or can’t accept that it exists. I can’t be a reason they don’t know. I need to be the reason they find it.