I have always been overly sensitive. I’ve blogged on my fragile state before. I’ve gone so far as to say that this emotional frailty is actually a testament to the beauty that is woman.
But sometimes I think I can go overboard. Sometimes I think my sensitivity to all matters, and my incorrect assumption that negativity is pointing directly at me can actually impact me in the wrong way. It can infect me with a feeling of personal injustice, as if people are out to get me, or it can distort my perception of everything around me.
Do I plan on this? Of course not! It’s the plague of the “heart on their sleeve” personality, thinking you’re being wrongly judged or treated unfairly or disliked for instances beyond your control. Nine times out of ten you’re not. You just think you are.
Does this only happen to the sensitive souls? Not at all. Even the hardcore “I don’t care what they think” types fall to this mistake. While they may really not care what people think, they still figure people are thinking it.
That’s right. I’m sorry but you just unknowingly fell into the large percentage of humans who assume “everything is about me.”
You may shutter and say, “I do not!” That’s fine. Maybe you don’t. Go ahead and exit this post now. But if you have even an inkling that you might, sometimes, every once and a while, unknowingly, and unintentionally, then read ahead. Take these five steps to guarantee a happier day for yourself.
1. Not everyone is out to offend you. Two words for you. Social Media. It’s a place where millions of people publish their immediate thoughts, often strongly opinionated, and often without a filter or second thought. It’s where someone’s idea of what’s funny may not be even slightly amusing to someone else. It’s where this generation’s political opinions and religious views are proclaimed in witty memes and bold type.
Well, I don’t think that joke about being drunk is funny. My mom was hit by a drunk driver!
I don’t appreciate her comments about all her kids and their bad behavior. I’m struggling with infertility.
I don’t appreciate that blanket statement about ______. I am not that way!
While a lot of these examples are real and hurtful you have to do yourself a big favor. Stop for a minute in your anger. Take a breath. And remember, they’re not trying to personally offend you. Unless they tagged you, posted it on your timeline, emailed you personally, or sent you a direct tweet then chances are they weren’t directing it at you, to offend you, and especially not to hurt you.
2. Not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes it goes further than the simple thought that someone is trying to personally offend you. You actually believe they are out to get you, to ruin your day, or even your life.
Today as I was sitting down to a piping hot plate of eggs and bacon I had prepared for myself I was interrupted before the fork hit my mouth. This didn’t surprise me as my one year old began to cry. Having finished her own eggs she was ready to get down, be held, and was contemplating a nap. As I gathered her into my arms I smelled the horrible odor of a poopie diaper.
All I wanted to do was eat! I became filled with anger and I wanted to scream. To be honest, I might have just let one frantic squeal slip, which did nothing to improve the baby’s tears.
But it’s like that with parenting. Not all the time, but usually about 99% of the time. It’s like their personal agenda is to make my life difficult, take away any chance of doing anything for myself, and make it all about them. They must want to drive me crazy!
But they don’t. It’s not intentional. They don’t want to see me carted off to an asylum. After all, who would do everything? No, they’re just kids. And kids are like that. They know no other way.
I use my children as an example, but it goes for multiple encounters we have, the ones where we feel threatened or unjustly put upon, even when we in reality are not.
Every time something bad, annoying, or “hair-pulling” worthy occurs that doesn’t mean it’s intentional. It doesn’t mean it’s you against the world. Sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
The man who pulled out in front of you wasn’t trying to make you late for work.
Your spouse is not trying to drive you insane with the discarded socks.
The harsh word from a friend, the girl/guy who got the promotion over you, the well-meaning stranger; none of these people are out to get you.
Because sometimes, well…
3. It’s not always about you. Now I know I’ve said that before, probably in too many prior posts to insert a single link here.
But that’s really it. It’s the reason a lot of the time it’s so easy to get offended, get hurt, and want to either become sullen or lash out in vehement anger.
The world does not revolve around me. Everyone’s agenda isn’t based on my comings and goings. But when I take offense or let something unintentional hurt me it’s almost like I’m insinuating that it does, that everyone should consider my feelings before they proceed.
While I’m a big fan of being mindful of others and try my best to carefully craft my words, it can be taken too far. I may neglect to say something you really need to hear because I’m too worried of hurting your feelings. And vice versa.
But the point is you can save yourself a lot of heartache by remembering that every time someone says something or does something that hurts you, it isn’t always about you. Realizing that simple fact can take a lot of the sting out of it.
This is because…
4. Perception is what you make of it. That almost seems so simple and obvious that it negates mentioning. After all isn’t that the very definition of perception? It’s what you think, how you decide to see a situation.
Well, sometimes the obvious escapes. So it’s made the list. You will discover that how you make the conscious decision to perceive a situation is how it will affect you.
If you think it’s purposeful harm then you will be purposefully harmed. If you perceive malice then that is what it will be.
If you can see that people make mistakes then you can forgive, you can let it roll off your back a little bit easier.
If you can realize it’s not always about you, it’s not always about hurting you or making your life hard then your eyes will be more open to see the good things.
You’ll hear the kind words easier. You’ll see the favors and good deeds like never before.
How you decide to perceive it, so will it be. There’s bad. But there’s good too. Focus your energies there.
Finally…
5. Decide what really matters. Decide who really matters. While I have said in the past that I actually do care what people think, that’s only to an extent. I care what they think in regards to my witness or my life reflecting Christ’s character.
I do not care so much about what people think of my clothing, my home, the car I drive, or how I choose to raise my children.
You have to decide what matters, who matters, or who you care about what they think. I care what God thinks for sure. I care what my spouse thinks of me, what my children think, and a handful of friends and family. Otherwise your opinion doesn’t matter that much. Not really. Sorry if that offends you, but it’s what I must do to make things work for me. For my family. For my issues with over sensitivity. Can you imagine the amount of hurt if I took everyone’s opinion as paramount to my existence? Yikes.
So, decide what matters to you, what’s most important, and focus on that. Realize the other stuff is just accessories and has no power over your happiness.
So if you get your feelings hurt easily by others, is that bad? No. It’s human. I’m still working on it. But, I’m working on it, and that’s a step in the right direction. Realizing and remembering the above has done wonders to help me have a supremely happy day. Day after day.