After six years of marriage I still love my husband as much as the day we wed. In fact, I’d have to say I love him even more. Over the years of living together, and despite the challenges everyday life with another human being causes, I’m happy to say that we’ve grown together as a couple rather than apart.
Despite our happily ever after, though, I have to admit that every day isn’t filled with romantic moments where stars float in my eyes and the pitter pat of my throbbing heart drowns out all else. Even though I love my spouse dearly, at the end of the day we’re two different people existing in one space, and since that brings with it a multitude of challenges, we’re just like any other married couple.
We disagree, we argue (not often, but on occasion), and yes, sometimes I get so flipping mad at him I could scream. Sometimes I even lose my temper, raise my voice, and say something I regret. But here’s something I don’t do. I don’t tell social media how mad I am at him.
Here’s three reasons I don’t complain about my husband on Facebook.
1. It’s disrespectful. Call me old-fashioned, but I happen to respect my husband. I enjoy him being the strong man he is in our relationship, the one I can count on to protect me. Therefore I don’t try to cut off his manhood in a public forum, so to speak.
By demeaning him in front of others I suggest that I don’t believe him to be deserving of my respect. It might even appear to him that I don’t give a hoot whether I embarrass him or ridicule his actions.
This apparent lack of concern over his feelings suggests I don’t care one way or the other how my ranting affects him personally, and my seemingly indifferent attitude will only fuel anger from him and perpetuate further arguments.
Also you can’t have your cake and eat it too, so if you want a man who respects you then you have to reciprocate that action. You gain respect by first showing it, and no one likes to be outed in the sight of others.
2. It’s hurtful. If I’m going to say I care about his feelings then I need to act like it, and when you drag your personal life into the limelight it is bound to bruise egos. In other words when you air your husband’s dirty laundry for all your friends to see it will first and foremost embarrass him. Then he’ll be understandably angry. But running below the surface of his volatile emotions will be hurt feelings over your betrayal of y’all’s private matters.
Or look at it this way. What if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel if your husband made a status update griping about how you leave your bloody tampons in the trash for him to have to look at? Ouch.
3. It invites outside elements into your relationship. When you publicly discuss personal problems or complaints there’s always a wolf in sheep’s clothing watching silently. Some people simply don’t enjoy the happiness of others and will leap at the opportunity to root up your happy home.
Maybe it’s that female co-worker of your spouse who’s just been waiting for a kink in the armor of your relationship so she may attempt to slide in as that compassionate listening ear. Perhaps it’s a male admirer of your own who will perceive your complaints as an open invitation to solicit an affair.
And what about your family and friends? While they may mean well, upon seeing your anger at your spouse they will be quick to rush to your side with support.
“I know girl. I don’t see how you put up with him! He ought to be ashamed.”
And at their words you will feel further justified in your indignation. Unbeknownst to you a wedge will be driven between you and your spouse via your friends fueling the fire of your discontent. Oops.
So sometimes you need to talk about your feelings, and maybe your spouse won’t listen to reason. This is when a trusted confidant (preferably one who has been happily married for many years) can be a good outlet to bounce your emotions off of. That’s certainly a better option than accepting Facebook’s offer to share what’s on your mind.
Bottom line; my marriage is far from perfect, but I try my best to keep it as happy and healthy as possible. When disagreements occur (because they do), and when tempers flare (because they will), I try to take a timeout. I try to put myself in his shoes, or I try to see him through spiritual eyes (like Jesus would). I look at myself and remember I’m not perfect, and I don’t allow emotions to dictate how I react. But above all, I don’t post about it on Facebook.