The majority of the time nurses enjoy a wonderful working relationship with their physicians. They work fluidly as a team to ensure a patient gets the best care possible. This is the way it’s supposed to be, health care members relying on one another to deliver care appropriately, efficiently, and safely. And usually that’s how it goes. Like clockwork, all the gears grinding together for the greater good.
But every once in a great while a loose cog threatens to disrupt the well-oiled machine of patient care delivery. Sometimes this interruption to the smooth system comes in the form of “The Angry Physician.”
I’m not just talking about a doctor who gets mad. No. I’m talking about the ones who are always mad, the ones always ready to chew a substantial portion out of a nurse’s hindquarters, or completely off for that matter.
After such an experience I think of what I wish I would have said, even though I know I’d never say it. Such a horrid kink in my already stressful day, it just makes me want to tell him/her exactly how I feel!
If I ever got the courage it might sound a little like this:
I’m so angry with myself right now! Not because of anything I did wrong, per se, but because of how I’m feeling, how I’m sitting here stewing over our conversation.
What’s the worse part? No, it has nothing to do with the actual words you used, or even how you made a point to say them loudly and out in the open so both my patients and co-workers could witness my public humiliation.
No. I’m mad because I know that as I sit here thinking about it, wondering what I could have done, or how I could have approached you so as not to incite your wrath, that you are clueless. You’re not thinking about it at all. You’ve moved on to thoughts of what you’ll have for lunch. (On a side note. Man! I hope I get lunch today!)
No. You’re not concerned about my feelings or if your behavior towards me was rude, demeaning, or downright cruel. By the way, it was. All of the above.
As you sashay down the hall in your loafers that cost more than my car payment, no doubt searching for your next victim to verbally assault with your self-righteous venom I am still reeling from your personal accost of my performance of my job. The job I love. The job I give my all.
Why do I care? It’s my nature. I’m a caring, compassionate soul. I’m in tune with my emotions and yes, I too often wear them on my sleeve. I’m aware this is what you would no doubt view as a fault. But for me, my kinship with emotion and the frailty of the human spirit is what makes me a good nurse. I’d venture to say a great nurse.
So yes, I’m upset. I could understand if this was the first time, like perhaps you were having a bad day, but no. You’re like this all the time. It’s as if you think placing yourself on a pedestal will somehow highlight your skill as a physician. News flash though. It doesn’t. It just makes you look pompous and plain mean.
Since you are blinded by the brilliant illumination caused by your image of self I felt it only necessary for me to share a few things I think you’re missing.
First off Doctor, we are a team. I count on your knowledge and attributes, and you need to reciprocate. I am an asset, not a liability. You need me Doc. I’m your eyes and ears on the field. Do you really think you can see all in the five minutes you grace us at the patient’s bedside? No. That’s why I’m here. My job is to catch the problems before they actually become problems. Then you can swoop in and save the day like the super hero I know you envision yourself to be.
I know my words sound harsh Doc. Honestly, it makes me cringe to be so plain spoken, and yes, maybe a little mean myself. But this is for your benefit. I see now that I have to speak in your language, demeaning speech so to speak, in which to make my point valid and worth you taking the time to listen to.
I understand already that listening to me is torturous for you. That’s the only conclusion I can come to when you interrupt me and stop me mid-sentence while I’m trying in vain to make you aware of an important, acute change in your patient. We have to work together and communicate Sir. If I choose to share something with you, you better believe it’s with good reason! I’m a Critical Care RN, not Prissy from Gone With the Wind!
That brings us to my second point. If I contact you about an issue it’s with good reason, and for the patient’s benefit. I don’t call you or bring things to your attention while you round for my benefit, or even for yours. I bring this information to light for the patient! They are the center of what we do, even if you forget this sometimes and place yourself there.
I serve as an advocate for the patient. My job, in all I do, is to give the patient the best care possible. They deserve no less from me. Or from you for that matter.
So when you insist on making me look stupid, incompetent, or like a nagging ninny in front of the patients and the staff you need to remember who all is a potential victim of your rant. You don’t just hurt me, you potentially harm the patient.
You see Sir, if I’m not comfortable sharing my concerns with you then I might just brush off the beginning signs of a potential catastrophe as my own paranoia. Your views of my supposed incompetence might just rub off on me today. So rather than facing the fire of your questions nailed down upon me before I can answer the first and giving you a call I might decide to wait it out.
God, I hope not! I pray that my courage and concern for the patient will outweigh any fear of repercussion or even the sheer nuisance of dealing with your abuse. I pray I will hear God’s voice and urging for what is best, rather than the memories of ridicule slung my way.
The thing is Doc, this will end here for me. I’m a professional so I’ll hold no grudges that would negatively impact our patient care delivery system. I will continue to care for your patients with all that I am. I will continue to treat you with respect, kindness, and professionalism despite if you ever pay back the favor.
I just thought you should know.
From Your Disregarded ICU Nurse
Ruth young says
Been there
Well said!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you!
Jennifer says
Amen! If we only had the nerve to say it!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Haha! Thanks. You are so right!
Tina says
Very Good!! Words very well put! I think every nurse has been put in that position!! Sad, but true
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for reading and commenting. I felt so much better after getting this out. You have no idea. So healing.
Connie Hollaway says
As an RN with 30+ years in the field I can totally relate. Your thoughts and words were spot on.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for understanding. Made me feel better to share if.
April Hodges says
Finally put into words, wish I could tweak it to Surgeons and post in my OR! Love the Pic, by the way 🙂
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Haha. I work in a Surgical ICU so I know that some surgeons are a breed unto themselves. Thankfully for me the good ones outweigh the bad!
JoEllen says
I am so sorry you have to go through that. I am in the same boat. I wish there was some accountability for the MD behavior. Seems like everything comes down to the nurses babysitting the doctors. We have had several doctors go to “anger management” classes, but they soon forget and go back to their back behavior. It is frustrating that no one told them in medical school how to get along with others, how to appreciate the nurses who are there for their patient for 12 hours a day, not 5 min a day!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for understanding. I suppose the job could be near perfect without this hassle. Except for the poop maybe. Wink, wink.