When I was a kid I was a habitual liar. Seriously, from around age 6-10 I was almost unable to even tell the truth. About anything. I don’t know if I was seeking attention or maybe approval. Perhaps I was trying to prevent people being disappointed in me. I don’t know. I’m not a child psychologist, so I’ll leave that to the experts.
Either way, I went through a period of time where I lied like a rug. It took some imaginative punishment by my mom before I quit. In fact, the last time I ever lied she grounded me for a month. But aside from the typical grounding from phone, friends, and playing outside she also added her own special touch. She grounded me from my clothes.
At the time I was entering an age where I started to care about my appearance. For my birthday I had requested clothes for the new school year and had a closet full. I was very excited. She grounded me from my clothes. She removed them from my closet and replaced them with three horrid, thrift store outfits (this was before thrift stores were cool). One was a jump suit with a floral print, another a fuchsia sweat suit. The third must have been so bad that I’ve banished it from my memory. She made me wear those three outfits to school for a full month. Nothing else!
I never lied again.
She always knew anyway! She could spot a lie better than a sniper spotting an enemy soldier. I always wondered how she did it. Then I became a mother.
It seems moms have this uncanny ability, along with all their other super power skills, to see a lie coming from a hundred yards away. As I had my own children and a stepchild I was ecstatic to see I had inherited my mother’s uncanny lie detector gene.
I think most of us have it, so that makes it even more astonishing that we fall prey to the biggest lie of all time. I’m talking about the whopper of all lies a mom ever hears.
Mommy Guilt.
Mommy Guilt is the lie we believe that tells us we are lacking in one way or another. Perhaps in multiple ways.
It tells us we can not get tired of our kids. When we get frustrated, fed-up, or overwhelmed that is wrong. That’s what Mommy Guilt tells us anyway.
If we had more patience we would be better moms. If we didn’t yell, like ever at all, then we would be getting somewhere. If we constantly smiled, with never a complaint, then we might be close to obtaining the sought after status we desire.
The status of SuperMom.
SuperMom is a mythological creature that is never tired, has time to keep a clean house and play dolls, and never wants to “just be left alone.”
SuperMom is fine with kids crawling on her while she pees. She doesn’t mind the nuisances of breastfeeding one single bit. She adores sharing her bed, chair, and dinner plate with her little children. In fact she always gives them the last cookie, and never hides it in the back part of the pantry for herself after they’ve gone to bed.
I’ve got news for you friends. SuperMom doesn’t exist. I repeat, she is fictional!
We have created SuperMom. She is a figment of our imagination, what we have perceived in our exhausted minds that is required of us to be doing it right. We have set the bar so very high for ourselves that only a woman we’ve dreamed up in our heads could possibly fill those big high heel shoes.
It’s an unobtainable fantasy we’ve built and when we can’t reach this desired status of awesomeness we convince ourselves of a tremendous untruth. We believe this horrible lie delivered in the form of Mommy Guilt that we just aren’t good enough. We could do so much better. Our kids deserve better. Our husbands deserve better. We really suck at this whole Mommy thing. We shouldn’t have any more for goodness sake, and hopefully the one or two we have won’t grow up to be ax murderers!
We can catch a kid in a fib red-handed, but let it be the ridiculous lie we tell ourselves, and we’re as gullible as they come. We imagine we must be doing it so wrong, and we could do it so much better
We have got to start telling the truth. My Momma is not here anymore to pull out drastic measures to straighten me up. So I’m gonna have to do this one on my own. I have to start telling myself the truth.
Tell myself that I’m a good Mom. My kids love me and don’t see any of the flaws I do.
Tell myself that it’s okay to get tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
Remember that it’s okay to want a break. It’s even okay to actually take one!
I have to remember that being a Mom is tough work, and I’m doing fine. Just fine. I have beautiful children and a handsome husband before me telling me it’s so. They tell me with their words sometimes but more often with their smiles, and hugs, and sweet kisses. I have to start telling myself the truth.
After all, the truth will set you free.
Sherry Kinsman says
Oh yes…Mommy Guilt. It had been my friend for so many years, in fact until last year. I want to save many women from this unwanted relationship. So listen up. I had 2 daughter 6 yrs apart; divorcing their father when the youngest was 2. I worked in a hospital-weekends, holidays & those dreaded weeks of call. Missed out on so much as my girls grew…holidays, ball games, parties, etc b/c I had to go to work. A few months ago, my 26 yo “baby” asked me if I could change anything in my life what would it be? It didn’t take me long to answer…I wouldn’t have worked so much…maybe a different kind of job. I told her I felt like I let her & her sister down by missing so much. She looked at me with real surprise on her face & said, “But Mom, that’s why I admire & love you so much. You did it all by yourself, you worked, loved us & took care of us. We didn’t miss out on anything!” We were driving in the car at the time(best place to have conversations) & I wanted to burst out in tears. My guilt was resolved. I did good! That moment was saved for all time. So moms, if you love, then that’s all that is needed bc they know! They know that love; self sacrificing, unconditional, & steadfast-even if you don’t. Just love!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
What a terrific comment! Thanks so much for sharing!