Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

I’m Done With God

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“Don’t preach to me. I’m done with God.”

This is something a friend said to me recently, and afterwards it really got me to thinking. At the time I remember my head said, “He’s not done with you, though,” yet the words that came out of my mouth were more subdued.

“Ok.”

That is what I had said. To back down was easier than to engage, but that doesn’t mean it’s always the best answer. Thinking over the situation I realized my friend was done like a lot of people were done. It wasn’t so much that he was done with God, but rather that He was done with religion. I get it.

Religion, to me, is like book learning. I read all the material in nursing school. I even took notes. But I did not develop a love for the field until I entered into it hands on. I mean, I was intrigued by anatomy and physiology. The idea of healing made me happy. But it wasn’t until I saw the power of how my healing hands affected another human being that the field of nursing brought me joy. If I just looked at it as a paycheck, I’m sure I would have found something easier on my back with better hours long ago. Droves of nurses flee the bedside because the stress of the field is frustrating and overwhelming. Some of us stay because we’ve fallen in love with what we do. I think for much of the world, they’re easily burned out on religion. I get it.

My friend had asked me some questions about that angry God in the sky. I think the hellfire and damnation part was causing a great divide in his heart. He couldn’t understand how he could follow a Father who would let good friends of his not experience eternity in Heaven. I think he was kinda seeing God like the mean kid in high school who threw the best parties, but you only got invited if your parent’s bank account was up to par. I get it. Book learning will only teach you so much. Heart learning is the only way to get the right answers.

At the time I simply said, “I’m not the judge of who goes to heaven or hell. I leave that up to Him.” But I should have said more.

I should have admitted, “I don’t know all the answers, but I do know my Father.”

I know Jesus. And to know Him is to trust Him.

I don’t know why good people die young. I don’t know why my mother died at 54, or why a good friend of mine just died at 51. But I do know God is good. I didn’t just learn that by going to church, and not even just by taping some inspirational Bible verses on my bathroom mirror. I learned it by love.

I don’t know what happens when hurting, lost people die. I know what scriptures say about things like “weeping and gnashing of teeth,” and I believe that the only way to eternal life is through Jesus, but I don’t know what happens in the unseen. I don’t know what happens on a spiritual plain between here and there. But I know Him. I know He is love. I know He is forgiveness. I know He is the way.

I’m not a Biblical scholar, and I’m not an expert on the law. But I do know Grace. I know that it saves. I do know mercy, and I know the Father’s is abundant.

I think my friend, and a lot of people out there aren’t so much done with God as they are just getting started with Him. The beginning of any relationship can be rocky. The Holy Spirit calls us in. Our hearts are made to be filled with Him. But changing the way we live our lives? That will never come by memorizing scripture. It will come, though, by falling in love with the One who breathed those words into life. And that sweet Ruach, breath longs to blow off the pages into our lives.

This is hard to write. See, I don’t want to discount the truth of the words written in the Bible, but I do want to impress that they are more than just words we must adhere to. They are a doorway into a relationship, a happy home built into our hearts, and therein the answers are found. Without the relationship the words can be meaningless. I know many atheists who have read the Bible front to back. Without the love embossed on the pages, we lose sight of the author’s heart.

I don’t know all the answers to this broken world, but I do know the heart of the God who saved it. I found that the difficult questions of life no longer bothered me as much when I put my focus on the final answer to it all. Jesus. I remember a song I learned when I was young, based on scripture.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. And all these things will be added unto you.

It was true all along. To seek is to find, and to find is to know. To know isn’t to know all the answers, but it is to know that whatever the answer is, it is good. It is good because He is good. There are so many things we cannot understand, fathom, or explain, but we can get a little bit closer to the answers by knowing His heart. All I know is, my God is love, and He loves all His children. I will trust Him to sort it out and do things in a magnificently beautiful way. A way that upends religion, much like He upended those tables.

I said before that I didn’t think my friend was so much done with God, but rather he hadn’t got good and started yet. What I’m saying is, you can go to church every Sunday and listen to the entire sermon, but until you spend time alone with Jesus, talking to Him, reading His words, and asking Him to speak the truth of those words through His Holy Spirit into your heart, you’re gonna get tripped up on the details. You’re gonna think the Judge in the sky is angry over your sins, and you’ll forget the Savior who said, “forgive them, Father, they don’t know what they’re doing.” Even as they tortured and killed Him! He spilled His blood for the crowds that yelled “crucify Him,” and until you know that Jesus like a best friend, you’re going to be done too.

