Hot, wet tears coursed down her red, wind-chapped cheeks. I wiped one away softly with my thumb not wishing to allow another to fall upon the floor like a tiny spilt dream.
I feel your pain little one, I thought as I scooped her thin frame, insulated by her thick winter coat, into my comforting arms.
Such a small thing it seemed to me, but for a little girl in the midst of disappointment the little things seem to be the most confusing and unfair.
Her father had said, “No.” She looked out the window as tears still lay wet on her face and looked longingly at the pink princess bicycle. She imagined herself pedaling like the wind, keeping up with big sister as they made marathon circles around the neighborhood. She would drive her princess bicycle to the prince’s castle for tea and definitely some dancing!
But Daddy said no…
It seems that she wouldn’t be allowed to go on an adventure after all. The nuisance of being unable to ride her new bicycle safely without falling had not occurred to her at all.
But it had occurred to Daddy!
He was always trying to protect her, telling her “no” when she just wanted to go!
I held her against me as we walked away from the sight outside, big sister pedaling away on a seemingly exciting adventure without her. She didn’t understand that she still needed some practice on keeping her balance, even with training wheels she needed someone to come along and guide her on her way. She needed someone to say, “Look out! Car coming!” She would definitely need someone to push her up the hill, and someone to make sure she didn’t go too fast on her way back down.
As I rocked her in my arms and turned on our favorite cartoon I contemplated my mood.
Despite my wishes for otherwise I had found myself disappointed. I had found myself unhappy with my current circumstances. I almost felt guilty in my melancholy, and had been quick to pray,
I’m happy Lord… But…
Why was there the “but?!” I didn’t want it there in my prayer thoughts, but it was there anyway. Needling at me, quick to make me want what wasn’t there for now. Quick to make me feel sadness over things out of my control.
I still wanted to cry, wanting more, wanting every circumstance to be as satisfying as others were to me. I felt disappointment and frustration for the areas in life that just weren’t meeting the expectations I had for them.
I just wanted to jump on my pink princess bicycle and pedal away. I wanted dreams granted and wishes to come true.
But sometimes they don’t, not when you want them to, not when you pray they will.
Maybe some wishes don’t come true. Maybe they do. In time.
Sometimes your Father doesn’t give you what you’re not ready for.
Perhaps Father knows best if you will speed away in glorious form or He knows when you will crash and fall.
Father knows when your ready. And He knows when you are not.
The best love cradles you and protects you from harm even when you are unaware. It’s appearingly harsh, sometimes seemingly unfair, but always laced in love.
We sat in the oversized, comfy chair cradling each other. Her tears dried, and mine never fell.
We held each other and we were happy, knowing there’s always more to life than just being content, knowing you make a conscious decision to be happy, despite the circumstances, and maybe just in spite of them.
That is all 🙂