Recently my three year old shared with me her preschool, social struggles to which she found herself dealing. It seems a playmate had recently treated her unkind. Aside from refusing to share, telling her “no” about everything, and generally being “mean,” she had also pushed my daughter.
As she relayed the story to me, my daughter concluded by stating, “She’s not nice to me. I’m not gonna play with her anymore.”
My initial reaction wanted to encourage my daughter to hang in there, turn the other cheek, and kill this young lady with kindness, so to speak, but I hesitated with this advice. As I considered the situation I decided that perhaps my daughter had a good point.
When I was a teenager, and even a young woman in my early twenties, I had a tendency to overly concern myself with what other people thought of me. It was important to me to be liked and accepted. I often went overboard trying to fit in with certain peer groups, and had trouble defining my own identity as I emulated those around me in search of their approval.
Even worse, when it became apparent that someone was bound and determined to treat me poorly, I would respond the same. Times ten. I felt revenge was my best option. If you were mean to me then by golly, watch out. I would seek my revenge. I was very proud of my wit and ability to cut down someone with my words even as they were unaware fully of the insult I had delivered.
If you didn’t like me, well I sure wasn’t going to like you. I would spend far too much of my time stewing over my ill feelings towards you. It sounds awful, but I would even wish for bad fortune to come your way. Nothing terrible mind you, just something sort of bad. I believed in karma, and what goes around, comes around, and I thrived on those thoughts!
After far too many years of wishing for retribution against those who oppose me, I’ve begun to see things in a different light. After a few decades of desiring for the karma bus to drive up and unload a horde of revenge militia on my enemies, I have decided enough already. I’m done spending so much energy on something so small.
Some kids just don’t know how to play nice. Some kids will hurt you. They’ll say mean things and try to break your spirit. They’ll talk about you behind your back, spread lies, and then laugh about it. Some kids are just like that. To that I say, well, I’m sorry, but I can’t play with you anymore.
I won’t play with someone who doesn’t play nice. I won’t stoop to your level and treat you badly, I just won’t play your game any longer.
Most importantly, I won’t waste my time wishing we were buddies or even wondering why we’re not.
I won’t seek revenge or wish for bad luck to come your way. I won’t even bother with bad thoughts about you. I’m sorry, but I just can’t play with you anymore.
And as much as my human heart will want you to see the error of your ways, I won’t hope for such a thing. It’s not worth my wishes. And even as you’re cruel to me, I won’t take solace over thoughts of karma biting you back. I won’t do it.
I won’t even quote scripture toting that my God will avenge my enemies, though He is certainly able, it’s just not really my concern. I’ll leave God’s job to Him, and I’ll spend my time focusing on my own actions.
I can’t change you. I can still love you, like my Father, but it’s probably best that I do it from afar. I just can’t play with you anymore.
When you hurt me I must let that be the end of it. I cannot allow you to hurt me further by letting my thoughts be captivated with sadness, regret, anger, or even revenge.
Sometimes no matter how nice you are, some kids just don’t know how to act right. To them I will say, I’m sorry, but I just can’t play with you anymore.
*addendum – I feel it’s necessary to add this statement. This post is not about anyone in particular. No singular event sparked this post. If it was about someone, wouldn’t that go against everything that was stated within the post. I think so. So remember friends; always play nice.