Religion will make you say grace before a meal, but relationship will have you give away your last bit of food. Like any relationship, that is cultivated by time together, a love life with Jesus will change your perspective of who He is.

You won’t say, “how can God do this to me!”

You’ll pray, “Jesus, help me through this. I don’t know what you’re doing through this, but I know it must be for my good.”

God loves us too much to be a big, mean kid with a magnifying glass burning ants on the sidewalk. But the only way to see Him as He intends is to get to know Him. I should have told my friend when he asked me tough questions, “my Father, the Dad I know, He isn’t looking down from the clouds with a menacing grin while He throws people in a fire pit.”

If that’s who you think God is, then I would encourage you to dive a little deeper. Get to know Him, and then all the hard questions will have the same easy answer. Realize you’re not done; you never really got started. And He is certainly no where near completed with us.

When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayers

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Back in February of this year I found myself looking for another job assignment. As a travel nurse, every three months I took on a different contract, with a different hospital, in a different city. I’ve learned that nursing is pretty much the same no matter where you go, but the venue, well, that makes all of the difference. I travel with my husband and three daughters in an RV. We love it, and earlier this year we were excited to go somewhere new. We had enjoyed our time in South Carolina, but we were also ready for new sights to be seen.

Arizona. That’s where we wanted to go! We had never traveled out west, and though I was born in California and had family in New Mexico, I had never done more than drive through the state of Arizona. My husband and I scanned the internet for all the fabulous, outdoor activities, and we imagined ourselves hiking within the scenery of the lovely pictures we saw. We picked out the perfect, family friendly campground near the city we wished to go, and I excitedly salivated at the KOA Resort photos.

I worked with a recruiter, and immediately made him aware of our desires. He submitted at a couple of hospitals in Tucson and nearby Phoenix, and I eagerly awaited an interview. First week, nothing. No problem, I told myself. New jobs come out every week. We submitted again, and again no phone call. We submitted applications the third week in a row, and after no interview I began to wonder what was wrong with me.

“You have the best resume out there,” my recruiter consoled me.

Neither of us could understand it. With almost twenty years of experience and a stellar record, I was a shoo-in. What was the deal?! I hadn’t been silent in my desires for this job. I had prayed to land the Arizona contract not once, not twice, and not even just three times. I had prayed every single day to get that job! But no call came.

This morning I was reading a familiar story from Daniel about three guys named Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Most of you recognize the names as the fellows who were thrown into the fiery furnace of the king after refusing to bow to his idol. The climax of the account is found when despite the blaze the men suffer no harm, and they are saved by the son of God from the fire, not even smelling like smoke when they get out. My husband’s favorite part is when the king looks down and sees four men instead of three, and that was my favorite too until something else stuck out to me this morning as I read.

When King Nebuchadnezzar tells them they better bow down to his idol or they’re going in the furnace they reply that they’re not worried because their God will save them, but it’s the flip side of their reply that got me.

They continued, “but even if He doesn’t…”

Even if He doesn’t.

They knew God could do it. They had faith He could. But the real faith came in the statement that even if He didn’t, they still believed their God was the one and only true God. They wouldn’t bow down to anything else.

When I first realized I wasn’t getting a phone interview I was upset. I blamed it on my own lack to stand out, but then I was reminded of my prayers. Much like our fire repellant trio, I had prayed in faith.

“Lord,” I had prayed, “I really pray I get the job in Arizona, but above all, I want your will.”

I had wanted the job in Arizona, but even more than that I wanted to serve the Lord. I knew His sovereignty. I knew His omniscience. He knew from beginning to end, point A to point B, what was best for my family, and how best we might be used. Knowing this, I prayed for Arizona, but more than that I prayed He would take care of us and take us where we needed to go.

God didn’t answer my prayer to land the job in Arizona, and sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers. It’s in these times we must decide if we will continue to pray in a state of “even if He doesn’t.”

Even if He doesn’t, I love Him.

Even if He doesn’t, I trust Him.

Even if He doesn’t, I am blessed.

I am blessed because He loves me, and many times a part of being a loving Father is saying no.

When my six year old wants to get a 20 ounce Coke from the store, my husband says no.

When my eight year old wants to spend the night at the friend’s house who she met ten minutes prior, her father says no.

When my three year old wants to play with a cell phone instead of using her imagination outside, her dad says no.

None of these things would kill the kids if he said yes (unless those new friend’s parents were psychopaths), but it was, in the very least, much better for them if he said no.

