Last night I went to bed around eleven, I drifted off easily, but within an hour I awoke. As my eyelids fluttered groggily and I took in the dimly lit room, illuminated by a small slice of light peering through the crack of the bathroom door, I spoke out loud.
I love you, Lord.
I couldn’t say why I spoke the sentiment at that moment to my Savior, but it did cause me to smile that thoughts of Jesus were the first thoughts to cross my waking mind. It wasn’t the only time this had happened, and as I lay there preparing myself to go back to sleep I asked the Lord a very serious question.
How did I ever live before without loving you?
I mean, I had loved Him. I knew the whole deal, He died for me, and so I was free from sin and death. Who wouldn’t love somebody that did that? But I certainly wasn’t passionately involved in a love relationship with my Savior. That had come later.
I can easily recall my life when I was a follower of Jesus, meaning I believed in Him, I accepted the gift of Salvation and what not, but that was about it. Sure, I prayed from time to time, especially if I needed some divine intervention, and I even went to church on Sunday. Yet something was lacking.
Intimacy.
Looking back on a life where I had believed but somehow kept my life separate seemed unimaginable to me now. There was something wonderful about constant communion and conversation with the Lord, the way I listened for His counsel, and considered His will above all things. Life felt more at peace, and less out of control. It seemed more blessed, bountiful, and certainly beautiful. I couldn’t imagine not being so closely involved with the Lord, and it made me consider how I moved from simply believing to loving Him like no other?
I know it wasn’t an immediate thing. Relationships seldom are. It started with time, just as it would for anyone you love, and I began by giving Him more of mine.
I absorbed myself in His word, every single day. I took the time to listen, the time to pray, and the knowledge to understand that the same God who sent His son to die for me was also interested in even the most mundane aspects of my day. What a good Father.
It sounds so simple, and I suppose we do tend to over complicate it. When it comes down to it loving Jesus requires the same kind of investment you give to any of your loved ones. If you never spoke with your spouse your relationship with them would suffer. As a kid if you don’t follow the counsel of your parent there will be strife in the relationship. When you love someone you love to be with them, and the more time you spend getting to know each other the closer you become. I guess the big difference is when you love the Lord you’re opening your heart up to someone who won’t crush it, that one person who sees past your flaws with the most perfect, unconditional love, and who can love you even when you don’t love them back.
What would I have done had He given up on me to love Him?
Jesus knows you’re worth waiting for, and it’s like when you do come around He’s not even bitter that it took so long.
Has there ever been a more perfect love?
As I stand now, I can’t imagine not being intimately involved and madly in love with the Lord. I can’t fathom being out of communion with the lifter of my head, my refuge at all times. When I am distraught He is the one with whom I seek comfort, but when I am happy He is also the one I celebrate with in thanksgiving. It’s His counsel I seek, His presence I take pleasure in, and His love that fills those empty spaces within my heart that were once vacant no matter how hard I tried.
How did it evolve into this?
It came day by day, minute by minute, prayer by prayer. Every conversation led me closer to where I am now, and I look forward to the day when I see Him face to face.
Stacey Todd says
This is so heavy on my heart lately. How did I live without Him for so long? How do others live without Him? This was a lovely picture. I love to read your words. My sister in Christ. ❤
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much.
Dave Parsons says
Knowing our Creator is knowing peace in our present and future! Peace can be challenged by holes in the road of life but your last sentence describes the journey so well! I have learned to see Him in everything and that gives me peace! How the “theory” of evolution can cloud the minds of so many intellectuals is amazing to me! The creation scientists are making great strides at disproving evolution not that I need any visible evidence as to the existence of God Jehovah but it just makes me wonder why others can’t see evidence of their Creator! I then think of how I had to start on this road and grow so they do too & I pray for the scales to fall from their spiritual eyes and they too will sing the great old song, How Great Thou Art!
Lisa Pierce says
AMEN!! Beautifully stated. I hope you don’t mind that I share some of your posts to facebook. This is definitely worth a share!. Thank you Brie.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. I don’t mind at all!