I realize that I’m just as guilty of this as anyone, guilty of making a snap judgement on myself, and deciding that I have done nothing all day. When called by a friend and questioned on my activities for the day, I might typically answer, “I haven’t done a thing all day!”
Even when my husband arrives home late at night, and the pajama-clad children, fresh-faced after a bath, run to greet him at the door, I might brush his lips with a welcoming kiss and say out of breath, “I haven’t gotten a single thing done today!”
For some reason, for a woman staying home with her children, the phrase “doing nothing” or “haven’t gotten anything done” may mean something completely different than it does for someone else. For some reason a stay-at-home mom will judge herself by a different standard and feel like she must accomplish concrete, quantifiable tasks to have achieved the well sought after title of “doing something” or “getting something done.”
Clean floors, empty sinks, folded laundry, and made beds might be some of the completed objectives of which I speak that a woman will use to decide if she’s accomplished anything, or if she’s just spent all day “doing nothing.”
Some days these seemingly menial, yet important tasks are beyond difficult to complete. Therefore if they are, mom may feel like she has crossed the finish line and might proudly proclaim, “look what I did today.” Most often though, she will not. This is when it’s terribly important for the spouse to say something like, “Wow honey. The house looks great.” If they’re really smart, they’ll complete their observation with “And you look fabulous today!”
I’m not sure what it is about a woman that makes her certain she must meet certain chores and check off a sizable number of household tasks to consider herself productive in the home. If dishes pile up and cereal litters the floor she might decide she has indeed “done nothing” for the day, and must try harder tomorrow.
If she decides to spend the day simply playing with the kids, she may feel a bit unproductive, like she just hung out with the offspring all day. She may forget that her day of “doing nothing” consisted of jobs such as that of a chef, referee, and teacher. She gave hugs, healed booboo’s, prevented serious bodily injury, taught sharing, provided emotional support, bathed, clothed, protected, and entertained tiny humans from the moment her eyes opened until she flopped exhausted on the couch after a marathon story-time and rocking chair session.
Even a “leisurely” day at the park or playing outside becomes a constant on-guard situation. You must foster independence and autonomy while preventing little people from fracturing bones or breaking open their skulls.
“Push me. Carry me. Hold this. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I have to pee.”
Tantrums, fights, and meltdowns. And lots of tears.
Tears over playtime ending. Tears over being sleepy. Tears over a suggested nap. Tears over a scraped knee. Tears over not being able to do something. Tears over another kid being mean. Tears over having to make a decision. Tears over not getting to make a decision. Tears over not getting what they want.
Sounds relaxing, huh?
I find that I must remind myself of the many things I’m doing all day, every day, even when I feel like I have “done nothing,” and especially when I feel like I haven’t accomplished a thing! Because my “doing nothing” is far different from other people’s definition of “doing nothing.”
In my “doing nothing” I’m always doing something, and the something I’m doing is really important. I’m raising up a future generation. My “leisure time” is learning time for little ones. And for that I proudly proclaim, “I did nothing today,” and for my children “it was everything!”