God loves when we ask because He loves talking with us, and He always answers. It’s just that His answer isn’t always yes. Many times it’s no, because more than anything He loves us and desires His best for us, not our best for us.

When we can face the fiery furnace of this life and say, “but even if He doesn’t,” then we are truly blessed. We’re blessed because we understand that the hot pits of this world mean nothing when held in comparison to eternity in His presence and love. It may get uncomfortable for a little while, it may even be painful, but it doesn’t last. Even if He doesn’t save you from your present fire, He promises to deliver you forever to a lasting afterlife of no more pain. Sometimes fire is just meant to purify us, to burn out the places that don’t belong. Sometimes you gotta smell like smoke a little to remind you of the truth.

And the truth is…

Even if He doesn’t,

He still loves you. He still has plans to prosper you. He still has plans to work out all things for your good.

Even if He doesn’t,

He’s still God, and we won’t bow down to anything less just to avoid a little fire.

I Can Still Praise God Through Tears

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I recently stood in the congregation of my small church with racking sobs pouring out of me. My hands covered my face as I wailed, and although I felt awful, it also felt good to let it all out. It was like the small, spring shower that had started at the beginning of the week had just continued to pour, and by Sunday I was swept away in the torrent that flooded my soul. And although I held tightly to my faith through the storm, the pelting rain still caused me pain. That pain emitted from me in the way of hot tears coursing down my cheeks and falling on my chest. 

It wasn’t any single issue on its own, but rather the conglomeration of so many small hits that tried to take me over. Health scares, financial worries, job scares, and seeing things you had put so much work into be ripped right out from underneath you. So something as seemingly simple as a Facebook hacker stealing my account could actually equate to years of investing into my writing and garnering blog followers across the world being gone in an instant. Tons of invested time in my Rodan + Fields business forever erased. Customers lost, readers gone, and friends leery to reconnect with me. I felt silly about being upset over a social media account, even if it did provide financially for my family, but I also realized that this was just the final straw that was breaking the camel’s back. So I wept. 

There’s no way I could contain in one blog post all the many things God has spoken to my heart in the past four or five days. It would likely be a jumbled mess if I tried. But I do know that through all my grief over my recent trials I have held close to Him. I do know that Satan desires to separate us from relationship with the Lord, and that has been something I have not let him do. I have held fast to my faith even when I don’t understand, and I have thanked Him for the many things He is teaching me through it all. I’ve held tightly to the promises written in His word, and accepted the things I cannot change. 

I’ve professed that if it’s not from God then I don’t want it, and that I desire to be humble and a servant of my King no matter what. I’ve rested in the fact that He cares for me, and that even when I cannot see the end of my trials or a solution to my problems that He is faithful to walk me through it. So although tears may fall from my face, my heart rejoices for the one who counts every single one. 

His promises are true.


My issues are small when compared to that of others, and the very big things God has taken care of for us. Yet that doesn’t always make you feel better in the midst of an issue. I would imagine, though, if it’s important to me then it’s important to God. He’s that kind of Father, and He doesn’t go around grading who needs His help and comfort the most. I’m grateful for a big God who can handle the most difficult of needs and find solutions when there is no way in the natural, but also that He is personal enough to see the most tiny, insignificant parts of me. 

The best part, I suppose, is that I know I’m good regardless. No matter what the outcome, if a solution comes, or even if one does not, I know that God has His hand on it. What the devil means for harm my God works for good, and He is a God of ultimate restoration. I’m resting in that. I may still grieve some circumstances, and I may fall to moments of anxiety or worry, but I never doubt that He is in control through it all. 

God is Too Big For Me

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I sat quietly on a beach towel resting on the sand, and I looked all around me as the wind blew my hair to and fro. In each direction I looked my eyes were privy to the beauty of nature, and I had trouble knowing where I should finally let them rest. A cloud moved ever so slightly, and a persistent beam of dulled sunshine illuminated the sand at my feet. 

And suddenly I felt overwhelmed. My throat clinched, my eyes burned, and I realized that hot tears knocked quickly behind my lashes, begging for an exit down my cheeks. 

This life sometimes was too much for me, and as unexpected tears flowed down my face a second time that day I realized God was too big for me. 

Earlier in the day I had stood along the tideline with my daughter. An overcast day, a strong wind blowing, and large cascades of powerful waves crashed in a swift rhythm at our feet. She laughed and frolicked in the spray, but also faltered her footing in awe at how strong the current could be. Only four inches of water at her ankles, but it moved with the ferocity of a forklift. The sheer might of its pull threatened to upend her. 

