A terrible thing has happened in the church, and by the church I mean God’s people. It seems that over time we have decided that to be an honorable wife is to be a cowering wife, and to submit to your husband is indicative of being a weak, powerless female. And this is something that we have decided is the absolute worse thing ever. So in our goal to not be stepped on we have accepted the lie that submission equals a feeble, inadequate persona.
It doesn’t help that aggressive feminism and the media jump at every chance available to prove a point. We see so many stories of “religious” celebrities making bad choices, and their actions become the face of what a submissive wife looks like. In reality the devil is using the poor decisions, mistakes, or sins of others to help seed division in your marriage. In other words, being a wife who honors her spouse becomes a sign of weakness, stupidity, and cowardice, but this simply isn’t so.
Look at the Sister Wives, or even Anna Duggar. For example, recently Anna has been accused of being weak and meek, and she is pitied for feeling like she must stick by her spouse. Of note, I don’t think we should be trying to guess what’s going on in someone’s marriage, we shouldn’t try to place ourselves so intimately in the mind of a hurting woman, and we definitely shouldn’t draw conclusions over how a Christian woman should react.
Personally, I don’t believe in polygamy, and I believe the things Josh Duggar is accused of to be horrible. But I also hate it when the actions of some dictate the definition of all. It ends up coming across that Christian women who believe in honoring their spouse should be lumped into the same category as the mistaken minority portrayed loudly in media coverage.
But it’s not even just that. It’s not simply how the world sees us. Because honestly, I don’t put much credit in the world’s view. No, it’s also how we see ourselves. Somewhere along the way we’ve decided that submission to your spouse is a bad thing. But it’s not.
You know, I’m not saying you cow down when a man treats you less than human. In fact, the Bible I read states it pretty clearly.
Ephesians 5:21-28
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
And I place the verses in their entirety here so that people will not be mistaken. Marriage is a partnership, and it requires the devotion and service of both parties to work properly and according to scripture. So again I say, submissive behavior of a wife honoring her husband doesn’t equal allowing oneself to be mistreated. That’s a misconception, and in our confusion of the act of submission we have decided that altogether it’s awful.
We as women strive to be strong and powerful. We’ve come a long way, baby, and we don’t want to turn back. I’m all in favor of equality, women’s rights, and standing strong as a female, but in our pursual of the above we have decided we cannot be below man. Yet I believe we can be strong even as we accept our own weakness. In fact, God says His power is made perfect in our weakness. In our acts of submission the power of Christ resides in us, and in this way I believe we can be powerhouses for the Lord. I believe we can show our steely determination by serving our family and our spouse, not by dishonoring them.
To allow your capable husband to lead your family does not mean you are helpless. To serve your spouse is an action of love, not one of slavery. When you can honor, respect, and serve your husband you’re just cultivating your marriage, not conceding yourself to cowardice. As an honorable wife you’re adding to the marriage relationship, and you’re enhancing the ability for your spouse to serve you in return.
Marriage is give and take, but women are wired to give of themselves more readily, and when we take the initiative to serve our relationship we actually encourage and inspire our husbands to do the same. So basically, by treating your husband like a man rather than a dog you are setting up the opportunity of reciprocation. As you treat him like a king he will place you on a pedestal as his queen. True story.
Does this always happen right off the bat? No. Does a mutual relationship of give and take, sacrificial love, and unconditional servitude just magically appear? No. It’s a marriage. It takes work. It takes commitment, perseverance, and finesse. But it also starts with treating your marriage as the model set forth in scripture.
And it takes a lot of prayer.
It’s not a bad thing to honor your husband. It’s not a sign of weakness. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a strong, powerful woman. It doesn’t mean you’re a coward who lets men step all over you. It means you love the Lord your God with all your heart, and to honor Him you honor your marriage.
It means you’re not selfish, but rather you are selfless, and your desire is for a strong bond with your spouse that this world cannot rip apart. It means you’re committed to the future of your marriage, and sometimes when you desire the best for your relationship you understand that means giving of yourself, giving up the managerial title, and instead becoming a worker for your marriage relationship.
So don’t fall for the hype of this world. Don’t believe the lie that you can’t submit to your spouse and be a strong woman. You can be! But sometimes the strongest women are the most soft-spoken. The most courageous women are the ones who serve their marriage enthusiastically and joyfully.
These women know that God gives them power in their relationship through the action of submission, and they realize the huge impact they have on their family and the world by following God’s commandment to be an honorable wife.