I suppose I’ll never cease to amaze myself at my innate ability to find something to dwell upon and threaten to infect my normally sunshiny day with negative feelings. I don’t intend to pull problems from the sky, but I often find myself with a pile of mostly insignificant concerns melting into my lap.
Such was the case with a recent failed relationship. I won’t go into any sordid details because this blog isn’t a gossip column nor a place to intentionally or even unintentionally tear people down, but rather an environment intended to collectively lift the spirits.
I only need to say that I recently found myself reaching out to someone with a white friendship flag. They chose not to reciprocate. End of story. Nothing more extreme than that, simply inaction.
Naturally being the sensitive soul I at times regrettably happen to be I was left with hurt feelings. Sigh. If you know me at all that probably doesn’t surprise you in the least.
So there I was stewing in a pot of self-pity. Why don’t they like me? I’m friggin awesome. Kinda. I mean, once you get to know me, right? As is usually the case when I get my feelings hurt, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I was reminded of my adolescence. It seems I would have gotten used to this sort of thing, and at least have developed some sort of second skin. Alas, I had apparently learned nil. I still found myself wishing for approval and reassurance from another person.
For such an introverted woman at times, who would easily rather sit in a hot bath with a book than be in a crowd, I sure did care an awful lot about what others thought! I recalled all the times as a youth where I did this or did that, mimicking my actions to gain the approval or affections of other people, wishing to place myself in a position of adolescent or even young adult society where I was viewed as worth being around and spending time with. In this pointless pursuit I had often betrayed my true identity.
I felt like I had finally seen the light and found my true identity in a solid way where I no longer felt mailable to the heated pressures of the world. Yet, here it was again, my desire to be liked.
I was reminded; Brie, not everyone is going to like you Sport. Move on.
Not everyone I encounter will think like I do or like what I like, or enjoy what I enjoy. Not everyone will agree with me or my decisions for my family. The only approval I should seek is from The Lord, right?
Well, in essence, yes, but hold on a minute before we go burning bridges. Although my main concern shouldn’t be for man’s approval or how many friends I can obtain in this world, I shouldn’t alter my approach entirely when it comes to desiring relationships.
Here’s the important part. Take note self. In seeking approval from God, I should remember to obtain His approval of how I approach relationships with His children.
I mentioned that initially I was hurt by this situation. You know why that’s bad? It’s not simply the action of seeking other’s reassurances that is tainted. No. It’s the aftermath. It’s the defense mechanisms we employ to soothe our busted egos.
I found myself getting angry, like a seemingly justified hostility conceived in my mind towards this person denying my desire for relationship. How dare she! She’s no better than I am! I found myself making a mental list of ways she had hurt me in the past, and fabricated reasons why I didn’t really want a relationship anyway. Oh the lies we tell ourselves to ease our hurt feelings. You can even end up having some really mean-spirited thoughts take root in your brain.
What I should have been thinking was what might I have done? You know, it’s possible, maybe even highly likely. I certainly am not always the kindest person in my bad love affair with Sarcasm and my need to speak that language mingled with a fluent vocabulary and desire to highlight my knowledge of all things (in my often un-humble opinion). I can be taken as a real, well, bitch. Forgive the language, but it’s the most appropriate for the circumstances, but also the most self-revealing. Ouch. It hurts to see your own faults.
So in this I was reminded that I may be the one to blame. Can I do anything about this? No. I can only move forward. Perhaps it has nothing to do with my behavior. Not everyone wants to be your friend, Sport, remember? Can I do anything about that? No.
I can only move on. Regretting and reminiscing continually on past mistakes will only serve as bondage, or chains to the past. Once you’ve dealt with this through God and experienced His forgiveness there is no reason to stay a slave to past relationship mistakes. Learn from it and move on. Accept that not everyone will desire a relationship with you, and move on.
I don’t derive my happiness based solely on my human relationships, but understand that God made us for relationship and receives pleasure in seeing us flourish in loving interactions. So that makes me happy, and I’ll work towards that.
I’ll move on with the desire and striving to approach and develop all relationships and interactions with the mindset of my actions being pleasing to our Heavenly Father. I’ll move on with a Christ-like mindset, not focusing on the past, but moving in the direction of future relationships for furthering of the Kingdom.
Focus on why relationships matter and not why they don’t always happen. That’s when they come to life.
Bryan says
Brie,
I recently began reading your blog entries, and, I must say, they are masterfully written. You have a gift, and thank God that you are selfless enough to share that gift with the world.
God bless you, and I wish you continued success!
BW
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Wow. I’m honored by such a thoughtful and encouraging comment. Thank you so much!