As I sat later in the sand my thoughts traveled back to that scene of my child, powerless when held beside the velocity of the sea, yet somehow able to stand in its waters, to feel the greatness all around her. I realized that scene explained my tears. It mirrored my own feelings at the moment. 

We’re often so busy with life that we take little time to notice. Sunsets become a commonplace light show, and the miracle of childbirth loses its fascination to some. Occasionally it even becomes an inconvenience rather than a marvel, and we are almost blind to the majesty displayed at our every sideward glance. 

Yet as I sat in the white sand, the vast ocean to my right, and another endless display of blue-gray sky and wispy clouds above me, I could not ignore the beauty. I couldn’t neglect the glory. The power of God’s presence pressed in all around me, and the weight of His creation consumed my spirit. I wept because I knew no other way to handle it, and in that moment God was indeed too big for me. I was just a small child losing her footing in the sand as massive waves fell all about me. 

I suppose it’s good to take a clearer notice of the wonders all around, to remember how small we are in comparison to how great big of a God we serve. For me I’m usually brought to tears in those moments, I’m overcome with emotion and dumbfounded joy. And for that moment He is indeed too big for my little heart to handle. 

I serve a mighty God, a creator who controls the raging sea, but also one who pays acute attention to the loveliest details of even the tiniest seashell on the sandy shore. He holds me in His hand, and I hold Him in my heart. Even in all His might and power He still loves little old me. 

  

Why It’s More Important Than Ever as a Christian to Teach Your Children

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I’ve never been one to carry around a sign scrawled hastily with “Jesus is Coming Soon,” and I’m not one to get on board with Doomsday Prepping. I’m just not. I’ve typically been content to hang onto the idea that no man knows the time or hour, and been quite happy to hole up in my happy little existence that Jesus will take care of me when calamity requires it. But things are changing, aren’t they?

Even if you don’t believe that the “end is near” or that our country is getting extremely close to a financial/economical collapse, you have to admit that times they are a changing. The childhood existence in which I grew up is no more, and the future that lies ahead is a horse of a completely different color. 

Some will say evil has always existed, and to that I would firmly agree. But I also believe it has reached a completely different level than ever before. There’s a reason there’s so many protective parents out there now, and the fact is that we cannot treat our children like our parents did 20-40 years ago. We don’t want to always admit that, but the truth remains that 2015 is far removed from say 1977. 

Today we live in a world where what we hold true as Bible-believing Christians to be sin is no longer labeled sin. It’s labeled acceptance. What was once black and white is now a shade of gray, and things that were morally objected are now celebrated. 

We now transverse through a world so twisted that pedophiles actually have the audacity to petition for freedom to have sexual relationships with children, as to deny their innate desires would be discrimination of the way they are. This is because sin isn’t seen as a choice anymore. It’s seen as a lifestyle to which you are born or helpless to change, and society looking the other way is the only proper manner in which to handle sin with love. Confrontation would be hate, intolerance, and bigotry. 

We live in a world where people are blasted on social media, their personal and professional lives destroyed for hunting a wild animal, but the murder of human babies and the distribution of their body parts is no big deal. 

We live in a world where Christians are persecuted, raped, and murdered. Perhaps not on our front door, but how long until it is?

We exist in a country where women and children are sexually exploited so commonly that we don’t even notice. They’re being sold into sex slavery, and we’re going to Target. 

Pornography is no longer taboo. It’s actually celebrated as good entertainment. We buy the books and watch the movies. Gleefully, in fact. 

Our world is changing. Our country is failing us. Our rights as Christians are slowly being stripped away, and we’re too busy and comfortable to notice. We’re complacent, and we’re like a frog slowly being boiled to death in a pot of idolatry. 

As I’ve been going through the homeschool lessons for my kindergartener I’ve taken notice of what I’m actually teaching her. She’s learning Bible history and moral/ethical values along with her ABC’s and 1-2-3’s, and I’ve never been so glad. 

The fact is that my children are being raised into a world much harder than the one I grew up in, and I truly believe they will face future persecution and moral dilemmas that I never had to confront. They are being born into end times, and if Jesus doesn’t return soon they will be faced with a society that is trying to rip God out of their hands. 

They need to be well-equipped, and the task of training up your child in the way they should go is more important now than ever. The job of parenthood, one that many times feels pointless and fruitless, is actually the most important job out there. The future depends on it. 

