First off, as a nurse I love my patients. And I love their family. I respect their family members, and I understand that a part of my care for my patient is also to care for their family. But sometimes that’s not so easy.
I have been that knowledgable family member of a chronically ill patient. So I get it. I also totally understand the value family members provide in the care of a patient. It’s true; no one knows more about a patient than their family, and I can get on board with that. It really helps! But there’s also such a thing as too much involvement. There are cases when an over-involved family member can become a hindrance to patient care.
Here’s 15 ways to know if your patient’s family member/members fall into that category.
1. When they question Dr’s orders.
Hey, I’m all about questioning doctor’s orders. I do it all the time. But no, I’m talking about if they question every. Single. Thing. Always. It’s perfectly fine to be involved and know what’s happening, but come on. Put a little faith in your provider. Or hire another one. That’s your right.
2. When they refuse patient care.
I understand. Sometimes the patient is tired or hurting, but when you refuse baths, breathing treatments, and PT/OT for the patient every time you’re not helping them. You’re hurting them. Let’s work together. I can pre-medicate prior to therapy. And yes, breathing treatments can make the patient cough more. That’s a good thing.
3. When they don’t give the patient the chance to answer questions for themselves.
Unless it’s a pediatric, severely, mentally handicapped, or comatose patient then I would like to hear the answer from them. Family knows a lot, but an individual knows more about themselves than anyone else. True story.
4. They refuse medications ordered for the patient.
As with patient care, I understand some refusal, but if you’re refusing Lasix because it makes the patient pee then we need to talk. Seriously. Doctors don’t order these medicines for fun or for punishment. They’re for the greater good.
5. They have unique ideas for what is beneficial to a patient, but those ideas don’t coincide with what medical research has shown is best for a specific disease process.
I do understand that every patient is different, and being around a specific patient at all times offers a family member special insight. But that doesn’t always mean what you’re doing at home is best. For example, just because a blood sugar over 260 is the patients norm at home, this doesn’t mean that’s what is beneficial for the patient’s overall health. And no, we won’t let it run that in the hospital.
6. When they watch you like a hawk.
We all went through nursing school and experienced being closely observed while performing our skills. So we’re used to it and can proficiently perform with an audience. But honestly, it’s a little unnerving to have your every move scrutinized for efficiency.
7. When they tell you all about their extensive experience in the medical field.
I really respect the fact that you used to be a CNA sixteen years ago, or I’m widely impressed that you’re brother-in-law is a doctor. Heck, I’ll even hold my grimace inside when you drop subtle hints that you’re an RN too. (Nurses are the worst!) But none of that will change my care of my patient. They were already getting my best efforts, so you can tone it down a notch.
8. When they question your nursing interventions.
As with anything I completely support being involved and asking questions. I actually enjoy telling people why I’m doing what I’m doing, but if you’re going to disagree with every educated answer I provide then why ask. All this accomplishes is that it prevents me from providing timely care to my patients.
9. They don’t comply with visiting hours.
I think everyone is special, and I think everyone deserves special consideration for their specific circumstances. In that same vein I think everyone should comply with visiting hours that are implemented for good reason. And that’s all I have to say about that.
10. They get the patient out of bed by themselves.
I really appreciate someone trying to help lessen my work load, but if I have repeatedly reminded family to call for assistance in getting the patient to and from the bathroom for safety reasons, then it’s with good cause. I know they have to go quickly, and they can’t wait. I’m coming. Promise.
11. When they give the patient food that is restricted per their diet order.
I understand that many people do not comply with diet restrictions while in their home environment, but it might be worth mentioning that their noncompliance could be a reason for their readmission. Low sodium and reduced sugar content is no fun, but neither is being in the hospital every other month. While in “my house” I would appreciate the following of dietary guidelines.
12. When they consistently point out mistakes or speak badly about other staff that are not present to defend themselves.
I can’t help it. I’m usually thinking, so what do you say about me when I leave the room? Unrealistic expectations of human staff members is unfair, and I won’t throw a co-worker under the bus.
13. When they refuse to go home for a break.
Lord have mercy. We got this. I am so inspired by the dedication of loving family, and God knows I wouldn’t want to leave my husband’s bedside, but everyone needs a moment to collect themselves. Staff, family, and patient included.
14. When they’re constantly in your way.
I mean this as politely as possible, I promise. I never mind family at the bedside. I think visitors improve the patient’s health overall, but if every time I turn away from the IV pole we bump into one another because you were peering over my shoulder, then you might need to take the advice of number thirteen and take a break.
15. When they consistently criticize your care.
I sympathize with family of a sick patient. I have been in their shoes, and it is so emotionally stressful and physically exhausting. Because of family’s pain I always try to place myself in their position. I simply wish all family could place themselves in mine.
Nursing is hard too. We’re responsible for many patients, and we also suffer emotional stress and physical pain. With that in mind it’s unrealistic to expect complete perfection from your nurse, or to expect them to be mindreaders. They are humans who crumple with defeat under criticism and verbal abuse, and they flourish from a simple “thank you.”
I’ll tell the truth. I don’t know what I would do without the help of my patient’s families. They are my go-to support system, and they assist me in advocating for a patient’s care. They’re an asset to healthcare and as precious as gold to nursing. Except when they’re not.
Thankfully that doesn’t happen often, but when it does it makes a huge impression on nursing. And sadly it negatively impacts patient care delivery. The goal of nurses and family members alike should be to work collectively towards improving the patient’s health. Together we can be make a positive difference for the patient, and that’s what matters in the end.