Have you ever come to a point where you’re indecisive on something really important? I recently had this exact circumstance come up. I found myself on the precipice of a decision with ramifications that would not only impact me, but also that of my family. Leading up to it all I was solid as a rock. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I felt extremely certain of God’s will in the situation. I had sought the Lord regularly and diligently on this issue. Again and again I felt strongly and clearly the decision I should make. But it didn’t mean a hill of beans when it came down to it. When it was time to finalize a decision I was in an almost full-out panic mode.
What if I’m wrong, I wondered, and suddenly I found myself very unsure. I feared that my emotions were guiding my thought processes, and worry began to creep into my heart. Suddenly things that had seemed so clear were up in the air. I realized I didn’t know what to do.
One afternoon as I sat praying about it I felt very strongly impressed upon me that I needed to place this decision into my husband’s hands. It was something that would impact our family unit, better or worse, and it only seemed fitting to place it in his court as the head of our family.
But before I could do that I realized I had to surrender the outcome. As I prayed about it and felt a peace of giving this decision to my spouse, I understood I had to truly surrender it to him. I had to come to terms with the idea that I would trust his decision no matter what. Even if he made a decision that I disagreed with, that went in opposition to what I had strongly felt all along, I still needed to be okay with that. I prayed to God that He would speak clearly His will to my husband on this matter, and then I let it go. I was trusting God. I was trusting my spouse. I was trusting things beyond my own control, but instead of feeling helpless, I felt quite at ease.
I approached my husband with my indecisiveness and uncertainty. I made him aware that I desired his counsel, but not just because I didn’t know what to do. I desired his counsel because I respected it, and I let him know that. I told him I trusted his ability to hear God’s voice for our family, and that I didn’t want him to make his decision based on what he thought I wanted, but rather what was best.
Then I waited. He agreed to take on this weighty responsibility, but he warned me that he would need time. Three weeks he prayed, contemplated, and most importantly listened. Occasionally I would pray too. Lord, I pray He hears you clearly. But most importantly I added (and truly meant), whatever you speak to His heart, that is what will be. And with that sure and solid faith I waited.
For some reason I just felt peace. I still had my concerns over it all, but weaved wonderfully throughout was peace. I guess I knew deep down what he would decide, and one day he came home and said just that. He mentioned it very matter-of-fact like it had never really been on the table to decide, but had just been waiting to be put into place.
I know our hearts are in unison for this decision, and that is what is most important to me. The fact that it coincided with my personal desires was just the cherry on the top. In retrospect, I believe it made my husband feel special to have me place my faith in him, and place such weight on his decision-making ability. I think that’s as it should be. We run our home together, as partners of one accord, but I also place much importance on his role as the head of our family. And that’s what works for us.