In my small, Southern town we are blessed with many Godly, public school teachers, but we cannot logically expect them to shoulder this burden alone. I’m in no way saying that every mom out there should homeschool as I do, but we all as parents must take a more active role in teaching our children. We can’t assume the school system will do it, nor that Sunday school is enough. It’s way too important to hinge on a thirty minute lesson once a week. 

As a Christian parent you are responsible to teach your children God’s principles, and you can never start too early. As a Christian parent the future is in your hands, and how your child will deal with the hardships ahead is highly relevant to what you are instilling at home. 

How will your children handle the persecution that lies ahead? Will they falter, or will they stand strong in Christ?

It’s more detrimental now than ever that we take the responsibility of teaching our children seriously. I always wish to be optimistic for the future, but there’s no promise that things will get better. And it’s possible that they will get worse. Actually, it’s highly likely. We as Christian parents must take a stand for Christ, and the longevity of that position hinges upon the little people at our feet. Let’s not fail them. 

I believe this to be an important message that the Lord has spoken to my heart. I ask you as a sister in Christ to consider its validity. I ask you to mediate upon it, and to allow the Lord to speak to you on how you may lead your children according to His principles. If you agree and wish for your other Christian counterpart parents out there to think about this also, then I ask that you share it on your social media. The fact is that the children are the future, and there’s no time like now to impact it positively for God’s kingdom here on earth. 

I pray with you for our children. God will make us capable of leading them to the truth, but we must take the first step. 

Something for the Disappointed Christian

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Growing up in the church I heard things like, “ask and you shall receive; knock and the door will be opened.” Well, that sounded good. As I read the scriptures and saw these very promises displayed before me I’ll admit that I felt pretty excited for a Father who would “give me the desires of my heart.”

I read a couple of other things about “His will,” and heard people repeat phrases like, “it’s gotta be God’s timing,” and while I understood that, I suppose, I’ll also admit that I liked the first part much better. I mean, “plans to prosper me” sounded really good. 

For anyone who has spent any length of time truly involved in a relationship with the Lord, they will see His goodness played out in their life. They will witness their life improve as they follow Him more closely. Some will even see amazing miracles of healing, and if you’re really in tune with God you’ll see Him in the tiniest of circumstances, such as waking prematurely when you forgot to set your alarm. 

For anyone who has spent any length of time truly involved in a relationship with the Lord, they will also be witness to prayers unanswered. When you love Jesus you don’t want that to be true, but it is. You want Him to bestow what you ask because you’re asking in faith, and with a heart that loves Him. Even though you don’t want it to be, it’s honestly disappointing. 

My heart currently holds a prayer that I’ve been praying for three years. Three years! I’ve been all the way around my spirit in this petition. I’ve asked, is it your will Lord? Take the desire from me if its not! The desire remains, I continue to pray, and I wait. I wait with the thought, if I can’t have this I still love you. I still trust you. That’s a hard thing to mean for real!

I can think of past prayerful petitions. I can recall praying for a particular job for my spouse, beseeching the Lord that it would be his! But He did not answer. Now years later my husband has a better job, far better than my limited mind could have imagined. 

I remember prayers to marry the man of my dreams. I found him, and I wanted him to be mine. But God did not answer. He didn’t answer until a decade later, and then my dream man did become my spouse. 

You can know the goodness of God. You can understood the truth of His knowledge that surpasses our finite minds. You can even submit to the whole business of God’s will, and maybe even His perfect timing, but that doesn’t make it suddenly not disappointing. When prayers go unanswered it still stings. Why God? I don’t mean to question you, but it hurts. Why must I hurt when I love you so?

 

Notice the words, “all your heart,” and the commandment to “lean not on your own understanding.”

 

Love means trust, and trust can’t be halfway. It falls apart if it is. Does disappointment still hurt? Yes. But somehow faith takes away the deep ache. It replaces it with hope. A hope that He will make our paths straight even if our ideas aren’t His ideas. Especially then. 

Hope is believing the one who loves you has your best interest at heart, whether you can understand or not. Hope knows a future is in store for you to bless you, not cause you harm. Hope transcends our timeline, and it offers peace even when we cannot see a way. 

My three year prayer remains in my heart, but I am also beginning to see the groundwork for its answer to come. Maybe there is something to that whole “God’s timing” thing. But still, I am good no matter what the outcome. I know that a Father who loves me knows best, and I’ll trust in that. 

So will I be upset if it doesn’t pan out? Honestly? Yes. But I will still love Him, and He will love me. That never changes. I continue to pray, I continue to listen, and I continue to trust. Even when I’m disappointed.