Have you ever noticed that social networking is like the “people watching” of the future? I know a lot of people who are on social networks, such as Facebook, and don’t say much. They just sit back and people watch. And who could blame them. There’s plenty to see.
Where else can you see lover’s spats play out or friends feud over something trivial. Often times entertainment, although perhaps inappropriate, can be found easily by reading the comments of a controversial posting. I suppose it’s like a train wreck. You may not want to look, but you’re drawn to the disaster of words as it plays out.
In the act of people watching on social media I am immediately cognizant of two things. First, there’s a large number of people who are lacking a filter over their thoughts. I know God gave us all one. At least I really think He did, but it seems like a lot of people have forgotten how to use theirs. They simply share with the world whatever is on their mind despite the possible consequences or inappropriateness of it all. I find myself wincing a lot when I scroll through Facebook. Have I been guilty of this myself? I’m sure I have. But do I attempt not to do it? You bet your sweet bottom.
The second thing I see is even worse in my opinion. It’s the people who say something awful knowing full well what they’re doing. I’m talking about the people who spew the most horrid, ugly accusations and hurl insults for sport. You can almost feel the anger radiating from their words that you know full well they smacked out forcefully as they typed, pounding the keys like swinging a bat.
Even today I was reading the comments on an article and came across a hate-filled comment. The article wasn’t even controversial or debate worthy. It was simply a news story, yet this gentleman felt justified to pour out obscenities and insults in his small, yet violent paragraph. Why? To what end?
I myself have received a comment on my blog that almost made my eyes bleed when I read it. I even found myself looking behind me to see if this angry maniac happened to be standing behind me with a knife. It was so angry and full of hate, directed towards a complete stranger. Honestly, my first thought was I wonder what happened to hurt him so badly? I personally think that often times people pour out hate because that’s all they’ve ever been fed, or perhaps as a defense mechanism to prevent further pain in their life.
I try to watch what comes out of my mouth now, but I wasn’t always this way. I used to take great pride in my intellect, extensive vocabulary, and my subsequent ability to verbally cut down someone more efficiently than a lumberjack might fall a tree. I spoke two languages, English and sarcasm. Actually, I still adore sarcasm, but I try not to use it if the sole purpose is to make someone else look stupid. Which, darn it, is usually the case.
I enjoyed doing this because it somehow made me feel better. I felt like I had control of that small interaction, and that gave me a sense of power in a world where I was powerless. I had suffered through rejection, loss, and unwanted change in my life that left me emotionally hurt. For some weird reason, when you’re hurting you think you can be rid of it by deflecting it upon others.
The problem with using your words as a weapon is that they hold more weight than you could ever imagine. Your words are like a multi-tool. Words can cut. Words can break down self-esteem. Words can crush spirits. They are also very hard to forget. Forgive? Perhaps, but once they’re out there, they cannot be reeled back inside your head.
My Mother loved me more than anything in this world. I know this to be true in my heart, as well as I know she would never desire to hurt me. I have so many beautiful memories of conversations we had, times she told me she loved me, even the conversation where she confided I would always be her favorite. (Sorry to my siblings. I was the favorite. If she told you that too, please keep it to yourselves.)
But there’s one memory I would rather forget, but I know I never will. I recall it with perfect clarity, every detail, so vibrantly is it etched in my brain. On this lovely summer day, in my teenage years, she lashed out at me saying, “I hate you!” She said other things too, things I feel best not to mention at this time, things that cut so deep, things that I know she didn’t mean. But still. Even knowing she wasn’t in a mindset to speak clearly, that fact doesn’t magically erase the moment from my mind. It will always be there. And thinking about it will always make me want to cry like a hurt little girl.
Words are power. They speak volumes. They can tear-down, but they can also build-up. They can inspire. They can lift someone from the trenches. Your words, when chosen wisely, can change someone’s life. Wouldn’t you desire that it change it for the better.
If your goal when you speak vehemently, spraying hate like a deadly spigot, is to tear someone apart emotionally then I would beseech you to examine your heart. Breaking someone else will never mend the tears in your own soul. It will actually only succeed in deepening this trench of pain that is burrowed throughout your heart. Only the good Lord can heal your pain and fill your emptiness. The tears of others and gratification of victory in an insult war will only place a bandage over your deep wound. It will continue to fester beneath, no doubt fed by the infection of hate seeded within.
Powerful words I’m using, I know, but that’s the point. Words have power, more than we realize. Use them wisely, to your advantage.
Build-up your children. You’ll raise the next generation of compassionate people giving to society rather than continuing the cycle of hate.
Lift up your spouse with daily praise instead of cutting insults of what they haven’t done, should’ve done, can’t do, or never will. You will cultivate an empowered partner that desires to please their biggest, and most loving supporter.
Now this one is a bit harder. I want you to speak pleasant, kind words to those who hate you, the mean people who ridicule you, your enemies. I want you to try and empathize with them. Try to imagine what is causing the pain inside them that has no choice but to spill out as ugliness upon everyone in their range. I’ll be honest, your kindness may never be reciprocated. You may not see any change despite your patient, loving treatment. You likely will not. But you might. And besides, imagine the pleasure of our Heavenly Father at your replication of His Son’s example. And who doesn’t want that, to please Abba Father.
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Let your words speak love.