- I recently was a guest at someone’s home. I had brought my two children along, (the eldest three years and the baby drawing far too quickly to one), as I often do. I don’t really go anywhere without them unless it’s work, and that just seems to be another thing I’ve become accustomed to in motherhood. Being a perfect host, my brother asked me if I would like something to drink, and nothing sounded more perfect to my parched throat than a cold glass of water, to which he obliged. As he brought the clear glass to me, straight from the refrigerator, I could see the condensation forming on the outside, and I knew it would be a rewarding thirst quencher for sure. I always remember to pack sippy cups and bottles, but I often forget myself, as I had done this trip. As he handed me the enticing cup of aqua a horde descended upon me. Despite drinking an entire cup of water on the 10 minute drive there, my three year old honed in on my beverage and required a sip immediately. Not wishing to be outdone, and despite her own full sippy in hand, the baby proceeded to dive into my glass. She covered the rim with her slobbery smile as she attempted to turn the glass up to her open mouth. This was difficult for her because her big sister was doing the same thing on the other side. I watched in amusement and waited patiently for my own turn.
- The scene, two girls in my lap fighting over something that didn’t even belong to them, but in fact belonged to me, this scene was a perfect example of my life. I spoke with a young man recently who is a father-to-be as they call it. His child was being formed in the mother’s womb as we spoke, and so also being formed were his pre-conceived notions. I enjoy hearing the wishes and dreams of a budding parent, awaiting their child to make an entrance into this world. Some are full of trepidation, perhaps some mild concern, while others exhibit mostly jubilant expectation. But most have a beautiful hope in their eyes for their future baby. Most expectant parents are eager to hear your stories, and I guess even if they aren’t, I’m still pretty eager to impart it anyway. I always have a few things I like to share, some nuggets I’ve gleamed over the last few years. I think despite the most profound word I could muster, it would mean little until they are in the thick of it.
- I think back and can recall little stories here and there. I heard some, but mostly, to be honest, I think my attention would dwindle as I began to daydream of my perfect child that would in no way exhibit any of the horrible tendencies people were spinning me. When people spoke of time speeding up I would smile politely and nod my head. No problem there, I thought, I’ll simply keep that from happening. I almost feel like I owe each and every one of those well-wishing, advice-giving people an apology, but then I realize there’s no way I could have known. You can go swimming in early spring and see someone leave the water shivering, stating the whole time, “That water is freezing!” You will not however realize how frigid it is until you go for your own dip. And usually we just jump right in head first, don’t we? I could tell that young man things like:
“You’re life will never be the same.”
He knows that already. He’s not a moron. Everyone knows a baby changes everything. He knows there will be late nights. He knows it will be difficult. He may even remember my words of, “It’s ok if you don’t like your baby very much those first few weeks.” But he will not understand the helpless feeling of frustration when a baby is crying at 3am, and has been for four straight hours, and how he will feel like he can’t stand it another minute! But one day he will know, and he will be able to stand it. I wish I could tell him, but he’ll have to find this himself. One day he will hold his little girl or boy to his chest and feel like his heart is going to explode with the love he holds for that tiny, squirming being that kept him up all night, and still makes him question his abilities. He will wonder where this adoration came from, and stop in his task of bottle washing or diaper changing, and he will be momentarily stunned and unable to move with the realization of how much he is capable of loving another human.
He will then know what I meant by “your life will never be the same.”
I could tell him:
“It’s all worth it.”
This is a common, flippant phrase we all say. It means, dirty diapers, colic, continuous colds/ear infections, teething, spit-up, and so many other little things, they suck! When someone else’s gas pains and troubling pooping cause so much strife in your life, and you question every thing you thought you knew, it sucks rotten eggs! When you realize the books are full of crap and the question you have isn’t even in the index, it really sucks big time! When you google it, call your mom, phone a friend, throw out a lifeline of “what do I do?!” and still don’t have the answer of what in the world that rash is, why he won’t stop crying, or how to get her to sleep more than an hour at a time… it will really, really be hard.
But then it won’t be.
He won’t see the prize until he runs his own race. He’ll have to see for himself that his glass of ice water will no longer be his own. He’ll have to see for himself that he doesn’t mind that so much anyway. He’ll have to see for himself that his shared cup will never go empty anyway. He’ll realize it’s actually overflowing. If I told him that now I don’t think he’d get it. He’ll have to see for himself.
That is all 🙂