If you’ve spent any time in parenting circles, reading parenthood magazines, or pay attention to internet blogs then perhaps you’ve heard of the debate concerning just how much attention you should be paying your child. Heck, I’ve even seen specialists discuss it on Dr. Phil. (Yes, his show is my dirty little pleasure enjoyed with my morning coffee. Until cartoons take over that is).
There seems to be two terms that have taken the forefront in describing what kind of parent you are. These descriptive titles help you to fall into the category and style of parenting that seems to fit you best, or so it seems.
First you’ve got your “Free Range Parenting.” This style makes me think of my childhood. Running free, miles from home, in the coyote infested woods, without a drop of clean drinking water in sight. Free range parents let their kids have freedom, autonomy, and the ability to care for themselves without the hampering effect of an adult presence. Think “walking to school by themselves” or “fixing their own school lunch.”
Free range kids have their own house key to let themselves inside while their parents are still at work. Their parents don’t know where they’re at every single second, don’t freak out if they come home late from school, and they don’t have to have a cell phone to check in intermittently.
It’s believed to build self-reliant, strong, capable kids.
I would have been a free range kid if such a term existed in the 80s.
Then there’s “Helicopter Parenting.” This is the popular term that exists on the opposite side of the spectrum, the style that opposes the free range way of thinking.
Helicopter parents are known for “hovering.” They’re the super-involved soccer mom. All the sleep overs are at their house with mom or dad right in the middle of the fun. Helicopter parents know where their kids are at all times, and exactly what they’re doing.
Helicopter kids text mom frequently, and always answer her call. On the first ring. They’re the little kid whose mom is standing by them while they climb the jungle gym, with arms outstretched ready to catch them if they fall. The free range mom is sitting on the park bench, if she’s even there.
I saw an article this morning that listed traits that can let you know you’re a free range parent. It was a celebration for the relaxed mom who can stand back and allow her child to blossom in autonomy. It got me to thinking, as these types of articles usually do, about what type of mom I am.
I’ve always assumed that I’m probably guilty of being a helicopter parent. After all, I am always there, and though my children are still small, my almost four year old hasn’t even spent the night away from me.
Thoughts of my own child roaming the neighborhood and knocking on strangers’ doors, selling magazines like I did as a child give me a nervous tic.
But I play with my kids because I enjoy it. I take them shopping with me instead of getting a baby sitter because I love having them around. I choose to homeschool not so much because I don’t trust a public school teacher, but because I desire to teach them myself. I worry about them because it’s my job, or at least that’s how I feel.
I do think of moments where I’m friggin lucky I didn’t kill myself when I was a kid or get abducted, but then I remember I don’t believe in luck; I believe in God. And that’s typically when I stand back in faith, and I relax.
So what kind of parent does that make me? A good one, I think it makes me a good one. I don’t need a label or a stereotypical title to tell me that I love my kids, or that it’s okay that I do. I don’t need something to tell me it’s okay to want to be involved, and to want to hold my babies tight. I know it’s okay to worry about them, and I know they’ll never doubt for a moment how much I care. As their mother I know this. Without any other title than “Mom.”
It’s also okay that sometimes I’m like, “whatever.” I’ll let them stumble, and I’ll let them fall. They’ll get bruised up, banged up, and cry. But when they look up and call my name, I will be there.
It’s called free will. Does that sound like a parenting style you’re familiar with?
So I’m not a free range parent I’ll admit. While my children will be allowed the opportunity to make decisions, and to learn from their mistakes, in the end I will continue to practice the parental authority God has placed in my hands to protect them. I think they need to have that confidence that someone has their backs. (This is similar to the peace you feel knowing God is in control).
While I probably do lean more towards hovering behavior, which I also freely admit; I don’t even know if Helicopter Parent is the title I should hold. Because when my children need me, I will be there, but when they need their independence I will place my worry in the capable hands of Jesus.
Maybe I’ll just go with “Good Mom.” Yes, I think that sounds just right.
Amy Garren says
Loved your article.. I am probably a mixture of the two methods based on age.. even so with the freedoms I am still hovering close somewhere.. they can come home without me there with their own key but they have to call and check in and call often. lol
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I think God tells every mom what style is just right for their family.